“I’m just not ready to be exclusive with anyone…”
There’s no good way to hear that sentence from a guy’s mouth. Maybe he’s focusing on his career. Maybe he’s travelling the world this year and won’t have time for a relationship. Or maybe…potentially…it’s just his BS excuse because he wants to play the field and enjoy the sexual delights of the bachelor lifestyle.
All that matters is this…what does it mean for you?
I’ve seen so many women handle this conversation in TERRIBLE ways. They get upset, angry, emotional – giving up months and months trying to win him over and convince him to be in a relationship. I know this sucks, but I’m going to show you EXACTLY what to say in your response to a guy in this moment so that you feel empowered, confident, and in control of your romantic destiny again. Remember, it’s not what other people do that defines the quality of our love life, but how we respond to what other people do.
I recently met this guy and since day 1 he has told me that he can see me as a potential wife, and I would be a great girlfriend, but he just isn’t ready yet. He said he knows if something happened with us it would happen fast, he feels bad that he isn’t ready, but he just isn’t. So we continued to hang out, and kiss when we would hang out. I recently told him I didn’t think we should do that if we weren’t in a committed relationship as I need to guard my heart, he said he totally understood, and didn’t want to hurt me or cause me pain. Since then he has waited for several days to text me, and at Church he totally sat in another spot after seeing me, then called me over to sit by him. Since he hasn’t been texting me should I just let him go, or should I send him a text message telling him to let me know when he is ready for commitment to hit me up, and I will be praying for him and here for him? He has said from the very beginning that he is confused why we met right now since he isn’t ready, but if he was ready he would commit to me as I have all the qualities he wants in a wife.
I just sent this message word for word to the guy that I’ve been seeing. We started talking online before we ended up meeting, we’re in the same career so that’s how we met. I ended up losing my virginity to him and after that he said that he isn’t ready to be in a relationship. He’s been avoiding the question and getting upset about it when I ask… I suspect he might be in an arranged engagement, despite him telling me that he is 100% single. He is Muslim and I’m Christian.
Update: he responded with a smiley “♂️” so it appears I fell for the wrong guy :( :( :( My heart is bleeding
For two years I’ve been seeing this guy. I have fallen in love with him. I tried to wait for him to say it first, but that didn’t happen. We have long talks about almost everything. He didn’t say it back. He said he was sorry but he’s not ready yet to say that. But that he cares for me more than I know. His life right now is crazy. He has been apart from his ex-wife for 7 yrs and divorced for 3. Their settlement she wanted $100,000.00. He was willing to give her half the property, but she insisted on money. He has given her as much as he could so far. At this point he could lose his property all together. Forcing him to have to sell it. His Mom and His Sister live on the property too. All of them have no where else to go. He feels horrible his hands are tied and feels like he’s letting his family down.
Sadly, if he had fallen in love with me, I could of gotten the money for him. I couldn’t offer because he has never shown me he loves me. I would be a fool to give him that to pay off ex-wife and he could walk away at any time. I gave him money the first year because his well on the property needed repair. He never tried to give it back. I never asked for repayment. I just wanted to help. He never brought the money up ever. I tried to say goodbye about 4 months ago but he told me to be patient. We started hanging out together much more. I felt like we were more than 1 a week visits to 3 or 4 times a week. I finally felt connected to him. He made me feel wanted. Then in November, his ex-wife told him she’s taking him back to court. He stopped texting me daily. Lucky if I got a reply. He basically disowned me. Every now and then he would text and ask how I am. We haven’t been together since first week of December. Yesterday he texted me, at that moment I was putting my dog down. Crying and emotionally he kept texting. I agreed to go by his house. He held me and did his best to comfort me. I had to leave, it was so painful to be cuddled up with him. Just wish he could verbally tell me why he had shut me out.
I’ve tried to be completely open with him, but still he won’t open up to me.
What do I do?
Hi Matthew,
I went out with a guy on 5 dates and everything seemed like it would progress in a Relationship. He always asked me out again. He invested time, so I invested mine. On the 5th date he told me he went on an other date this week. He straight up said he throught he should tell me and that it was not nice. So I was like: Okay, so how do u feel about us? Shall we continue seeing each other?
He said yes. And than I ask: Do u want to date other ppl too? And he said yes. So I told him I’m happy for him to do that but that’s not me and I can’t around someone who isn’t 100 Procent in.
But we have heaps of friends in common and keep seeing each other around.
I would like to continue dating him but not like this. How do I make him miss me and get over this, when I always see him?
Lots of greetings vee x
Hey Matt!
I recently used your advice as I was talking with someone that I had BIG feelings for. I can honestly say we both had feelings for one another. I feel like he needed time as he has only been separated from his wife for a year and JUST recently got the divorce papers and it triggered a lot of emotions and made him believe he was not, in fact, ready for a relationship. We decided to separate as friends so he can figure things out. I was heartbroken but I understood. My question is – we haven’t spoken for two weeks so when can I reach out to him as a supportive friend? I still want him to be in my life. We were friends before we were anything more. And I don’t want that to change. And what do I say if I should reach out?
I’m going through this situation at the moment. Met a guy just before NYE. Hit it off right away.
Went on 5 dates during first few weeks of Jan. He was telling me about his recent break up. Ex cheated on him, they broke up 6 months ago and he was working to get over it. Had therapy. Very open about it all. Noticed his messages started to get less and less by 5th date so I held back on messaging him as I sensed he wasn’t ready for anything yet, and with how well we got on it was going too fast for him.
We never kissed and I was always the one gesturing a hug so could see his self-esteem was low.
Final date, after the distancing started, we spent the afternoon playing pool, flirting and just enjoying each others company, then before going home we talked it all out.
He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and needed space to get himself sorted. He had no closure from his ex so as expected its why his trust and self-esteem is so low.
He apologised for distancing himself those last few days and I told him I’d noticed and could tell he wasn’t ready. Told him he was right and needed the space on his own to get over his trauma and that I respected that decision. I told him I was ready for a relationship so it was a shame we met at the wrong time. I told him if we bump into each other again in future, things may be different by then and we can pick up where we left off, unless I meet someone before then.
A week on from then, with no contact, I recently went out for pool with friends. This time I won a few games – played terribly when I was with him – we joked it was practice. I messaged him just mentioning about winning for light-hearted update, no questions on how he was as if prying, and he replied quickly. Told me his plans and asked if I was having fun. Kept it brief and he didn’t reply to my last message. He was out with friends so I didn’t expect him to. It felt nice to know he replied all together.
I’d like to think he appreciates me for listening to him and respecting his wishes. Hope he remembers that in time if ever wants to be in touch again.
I’m toying with messaging again in a month or so, to see how he is. Maybe lie saying I saw him in town as a convo starter, but again, not pry. I worry if I don’t ever message him again his low self-esteem will make him think I’ve forgotten about him. I won’t wait around for him but I know the chances of meeting anyone else in the meantime, who I click with as well as him, are very slim where I live.
I’d appreciate anyones feedback on this, for reassurance or advice on what to do going forward.
I went on 2 dates with a guy and they were great ! Then he went cold . I messaged him one day and just told him he seemed like a great guy and that I wish he had gave me the chance to get to know him but that was ok I understand because he did tell me in the beginning he was a runner . He finally messaged back about 2 weeks later said he didn’t think right now was right time to get involved in relationship with anyone with all he had going on with building his house and running his business . I told him I understood and wished him well . By the way he lives 3 hours away . That was that . Then about 2 weeks later when he’s in town beside me 20 minutes away he calls me out of blue and we have a long conversation and he made mention when I asks him if he was maybe scared down deep to get close to someone because of the pain from past with his ex . He said I don’t know I don’t think so but later mentions it could be then made a remark that he so use to doing his own thing that maybe he’s afraid of losing his freedom. We had a long talk but now he’s gone silent again! ♀️ I’m so confused ! Why did he even call me and go silent again ?