YOU Won’t Make These 5 Valentine’s Day Mistakes, Right?

Are you one of those people who dreads Valentine’s Day?

Avoid these 5 traps, and you’ll be on your way to fulfilling love at any time of year…

Leave a comment below… what will you do today to benefit your future or current relationship? 

Okay so what are the five mistakes that people make around Valentine’s Day?

The first one is, this is for single people, #1 comparison – Comparing yourself with someone you know who’s already in a relationship. Let’s do a little reality check on this before we go any further. Firstly, half the people you know in relationships aren’t nearly as happy in those relationships as they portray on the outside. You wouldn’t trade for them if you really knew what it was like. A lot of them aren’t gonna be in those relationships by this time next year, so in a way, if you’re out there and open to meeting the right person right now and they’re stuck with the wrong person, you’re actually further ahead than those people.

Second mistake for singles, #2 thinking you can’t do something romantic because you don’t have anyone right now. I put a post on Instagram recently that really resonated with people. It said the most loving thing you can do for your future partner is to work on yourself until you meet them. I believe that the things we do right now to work on ourselves, to grow ourselves, build our skill sets to become more confident, are an act of romance for our future relationship. When we look at Valentine’s this year, this may sound a little strange, but what if you said I can do something romantic for the love of my life this Valentine’s even if I haven’t met them yet. And that romantic thing is gonna be what I do for myself so that when that relationship comes I feel stronger, I feel more passionate, I feel more fulfilled, I feel like I have a bigger more interesting life. I’m gonna give it to me as an act of love and romance for my future partner.

Mistake number three, and this is for those of you in relationships, #3 buying flowers on Valentine’s Day.  You can get your partner flowers pretty much any other day of the year and it will be a romantic gesture because it’s unexpected but on the one day of the year where they’re absolutely expect it,  they score you-know points. And by the way, you may be thinking I’m not going to buy my guy flowers, he wouldn’t want them anyway. It’s a metaphor for anything that’s generic, anything that’s expected on a holiday we have to go outside of that and say what gift is gonna show some kind of special significance and usually the ones that show special significance are the ones where we show we have a unique understanding and appreciation of who our partner is. All you have to do to get there is to ask yourself specific questions like ‘what’s my partner geeky about?’ ‘what movies do they love?’ ‘what books do they love?’ ‘what’s a memory we’ve had together recently?’ ‘what’s some quirk about my partner that not everyone else knows about?’ ‘what’s something they’re into learning right now or in the future?’ When we ask ourselves these questions about our partner we start to stumble upon ideas for gifts that actually connect to who they are and what we know about them. Buying a gift for someone on a day where it’s culturally expected of you, that’s not romantic, that’s fulfilling an obligation, but showing you understand your partner uniquely, that’s romantic.

Mistake #4 all money no message. This is the mistake of spending money to get something nice for somebody but not delivering the emotional impact of a handwritten message with it. Yes, I said handwritten because in this day and age handwriting comes at a premium especially in romance. If you’re not detailing the thought behind the gift why you did it, why this moment in your relationship is unique, or exciting, or magical, you’re missing such a valuable opportunity because you can spend all the money in the world but those words, that’s what really makes the difference. Sometimes spending money can be a symbol of investment in a relationship, but message creates meaning and its meaning that creates true magic in a gift.

Mistake #5 relying on a day like Valentine’s Day to show that you care about somebody. The quality of our relationships is not what we do on a special day, is what we do every day so every day of the year we should be paying attention. Every day of the year we should be looking at what our partner needs from us. Every day of the year we should be figuring out ‘how do I add value to this person’s life if you really want to give someone a special Valentine’s Day gift, make a commitment on Valentine’s Day. Make a commitment to a ritual going forward until next Valentine’s Day that you’re going to do every day. Whether it’s a date night once a week from now ‘til next Valentine’s Day, whether it’s the promise of every day, not even to them but a promise to yourself, of waking up every day and saying ‘what can I do to add value to this person today’. If you make a commitment like that that is the greatest gift you can give you a relationship. Forget what you do on one day and start worrying about what you do every day.

With this in mind, leave me a comment.

If you’re single- write down one thing you’re going to do that will benefit your future relationship.

If you’re in a relationship– what is something you’re gonna do that’s not a gift on Valentine’s but a gift going forward that will benefit your relationship.

Thanks so much I’ll see you next week.

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149 Replies to “YOU Won’t Make These 5 Valentine’s Day Mistakes, Right?”

  • Valentine’s has never been a day that I looked forward to. I suppose as kids it was fun, little gifts from friends at school and my mom always had a heart box with chocolate that she would give us with some silly note.
    But once I grew up and found myself married, valentines was just something else to fight about. My husband hated the ideas of holidays that are made just as a ploy for marketing and making money so he stubbornly refused to take part in it.
    Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded that one bit, IF… If he had taken your advice on #5. It was something we talked about extensively at times, how those “significant” days wouldn’t be so overwhelming if we did things to show love on a regular basis. A beautiful flower plant for no reason, a small gift that I saw while grocery shopping and just had to get it because it reminded me of that time ——blah blah… etc. I went through things that didn’t cost money to counter that excuse, things that involved time with each other, but he was far too busy, things that could be done in the craziness of life, to lift each other up. Once I put this huge peace of paper on the wall in the bedroom because it seemed like we were stuck focusing on negativity. Everyday for a month I wrote something on there that I loved specifically about him, and I told him the other half of the paper was his side to write on if he wanted to try this little project with me. At the end of the month, I had filled his side and he never picked up the pen once. Later that weekend he started a huge fight and ripped the paper down into pieces, threw it in my face and told me I was so selfish for trying to make him feel guilty and he shouldn’t need to write a list of anything because I should already know how much he loves me and no stupid holiday, activity, or new idea would ever change his mind about anything.

    Fast forward a few years later, after the divorce, and I “celebrated” valentines by having to say goodbye to the real love of my life; My 15year old dog, Atenea, who we had rescued thirteeen years before, a few months into our marriage, and who was the most important reason that I survived all the things people don’t know about my “happy marriage”, she was the reason I made my self strong enough to leave, honest with myself about his many forms of abusiveness, stubborn enough to stop believing his lies… she was the giver of the most unconditional love that I spent Valentines with and we had tons of fun on the beach eating ice cream and snacks and enjoying a stress free day. She saved my life and saying goodbye to her last year was something words alone can not describe.

    So I will be spending this Valentine’s Day watching all the happy couples and probably making up sarcastic stories in my head and trying not to cry at every table I take care of in the restaurant I’ll be working at, wishing with every fiber of my being that I could celebrate with my sweet girl as soon as I get home instead of having to deal with the fact that I’ve somehow made it through a whole year without her.

    Valentine’s Day isn’t the problem. The loss of love, the twisted versions of love, the scraps of love, the showy shallow love… really, that’s the problem.

    I’m single everyday so being single on a holiday is exactly the same. The only thing is it brings to the surface the feelings that getting lost in daily life can help you to repress.

    This Valentines I will continue to miss my girl, I’m not the same without her…. but I will also pour love into Ghost, a dog I am fostering who has spent his first 4 years of life abandoned or stuck with people who don’t know or care what love means. I’m going to show him what it really looks and feels like.

  • i dont even know what valentine means,but i know how heartbreaks feels like.
    valentines is for a few who got lucky with love.

  • I’m single so I’m going to watch a romantically inspiring movie like ‘Hitch” to remind myself of the partner and relationship I want and deserve and help manifest that in my future relationship❤️

  • What if you’re not actually in a relationship but seeing each other but you want him to know how special he is. Would definitely hand write to him but I don’t want to freak him out

  • Love your advice, no BS and I could listen to you for hours! I had been seeing a guy for about a month, and was planning on giving him bacon and cheesecake for V day(his favorites) sadly he dumped me. So, think I’ll do some yoga on Valentine’s Day as a gift to myself.

  • My partner has a 10 year old boy and is a great Dad and not his style to have pictures of him and his son. I’m going to print a canvas picture of him and his son that he can place on his desk.

  • I am single and I love this holiday despite not having had a significant other to share it with. I will buy me some bubbly – champagne, draw up a nice bubble bath with epsom salt and love myself!

    The right man will be presented at the right time – not a minute earlier or a minute later. Until then………cheers to lovable me!

  • I am in a long distance relationship but for both of us everyday is a Valentine’s day no material things as a gift only heart to heart connection.Thank you for this video..

  • Matthew you are so right :) … When I was single just to make my day and to make me smile I would go out and buy myself flowers. I figured no one else was going to buy them for me and hey I like flowers… they make me smile and that is the whole point … when you smile your whole attitude changes and every time you think about it or look at them you smile… Now that I have a boyfriend I like sending by mail to my love a hand written letter… right now I write about things he doesn’t know about me and things that someday I would love to go do and tell him how much I enjoyed the last time we were able to be together… I think it is very important to do things like that for our love.

  • brilliant as always
    i agree 100%
    As a single person who despises all the bullshit commercialism dedicated to the day of “love” if a guy shows up w flowers n chocolate Id vomit

    I keep doing what I always do, work on myself so I can better understand my responses in situations where I was more “reactive” in previous relationships as a result of the past
    cheers and thanks for the work you do Matthew.

  • That definitely made sense. I’m going to continue working on myself….going to 12 step meetings, praying & working with others.

  • Hi Matt!
    Valentine’s Day is actually my favorite holiday—I always do something special for my family and friends (and a partner if I have one). But I don’t always remember to do something for myself! So I think I’m going to take myself out to breakfast, read a good book and maybe get myself an orchid or something beautiful to put in my home to remind myself to share some of the love with me! Love is not reserved for romantic partners; it should be expressed to anyone that we have a connection with, and our connection to ourselves should always be a priority. Thanks for the reminder!

  • That was the most powerful video I’ve ever seen about valentine day

    I am single but I’m going to take more risk to meet and date guys!

  • I really relate with what you said about improving one’s self for future relationships. And that’s an everyday job . I’ve been doing and will keep doing so.

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