“I’m just not ready to be exclusive with anyone…”
There’s no good way to hear that sentence from a guy’s mouth. Maybe he’s focusing on his career. Maybe he’s travelling the world this year and won’t have time for a relationship. Or maybe…potentially…it’s just his BS excuse because he wants to play the field and enjoy the sexual delights of the bachelor lifestyle.
All that matters is this…what does it mean for you?
I’ve seen so many women handle this conversation in TERRIBLE ways. They get upset, angry, emotional – giving up months and months trying to win him over and convince him to be in a relationship. I know this sucks, but I’m going to show you EXACTLY what to say in your response to a guy in this moment so that you feel empowered, confident, and in control of your romantic destiny again. Remember, it’s not what other people do that defines the quality of our love life, but how we respond to what other people do.
I’ve been seeing this guy for about 7 months. Omg he is amazing. In the beginning everything flowed and we hanged out regularly for 3 months. Then suddenly his life kind of got turned upside down and then we barely saw each other but kept in contact almost everyday. In may I asked if there was a reason he was avoiding me and if he was still interested. He said he cared for me but he truly needed to work on himself and figure out what he was going to do and create a better life for himself. That Well it seems like his life is getting back on track, well slowly and I again hang out with him regularly now (we have sex occasionally but not our priority). I wrote him an email basically stating that I didn’t want to be apart of someones life who didn’t want me the way I wanted them and it was hurting me that his feelings weren’t the same. He responded kind of negative saying, “so anyone you like that doesn’t give you want back right away is cut off because they are “hurting you”? I’m confused, but glad ur finding peace, sorry for any hurt I caused you.”
we kinda went back and fourth after that. he said “i’m not out to date anyone at this point in my life, i’m not trying to sleep around either, I’m just trying to create a better life.” then things just ended up back how they were. We again hang out regularly. He texts me like a boyfriend would. takes interest in my life. Shares about his. I’m just straight up confused. The thing i always feel at ease and never even think about it. Cause it feels like we are dating but then i remember and it just turns my stomach. I’ve already fallen for him and don’t want to lose him. Is there anything I can do? I think to myself no matter what if i wait a year compared to now I’ll still be hurt the same. I just don’t understand. Weather it works out or not i don’t view it as wasted time, because I enjoy him company and friendship. He makes me happy, I just can’t tell if i’m truly seeing thing clearly. I feel loved by him and i don’t know why i need the satisfaction of the label or do i? Should I just be more patient? i just don’t want to cut someone one out of my life because they are trying to figure out there life. But i don’t want things to change. does there seem to be hope?
I used your advice and the guy I want to be still asked me can he still take me out? What should I say?
I responded before i watched this video; but actually, girls, we all know what it really means, but we just do not accept that. If you really know that guy (no you don’t need to be the worm in his tummy) and like him with your heart, you know what he’s eyes on, at least. it is just too hard to accept at the moment and emotion come first before sense and we thought:what do you mean??? it’s not that hard, we just make it complicated for ourselves because we have too many imagination in our head and expectation…sigh…
and for my response; i said i am sorry i make you feel i am crazy, but i am not crazy. (i just really like you.)<–did not say this tho.
My ex and I dated for 5 years and he moved to a different province that’s is like 3 hours on a flight . And at the time he moved I was in school just finishing up. Anyways we had planned on me moving there once I was done. However with nursing I had to also do the final national exam which took time for me to study and What not , so prolonging the moving even more. Anyways once I was done with everything school and we talked about me moving and his was like ” well “you” can’t move without having this amount of money and “you” need this and that. And along with that he wouldn’t respond to my text or calls.
Anyways at this time I got the message and asked him that I was going to call him to talk and at that time I ended the relationship….
Started focusing on m and what not and being happy one my own . 4 months of our breakup he was watching my everything social media. And even wished me happy birthday.
Anyways after the 4 months he came back to the city that I’m in that he is also from . To tell me how much he missed me and how he regretted everything that he did or said and he couldn’t live without me in his life and all… so of course I believed him .. he asked me to move in with him and to start our life together but I was resistant to his offer as why now change your mind. Like what happened ??
Anyways after 3 months of him just asking and asking and saying that the distance between us was killing him and he would like me to close ….. I finally took him up on his offer , I was like oh okay let’s do it then ..: and all the sudden his like oh yeah I just don’t thing I am ready for that , you know it’s a lot on me because your I wouldn’t have anyone in this new place I’m living in but me and that’s just a lot . And we shouldn’t move in with people without having established ourself . And I was like well you have a full time job and I can find a nursing job is just a matter of looking. And now the story has completely shifted . And I told him that I’m looking for jobs everywhere and where ever I get a job that is where I would go . And his like oh yeah that sounds like a good idea . I’m like the the fuck !! Why did you had to come back if you weren’t going to take things seriously, why disturb my happy and peaceful life ? Why why …. now is acting nothing happened and that we were cool . But I’m not a person that is half in and half out . I am not the person that can pretend that I am not annoyed. I am Beyond frustrated and I just don’t even know how I should approach the situation I’m just fullly mad .
Please help me
Been friends with a guy for a couple of years. Neither of us initiated anything but there was something there. Until recently I thought it might just be in my head. The other night we got drunk and finally things took off but he did make a point that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I didn’t see him for a couple of days and then I asked him if he wanted to hang out but he was busy so I told him to message me if he wanted to hang out after. Didn’t hear from him. He’s not great with texting and I want to say all of the things from the video (wanted to say that before I watched it but the video definitely was worded better). I doubt he will ask me to hang out and I don’t want to push him or come across annoying if I keep texting. How do I get to see him in person without pressuring him so that I can say all this?
Let things sit for a while. We women are very impulsive and impatient. Men need time to decide on things for themselves.
I get the idea behind this and it’s exactly what I have planned on saying to the guy I like. My question is will this just scare him into the relationship without really wanting it? Can romantic and/or real love actually form or will it always be one sided/md loving and wanting him more than he wants me?
Hi So Confused:
It is by far the best way of putting it. It empowers you, and strengthens your respect for yourself, and to him. Men want to respect, and work for what they want. This is excellent advice.
I’m so confused he’s the one who said he wanted to be in a relationship with me but then when I wanted to be exclusive he said he wasn’t ready
I did exactly this! He responded with “wow you truly are a good person” I don’t like hurting anyone 100% and I am just far from wanting a relationship right now trying to focus on my son so I don’t mess him up. You made me feel so happy and thank you for showing me what I deserve” My response “maybe we will catch up again one day hope you find happiness you deserve it” in which he responded “wait can we still talk at all”
I am unsure how to handle that or what just happened cause he didn’t want to talk before.
WOW. Just went through this exact situation this morning, and thankfully, I actually responded point by point as you suggested! Nice to see tis little confirmation that I did it right. (:
Thanks!
I went thru this situation last November and I told him what Matt recommended though I rephrased it a little bit to be more personal. A day after I told him that, he started pursuing me again. Thanks Matt!!
We’ve been friends for like 9 years btw. Now we’ve been talking for months and last Friday he asked me to be his valentine. And just today, he told me that he’s not ready (Again!) for a relationship because he’s so stressed out with his businesses, trying to balance his time with his family, best friends, employees and me. He said that he hopes that won’t offend me by saying he’s not ready yet. If we’re just friends, I ‘d definitely understand where he’s coming from because I know he’s really busy and I even sent him a letter 10 days ago telling him I appreciate that he spends time with me despite his busy schedule.
I didn’t tell him I was offended or hurt because I don’t want to add more stress to his life. I care about him a lot and I’m actually falling for him. What should I do? :(
I met this guys in September we hit it off great he moved to my hometown in December not to be with me he had already planned on coming back he just moved the process up because of me well he got here in December and came to my house and just ended up staying at my house because we wanted to be together all the time. Everything was good except he hadn’t found a job yet which he didn’t have to have one at the time he has money, but he is ocd and has to be doing something all the time. well we both came down with the flu and we both just got well over it and next thing I know is he said he depressed he’s moving to his brothers and he needs a timeout that we moved too fast this person has treated me like no other man and pursed me hard told my family I’ll hurt her she’s my princess. And now I haven’t spoken to him in 4 days. How can someone go from one extreme to another. I have been hurt so many times and didn’t see this one coming now I just want him out of my head and heart he promised me and he broke his promise it’s not like were are young adults we are 52. I just don’t know what to do at this point any advise would be appreciated. :(
I got the dreaded “I’m not ready to date right now” from a guy I really liked, I’d gotten this line from the past 3 or 4 guys I’d dated and it was starting to get really disheartening. I was starting to feel really unlikable. I just wanted to say something dismissive and bitter, like “your loss”…but I was getting tired of burning bridges. So I said the things in this video, in my own words, and I don’t even know if he’ll want to date me ever but that doesn’t even feel that important anymore. It just felt really satisfying to give a kind, sincere, self-respecting response to something that initially kind of stung. So thank you for this video, I’m glad to finally have a good response for something I seem to hear a little too often.
This is just manipulation if its not the way you really feel… I’m a guy and I’m dating a girl that is great but I’m not ready for a relationship. I am not emotionally available right now, my father died recently and I got divorced just 6 months ago. I need to work through it before a commitment like this. Its doesn’t mean that I don’t care about her, she is wonderful. I’m just not mentally able to be the person that she deserves.
I told my crush that I like him and he said he was taking a break from relationships right now but he likes ne too. I’m not certain that he actually does tho.
Just wondering how you’re supposed to act after you’ve said this. Are you supposed to not speak to him until he next contacts you or do you do a month cooling off no contact period then see how he feels after that? Or do you reach out to him a little later?
What if we’ve been in a serious relationship for nearly a year and a half now, and he shows he’s not ready for a relationship, yet I bring it up? He hesitantly agreed that he’s not ready, and I responded actually how this video suggests, because really, if he needs time to “work on himself,” by all means, it may be best to simply take a break. Perhaps when he’s in a better place, he can not hurt me as much as he has while in a relationship which he was never truly ready for. But his response was frustration at the idea of not being in a relationship with me. I knew going into this relationship that he wasn’t ready, and I said that before we started, suggesting we wait until he is ready. He insisted though, upset at what he took as rejection, and over the months since, I’ve seen how really not ready he is, especially since he was able to really hurt me via cheating with his ex. He talks about the future as if it’s just him, and we’re planning to get a place together, yet he says, when he gets HIS place, and talks about his own goals, despite my offers to help him reach them… I figure if he’s ready, he’s less prone to continue hurting me while he gets where wants to be in life. Even though he agreed he wasn’t ready, he still insisted on continuing, I guess because he’s comfortable receiving the benefits of this relationship — free food (I buy groceries and cook), half(and then some) on rent, and sex when he wants. Is he being selfish? Should I be more assertive in deciding on a break? How do we deal with this?
I want to take a moment to say that this isn’t just for women. Being a gay man, I’m looking for advice for this type of situation for a man I fell in love with. He says he isn’t ready because he is still hurting from a breakup he went though 6 months ago and he’s afraid to rebound and needs to figure out what he wants. At the same time, he has developed feelings for me, and I can see that he isn’t being untruthful about that. He’s afraid to hurt me in the event that it’s a rebound relationship and nothing more.
I know that if I were in his situation, this would most likely work on me too. I’m going to give this a try next time I see him and report my results here.
So for all the gay men seeking advice on this scenario, and have only seen this advice tailored toward women, please stay tuned for my results.
I don’t want to be in a relationship with a woman, so I don’t date them. I don’t approach them, talk to them, or flirt. Why would I do these things if I’m never planning on following up?
If a guy is flirting and asking you out, but says he doesn’t want a relationship (and you do), cut him loose. He is a player and must enjoy hurting women. Believe what he says, and tell him no thanks. Then delete his number and never contact him again.
Why are you dating her, if your not ready to commit to her? I don’t see how what he is saying is manipulation. He’s saying to
break it off and tell the other person your moving on.
Sorry your not ready for a relationship don’t lead good women on by dating them.
wow I said this and he word for word stated ” I thought about what you said and I def agree. my life is just too crazy right now to give you or anyone else the attention it takes to make a relationship work. Hopefully everything settles down sooner rather than later I suppose” and then added “I am down to hang out here and there so we can do that…as far as the effort lol…I am sorry I’m ust completely overwhelmed with life atm” honestly idk how to take that but I left him alone after that its been a week since we talked but still stalks me on fb and snap, and still goes on the dating site..it doesn’t bother me