This is a question that is becoming more relevant in our society with the rise of social networking and its place in our everyday lives. The way in which new social media has infiltrated daily routine mean that never before has it been so easy to casually browse the social/professional/family lives of our exes 24/7.
The boundaries have shifted, and the click of a mouse is now the only thing that stands in our way of re-opening that bridge of communication with someone whom you have shared intense experiences with.
Is getting back with your ex boyfriend a good or bad idea?
Sparing a few seconds to think about an old flame is one of the most ubiquitous thought processes that occurs in the male and female mind, but why do we do it? What possible desire or use is there to be had by looking back? Well some of us simply haven’t gotten over the fact that that last relationship is indeed over.
This can indeed be an unpleasant place to be in, and I have witnessed first hand the needy, insecure effects this can have. Whatever golden age of communication we are currently, or will ever be in, opening contact in this state of mind clearly has its own pitfalls, however casual and laid back we think it may seem.
In my experience there are several positive reasons as to why we think about finished relationships:
- Shared emotion –Just because the relationship is finished, it doesn’t mean all those happy, intimate experiences you shared when you were a couple didn’t happen. By definition, entering a relationship is a decision based on the back of good memories and enjoying another’s company.What’s more, these happy memories are the ones that shimmer on the surface when you think back to time spent with your ex, as the negative experiences often fade or dull with time. We can start to think of an ex in the same way we thought of them when we first met them, which can lead to unexpected surge of affection or desire.
- Familiarity – So many pitfalls face the new couple these days, indeed the rise of social networking has made maintaining a private life free from pictures, social timetabling, relationship statuses and the like an active rather than a default process.With this in mind answer this question: In our daydream where we toy with the possibility of re-entering a relationship, does being back with that ex ever feel like a ‘new’ relationship? In my experience the answer is no, and reaching this place of mutual comfort and respect with a partner is something that is not in present in every relationship, making us value those that do have them, even if they were in the past.
- Risque – The intense experiences shared with an ex are varied as they are many, and some people will re-live most the comfort and security of sharing a mutual bond with a person who they are attracted to, whereas some will re-live the passionate and intimate moments most. These people may not necessarily think of a relationship when they think of an ex, they may think of re-kindling fiery sexual experiences.
The biggest reasons why you might want to
There are many reasons as to why we may feel that we would want to get back in contact with an ex, so in this age of having instant communication available to us 24/7, have the rules changed and is it more acceptable to do so? It certainly is less of social taboo to do so these days, especially when we think back to 20 years ago when re-establishing even the most casual form of contact meant calling up their home phone line.
A photo comment, an invite to a common friend’s gathering, a simple “happy birthday! X” can all suffice to do the same job as that heavy phone call; re-opening contact.
Additionally photo albums and access to people’s relationship statuses all serve to give us even more information as to whether contact would be likely to be met with a favourable response. Crucially, contact can be perceived to be so much more casual and off-the-cuff, defusing any nerves or desperation that could be present if you were to bump into your ex on the street.
Before you sign in to Facebook or think about re-tweeting a comment…
Whilst access to our past relationships has become easier with the rise of different social tools, the rules have only changed in relation to exactly that: the tools of communication.
The rules of good old person to person contact will never change. Sure the good memories stand out, but there were definitely bad ones, hence the finishing of the relationship. And no matter how casual we may sound when inviting an old flame for a casual cup of coffee when you happened to be near their office some day, if the whole thing was planned and you’re a nervous wreck desperate to manipulate any social tool available to us just to see your ex, then that will come across pretty quickly upon a meeting in person!
The bottom line is that this situation is different for everyone. If you happen to have moved on from your past relationships and indeed engaged in new ones only to realise upon long reflection that you never recaptured what you had with your ex, then sure, using the ever changing array of social tools available to re-open contact is now easier than ever before. If however, you still feel like or indeed have just been dumped and are desperate to ‘get your ex back’ then the same old rules apply, and bombarding your ex with unrequited messages of love will still not bring them back, with or without today’s technology.
Certain signs of attraction from a guy and little hints can be enough for you to fully understand if he still likes you and wants to get back with you, so watch out for those.