Top 6 Traits to Look For in a High-Value Man

Women often ask me, “Matt, you give all this great advice for women to be high-value, but how do I tell if HE’S an incredible man worthy of a relationship with ME?”

Ok, I’ll bite.

80% of a happy relationship is choosing the right person in the first place, so this issue couldn’t be more important for women who want to find lasting love.

In this week’s video, I join forces with my brother Stephen Hussey (co-author of Get The Guy) to talk about the 6 SURE SIGNS you’re dating a high value guy, so that you can spot when he’s truly someone worth investing in.

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240 Replies to “Top 6 Traits to Look For in a High-Value Man”

  • I think someone who can call me on my crap and put me in my place in a way that makes me think on what I’m doing.
    And someone who can make me smile, laugh, make things fun.

  • A high value man is a man that you know you can always trust and rely on to keep his word. He is dependable and doesn’t flake on plans and is respectful of your time.

  • The #1 thing for me is, a high value man does what he says he’s going to do. If he says he’ll pick you up at 7:00, he is there at 7:00. If some external force prevents him from fulfilling his word (I.e. traffic), he communicates in a timely fashion.

    If he says he’s planning a weekend get-away, he actually plans a weekend get-away. A real man keeps his promises and is a man of his word. If he is a man of integrity, most of the problems we hear most about would never appear.

  • Honesty about wanting a relationship. Not stringing me along believing we will have a relationship while he is pursuing someone else.

  • Guys,

    There’s one important message I feel women should hear regarding how we judge a man’s traits: we need to give a man a little time to show us who he really is.

    In the beginning, men can talk a lot — especially about themselves — and we can easily think, oh, he’s not interested in me, or worse, he’s a narcissist. “He’s not listening to me and he will never focus on me, and never focus on ‘us’.”

    But the truth is that men often just need a little time to “display their feathers” before relaxing around us and being their true selves, their THOUGHTFUL selves, their ATTENTIVE selves. Perhaps they haven’t had anyone like us to talk to in a long time and they are a bit dammed up. Perhaps they find us an especially good listener with enough similarities to believe we would actually understand them.

    This initial phase may last weeks or even months. But then, somewhere along the line, we may start to elicit “girlfriend” feelings and we become someone he wants to understand, to protect, to cherish — all very different from those first few weeks where we may be judging him, possibly too soon, possibly inaccurately, in the long run.

    So, girls, slow down — relax! Take your time! Have fun! AND THEN see who you’ve got on the hook.

    Does this make sense?

    1. makes total sense and it’s a great reminder. guys often don’t have the kind of friends that women do – the kind you can tell all to. however if a guy asks nothing about you at some point, that’s a red flag for me.

      I felt tested on one date by a guy making sure I met his standards. seeking high value works both ways!

  • He is there for you even when it is not convenient or fun. For example, he will help you move or try to fix your laptop.

  • I think high-value men make it clear that they want a real relationship with a woman, not just friends with benefits.They are jumping in the pool with the woman, not just observing from the ledge. Then it’s up to both people to see where this goes.

  • Be careful of chemistry–I’ve discovered that anybody who seems so great that you want to go to bed right away is bad news. He might be a good guy, but it fizzles out pretty fast. Or you just can’t hold on to him because he’s always going places and doing things–meaning, not the relationship type.

    If you just want to screw around and have fun, go nuts. But if you want a relationship, do your best not to have sex right away because chemistry is only one component. Just my two cents that I’ve unfortunately learned the hard way–a high value guy won’t push you into anything you’re not comfortable with.

    1. Yepp! This is SO spot on– almost like the “too good to be true” guy, if you will. Even though Matt has offered that having sex too soon isn’t necessarily a destroyer of potential, I agree & also learned the hard way not to have sex quickly just b/c what you’re looking for in a partner all happens to be there and he seems like a gentleman. Traits & chemistry don’t make him high value, behavior does.

  • I feel as though a man that can respect his mom can respect women in general. There are exceptions to every rule but if he can treat the woman that’s been in his life the longest well, he’ll treat you well in the long run because he knows how.

    By the way great video. :)

  • He’s willing and able to make you a priority amidst or despite other life endeavors & responsibilities rather than kicking her down the rungs of priority.

    I’ve seen guys make space for a woman through intense careers, grad school, family tragedies– and they all ended up staying together long-term.

    1. He doesn’t engage 100% in work 5 months into a relationship then tell you “I don’t have time for you” while telling you he loves you.

  • The ability to be vulnerable. And this of course has to go both ways. Being someone who struggles with vulnerability and opening up I know how extremely important that trait is in someone you want to build a relationship with… It can take time to get that into a habit.. But it’s worth it :)

    1. Yes! You’re the only one who’s said this, but wow, is it important. And rare! I detect in some of the responses here the conditioning about men needing to be strong, but for me the strong man is the one who isn’t afraid of his emotions or showing them. My heart grew about three sizes when the guy I love to the moon and back cried in front of me, talking about his late dad. It was beautiful, and so is he.

  • A high value man is independent, he is capable of taking care of himself, and would be ready to commit to share house chores.

  • Thank you. This video is timely and realistic in my current relationship. Good advice. Personally I need my own space and do not appreciate having to be with my man to the exclusion of time to meditate and see my own friends. Because he says he loves me in tensely does not mean i should be only always with him. Cheers and thanks again.

  • He’s not afraid to express and share his feelings, he doesn’t run from deepening feelings ( his own) . In other words he’s emotionally healthy.

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