The Simple Truth: Why You Don’t Find More Men Attractive

I’ve read countless complaints that go something like this: “Matt, I just don’t meet any guys I actually find attractive.” Or even more severe: “I can’t find a guy who I consider relationship-worthy for me. Maybe I’m destined to be alone…”

I understand that fear, but I also know that this is a dangerous psychology trap, one I’ve seen men and women of all ages fall into. If you feel like no guy is quite what you’re looking for, this is how to solve it…

When did someone’s curiosity allow your interesting side to come out? Leave a comment below…

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125 Replies to “The Simple Truth: Why You Don’t Find More Men Attractive”

  • Wow.
    I’ve been thinking about this a lot.
    This is blowing me away. I just meet someone who is into me, so nice, genuine, has his own place, has a job, BUT I didn’t feel like I wanted to jump him right away. … so I was about to write him off but then he was just so nice to talk to. So I’ll keep you posted.

  • I don’t think that’s accurate or definitive. I am rarely interested in the men I come across, but often they are interested in me. I think the power of listening (and asking questions) is huge… to not waste your own energy by talking excessively, and to be genuinely, sincerely caring about the response, and giving the other the opportunity to feel heard… and that’s when they feel closer to us; when we know more about them… their current life, their upbringing, their likes, their transitions, how they’ve been affected by events, etc. I don’t think that you aren’t interesting unless you’re interested. but i agree with everything else you said. and it’s inspired me to be more interested (in a healthy, detached way)… because that’s where I think people get caught up; caring about the outcome. can you be interested with acceptance of however it turns out?

  • Hi, wauw you said this so right.
    The last men wat was really interest in me was married…so i don’t know what to do with it.for me its difficult tot talk with men…i don’t know what to say. Sorry for my bad English. I am from Holland.

  • Interesting….. I’ve had about 8 proposals…. and considered two of them…. and then backed out…. because none of them have ever asked me about me…. yes…. superficially. But.. not deeply… I already know how to win a guy….. it’s simple….. I just ask about them…. I really am interested… they are amazing…. handsome… rich, powerful, English,( love England) …active … confident, world traveler….funny…. sometimes married….I guess I need advice on finding a guy that really isn’t so self centered. …. not sure they are out there….

  • Hello there…
    An answer to your question I met this guy last year and definitely made my interesting side to come out and I made his interesting side to show off. BUT! He lives and works in an another country …..we realized that this friendship is very interesting for both os us so we are in a constant communication. We get to see each other everytime he comes to see his family which is 3-4 times a year. It’s hard to keep it like that but on the other hand we would like to hear from each other call each othe and hope for each other.
    Take care
    Eleni :)

  • I love your videos , I’m a month away from being single for a full year of my life. In that time I’ve done a lot of new things and gone on dates with a lot of different guys. I’ve learned a lot about what my standards are and your videos helped me figure out a lot about myself and my standards in dating. Keep it up!

  • From all the interessed guys, the one I found attractive is very distant and misterious. I went out with him 6 times. He hasn’t been in touch for about a month.I know his father is in a coma cause he put it on ocial net. I’ve been sending him messages of strength and asking how his father is and how he is. He doesn’t text much so I started to not text either I don’t like to chase someone who doesn’t act interested anymore. What do you think?

  • Hey Mat
    I think you are perfectly right. When I think about my past relationships including my 10 years old marriage,they all started with me not being interested at all in that person, and when I had an interest about someone and invest it in, turned out not being what I was hoping for. So I think the idea is having a disinterested interest about someone. Regardless of the outcome that I expected from those relations they all gave me a path for grow.
    Thanks, Bea

  • I had someone from a dating app who asked me loads of questions about myself, we had a great rapport both when dating and in text. We had 2 dates. And then he suddenly stopped talking to me. But apparently didn’t stop talking to other people on WhatsApp *all day long*.
    Now I have been looking for that connection for literally years and it’s been taken away from me.
    Talking to another guy who I didn’t have that type of rapport in text, nor really on the date. But I’m trying to give him a chance. Really hard as the bar has been pushed so high.

  • When a guy on tinder (that’s supposed to be a superficial app) started asking me all sorts of questions about not just myself but my values.
    I don’t usually get asked what he asked. So a guy I only met once knows more about me than most people I see very often.

    And yes it made me like him a lot.

    1. Same, never ever. It’s not like Netflix!! There’s heaps of good movies on Netflix and I choose them quite quickly, there’s just lots of unattractive men or men who just want sex. That’s it really. Nothing I can change if they are like that. Most men I’ve come across are basic and shallow and don’t make any effort to even have a proper conversation, so no man has ever opened even the first door of the start of who I am. It’s them, not us. I mean dating after 30…

  • I was married for 33 years and I haven’t found a man I have been more attracted to than him I work in the service industry and not one time in 33 years have I thought anybody was more attracted to my late husband I’ve dated and can’t find anybody that has that spark the last guy I went to dinner with four times had really bad Bo how do you tell a man that has Bo he has bad Bo I couldn’t even kiss him he was quite a gentleman but I couldn’t get past the bo

  • Hi Matthew, this is a very good question. However like you showed in your video and what I am experience is a hug majority has lost the art of conversation which links to being curious,listen to the person, ask questions back. You are flicked through. Why show interest if I have so many other options. Furthermore, it was recently in the news that due to the over use of mobiles/media by parents small children can’t speak a proper sentence. However I agree with you not to give up because a good conversation creates a connection. K

  • Hey Matt
    Sometimes it is supervising you own emotions and sometimes it is taking the risk to be hurt.
    This video resonates with me because it’s the balance of the 2 I struggle with.
    So get the remote away from me lol
    And thanks I will start to just take the chance.

  • Usually I run a mile when someone does that because 9 times out of 10 they turn out to be weirdos who won’t leave me alone… but I suppose there has been a couple of times when I could have potentially been interested but those guys were just friendly like that to everyone. I’m uncomfortable with too much interest because I feel like I am the prey and can’t escape.

  • The saddest thing is, quite honestly, no one has ever attempted to dig inside and get to know the real me. You could ask every single person who knows me what kind of person I am, and every single one would have a different response.

  • Totally agree.. what would be the right questions to ask to pull out the interesting depth of our potential dates though??

    Would you guide us in that


  • Hi Matthew
    I once went to a neighbourhood party and was feeling very bored and increasingly uncomfortable. I found myself in a conversation with a guy who also seemed bored and uncomfortable and we were exhausting our remaining small talk. THEN we discovered that we had exactly the same, fairly unusual, job – and one that didn’t involve many other people. We talked for hours. And this wasn’t a romantic/sexual scenario, as his wife was there too! He just suddenly becamse very interesting at exactly the same point that I became interesting to him.

  • I am 32, no man who I show a romantic interest in has shown anything back.
    I look young for my age, I feel flattered when younger guys show interest. Usually, my interest goes away when age info is exchanged.

    I make friends easily, mixture of single and married people.

    It is spring in RSA. I have a spring dance to attend next weekend. My friend has arranged a blind date…hold thumbs!!

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