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Expectations vs. Reality

Hey guys, check out this video first before moving on to the second one, as I use it here to illustrate my point.

If you’ve ever experienced the pain of losing someone, there is a technique you need to learn for shifting the emotion you feel when you’re heartbroken. So even if you’re not heartbroken right now, maybe you have been in the past, or maybe you want to be fully equipped with it for the future!

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201 Replies to “Expectations vs. Reality”

  • Thank you so much! This is just what I needed because I was feeling heart broken for so long and now I understand why I felt so much pain at that moment and still feel a little of it sometimes :)

  • Great Advice!!
    Something I recently did after my break up. I made a motto: Live Life Without Expectations!!
    Don’t expect him to call, don’t expect him to text you straight away, don’t expect him to be ‘the one’!! If he does call then get excited. If he texts the moment you get home, then get excited. You get the idea!! But don’t expect too much straight away. And it’s not just with men, it’s with life too.
    If you expect too much you end up with disappointment when things don’t turn out the way you plan. I learned this the hard way.
    But think of your excitement when something unexpected happens.
    Thank you again Matt for your always welcome advice!

    1. What a wonderful way to live life! Let go of expectations and just get excited when wonderful things happen :) Thank you for your great comment – I feel many relationships in the past imploded when expectations were not met (then when they did good things, still jaded by the disappointments of the past!). Matthew – thank you so much for your genuine, authentic advice that speaks right to the heart of women like me :) Let us know what you think of women and our expectations and the effect on dating/relationships!

  • Just what I needed to hear now too…..but still hurts so much to feel you’ve just lost your soul mate and life will never be the same…..different but not the same.

  • Thank you for this video. I must say I really like watching your videos and as soon as I graduate I’ll try to come to one of your seminars.
    I’ve got a situation that happened to me 2 years ago and I keep feeling that my love life is like it is now because of what happened that day.
    I’m a 20 year old woman from Belgium and I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 18. I didn’t even love the boy that much, I just loved the feeling that their was finally someone noticing me, finally someone who loved me. I just fell in love with the feeling of being loved. Off course that wasn’t a good base of the relationship so I brook up with him after a few months. A few days after I brook up with the guy, one of my friends, who I always looked up to, because he was so confident and handsome, started talking to me and said he was going to comfort me, because of the breakup. He invited me to his house, but his intentions weren’t right, he didn’t really want to comfort me, he just wanted to have sex with me.
    At that moment i felt really insecure and although i didn’t want my first time to be like that, I didn’t say that to him and afterwards I felt happy because that guy I looked up to, thought i was good enough for him.
    He let me swear we wouldn’t tell anyone about what happened and for a month i didn’t tell anyone. But I slowly started to realize how he really felt about me and when he found out that after a month i told a friend about what happened he started calling me whore and slut in the middle of my school.
    So that’s what happened to me 2 years ago, can you please tell me what I should do to let go off what happened, how i need to think about this situation, cause i really feel its been affecting my love life ever since.

    1. Sofie,
      You are young and that will not be a defining moment in your life. Hold your head up high and continue living and accepting the joys that life has to offer you.

    2. I had a very similar experience for my first time…I feel your pain! I am now 38 and have realized how much that 1st time affected my love life. I let that person make me feel like sex was all that anyone would ever want from me. And settled for some men that treated me that way just for the sake of being in a relationship. I have now come to realize that by me holding onto that feeling of being less than the most important person in my life I was attracting people who would treat me that way. So my suggestion is focus on you and the amazing person that you are and want to be! Take the experience as a lesson to never compromise yourself and your feelings again. I hope this has helped in some way. Big Love out to you!

      1. Thanks for sharing Allison. I never thought of it quite that way but I had a similar experience. I have always asked myself/God why do I keep finding guys that only want sex but never truly love me. Your words make sense – the “first time” set precedence for my subsequent relationships. Also, I’ve accepted less from men just so I could say I was in a relationship or because I wanted to experience even a pea-sized morsel of love. I’m not there yet but I’m continuously working to increase my confidence and insist on the correct treatment by ALL people in my life.

        1. To everyone who just posted: Don’t believe for one second you are not good enough for the guy. If a guy wants to have sex with you,he is apparently attracted to you. But what most girls don’t know is how to handle themselves in this situation.

          1. I get you. But there’s first attraction because you survived a quick mental check-up list. Now what was on that list is what determines whether that attraction is flattering or insulting. And if originally it was an insulting one, I can hardly imagine the good you can get out of it. And in my point of view, those men’s attraction weren’t any flattering.

          2. Really, a guy having sex with you should NEVER be a benchmark for whether or not he thinks you’re “good enough” for him. Most guys will have sex with just about any woman, provided they aren’t completely revolted by her. They’ll stoop way below their usual standards for the sake of having sex, or proving something to themselves, or for some other not-so-awesome reason. Whether the guy will admit to his friends/other guys that he slept with you, or, here’s something actually decent – if he would DATE or get into a RELATIONSHIP with you – those are better indicators that he thinks you’re “good enough” for him.

    3. Wow, Sofie.

      I am so proud of the fact that you are able to tell us this story. I feel like in that moment, any man or woman could have that vulnerability in desiring the comfort of another human being. I believe that this happened because you are meant to change someone else’s life with your story. I believe that someone out there who are going through what you went through will read your story and make the necessary changes to their lives because of you!

      All in all, you are a strong-willed young woman to have shared such a wonderful piece of your past with us. This will only make you stronger than you think you are and make you smarter than you believe you are!

      Keep holding your head up high and the light at the end of the tunnel will be a bright one! :D


  • Thank you so much. This is exactly what I needed to hear as I have been going through this pain and I can really relate to the video. Once again thanks a lot.

  • thank you so much for this video! and you’re so right!!

    i’m kind of heartbroken at the moment so it really helped! i’m gonna move on and i’m gonna start tonight by going out and having fun!

    you’re amazing! looking forward to you’re big announcement next week!

    Take care

  • That movie…I saw it last year…since then I hated the Summer/Tom situation…maybe because I could understand his feelings and maybe because I were in so many similar occasions.
    But I liked the movie :)

    Sorry I didn’t answer your last video…the best thing I do is drawing…its the best way how I can distract from many things I’m passing through and also sewing my own designs. :)

    Thank you for the song, I like Regina Spektor…haha reminds me the “The Call” song from Narnia Soundtrack all time :)
    And then I put this song (its not Regina but I like it): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCdRA0lQq38

    Thank you again Matthew :)

  • i was in killing pain but after i saw this vedio im much better thank you matt, wish to see in life.hope soon

  • thank you so much for this video. I needed this. I have been feeling the same way and concur with your opinions of pain

  • Matt, what a timing you put up this video today as I am going through the pain !
    I really liked your distinction of pain coming from losing a soul mate vs disappointment. It makes sense. I have a tendency to fall into losing a soulmate version which makes me feel really bad, so it was very helpful to see the difference and you gave me courage to be hopeful and go on. Thank you.

  • Thanks for this, Matt!

    I think I just met my soul mate (and he feels the same way), but he lives on the other side of the world, so I had to let him go! How do I go through that pain without feeling hopeless?

  • This really speaks to me and you are so right.
    Thank you so much, Matthew.
    I appreciate your effort and your willingness to reach out to us. I look forward to the next week’s news.

  • Great video! Thank you…I am currently separated from someone I love & know we can’t be together right now with the way things are but I do hold hope in my heart that either things will change for us or if they don’t I can find love again…I do feel heartbroken at the moment but I never lose faith in love.

  • Hey there. thank you Matt for the knowledge that you so willingly impart and the energy you always give.
    I have always fell deep and therefore hurt deeply too. Bizarrely I still think of past exs , not that I want to be with them again but I found it hard to let go. Strangely I had a nightmare just the other night of an ex from a year ago.
    I feel that a part of those feeling s can now be released. I am going to listen to your video again to instill it in me.
    Really looking forward to hearing more of your news next week.
    Kirsty :)

  • Wow wow wow. I have been struggling so hard to get over a guy and I think this has helped me shift. Thank you.

  • Hi Matt, I’m going through the end of a recent relationship and well it didn’t work and I think I’ve got the kind of disappointment that he wasn’t the right one to me. But he’s texting me he wants to talk as friends I suppose, when we didn’t really talk about any problem we had if we really had any. I don’t know how to react, should I even answer him?


    1. No! Don’t. Did you start as friends and then become more? Even then, probably don’t do it. Generally, when a guy wants to be “friends” after a breakup, it means one or all of these things:
      1) I’m not willing to invest in an actual relationship with you anymore, but let’s still have sex sometimes, when it’s convenient for me.
      2) I’m not willing to invest in a relationship with you anymore, but I could still use someone as a sounding board. I don’t like being lonely.
      3) I’m not willing to invest in a relationship with you anymore, but in case nothing better comes along, I want to keep you in my back pocket.

      Whatever it is, wanting to be “friends” after a breakup doesn’t usually come from a place of respect for you.

      1. Thanks a lot Danielle. He came to see me and I was like indifferent. He kinda looked disappointed and mentioned he thought something else would happen”. For a moment I felt bad, till I notice he started flirting with some other girls, I think at least he didnt get what he wanted, right? lol


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