Are You Having a Complicated Christmas?


If you’re dealing with loss, sickness, or loneliness, this time of year can serve to magnify whatever you’re going through. 

So in this weekend’s new video, I wanted to do something a little different . . .

While this message is for anyone who needs a boost during the holidays, it’s especially for those in the middle of a “complicated Christmas.”

And today I want you to know that you’re not alone.

Listen to this message and please do drop me a comment after you watch. I’d love for us all to feel more connected and help people know that others understand what they’re going through right now.

Happy holidays,

Christmas and the holidays in general are a great magnifier. They’re a magnifier for joy if you’re feeling a lot of joy in your life right now, if you’re in an amazing relationship and you’re excited about sharing the holidays with that person, or if you have incredible family around you that you’ve been looking forward to seeing. So if you’re already excited about that, the holidays become a wonderful magnifier for all of those wonderful experiences.

But they can also be a magnifier for pain. If there’s someone in particular you’re missing this Christmas, if there are people who have left your life either through death or through breakups, then it can be an incredibly painful time and one that reminds us of what we don’t have right now. 

And that extends to family and friendships. If you feel particularly lonely right now in your life, the holidays are a time when you feel even more lonely, especially when you go online and it looks like everyone else is having this Hallmark Christmas or you’re watching the actual Hallmark holiday movies and you’re seeing all of these quintessential, beautiful happy-ending versions of the holidays. It can be this really stark contrast with what we find ourselves experiencing today.

I wanted to reach out and say, if you are having a complicated Christmas, that you are not alone. That despite what people are putting on social media about what an incredible time they’re having over the holidays, the reality is that so many people are having a very complicated version of the holidays. For some people, it just feels dark and sad and scary and lonely. 

For other people, it feels like it’s this weird mixture of things—you know, they’re having a lot of joy in their lives right now with some people, but maybe there’s someone really important missing. Maybe there’s something going on internally that you feel like even though everyone is having a wonderful time around you, and even though you may not be voicing it to the people around you, there’s something for you internally that feels broken.

And if that’s the case, I want to reassure you that you are in good company—that there is a wonderful club of people who are all themselves experiencing their version of a complicated Christmas. And they may not be posting it online and it may even be the very same people who are posting the most positive things online about the day they’re having. But I assure you, you’re in wonderful company.

This is an invitation to not feel alone, but instead feel in that company like, “Wow, there are so many people in life who must be experiencing their version of this right now. And if that’s true, then I get to decide what kind of energy I want to represent in that club of people who are all having their version of a complicated Christmas.”

This isn’t a message of gratitude, of saying, “Even though you’ve got it hard right now, look at how much you have!” And it’s not even a message of hope, of saying, “Even though this is where you are right now, think of how much better it will be in the future!” Some things will be better and some things will never be the same.

There will be some aspects of our life that may never change back to the way we want them, or there might be someone you lost in your life that you can’t get back. There may be a message of hope in that you’ll feel better one day, but life to an extent is always going to be complicated. And rather than live in a place of hope for the future, one of the things we can do is lean into a radical acceptance of the way things are right now, and that life is the way it is: 

“There is something that in my ideal world would be different, but what I get to do today is I get to decide whether I am going to be the author of magic or a seeker of magic.”

Seekers of magic wait for things to change. They wait for the conditions of their life to be right/perfect before they decide to bring a certain energy.

Authors of magic decide to create magic wherever they are, without that family member present, without that relationship in their life anymore, or with whatever problems they’re facing in their life right now. Authors of magic decide to create magic where they are.

And there are so many ways to create magic. If we’re completely on our own this Christmas, maybe we use it as a time to create something that brings a little joy into our own lives, or to treat ourselves a different way than we were going to treat ourselves today. Instead of beating ourselves up, we are as compassionate as possible to ourselves today. 

Or maybe we create magic by giving that compassion to somebody else. Maybe the pain you’re in could be an invitation to connect with somebody else who’s experiencing a similar pain but doesn’t have the strength you do in being able to reach out. So even though you’re experiencing the same pain, you’re the person who’s got the courage or the strength to actually reach out and connect—to make someone’s day a little better.

I want you to know that whatever kind of Christmas you’re having, whatever kind of holidays you’re having, you’re not alone. There are people out there who are having the same experience. There are people out there who need your light and need your energy and need your magic, because they’re not strong enough to be able to give it to themselves or to find it in life right now. And I hope that instead of wishing for it to be a different way today, you just make a decision to say, “With whatever situation I’m in right now, what’s my own modest little work of art that I could create today? What’s my own modest way of injecting magic into my day?”

I wish you a very Merry Christmas, a beautiful time over the holidays, and a Happy New Year. But this is me just reaching out and making sure that you know I see you and that we’ll be all right. And we’re going to start the year beautifully next year together.

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90 Replies to “Are You Having a Complicated Christmas?”

  • What a wonderful message. My whole outlook on the holday period has changed.

    Thank you.. Also, the video is so beautifully done.

    1. Professionally speaking…Well done Matthew & creative team! That was a marvelous presentation that evokes so much authenticity, a pathway of mindful self-reflection, coping strategies, social support, acceptance and growth mindset. The artwork, your voice & effects were all very engaging and digestible. Personally, it stirred my heart & took me through the maze of emotions one has in a complicated life. After 27 yrs married and in the grey divorce process for 1.5 years, I have learned to live in acceptance of the now. I loved your description of different ways to work with our energy and magic and I am one who creates magic every day ❤️✨️This creative life is only possible in staying curious and open to possibilities.Thank you for being a support on my journey. Sometimes it feels like a long pilgrimage home through fog but grateful for all the ways there are to stop myself and connect with inner wisdom that shifts my awareness…home is within me; thus, home is everywhere I am. There is no great destination to arrive at! Only sprinkles to scatter wherever I am. Sooo much more fun!
      Thank you for all your contributions to building love in the world ❤️

    2. Matthew that was such a wonderful message that you left there are so many people (I for one) who really needed to hear that. I appreciate your compassion for others and may God Bless you and your family.
      I hope you and your family have a wonderful Holiday Season and New Year with good health and a heart full of content.
      Yvette Joseph-Davis

    3. Thank you, Matt. I needed to hear that.
      I lost my mom last September of this year. Broke up with the first relationship that I have had since my husband passed over 10yrs ago.
      From that relationship, I got the feels for this person after 6 months but there were a lot of red flags. So those were big loses for me.
      My kids are grown.
      So I ask myself “Now what?” “What do I do with my life now?”
      I choose to be my own author, all I know is that it’s going to be a different and better story than this past year because I have you and this community to learn and grow from. Merry Christmas to all.

    4. This spoke to my heart and soul. I truly appreciate and very grateful Matt for heartfelt message and encouraging words!!

      I just love how open and honest you are and never sugar coating the harsh reality of LIFE!!

      I am wishing you and Audrey a beautiful and magical Christmas..

    5. Dear Matthew,
      What a perfect time for a Beautiful message. You’re the best. I’m just thinking how I will create joy in this day, and be so ever grateful for right where I am!!

  • Thank you Matthew I needed that Special Holiday message today. Newly divorced and creating or as you put it being the author of the unfolding of the day really makes a difference.
    All of your videos and wonderful Movie are so helpful
    You’re so kind and loving
    wishing you and your beautiful wife and team members a
    Merry Christmas.

  • What a lovely message Matthew for the holiday season . Thankyou was what I needed to hear . My way of getting through this difficult time of the year is seeing other people happy cooking a beautiful Xmas meal for everyone to enjoy . Appreciate the quality time we have with our loved ones . Seeing their faces light up as they open their gifts .For the loved ones that aren’t here with us remembering all the beautiful memories we shared together in years gone by .
    Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas and a Happy Healthy New Year and Thankyou for helping everyone throughout the year .

  • Thank you Matthew for this message, another hard year my dad is away from us and my 1st Christmas in 19 years split up from my husband but I have my 2 boys we will make the most of it though, they keep me going, I will try to enjoy it. Happy Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your new wife. X ♥

  • Thank you for this much needed message. It’s been warm and rainy here in Houston, Texas and that affects me deeply. I will go into the studio and create art as that gives me such a satisfying feel of contentedness. No partner in life, but I will be celebrating Christmas with my granddaughter’s first Christmas and my daughter’s inlaws and husband. I’m counting my blessings and feel such gratitude. When I do that I feel less lonely.

  • Thank you- i needed to hear this and appreciate it. I am looking after my sister after major surgery. my mum
    has had a fall and i am already living with 3 chronic physical health conditions. the guy i am
    seeing keeps blowing hot and cold and i hate how my mood is reacting to his behaviour. i want him to be consistent and like me the most. i am not sure if i am just an option. time will tell- it feels more polarised right now.
    thanks again for this video. i will try to reframe things.

    1. Caregiving, and when not feeling well yourself, is not easy at all… and is so scary when our parent’s fall. I hope she’s okay. And then adding the holidays can make it feel harder as well. That’s alot. Sending you much love and much compassion, and a hope that you are being super super gentle w yourself right now. So great you reached out here… I’m sure we’re all sending you love and support.

    2. Thank you Matt,
      Christmas was always a very special, light filled, fun time with my 6’2″ elf of a husband. He passed away a year and a half ago after 41 years together. Tonight I read your message and it felt so right. No false hope, no future stuff…just, I feel you. Thank you fir taking the time to make us feel better. Merry Christmas!

  • Thank you for sharing this. I am having a complicated holiday. I know it will pass. I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep on, food in the fridge. My wonderful dog by my side. Will spend some time with family.
    I’m not alone, as there are others in similar situations.
    Happy holidays to all

  • My life is not where I imagined it would be at my age. Being single at 30 and looking for love even with all of the challenges. I feel determined to do my best this coming year to keep creating magic in my own life by living fully and loving with my whole heart. While I might not be able to control when I find the love of my life, I plan to do what Matthew has recommended and really work to meet as many people as I can through being courageous and smiling more and saying good bye to the wrong guys faster to not drain my energy and time. I am excited to truly give my heart a chance again in the new year and so grateful to Matthew Hussey and his team for knowing so clearly the challenges in dating and being single and who have supported me so much in continuing to try and love my life and create magic. Merry Christmas!!

  • Thank you so much Matthew for this! Such a beautiful touching message for those of us who deeply feel the loneliness around this time. Your love, care and compassion is very moving to receive. This year has been as if everything is crashing down around me, all burning to start over again. This has been a dark night of the soul and I am grateful, in amongst the pain of it as I know it’s needed to happen in order for new things to come through, for me to be open to it. I am clear on changes I need to make going forward and determined to move more into alignment. To contribute to humanity by continuing to heal and helping others.

  • A perfect message. Even though I am past my trauma there’s always a bit of sadness every day. Love the idea of creating my own magic. Stay tuned.

  • A perfect message. Even though I am past my trauma there’s always a bit of sadness every day. Love the idea of creating my own magic. Stay tuned.

  • Thank you. I needed to hear this. I’m sick with Covid, have two parents that need caregiving (and because its the holidays theres no one but me) and I’m single at 42 at trying so many times to find the right guy. But… I accept things as they are. Things could be worse today. For that I’m glad, and messages like yours help me get through the holidays alone.

  • Thank you Matthew! This message felt like you made it for me personally.
    My husband passed away earlier this year and we had.been together for 30 years. Now I find myself a widow at 52 and a bit lost over the holiday.
    I especially resonated with the seeker vs author of magic in our lives. I feel like recently, I have become the author instead of seeker (part of that was joining the Love Life Club and signing up for your retreat in Sept). Again thank you for the message that I am not alone. I appreciate you. Happy holidays.

  • Thank you, Mathew, so good to hear this today. I am having a complicated holiday. I am recovering from a devastating relationship loss, but I’ve also just met a wonderful man. I have family around me, but my mother is suffering from severe dementia. I am grateful for the joy in my life, but there is still sadness as well. This is a beautiful message.

  • Thank you so much Matthew !
    I am feeling very alone and lost ! I’d hoped this Christmastime would be so different ! I’ve lost a man I loved so very much !
    I am thankful for what I do have , like my baby grandson but I grieve my lost love so much .
    Thank you for reassuring me that I’m not alone .

  • Matthew it is a wonderful gesture to reach out to the people who have suffered/suffering loss of any kind.
    Perhaps it is possible for an open forum so people can interact with each other in real time and share experiences and messages of hope.
    Life abhors a vacuum, and things will change and some things will stay the same. But with time, the pain lessens and new opportunities present themselves and life goes on.
    I lost someone I loved dearly (through disease), not their choice to leave but it still hurts the same as any breakup. Everyone please know you are not alone in this sorrow. You are still here for a reason. Think of the good times, they were gifts, and new gifts will come along again, different than those you had, bringing new happier memories.
    Smile, remember the happiness you had and you can look forward with peace in your heart at the current holidays!
    My best wishes to you all!

  • Thank you, Matthew, for creating this poignant and beautiful message. Indeed it’s a complicated holiday and while the feelings of being humbled and heartbroken ebb and flow like the tides this season, the reminder that I can be the author of my own magic is a welcome one.

    To those gathered here in this forum, I send wishes of comfort, healing, light and love to you.

    Matthew, I hope you and your lovely wife enjoy a wonderful first married Christmas together. May it be filled with much love, laughter and forever memories. I’m very much looking to the gift of reading your new book in 2024! Xo

  • Wow just what I needed to hear Christmas morning waking up alone. I have had a complicated year that has ended with me with cancer. It’s going to be a complicated Christmas and holiday season. I’m choosing to be an author of magic. To radiate love and joy. To be grateful for my blessings.
    Merry Christmas to everyone and especially to you Matthew and your family.

  • Thank you for the holiday message. I’m definitely having a complicated Christmas! Being reminded of radical acceptance and being seeker of magic I find really helpful, I will be putting that on a post it and sticking it to my fridge!
    I also have my match stick box “the trick is not minding”.
    Merry Christmas everyone, sending love to all

  • What a beautiful message. Since 2015 I have this mixed feelings about the Holiday season as I had a terrible health accident and was in hospital for new year eve. While everyone was celebrating, I was wondering if I will see my family again.

    But I am grateful of this experience because every year I remember how lucky I am to be there for the Holidays. And this was an awakening moment I cherished now. I don’t have any specific intention but feel just grateful to be able to live experiences (good or bad) that helps me grow. And your videos always inspire me so thank you to you and all the team to make these heartfelt videos.

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