There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.
Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.
Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.
Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.
If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.
Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…
1) Define the goal
If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.
The goal has to be…
*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*
Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.
2) Live by YOUR standards
Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.
If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.
3) Chunk it down
Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.
These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.
Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.
Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.
4) Strive for MOMENTS
We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.
The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.
Instead focus on moments of shared connection.
Moments like…
–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.
It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.
Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.
If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.
You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”
Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.
Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.
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I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.
I don’t know why am I writing this because you won’t read it anyway ;) but I like the longer version. It seems more honest, more personal and more true.
And yet your videos are like a chat with a friend so the longer the better :D
I just saw that video and wanted to say thank you, because although i’m only 25 me too i’ve given up. And this video just gave me a new perspective.
The video was great you gave a pep talk which I felt like I needed as I haven’t given up on relationships but I am not putting myself out there as much as so hopefully this gave me the jump I needed thanks. The video was great the way it was I think it felt more like you were just sitting there and having a conversation with us so it felt more natural.
LOVED IT! Keep it that way! Don’t chnage a thing. Dont go into these fancy producion to “sell more”. People want the real deal. And you are the real deal. We want the message, not your fancy suit vests, allthough theres nothing wrong with them ;)
Thank you Matthew! You inspired me yet again. Its time to go down to the basics, baby steps. Time to enjoy ourselves a little more an snap into playmode! :)
All the best to you!
hugs /Kami
Cuts.
I like it uncut. :) You make me feel so inspired, thank you! :)
xx
I thought it was a bit long but I enjoyed it. Keep it old school from time to time. These tips I can apply to my current relationship, which is working very well. It’s a long distance relationship and those do require other points. I think enjoying and living the moment is really important in order to create a deep connection. Thank you :)
Hey Matt! Thanx for a really good video, I liked this long version! Let me tell you something, I feel often that I have given up coz I can’t flirt with guys at all, I am always the sidekick that no one sees, and I have always fallen for the same cute friend guy, but it begin as a circle coz it was the same pattern that they just wanted to be friends, i don’t like to dress up all the time so they all might of have seen me as one of the guts you know :P But then I always feel aftr all the hurting that I can’t put my heart out lik that anymore, witch has happen, I am so afraid to hurt again so it’s hard for me to let my guard down, At the same time I always keep thinking(Coz I travel allot alone and love it)..That “What if I am gonna met somone now” I am trying to hard to find a guy at the same time as my guard dosen’t wanna let anyone in, I love to travel and have met so many people. I was traveling to USA San Francisco alone last fall, from Finland….And las Vegas, Grand Canyon..And that guy I once told you about. Still remember it Coz I have never felt more beautiful that when he looked me deeply into my eyes, smiled And I totally was hit right through my stomach and soul somehow..To bad it freaked me out then and there, Coz I think about that all the time, and it was a year ago. My body language is protecting my heart but my mind is thinking that I want love… This is tricky and I don’t know how to get over this. Or what to do even. Any thoughts? X/ Your fan, Michelle 25, from Finland
guys*
Hey Matt,
Great video ;) You made some good points, as the one of not thinking our lives as one big vision and breaking it into chunks of happy moments.
Just because you asked, I prefer long videos, so I liked this longer one, because it had loads of examples and info. My not so good feedback, I believe that your passion made you say things a bit quicker than usually and that made me a bit nervous :)
I look forward to more videos and tips. You’re doing a great job ;)
Nasia
Joining the grateful chorus: this is perfect. Thsnk you!
Oops that was supposed to say “thank you” (iphone fingers)
Considering that you charge to help ladies navigate dating and other areas of our lives, I’m personally grateful that you continually take time out of your schedule to put out these videos for us. I appreciate that you’re keen to see us through, and so for me, the video wasn’t too long because you brought an important point home.
Thanks Matt and God bless.
You’re awesome! :)
And sorry about the eye.
I like the longer videos.
I like the long video. It is not about the length, it is about the quality.
Matt, I’m an introvert trying hard to learn how to talk to guys. I’m educated and know about a lot of subjects but I never know how to turn that into interesting conversations with guys. I know you say “get to the why” and discover their values…but can you give us more of a formula or even more questions I can use to have more interesting conversations?
I like the longer video without the cuts….love old school!! I didn’t even notice your eye until you pointed it out…I was concentrating on what you were saying. I really needed this right now as I tend to focus on the future, which sometimes hinders my enjoyment of the present. I’m working on that!! Thanks for another great video!!
The video was amazing! Natural, spontaneous and powerful. Longer is better. Thank you.
I loved the long video,I was feeling hopeless before watching it, thanks for putting it out, by the way I was staring at that little scratch on your eyelid!
You are so right in what you say in this video. I thank God for insightful wisdom like this! As far as the video is concerned, I think it’s fine just the way you video taped it, with or without the cuts, it doesn’t matter. What matters most is the material presented! I must say…you are sooo adorable with that little bit of humor at the end!!
I like the old school version. Great advise, I needed that. Your boxing mark, well looks like “it’s just a flesh wound.” Thank you.
Hallo Matt, keep it as you like it – it’s more authentic & inspiring – long or short, spliced together or not, to a younger audience, with rants, cajoling or pure encouragement. With the tv ladies or you making fun of self and quirks of life. It’s the authenticity that makes it resonate and relevant. Behind every great vlog is a great camera person so of course Jamieson (sp), thanks for making Matthew just simply, impossibly, addictive ;)
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