Selling Yourself Short

By the way, if you want to learn more about the Retreat programme Matthew mentions at the end of the video, you can watch our latest video for it here.

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53 Replies to “Selling Yourself Short”

  • Thanks Matt! This was exactly what I needed to hear. I have a few friends who do not inspire me or live up to my standards and I realize I need to let them go. I’m not afraid of never finding better people to be with nor being alone, what stops me is that “you are not inspiring enough for me” feels like a horrible thing to say to a friend, but this video showed me how I can do i in a nicer way. Thank you for that!

  • I wish Matthew would just clone himself x three billion and a half so we could have a man who respects us. What a kind and caring person, your Mum raised you well. :)

  • Hi Matt, this video is what I really needed and I will certainly follow the advice! Analysing my behaviour lately I have understood that I did similar things already when interacting with men I was not interested in, and got from them the kind of behaviour I would have wanted from the one I liked who, on the contrary, obviously didn’t consider me ‘challenging’ enough! There had to be something wrong!

  • I made a lot of clarity about what I want in my life this year and you helped a lot with that.
    I know now I can’t settle for less simply because I don’t want to.

  • Your video confirms an epiphany I had yesterday. I received in my inbox contact from a man from the dating website I’m on. I’ve become a little- I don’t know – disappointed and annoyed (because they don’t read my profile properly before responding. But, knowing that the man who’s right for me could come in any package, I just have to rattle the box to my ear a bit and guess what’s inside, I respond to the better of the replies and meet some of them. And I hadn’t noticed this creeping in of willing to ‘settle’. Until yesterday. The profile dropped in my inbox and I was glued to every word. WOW! This guy “gets IT”, he gets what life’s about, he gets what’s important. HE’s what I want, he’s the type of guy I want!!” And in that moment, Matthew, I realised that a very subtle, insidious lowering of my standards had been creeping in slowly, as response after response after boring response that seemed more like ‘work’ than something that ignited me, filled my inbox. (Oh, and it’s not my profile that’s boring: the feedback is constantly that it’s one of the most interesting profiles the correspondent at the time has ever read).
    No, it’s not my profile that’s pulling in uninspiring “living a life of quiet desperation types”; it’s just that there are so many of them out there!(and they’re not reading it properly, just giving my profile a shot, see if they get a hit). I was reacquainted with my values, affirming that I just live life at a higher level, and discovered – in that moment, by this one man who stood out like a beacon by his beliefs – drives and values, that he was “my type”. And in that moment, I realised that if there’s one out there, there’s got to be at least one more, and no way am I going to “settle” for anything less than a guy who supports my growth, and is a witness to my life, as I support him and his goals, and am witness to his life’s journey.
    Even if it takes me another 1000 or so hits for him to show up!

    Donna x

    PS sadly this guy disappeared from the site soon after and I’ve not been able to make contact; but now I know what I’m looking for! Thanks for reaffirming my lesson, love your work.

  • Welcome back Matthew,

    I really appreciate your new feedback on the “Selling Yourself Short” video. I hope you also have had an enjoyable Summer as I did. I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one who doesn’t judge a book by its cover. Just simply put, I believe in taking a deeper look when it comes to people in general & not only in a romantic relationship aspect.

    I know it’s important to value myself yet, when it does come down to it I admit I have faltered in the past when it came to an actual intimate relationship with a man. I do know I have matured since then & I believe that I am now finally ready to take a huge leap of faith towards being in a healthy relationship with another person.

    I personally would like to Thank you so much for not forgetting about us
    From Ms. Crystal Woods

  • Can you do a video on a red flag when someone is being too loving just because they want sex or just to use you in some way to make someone else jealous for example. Like saying ‘I love you’ too soon and wanting to ask you to be his gf on a second date and wants to spend his life with you.

  • Hi Matthew,
    Great video and information…as always! Please continue to do what you do, there are so many women who can and do benefit from your advice, via video or newsletters. Many thanks, Consuelo

    P.S. Love your accent! I am trying to “GET the GUY”, also a “Brit” like you! Are our cultures that different…in this case between American females and British males? Do somethings “lose a little in the translation”? Thanks again…so much, Matthew!

  • I sold myself short for years but this really strikes a chord in me about who i am and what I really want being at the top of my agenda not just getting seduced into something that on the surface seems nice but isn’t going to move me and my life into the next level. I’ve met an exciting man recently who does seem interested in listening to what i want and rising to it, I am prepared to communicate what i want and stick to it but I’m also open to the transformation of others, feels like I’m in a very exciting life experiment right now thank you Matthew for your guidance everything seems much easier this way.

  • Hi Matt :)
    Could you please make a video or something on the difference between confidence and arrogance? Because I don´t quite know where the line between those two is.
    I am quite proud of my English skills (I´m from the Czech Republic), I know I speak good English and I´ve worked really hard to improve myself. But recently I have participated in an exchange program at my school, where we went to Turkey for ten days, and I started talking to this guy from a different class who was on the same project. He seemed very nice so it surprised me when I got talking to one of my friends a few months later and he told me that this guy said he doesn´t like me very much. That I show off my English and I like to listen to myself.
    Well, I am definitely not the kind of person who works so hard to become good at something and then isn´t even proud of it, but I don´t think of myself as a boastful person. So how do I do it? Do I just appreciate my skills in my head, but tell other people it´s really no big deal?
    Thank you for your advice!
    Love, Sassi

  • I have to say I just love your video’s. Watching them & making notes my favorite homework. And I loooved 21convention! Although I’m not a man or a business entrepreneur (yet) I’m the entrepreneur of my life, so everything you said is just a gift for me to understand and see things more clearly. I’m taking more action and more risks now since I’ve seen your first video one week ago and I finally start to feel more alive again.

    I want to share a little bit of my story with you:

    I’m determined to continue this way of thinking and taking action, because I’ve been afraid to do anything at all this past year and a half. I kept myself afraid and I was listening to the wrong people. I’ve been an ambitious, creative busy girl for 23,5 years, graduated from university at 22 and I always had the results that I wanted in life. When I stopped being like that because of family issues and a big break up with my former love-of-my-life, followed by more drama in my new love life. I got depressed, stopped doing anything, got even more depressed. And now I’ve been wanting to do something (anything!) for a while and my psychologist is worried it might be to much for me plus social security (for illness) is pressuring me: telling me I can’t go to university (i wanted to do another course) if I still want to keep receiving my monthly income that they’re providing . I’ve let them push me back into doing nothing time and time again. And I cant tell you how the inner conflict I had was about to explode. My mind, my body and my heart really wanted to do something, get myself out there, work to be independent and do things to feel alive. I sometimes felt jealous instead of inspired by people doing what they want, going to work, try something new. But being afraid stopped me every time. But what is waiting really going to do for me? Do I wait until i get un-depressed? And does this happen on the couch while watching TV (in someone else’s house!). I got nothing going on for myself anymore, so waiting is only causing more panic and depression. Plus living without any independency and occupation is like death to me and takes all of my confidence away.

    Since I’ve watched you’re video’s one week ago, I’ve decided to try a new course at the university anyways (I had my first lessons tuesday). And now I’m looking for a part-time job and some new hobbies. I want to have several plates spinning in my life to bring me occupation, confidence and an income (cause I only have 1 plate spinning now and that’s social security). Plus whenever I’m trying something new or taking a risk I’m telling myself: it’s ok to be wrong.
    I want my real life back, and I’m going to do everything to make that happen.

    Hope that was’t 2 long of a message, but I really wanted to share it with you, because your video’s are the only thing that have shifted my mindset and caused me to take action since 1,5 year. You are really helping me.

    I’m looking forward to see more of your video’s,


    Alizia from Amsterdam (The Netherlands)

  • That’s all I wanted to hear from Matthew. He is just an amazing person and gives really helpful asvice!!! YOU ARE THE BEST!!! MUCH LOVE FROM ITAlY


  • Thank you to Matthew, his team and all the people that support this to the world and himself!!!!

    I have learned to find this within myself first in my life and of a higher power and in my world!!!! It is the gifts that we allow ourselves to heal that alows us to heal and forgive ourselves through every situation in life that we allow through ourselves and others to get over the fear, frustrations, power, energy that we all ourselves to allow, controlling our lives and or allowing the power of others to control us by allow/not standing up for who we are in the beauty/postitvity/who we are, situations to allow us to live in the negative state of mind. I believe that we all choose our state of mind and we only allow and do onto ourselves. It is finding that inner/outter peace/blessings that we find in ourselves first to be found. It is in letting go of all of the negative thoughts, energies to be found! It is in honoring, suporting cherishing that with God, ourselves, spiriturally,family, friends, world to always finding that in yourself, then in others, world, etc……

    Life is really about beauty, postivity!!! It’s not living in the victium roll of living in what we live in/doing onto what we are doing or allowing what others do or say about what we are allowing them to do or say, or allowing our selves to play the role of the victium roll, state/shame, anger, pain, fear, etc….. It is in the pain, fear, anger, frustration that we choose our state of world of living in who we are!!! It is not living in forgetting to do what ever that state or siuation by choosing ot living or doing that sitation again. It’s that you live in not forgetting to live in that state again!!! It is the state of loving, forgiving ourselves for all that we are, seeing the gifts in our lives, helping others as well, wanting that for everyone in the world to live at there best/what they turly want/what others want for them. FOr Example: It’s not living in whatever addiction that could be if you have any in your life: Example: Having a food addiction where we hide behide it to punish ourselves from who we feel we are, say we are, or living in those moments of how we allow ourselves to become or otherwise or not…… To see all that we are, we are all part of God, changing the states of we we need to be in our own lives first, then helping others after we have helped ourselves!!!! It is not living in the fear of who we are/who we are or to become!!! It is becoming over the fear and frustions of allowing that from holding back. It is in the postivity of forgving others, world, pain, anger by letting go of it though ourselves in every situation and not letting others, world, or ourselves to have that controll over us at any giving moment!!!! It is in forgiving ourselves of letting go of all of this, not living in fear, or judging someone else because we all have our moments on how we are not prefect, only to be at peace of who we are/finding that state to live of being the best that we are, finding that beauty within ourselves/with God/ being found in our world/ with all others/sitautions that come up good and feeling like they are negative!!!! It all about support who we all are!!!!

    Being rich is not the dollar amount that you have, is what you give, in the beatuy, self fulliment, healing and allow to support it within yourself in the world with no judgement, finding spirtitually/God, healing!!!! I have found when you find all of who you are there is no stopping it or givng up or back of who oyu are, holding you head up, to forgiving all things that upsets you/ feels like is holding you back!!! When you forgive you allow yourself to give back all the things you have ever wanted and not living in what you have feared!!!
    Maya Angelou quote ” I did better when I knew better.”

    Another quote, by Ivayna where she says ” You will continue to bleed the wounds of you past, present, future, living in that state until you choose to come out of that state.”

    Books that are really good for finding all that you are if you want to choose to be all that you are, all ready are, wanting to help others, supporting them in all there gifts, beauty, inter and outter healing!!!!

    1. The Grief Recovery Handbook, authors john W. James and Russel Friedman

    2. You Can Heal Your Life, author Louise Hays

    3. Prime TIme, author Jane Fonda

    4.Messenger, author Jeni Stepanek

    5. When Children Grieve(it’s about children and losses for them)

    I wish you all the best and all that life can bring to you in whatever stage of life that is!!!! God bless!!! This is my wish for everyone in the world!!!!

    We are all beautiful, even when we see or don’t feel it, think it, for all that you are now, who you are and always will be or if you need/want to become!!! This is my wish for you!!!! I supporting you in all that you are and I am not judging you!!!! I am supporting you in all that you are!!!!



  • I missed you,Matt! I’ve had this idea in my mind for some days now. I think this is a good topic you’ve chosen for this video. Good luck with your work!

  • Your video is on point of what i’ve been feeling lately, about my relationship with my long distance boyfriend. Things aren’t great between us. Still I’m gonna visit him soon (maybe for the last time?) I feel I havn’t been getting enough attention, respect or anything resembling the great communication we once had. Yet I know feelings will blossom when we see each other. I’m talking magnetism. Its really hard to break free. But I know I deserve better. Thank you for the always inspiring videos. And good luck with Eva! ;)

  • We are all precious princesses/princes of the King (God) and once we have come to the inner realization of that NOTHING and no one can shake our identity in Christ! Everyone is a unique and special creation of God (one of a kind) and each has a unique purpose and God certainly doesn’t want anyone to settle for less than His best. Why settle when that check in the spirit tells otherwise? True love waits for it’s fulfilment. Perhaps a video on how to be patient, while not settling, would be good?!! Patience can be extremely difficult in such a fast paced ‘give it me now’ modern day world.

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