In today’s video, I explore the cultural shifts and challenges that are fueling the “relationship recession.” Drawing inspiration from the Netflix series Adolescence, we’ll dive into the disillusionment many men are facing, the frustrations women are experiencing, and the hidden dynamics making connection feel so elusive.
From surprising stats to the subtle mindsets that sabotage us before love even begins, this video connects the dots. If you’ve ever wondered why someone amazing vanished after two dates—or why you might be pulling away yourself—this will explain what’s really going on and how to rise above it to create meaningful relationships. Let me know what you think!
Love that you’re talking about this. I’m a single, successful 52 yr old and would love to be in a great relationship. It’s never been more difficult! I have 2 teenage boys and I want more than anything to help them navigate this cruel reality. I cried almost the entire way through Adolescence.
I just finished Love Life and I’ve already got one friend half way through the book as well. It’s reassuring and affirming and I felt so much better after I finished it – in 2 sittings!
I’m glad I discovered you.
Hello, I noticed that you don’t put the text under the video anymore. Too bad for me, who prefer reading. (sorry for my bad english, I’m french).
Gaëlle
Same for me!
I also miss the transcript below! It makes it much easier to follow for non-native speakers.
After recently being blindsided and still trying to navigate heartbreak I’m not sure I agree with the video. I am 58 and could bump start a new relationship in no time. I want as I’m grieving and need to heal. But confidence is the killer word. I invest in myself, I have great values and I can hold a conversation with anyone about anything. I know I’m loving because I have been so hurt. I think if you can strike up a conversation and you are an interesting fun person, you can attract anyone.
One important point you missed Matthew as to why women want men that are financially secure, especially if they are, is due to laws that entitle partners to up to half their assets/money after living together for 2 years or staying over 3 nights a week for a period of 2 years. When you are older and dating you don’t want to lose what you have worked so hard for and especially when you can’t recoup those losses later in life. I always pay my way and don’t expect a man to support me in any way, but I will not date someone who is not financially secure and has at least as much as me.
I’m a 43 year old single woman, I couldn’t care less about how much money someone makes or what they do for a living. I am choosing to be happily single because I only want to date someone who is truly a great person. A man who is kind, strong, unafraid of feminism and supportive. Unfortunately, I see so many examples of men behaving horribly, lying and cheating on my friends – even the men we would never have expected it from.
It feels like quality men, who are comfortable in their own skin enough to really be an equal, supportive partner emotionally, are scarce.
It’s not that women don’t want to date because of a guys status or money, we just don’t want to date jerks who make our lives worse through physical violence, coercive control, lying, cheating or emotional immaturity.
I have a great life with strong friendships, great family and hobbies I love. If someone amazing comes along, that would be great, if not, I’m staying single.
Yes! I agree with this and its my beliefs too.
‘I have a great life with strong friendships, great family and hobbies I love. If someone amazing comes along, that would be great, if not, I’m staying single.’
Amen, why most women don’t want relationships anymore is because men are still being thought that they can mistreat women, they don’t even know that in some countries laws are pretty clear about coercive control, economic violence and violence through children or family to harm the mother, just to name a few. Patriarchy is the main reason there’s a huge gender gap in relationships, women have evolved more than men in feminism, men haven’t worked as hard to deconstruct masculinity, and as Kaydee rightly puts it, family, friends and hobbies we love are more than enough for us now.
I miss the transcripts too. I learn better by reading. Thank you for all the helpful advice and wisdom.
Yes! I agree with this and its my beliefs too.
‘I have a great life with strong friendships, great family and hobbies I love. If someone amazing comes along, that would be great, if not, I’m staying single.’
I think through the approach to strike a balance and appeal to both men and women you didn’t at any point highlight that some of the mysogynistic and violent behaviour coming from the these cultures is deeply concerning and dangerous to women and regardless of rationale not acceptable. Instead you highlighted a superficial example from a woman’s perspective that they expect a guy to pay. There were a lot of great points in here but the absence of this acknowledgement did not serve me well as woman.
I loved this video, many great points. I have 3 sons I worry about with all the pressure. I have a career and have done well financially and it can be a barrier with men I date. I do not usually talk about this with a man, besides what my job title is and a little of what I do, until there have been a few dates, so don’t get me wrong I’m not flaunting it. I don’t need a man for money, and yet on a first date (or first few dates) I don’t want to emasculate him by paying. I do offer to split. I’m not so well off that I can or want to support a man though. Ideally a partner would have similar financial situation so we can do the things we enjoy without one person feeling indebted. Additionally, divorce is harder on the person with more income/assets. I never want to go through that again.
Regarding looks – attraction is important. I do believe attraction can grow with someone I’m not instantly attracted to. Personality is far more important than looks. However, I have been surprised a few times when I’ve dated men I’ve not had an instant attraction to, and gave it a chance to grow vs making a premature decision – and have still been ghosted by them when it seemed to be going well. It’s all very confusing.
Agree with your last paragraph. I had the same thing happen to me. The ghosting when I thought things were okay. Maybe the man expects a more physical relationship faster.
Great video. Although I find when dating, as soon as the fella hears I am a female business owner, I get 1 of 2 responses. Either they instantly expect that I will be paying for everything and I become frustrated by their “sponging”, or they feel emasculated and resent me for having the higher income. The only exception is when the guy does actually earn more, which is why that is the preference!!
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I never comment, but this topic is too important, and I myself have been deeply affected by it.
I would also highlight the term “emotionally viable”, because economics do NOT play a major role for me. As you said, we women are able to earn our own income, AND on top of that, we still do much more care work and — something I don’t think we have looked at enough yet — a disproportionate amount of the emotional work and regulation in our relationships with our partners and in caring for our children.
I am not saying that this is the fault of men living today. What is operating here I think, is still a patriarchal system of gender expectations. Men have lost something in the patriarchy too! It’s time to see that.
I meet so many men who are completely unable to say what they want, to even recognise their feelings, or to communicate them. What makes me sad, and also afraid to be honest, is that I see a development where men are not trying to learn how to get more in touch with themselves, stop being people pleasers, and learn how to communicate their needs — but instead become frustrated, even angry, at women and wish for the old traditional roles back. I am not saying that all men are like this, just as not all women expect their dates to pay for everything.
There are also successful women who find that some men expect them to pay for themselves — or even for both of them — and of course there are women who are not very in touch with themselves either. But I do see a tendency here: In my own experience, I see more men struggling to get in touch with their emotions, while at the same time men are still more often expected to take financial responsibility in dating, even when the woman earns as much as or more than they do. I think these two things are connected to the same outdated gender expectations.
There are double standards everywhere, affecting both men and women. And these expectations — men have to pay, women have to be the emotional guides — are coming equally from men and women, because we have all internalised them to some degree.
And part of this is, I think, that men actually need to invest more in their social circles — in friendships, community, and relationships with other men. Women cannot and should not be the only place where men get emotional connection, support, intimacy, and regulation. I think all of this is part of becoming more emotionally connected and emotionally capable.
We are still VERY, VERY far away from any kind of equality.
And I think this next step — men getting more in touch with their emotions and becoming able to contribute more to the emotional work in relationships in general — is crucial. And I believe it has to come from men themselves. We can only support them.
And to be clear: I don’t think men have to pay for dates, and I certainly don’t think paying for a date creates any expectation of sex. Financial and sexual consent are completely separate issues.
And yes, I am mainly arguing through the lens of my own experiences and those of my friends. I’m sure there are many different experiences and perspectives out there, but this is what I see and hear around me.