YOU Won’t Make These 5 Valentine’s Day Mistakes, Right?

Are you one of those people who dreads Valentine’s Day?

Avoid these 5 traps, and you’ll be on your way to fulfilling love at any time of year…

Leave a comment below… what will you do today to benefit your future or current relationship? 

Okay so what are the five mistakes that people make around Valentine’s Day?

The first one is, this is for single people, #1 comparison – Comparing yourself with someone you know who’s already in a relationship. Let’s do a little reality check on this before we go any further. Firstly, half the people you know in relationships aren’t nearly as happy in those relationships as they portray on the outside. You wouldn’t trade for them if you really knew what it was like. A lot of them aren’t gonna be in those relationships by this time next year, so in a way, if you’re out there and open to meeting the right person right now and they’re stuck with the wrong person, you’re actually further ahead than those people.

Second mistake for singles, #2 thinking you can’t do something romantic because you don’t have anyone right now. I put a post on Instagram recently that really resonated with people. It said the most loving thing you can do for your future partner is to work on yourself until you meet them. I believe that the things we do right now to work on ourselves, to grow ourselves, build our skill sets to become more confident, are an act of romance for our future relationship. When we look at Valentine’s this year, this may sound a little strange, but what if you said I can do something romantic for the love of my life this Valentine’s even if I haven’t met them yet. And that romantic thing is gonna be what I do for myself so that when that relationship comes I feel stronger, I feel more passionate, I feel more fulfilled, I feel like I have a bigger more interesting life. I’m gonna give it to me as an act of love and romance for my future partner.

Mistake number three, and this is for those of you in relationships, #3 buying flowers on Valentine’s Day.  You can get your partner flowers pretty much any other day of the year and it will be a romantic gesture because it’s unexpected but on the one day of the year where they’re absolutely expect it,  they score you-know points. And by the way, you may be thinking I’m not going to buy my guy flowers, he wouldn’t want them anyway. It’s a metaphor for anything that’s generic, anything that’s expected on a holiday we have to go outside of that and say what gift is gonna show some kind of special significance and usually the ones that show special significance are the ones where we show we have a unique understanding and appreciation of who our partner is. All you have to do to get there is to ask yourself specific questions like ‘what’s my partner geeky about?’ ‘what movies do they love?’ ‘what books do they love?’ ‘what’s a memory we’ve had together recently?’ ‘what’s some quirk about my partner that not everyone else knows about?’ ‘what’s something they’re into learning right now or in the future?’ When we ask ourselves these questions about our partner we start to stumble upon ideas for gifts that actually connect to who they are and what we know about them. Buying a gift for someone on a day where it’s culturally expected of you, that’s not romantic, that’s fulfilling an obligation, but showing you understand your partner uniquely, that’s romantic.

Mistake #4 all money no message. This is the mistake of spending money to get something nice for somebody but not delivering the emotional impact of a handwritten message with it. Yes, I said handwritten because in this day and age handwriting comes at a premium especially in romance. If you’re not detailing the thought behind the gift why you did it, why this moment in your relationship is unique, or exciting, or magical, you’re missing such a valuable opportunity because you can spend all the money in the world but those words, that’s what really makes the difference. Sometimes spending money can be a symbol of investment in a relationship, but message creates meaning and its meaning that creates true magic in a gift.

Mistake #5 relying on a day like Valentine’s Day to show that you care about somebody. The quality of our relationships is not what we do on a special day, is what we do every day so every day of the year we should be paying attention. Every day of the year we should be looking at what our partner needs from us. Every day of the year we should be figuring out ‘how do I add value to this person’s life if you really want to give someone a special Valentine’s Day gift, make a commitment on Valentine’s Day. Make a commitment to a ritual going forward until next Valentine’s Day that you’re going to do every day. Whether it’s a date night once a week from now ‘til next Valentine’s Day, whether it’s the promise of every day, not even to them but a promise to yourself, of waking up every day and saying ‘what can I do to add value to this person today’. If you make a commitment like that that is the greatest gift you can give you a relationship. Forget what you do on one day and start worrying about what you do every day.

With this in mind, leave me a comment.

If you’re single- write down one thing you’re going to do that will benefit your future relationship.

If you’re in a relationship– what is something you’re gonna do that’s not a gift on Valentine’s but a gift going forward that will benefit your relationship.

Thanks so much I’ll see you next week.

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149 Replies to “YOU Won’t Make These 5 Valentine’s Day Mistakes, Right?”

  • My boyfriend spends most of his job time driving in gis car. So, I’m thinking of getting him a key medal with his name so he remembers me each time he looks at it. Do you think it is a good idea?

  • Hi Matt!
    Love hearing from you on Sunday mornings! Thanks!
    I am single. I am going to clear out the clutter in my house to prepare myself for my next relationship! It’s not super bad right now, but something that could be improved for sure. Thank you for this post. It can be such a bummer to face another V-day single, but i’d rather be single than in a relationship that does not bring me (or us) joy.

  • I’m going to dress up and take myself out to dinner I’m single and I’m taking care of myself by dressing better and I’m getting myself flowers why not

  • I am currently 6 months single and still not over him. Still a lot of crying and counseling. So for this Valentne day I would try not to shed tears over him.

  • Remembering to value your guy friend ….every day…Me & my guy are great friends right now…not in any rush…he came out of 2 relationships…a 17 year marriage…then a “rebound relationship for 5 years”…he knows he needs to spend some time alone to get his shit together…& I know it too! We are both on the same page. He doesn’t even want to get serious..(sleep together with anyone)..& he really wants to get to know someone for at least a year….before he would even consider living with someone again. (He still has a 23 year old son living with him..the son is thinking about moving out…& he hopes his son will..but his son is wishy-washy right now…and doesn’t realize he might not have the funds to even move out?? & is thinking about going back to school?? So indecisive about his life…& it is affecting my guy friend too….has him frustrated to no end…Yikes!) He doesn’t want to get in another relationship that is going to fail miserably. I was in a 25 year marriage…& I have been happily divorced for 10 years now. Not in any hurry to sleep with anyone. I’m very “old school”..and I believe in only sleeping with someone in a monogamous committed relationship. Just the way I feel & those are my standards. Everyone needs to follow whatever “floats their boat”…not judging anyone else for their decisions & the way they want to conduct their lives. Only concerned about myself…Love the topic this weekend. Every day should be Valentine’s Day…:)

  • Matthew,
    This was one of your best!
    I’m going to take the TIME to increase my exercise, make healthy choices and learn something new everyday as a gift to myself. I’m going to record each day and see how it changed my life in a year.
    Thank you

  • I always thought that one day does not make up for a year when you really love someone. This Valentines I am single and I am going to make up for all the shitty Valentine’s Day for the past few years when I was with the same person. I will give love and celebrate the most important person in my life ME. If I can’t give love to myself how can I expect someone else to do it. I worked very hard for the past weeks, month to find out who I am, the person that got lost by giving everything to another person. I am still work in progress and I love it. I will have a celebration and I will ask my single girlfriends to join me.

  • Hi Matthew,

    I’m single.. for Valentine’s Day I am going to write myself a love note and hide it away for next year when I will open it and either share it with the guy of my dreams or read it and be amazed at all the things I promised myself I would achieve x

  • Hi,

    As I’m single I would be concentrating on myself specially my health coz m suffering from thyroid n putting on weight.. So I will make sure I’ll make myself fit to do any romance or to spend quality time with my future partner.

  • Gonna take care of my self by doing a facial every secons month or so. Facials are expensive but its nice.

  • I’m going to learn how to skate backwards. I’m a really good forwards skater, but I dropped the ball and never learned how to backwards skate. So I can’t do that amazing couples skate… you know the one… where you’re face to face and super close. I can only do the holding hands couples skate. It’s just not as cool. Am I right? That is one thing that could bring a lot to the table for my future love. I’m sure of it. And that’s just ONE of my self-improvement goals! I got lots more where that came from.

  • Even as a florist owner I have to agree and appreciate your spot on insights! Unexpected flowers are so much more romantic than on Valentine’s Day.

    I am single and investing in myself. I am happier than when I was with the wrong person. Thank you for the constant flow of wisdom and inspiration ❤️

  • Be more open minded to do things I normally wouldn’t. Stop living on such a rigid schedule every day. Make time for having fun with me!

  • We just met 3 months ago, and not so sure yet of what he thinks, but this valentines I’m gonna pay attention to my own self

  • My single girlfriends and I have dubbed Valentine’s Day as “GALentine’s” Day! We get all dolled up and go out for cocktails and dinner and have so much fun. It really is a way of celebrating eachother and feeling good about ourselves. What’s better than enjoying every second of life?

  • Make that person I care for feel appreciated and
    Let him know regularly how much I value him in my life. Do “little things” to make his life a bit better!

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