4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life

Leave a comment telling me about a time you got rejected. What happened? Where were you? What happened? What did you say? How did it go down? Let everyone know about it and let’s start off the year with the freedom of being in a place where rejection is OK.

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429 Replies to “4 Big Ideas That Will Change Your Love Life”

  • WAW!! Mathew this is really amazing!TRUE KNOWLEDGE! you inspire me.i have something to tell you ,i do feel rejected emotionally i had a relation with a guy but it was just for fun nothing was serious ,no commitment bcause we both didn’t want it,but then i started to have feelings ,now im avoiding him we don’t talk i don’t think he wants to be in a relation with me.what im doing now actually is focusing on myself ,how do you think i can make him want to be in a relation with me? and thank you!!

    1. Hi Zahra,

      The best way to move forward is to keep focusing on yourself and the things that make you happy. A woman with a full, complete life is the most attractive kind.


  • My most recent rejection was with a guy a couple months ago, I had been dating pretty casually and he asked me to dinner, which I thought was to make our relationship official! I got dressed up, tight pants, great hair, and very high heels! During the dinner he proceeded to tell me he didn’t want to date me and thought it was better we didn’t see each other anymore. I told him that was ok, and I understood. I walked out the door, my head held high, hips swaying, hair flipping until I stepped off the curb wrong, twisted my ankle and face planted into the street, I looked up and the guy was standing right there. Salt in wound. But the good thing was it helped me to see the humor in the situation. By far the best and funniest rejection I’ve ever had!

  • Exactly a year ago, today.. Met a guy i really liked, let him pursue with the phone calls, the dates, had a blast. After a month of dating, I didnt hear from him again, except maybe on and off. I felt awful, I was fun, didnt even get intimate. My best guess is that he wasnt looking for a relationship but that would be justifying as I still feel harmed by that episode and Ive certainly been afraid of going back into dating mode… rejection sucks big time! Thank you for reading!

  • I was recently rejected. I met this guy and we were getting along really well. He was recently out of a relationship and so was I. Everything was great and then his ex called him about getting back together. I haven’t heard from him since.

  • I couldnt watch the video despite having adobe flashplayer :-\ … Im currently in the worst place ive ever been.. Ive lost who i felt was “Tge one” four weeks ago when he told me he didnt want a relationship… Only to find out hes on dating sites saying he does! My hearts on pieces and i miss him so much.. I feel a part of me has died… Just dont know what to do :-( X

  • My rejection was rather nice. There was no NO said in the discussion, but no YES either. He is a colleague that I have liked for almost 6 months. He told me on a number of occasions (prior to my telling him that I wasn’t indiferent to him) that he respected me as a person and as an achiever in my field. He told me respected the way I thought and that our country (I’m not british) can use more peope like myself. He admitted he treated me nicer than anyone else in our work place and that he connected more with me that with other people. He told me that he didn’t know with whom else he could work together and get things done like he did with me. He also told me was getting over a failure in his personal life and that once he figured out I had some feelings for him, he analysed our characters and decided not to act. Partly because we were different, and partly because he did not want any gossip or any subjectivity come up at our work place. Once I told him I couldn’t work with him as in the past, he asked me that I didn’t do anything radical, that I just be natural about the whole situation and let time take care of things.

  • When I was a teenager I was part of an all girls youth group, there was a meeting with the equivalent male youth group. Doing dancing and some other activity where you were paired with a boy, I fell hopelessly for him and felt a connection with him by talking with him on the topics we were given, the session ended and later on he did not even seem to notice me. I also found out he was the brother of one of the leaders of the girls group and I was not part of their group nor did I have the confidence to pursue him since he seemed preoccupied with other things.

  • “THE” rejection that happened to me and ultimately shocked and wildly confused me was 3 years ago at an event. I had been talking (via facebook chat) to a guy with whom i had loads of mutual friends with, yet never met in real life. After a while, we decided to meet up at an upcoming event where tons of our mutual friends would be. Of course i got all hyped up and went to this shindig and was waiting for him to appear. After 15 minutes, he shows up at the entrance, he makes direct contact with me, smiles, waves, and walks off to his friends. This guy ignored me the whole night. I didnt let it get to me, so i continued on with my friends in making it a great night. But from time to time, i wonder what had gone wrong.

  • I REALLY liked my senior prom date in high school and we were almost in a relationship exclusively. But the night before prom, he told me that he just wanted to be friends because he likes another girl more. Most awkward prom ever!

  • Hey Matthew

    Well I asked my brother’s friend, out. And he said he had never looked at me in that light. But see thats the thing he used to flirt with me, did I misunderstand a sibling-type relationship for something else? Oh and I’m not the exactly a girly-girl, do you think that could also be a reason why he didn’t see me as a potential mate?? (This happened in 2009, via text)

    It was fine after that, back to the playin around and stuff, until a colleague of mine took my phone and messaged him that he should marry me. When I found out I tried calling him but he would answer, for a long time. He didn’t talk to me or anything, when he came over to our house.

    And my brothers are still friends with him and I see him very often…

  • I was rejected by a guy that I had been in a judo class with. He was on the football team and pretty amazing, but really shy around girls. Probably my first mistake. I invited him to hangout with some of the group from the class that I’d started making friends with, nothing fancy, just grilling out at my apartment. He told me he was talking to someone and that it was guys’ night anyway. I just said, “Thanks for being honest,” and let it go. There didn’t seem to be much else to say.

  • The one rejection that stands out is one where I went on a date with a guy that I had met on a website, we went dancing and got on great, he was attentive, danced a lot with me and gave me a hug when we parted. The next day he told my friend that he thought I had a great personality, shame about the weight!

    1. You dodged a bullet there, as his reaction was really superficial and you are better not investing time and effort in someone who will not be around for the person you are.

  • Getting rejected is fine with me if I’ve taken a chance! Superficial rejection is especially ok — i ask a guy out and he says no. It’s when you fall in love and THEN get rejected that feels like someone’s tearing a layer of skin off your heart — and its the hardest to recover from!

    The superficial rejections in my life i’ve found no trouble recovering from. It’s the deeper ones that have been harder….

  • Worst rejection for me was when I was seeing a guy in one of those friends with benefits kinda things and I told him that I had feelings for him and wanted to see if he could imagine getting serious. All he said was ‘I told you not to fall in love with me’ and that was that. It was also a couple of days before I had to leave the country for a few months and being rejected + having to say goodbye to him for quite a long time made me burst into tears and I lay there for an hour, sobbing in his jumper while he was trying to comfort me. He just said ‘Don’t hold back, I need to wash that jumper anyway.’

  • “People want to fall in love.” I think in normal environments, yes, but not where I live! I live in Bangkok, Thailand and I am an English teacher. Thai men are afraid of me and Western men are here for hookers, Thai girlfriends or hookups. It’s so difficult to find genuine people here! :(

    1. Don’t be silly Kasisa, I’m pretty sure you can make all of them fall in love with you. Then you just pick one. I’m betting on a western ;)

      1. Karisa,

        Me, on the opposite, I’m from Bangkok now living in London to study my Masters. And when I tell them where I’m from some guys would ask me if I’m a ladyboy or a hooker, that’s really racist and I felt I’ve been look down on :(

        1. Hey Jira
          They only see things the way they want to see just bother them with explanation. Im only feeling sorry for the small world they’ve seen and unopened heart they’ve got.

  • Happy new year Matthew! You are great I can tell you know what you are talking about! Know about me :-). I have been rejected many times but last year I finally meet this guy which is great, everything goes naturally with him, we talk about everything and we are good moving forward in our relashionship.:-)

  • Thanks Matthew, your counsils are always so thoughtful and helpful!!
    About a year ago i told a guy i had a huge crush on for over a year that i had feelings for him. Our friendship wasn’t workin out for me so I had to tell him. He dismissed it as if it wasnt much of a deal, like it wasnt something to talk much about….and kept on treatin me like a friend.
    Now i am always chattin, talkin and seein him…and sometimes it’s not that easy knowing that he never considered me as a girlfriend….

  • Hi, Matthew.

    I’m your big fan on Facebook. You give us a lot of good ideas on what man is thinking. Man and woman are totally different animals.

    Going back to my question, I want to know why married man kept cheating on me. yesterday, he gave me all of his passwords of facebook, linkedin and emails addresses. He wanted to expose everything to me, the only thing he asked for is to get me back. While, when i read those flirting conversations with so many women on facebook, I was totally shocked. He met another co-worker as well and said to her how much he loved her. I felt being cheated totally. after that, i called him. He said: he wanted me to help him. He regret what he has done before, he is a crap something like this. Can you help me? What kind of tricks has he been playing? I really need your help to understand what kind of person he is.

    1. Hi Jenny,

      I can’t tell you fur sure what kind of a person he is. What I can tell you is that it is up to you to create and enforce your value. If you know your worth these things will be less confusing.


    2. I took a chance in 2012 and was a little flirty with a guy I was attracted to, then faced a very public superficial rejection from him, but it was just that – superficial, so I didn’t care (after I got over the initial anger of the public aspect of the rejection). But regardless, I still showed I consider him as an awesome high value guy, no strings attached. Due to circumstances I still see him and now he’s (I can’t believe it) showing signs of interest! (I watched your video on the signs a guy is attracted to you – VERY helpful, I overlook those all the time). So it wasn’t a total complete failure, I may make a friend out of him yet!

      I like your advice on studying human nature and what makes people attractive and magnetic – I definitely think it’s behavioural. Looks are important, definitely step one, but the hook is when someone displays the values you’re attracted to, then they’re a potential ‘keeper’. If only all the other romantic stars would align… chemistry, single status and reciprocated love too… *sigh*

      If I keep getting rejected like this I may end up with a bunch of new awesome friends!
      I think my new resolution is take the dive and risk the deeper non-superficial type of rejection. Oh no, I may end up in a relationship ;) or I may not, but that’s fine. It’s definitely worth it….

      Thank you Matt! bring on rejection in 2013 :)

  • Hi!
    I was rejected today. I was in the church and my phone ringed. When I answered my boyfriend told me that he want us to be apart becouse we always point a finger to each other. I said I agreeand that he is right . First I felt bad but after that I realized that I answered the best I could, my dignity is on a good level. ( I hope).

  • Hi, I’m a single woman from Norway. A few years ago I dated a man, but I was really not that interested in him… He irritated me, I didn’t find him any attractive and so on, but still I actually considered him as a serious boyfriend. But then, suddenly (luckily) HE dumped ME – there and then I was crushed!! I cried, and cried.

    He dumped me when we were out driving, and we had dinner- plans with some friends of him. I had to spend the whole day with him because we were in another town and we were going to travel with the same plane home. It was terrible! I was sad that love did’t come my way this time either – it was not because of HIM…. Well, Iv’e learned to follow my heart and don’t waste time at guys that I don’t even like… :)

    Ok, I’m not that good in writing enlglish. So I hope you understand my Norwegian-English. :) Looking forward to learn from you in 2013. :)

    1. Your English is great, I understand your story perfectly. Sounds like there was a good reason why you didn’t like him.

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