There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.
Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.
Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.
Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.
If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.
Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…
1) Define the goal
If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.
The goal has to be…
*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*
Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.
2) Live by YOUR standards
Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.
If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.
3) Chunk it down
Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.
These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.
Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.
Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.
4) Strive for MOMENTS
We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.
The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.
Instead focus on moments of shared connection.
Moments like…
–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.
It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.
Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.
If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.
You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”
Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.
Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.
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I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.
Hello Matt
Well I have to say you are definitely sexy as alway. I love your videos I alway expect to hear from you. It does not matter what mood I am in when I listen to your videos you lift my spirits up. I m going thru a serious issue in my life right now I have heart aneurysm I’m under doctor care that alone scares me. I have been remove my job because my doctor does not want me to lift no more then 10lbs. Their is a video I seem I cannot locate I no you have done unless you have remove it. The video I believe you had in LA seminar about your book your talking about two things really stuck to to me you were coaching gentleman who travels all over the world he has more money then will ever need you had to go Mayferry hotel board room. Second was you ask the group of ladies where is to tell each other in group where is the mosaic exotic place they had an orgasm. You mention to the ladies you were only joking. Have you remove that video could you be so kind to send it to me again please!
Hey, Matthew!
Congrats for the amazing video. It’s everything great, specially because you really had what to say and we can see that you did it with your heart and soul.
Thanks for putting some hope out there. Relationships are hard and sometimes people can think that they’re done about it. But the fact is that we women have the power to control our destinies in a never seen way in history, so it takes us to a different path than women that came before.
Have a great week and I’m pretty happy about your success!
With love from Brazil,
Dayse. :)
Hey Matt & co.,
I like both styles of video. This particular one was very heartfelt so I found the longer, no cutting style more fitting. Thank you for sharing as always!
There was something very refreshing about this video, Matt, in my opinion; maybe it was the lighting, your floppy hair and the sweet scar above your eye. I was happy to know the video wasn’t rehearsed or scripted. :) Because I seek and receive value from what you have to share, I could listen to you “all day” if that’s how long you needed to make your point (of course with periodic pauses in between, hee, hee). Thanks for sharing, once again.
Myself and some close friends of mine (both men and women) have recently discussed how we’re “Done with Love” or at least that’s how we think we should feel to get by. But it’s true, those are sad words to hear especially from such loving, quality and naturally affectionate people we are. And I much prefer applying your idea of “chunking it down” so that I can create now, rather than wait later. You’re keeping some of us afloat, dear Matty-boy. Again, take care.
I apprecite the long version of the videos. Especially this video, because there was a lot of wisdom and incredible advice all the way. Keep them coming Matt. I look forward to your messages every sunday. Thanks for taking the time to do them!!
This video hit home with me and made me shed a few tears. After so many letdowns and lies I have more than once been fed up with being in relationships. I’ve said that’s it, I’m done more times than I care to admit. My too trusting personality has gotten me in trouble in the past. I know men aren’t all the same, but I haven’t found one that has not followed that negative pattern.
The older we get, the smaller the single pool gets. I have been on a handful of bad dates and some good dates that haven’t resulted in blossoming relationships over the past 3 years. Have I lost hope? Not quite. Am I more reluctant to get into relationships in my 30’s? You betcha.
You’re right, Matthew. Life is a series of moments. As of now, I am faithful to my freedom and all the life experiences I’ve had as a single, but sometimes I get so overwhelmed I don’t have anyone turn to and share amazing things in this world with. *cue violins* Then again, the next corner I turn may be my next moment with someone.
FYI: keep the vids raw and uncut. Mistakes make us human.
Your videos are so refreshing and entertaining that length really doesn’t matter at all :)…. Loved the last laugh.. Who punched you with a ring on? Lol.. Hope it wasn’t your girl..
This video came at just the right time for me, because I have been saying this to myself a lot recently. I got out of a relationship about a week ago with a guy who talked a lot about commitment and ended up not knowing what he wanted. We were together for a year, and now I’m back to square one, feeling like I’m done, love is not worth it, I don’t want to do this anymore. This video touches on how I feel perfectly, and I think it’s great advice for anyone who just feels tired and sad. Thanks for the inspiration, Matt.
Hey Matthew , wow the last 3 weeks I have announced to all my world precisely this; I give up. I am just waiting for the I don’t care that I give up to follow. I usually have a good laugh after I see your videos, this time I sobbed. You don’t know what you ask of me not to give up. Perhaps in time….I will try again.
Leecis
Matthew!
You have completely changed my outlook and mindset on dating and relationships. I now go into social settings with a confidence that I’ve never had before. I was so concerned with the outcome that I never just lived in the moment! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
This video helps me because I’ve been so guilty of letting a relationship get monotonous by focusing on the grand vision instead of just focusing on the little moments that could be incredible. I’ve actually said that I’m ‘done with love’ mentally but you’ve helped me realize through watching your get the guy stuff that my relationships don’t have to all be the same. Tonight I was traveling to see this guy that I met two months ago, and been talking to him ever since. When I first met him he was wearing this nice tucked in plaid button down shirt which I told him how good he looked in it and especially it being tucked in. So while I was on my way to see him, I told the people I was with ‘I bet he’s going to be wearing a tucked in plaid shirt when I get there, I might be wrong’. Well, what do ya know, I wasn’t wrong , he was wearing his plaid shirt, AND it was tucked into his pants when I saw him. :) I asked his friend, ‘Doesnt he look good wearing his clothes like that?’ His friend said ‘he told me Sarah likes it when I wear my shirts this way’ :)
That’s funny you said in the end that this video wasn’t cut.
I like your usual video cuts as they make things snappy and entertaining,
but equally just as well this video was really effective because it didn’t feel super edited. It felt like a friend was chatting directly to me and I’m like Yes! exactly! oh that happened too! oh i thought that! so the naturalness of this video worked well for the heart to heart matter!
Right choice Matthew!
Hi Matthew,
I really like the longer video. You gave great content (as usual) and this is a subject that needed a little longer video so thank you again. I have been following your videos for a while and tell all my friends about your amazing advice. Just so you know I am going to be using your great advice on my next trip across the pond. I hope to make some great moments and turn them into great memories.
Thanks again for all of your advice and I can’t wait to hear more of your common sense and great wisdom in the future.
Don’t worry Matt, you can’t go wrong. This video was awesome. It is not every time that the longer version will be necessary or right – just follow your gut, we will be watching regardless, that’s for sure! keep up the good work and I can’t wait for more…
x
Heya Matthew!
I would have *thought that longer would be better, but in all honesty my mind started wandering a bit as I was watching this video.
That’s the only reason why I would prefer the more attention-grabbing cut versions, because I don’t want to miss any of the awesome stuff that comes out of your mouth while I’m wandering in la-la-land. I go there a LOT x____x
Thanks so much for everything!! You & Jameson rock.
No need to cut the videos short. They are therapeutic and super informative and it felt like i was listening to my wise friend’s advice :)
Best video you have done in ages Matthew!!! Well done Jamieson for holding out for the whole 8 minutes! ;-)
I’m making my way though your book and am nervous but excited to start working my way though all the tips and tricks.
Am off on a holiday on my own soon so this post really encouraged me not to give up and treat every guy I meet as an adventure whether it be for a minute, a day, a month or forever!
Thank you for sharing and I’m spreading the word here in Australia! :-)
I like it just the way it is.
Keep it real!
I think this is one of the most effective videos you’ve published, Matthew — the message *needed* to be 10+ minutes. If the video had been cut down, it would have lost its effectiveness (IMHO). As for the message of this video — it was SPOT ON! Thanks so much!
Cheers ~Kate
Hi Matthew
I really needed to hear this just at this moment .
I was about to give up looking and you are right all I need to do is to break it down into lovely moments.
You are such a beautiful soul – a light worker- you bring light to peoples lives.
Thank you .
ps I liked the longer piece without the cuts – it drew me in & kept my attention.