It’s the last thing you want to think about after 3 months of dating.
Chances are, you’re 100% in the love-struck honeymoon phase.
You call each other every day, you spend your weekends together, and you can’t wipe the smile from your face when your friends ask you about the new guy you’re seeing.
But this is also a crucial stage to check in and see if this is moving in the right direction. It’s easy now to assume that your newfound love will only grow and flourish from here, but the truth is, it could still fizzle out, or go in the wrong direction, or you could be headed for a big emotional comedown if you ignore certain problems now.
So to see if this is a guy you can really be with long-term, here are 3 questions to consider when you’ve been dating for 3 months:
1) Is there real sexual chemistry?
No, it’s not all about sex.
But if there’s not enough chemistry now, big trouble lies ahead.
I won’t go far as to see you should be constantly wanting to get naked and down to sweaty, passionate lovemaking every 2-3 hours, but you should feel a unique sexual attraction with this guy, something that makes you truly desire each other over anyone else.
If you ignore a lack of physical chemistry after a 3 month relationship, it’s unlikely to get any better down the road, so it’s worth seriously considering whether this is the best partner for you long-term if passion is something you want in your future.
2) Do you like/respect the way he lives?
Bad habits. Unhealthy lifestyle choices. Annoying behaviors and values.
These things can so easily be ignored when you’ve only been dating for 3 months. You may at this point see his carelessness, or his inability to stick to his word, or his weird moods as something that can be changed. Hey, maybe he just likes to get drunk most nights now, but that will probably ease up at some point, right?
Some of his behaviors may have given you a flash of worry at moments, but you’re hoping they can be swept under the rug because he’s so perfect in other ways.
Ignore this at your peril. It’s much better to face these things head on now and see how he responds to an honest conversation than it is to leave these red flags and wait for them to become relationship-threatening later on.
3) Are you both thinking about the same future?
Yes, it’s early days.
Maybe it’s not time to sit down and talk about marriage and kids, but you should at least have an idea that you’re both roughly on the same page as far as the future is concerned.
Make sure you have some of the big conversations: does he want a serious long-term commitment? What are his thoughts on kids? Where does he want to live in the next 5 years?
These are all things that you shouldn’t be afraid to discuss, at least so you know by 3 months if this is something that should last much longer – it might feel a little awkward, but you’ll feel much better knowing where you stand rather than putting it off for another day, so don’t be shy: if in doubt, talk about it!