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How Me and My Wife Met… (It’s Not What You Think)

 

People ask me a lot, “How did you meet your wife?”

Well, it wasn’t just one decision. It was actually a few simple steps that even an introvert like me could use to be in exactly the right place to meet Audrey when I did.

I believe anyone can apply this advice in their dating lives to find love. So if you want to maximize your chances of meeting (and attracting) someone amazing, the 3 practical steps I mention in this video could lead you to your person . . . possibly without you ever having to swipe right!


I made this video to help you find love faster through a three-step process I’m going to show you to help you meet 10 times the number of people you’re meeting for your love life right now. 

And to illustrate this three-step process, I am going to tell you a story about how I met my wife, Audrey, that I haven’t told publicly, and it’s probably going to surprise a bunch of you. 

Now, before we start, I just want to let everyone know I did an entire live session for free called the Love Life Reset that is really relevant to the ideas behind this video. So if you didn’t watch that, it’s still available for replay for free at lovelifereplay.com

Go check that out as soon as you finish this video, because it was a really powerful event. Thousands of people showed up, and I also gave away some really cool gifts on that event that are only available until Thursday, March 28, 2024. So go take advantage of those. The link again is lovelifereplay.com. Make it your mission to go and watch that as soon as you have finished this video. All right, let’s get into this one.

God, it can be hard to find love. We so want to meet someone—we want to find someone we’re attracted to who’s also attracted to us, and that combination of things rarely happens for most of us, which is why I think we keep going back to the wrong people. Or it’s at least one of the big reasons we keep going back to the wrong people, because it feels like, “Well, when is lightning ever gonna strike like that again for me where I find someone I’m really attracted to who actually thinks the same about me?”

By the way, if you use what I’m about to tell you in this video, you don’t ever need to use a dating app in your life if you don’t want to. I don’t have anything against dating apps, but I know so many people are asking themselves, “How can I just meet a person in real life? I have burnout from being on the apps. I just want to go out and meet someone the old-fashioned way.” This video will show you how to do that.

So what happened here? And why is it so relevant to you in your love life? 

Firstly, I have always believed that in order for us to find love, atoms just need to collide. That’s how I think of it. We are an atom, and other people are atoms, and we just have to collide with atoms enough times to where we end up colliding with the right atom at the right time. And that fusion produces the kind of love we have always wanted.

A key question we have to ask ourselves is: “How often am I in my life colliding with other atoms?” And you might even want to nuance that and say: “How often am I colliding with new atoms?”

One of the most important things—and this isn’t even one of the three steps I’m going to tell you—but one of the most important things occurred when my friend invited me to an engagement party and I said “yes.” That moment of me deciding “I’m gonna go” is where all the possibility starts.

By the way, the same is true for my wife. The moment she decided to leave her house and go out that night, the possibility started for her.

Now, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve said “no” in my life. There’s no judgment from me if you’re someone who’s saying “no” a lot, if you’re someone who’s staying warm under the blankets in your house, because you’re basically me if that’s the case. But what I did know is that if I didn’t say “yes” enough times in my life, I was radically hurting my chances of things happening.

So I went to the party, but when I was there, three specific things happened. And here’s the really crazy part: I have been talking about these three specific things for about 16 years. I had already been talking about them for a decade before I even met my wife. But how I met my wife couldn’t have been more proof of the validity of these three things.

Now, the first one is eye contact. One of the big mistakes that people make is not only not making eye contact at all, which we can’t do if we’re being too shy, if we’re only ever talking to or looking at the people we’re comfortable with already or know already, or—and this is extremely relevant today—if we’re just looking down at our phone. You look at any coffee shop right now, any person in line, and chances are what they are doing is looking down at their phone. Nothing can happen when we’re doing that. We have to have our eyes up and in the room.

But when we have our eyes up and in the room, the other part people miss is making eye contact multiple times. We’re worried that if we make eye contact too much, it’s going to signal too much, or we just overestimate how much our eye contact is obvious to somebody else. I know so many women who make eye contact with a guy once and then look back at their friends and they’re like, “Okay, he knows.” 

He doesn’t know. Or if he does know, that one piece of eye contact isn’t necessarily going to make him brave enough to come over and do something. But making eye contact multiple times over several minutes may just give someone the bravery they need to come over and talk to you. Now, that doesn’t guarantee that they will. In my case, my wife and I were looking at each other that night, but I hadn’t gone over there yet. We just kept making eye contact.

So that’s where step two comes in. You get proximity to the person you want to talk to. In other words, you just get close to them. I was watching the boxing and that became a great excuse for Audrey to come over and watch the boxing, too. In that moment—and, again, I can guarantee you, at some point, I would have found a way to get close to her—but she took the opportunity while I was watching the boxing to come and show interest in the same thing that I was looking at but getting closer at the same time.

Now, again, remember, when you get close to someone, it gives someone an opportunity to be brave by making it easier for them to be brave. It’s far easier for someone to turn their head and say something to us than it is for them to walk across the room and risk being rejected . . . at which point, they have to come all the way back to where they came from and feel embarrassed that they ever took the risk in the first place. So getting close to someone makes it much easier for them to take the risk. And you’ll sense a theme here: We want to make it easy for someone to take the risk.

So this is where step three comes in if someone hasn’t spoken to you yet. Remember, step one was eye contact, and not once but multiple times. Step two was get proximity to the person. Step three is say something. 

Don’t obsess about what you’re gonna say. Don’t go into your mind going, “What’s something really witty I could come out with in this moment?”

Just say something, say anything. Because the point of what you’re saying isn’t to be unique. It’s not to stand out from anyone who’s ever spoken to them or approached them in their life. It’s to offer an invitation. 

By saying something, what you’re really saying underneath that is, “It’s okay for you to talk to me. I am open to having conversation tonight. I am someone who doesn’t mind being talked to.” 

The way Audrey did this was simply by asking me something about the boxing. That gave me a very simple license to talk to her, and one that I ended up extending for the next eight hours.

Now, why don’t we say something? We’re afraid of saying something foolish or embarrassing, getting tongue-tied. We’re afraid of getting rejected. But we have to flip it. What if I told you that all three of these steps—eye contact, proximity, and saying something—aren’t about you approaching someone? They’re about you making yourself into an approachable person. We’re not the only one who struggles to go and meet people. Everyone else does too.

And this is especially true of the people who aren’t in the habit of running up to every single person they think is even mildly attractive, because if you only reserve your energy for the people who race over to approach you, you’re likely doing it for the biggest players while ignoring all of the people who actually would make incredible partners if they only had the chance for that lightning to occur.

So making ourselves approachable is a very different game, isn’t it? Because instead of saying “I have to be brave,” we’re flipping it and saying, “I have to live in such a way that makes people around me brave.” 

And if I do that, I’m gonna get approached by 10 times the amount of people that are approaching me right now. I’m gonna have options I never would have had because people are gonna feel braver around me.

What we are doing is going everywhere in life offering green lights to people.

Now, whether we like them after that or not is another story. That’s about us assessing who shows up and whether we actually like what they have to offer, whether we feel a connection in conversation.

But the great tragedy of so many people’s love lives is that they never even get to that point with people who could be so right for them, because, first, they don’t say “yes” to leaving the house; and second, when they do leave the house, they are not following this three-part structure that makes other people brave around them, that increases their approachability in their life.

What blows my mind is that I had been talking about these things as ways to meet people for 10 years before I ever met my wife. My life would be on a completely different path now. I wouldn’t have met the person who is the love of my life if I hadn’t said “yes” to leaving the house that day and if those three things hadn’t happened that evening that allowed us to organically meet each other. 

And one of the things that was true in that moment that my wife—that I still talk about today—is the two of us were more interested in finding love and creating space for that to happen than we were worried about getting rejected. 

Rejection never feels good, but if you have something that’s more important to you than avoiding rejection, you’ll still embrace the possibility that you might make eye contact with someone and they don’t look back at you. That you might say something to someone and then the conversation just fizzles out after a minute or so because they’re not really interested in having a conversation back. In those minor little moments of coldness, indifference, or even rejection, you have to be in the mindset of “I care more about finding love than I do about avoiding those kinds of awkward moments.”

The good news is, bravery is a team sport when it comes to love. You don’t need to be the only one being brave. You have to be a little bit brave and you also have to act in a way that makes someone else a little bit brave. Just brave enough that they do something with you instead of nothing.

Now, if you like this video, go here next: The replay of the Love Life Reset. The worldwide virtual free event I just did is still available on replay for you to watch right now. And do watch it right now, because I give away some incredible gifts in this event that are only available until March 28. 

So go check it out. I can’t wait for you to see this. So many thousands of people watched it live, and the feedback was absolutely stunning: People feeling more optimistic about their love lives again. People feeling like they’ve got a fresh approach to going and finding love that they hadn’t thought about before. 

Go check it out: lovelifereplay.com is the link, and I’ll see you over there.

Thank you as always for watching this video. I’ll see you next time. Be well, and love life.

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8 Replies to “How Me and My Wife Met… (It’s Not What You Think)”

  • I swiped right and he swiped right and he was smart enough to ask for a date without asking me about sex. He was fun. And then he was so.fun on the date that I forgot my stomach hurt. And then another date… Now it’s four years and we’re opening a business together. We love being together .

  • But how do you meet people when you don’t have the invitations to say yes to? Im 50 this year and find it hard to make new friends, let alone get invitations to go to parties etc.

    1. I started taking myself to random events, just because I am interested in them – they might help me meet the love of my life or maybe they will help me meet some new friends who are also interested in doing group activities that will invite me out to them as well. Some of the places I am taking myself to regularly now include the gym, a dance studio for latin and ballroom dancing, and a boardgame night at a cafe not far from my place. the dancing and the boardgame cafe are newer on my list of places to go to, but I wouldn’t be surprised if soon there will be invites for more opportunities from these two areas.

  • Love the old fashioned way bc nothing replaces face to face interaction.. facial expressions . Tone in voice and body language can never be replaced by apps or texts. So true matthew that you can’t sit at home staring at tech devices hoping someone right is discovered or discovers you. Just bc a dating app supposedly filters through and finds compatibility and common interests can never replace the lightning bolt of the right one being discovered when you least expect it.. thank you Matthew for solid advice as always.

  • Matthew!:)*
    Wow! Your sharing of how you met your wife was insanely wonderful! I just couldn’t stop reading! My eyes were glued to the txt & every word was so absorbed & etched in my mind! I actually visualized myself doing this in each moment during those precious moments! Making eye contact several times, then moving & being in close proximity by making myself approachable, then saying something! This takes focus off of me, for its not about me, but opening up the chance for the other person to respond & be braver than myself! I needed Your advice & guidance on what to do! I was never taught how to do this! Matthew, thank you so much for being You♡*Just by those three things I’m ✨️confident in stepping out of my comfort zone & into unfamiliar & exciting horizons! Peaceful Blessings to You & Audry ❤️love ya both❤️ XOXO

  • … The beauty in the love is in its simplicity and acceptance…
    That’s what I feel
    Thank you Matthew for been so open to give to the others, to share what you have inside of you❤️
    The Universe would love to give us if we only allow it❤️,
    if lift our eyes to see that gift.., open our hands to hold it..,move one step towards it.., open our heart for the exchange of that manifesting gift..

    Feel gratitude and appreciation to read something so easy flowing, so light and so touching..

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