3 tips for successful online dating

Having a hard time online?

Last month I opened things up for readers to share stories and experiences with me about online dating. Check out the video above for what we found.

Here are our findings from the most important question asked…


Online Dating How To (no matter your age)

1) Develop a thick skin

Online dating is kind of crazy. It’s like being in the best bar and the worst bar at the same time. You have great guys who are trying to find an amazing relationship, while you have others sending you weird, dirty messages our of nowhere.

2) Be quick about it

If you see someone you like, message them. What’s the worst that could happen? Avoid generic small talk (‘how’re you?’ ‘what’s up?’…). Instead comment on their profile (‘I commend you for being the only guy man enough to admit that Titanic is their favourite film!’).

3) Show don’t tell

“I’m funny, I’m smart, I like movies, I like to travel…”

‘Shopping lists’ like these become UNBELIEVABLY boring. People won’t actually read through them, and so rather than describe yourself with a bunch of words, describe something you’ve been through, or a moment in your life that meant something to you.

Question of the day…

Have you ever found yourself dependent on online dating for meeting men? How can you ensure that that doesn’t happen, and that you’re still working on the skills that will allow you to meet guys in real life?


Do you want to ensure that you’re the most attractive version of yourself that you can be? So that when you do meet with people you’ve engaged with online, you know how to build chemistry, how to connect, and how to move things forward…

I have something that will help you with all of these steps. It’s called The Man Myth, and you can check it out here.

Free Guide

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77 Replies to “3 tips for successful online dating”

  • I’ve tried online dating on and off for years, when I’m single. It seems like all the same people are on all the same sites. Although, Pof has the largest number of douche bags, I have also met some of the coolest guys there as well. Just remember, sometimes you get what you pay for..
    P.s. I love the poster! :)

  • Don’t forget there are people who are not invisible and are dating on line above 65+. Are we any different still seeking love and companionship? Thanks for the info on online dating.

  • I love the question of the day… Why? It’s a wake up call.
    Yes he’s telling the truth… I think online dating and texting is ‘All up in the air’

    Admirable that you still address online dating ;)

  • Thanks for that video. The idea of your team was really great, and they were right. That striking pink color gets the essence across.

  • Love the ending! :D I’m not online dating, but if I ever will then I’ll definitely follow your advice. ;)

  • Thank you for this! Finally an expert who backs up my reservations when my friends hound me to try online dating. I’m single in my early 50’s. In real life I get the attention of younger (sometimes much younger) men, because I look younger than my age and have a youthful personality. I tried online dating and didn’t get a single guy interested (not even the creeps!). At first it was really demoralizing. But if you look at the men’s profiles, every one of them is looking for younger women, and limiting their search to some random number like 26 or 34 or their-age-minus-one. Even men in their 60’s are limited their search to women under 35.. Online, they just select a handy drop-down list that filters out anyone outside of their fantasy limit. No one was contacting me because no one was even seeing my profile. As Matt says, these are the same guys who in real life might actually be interested. So I’m sticking with real life, and glad to have Matt’s blessing!

    1. Really great comment! People don’t know what they want until they see it, and attraction has nothing to do with age, it’s to do with ‘youth’ (irrelevant of age). Best of luck Ann!

      1. Thanks, Matthew. Wish you were around when I was younger! But I’m finally getting it, thanks to you.

  • To tell you the truth I was feeling SO shy to carry the book to the counter to buy it. After buying it, I was excited to read it but I had to be extremely careful that nobody sees the cover in the train or the in the bus :D BUT when I came to my room I loved looking at those puppy eyes. The image in the hot pink background is very meaningful to me and so I put it somewhere in my room where I post all my life goals’ pics. I find inspiration seeing you and I hope we will meet. Love!

  • Hi Matthew,

    I forgot to participate previously in the online survey, but all your observations and advice were spot on. I have on occasion used POF and others with minimal or short term success. I did learn something new from you which I think can be applied in person is to do away with the laundry list of “likes” and characteristics. Thank you for the advice. As for the dynamic idea of the team, well it’s not too bad, LOL. Why? Because it pairs the live event AND the book together. It will reimind or push the person to buy the book. I recently bought the book and will read it soon. Have fun on tour and stay safe!

  • Hi Matthew,

    I’ve actually had really good experiences online dating – I haven’t met the one, but I’ve met some interesting people. Honestly every date I’ve been has been interesting, after all, people are generally fascinating.

    There are some great things about online dating – people state clearly if they are single and interested, you have a big pool of people so if you decide you want to go on three dates this week, you can pretty easily make that happen.

    My tips are almost exactly yours. I have a photo, but not one that identifies me (I send photos when I open a conversation). I always write a specific message that comments on the person’s profile. My additional tips:

    -ask a question in your message, ideally something specific relating to their profile (I noticed you like X artist, what’s your favourite album and why? I see you made the transition from being an accountant to a wildlife conservation officer , a change that big, it sounds like there must be a story behind it – can you tell me what it is? I see you moved here from Italy, what do you miss most?)

    -correspond for a few days before meeting, you’re more likely to know they are worth your time to meet, and you’ll have more to talk about

    -I re-read their profile before I see them, so I’m prepared with things to talk about

    -On the date I wear something (usually a necklace, or a scarf) a bit unusual that they can comment on (often that related to my work or travel). Guys have often been told they need to give specific compliments, and I think this makes it easier and makes us both happy.

      1. Hi Matthew!
        Quick question – you have said that a bad first-date idea is dinner, especially if you’re sitting straight across from one another. Don’t you think Skype is even more awkward? There is nothing to distract if conversation lags a bit.
        Any tips for Skype specifically?
        Thank you ~

  • I like the cover on the book, it’s cute. The large poster is a bit much, I agree…lol, but I think for marketing purposes it will work because you can’t miss it! :*} I Love your reaction at the end of the video. omigod, it cracked me up. Oh, and thanks so much for teaching such good material that I can use. I really, really appreciate it.

  • I’ve made some business connections on POF. :)
    Yes, I’ve had to block guys who are just looking for sex, but at least you generally know right away what their intentions are. Sometimes in person, it’s a little less obvious.

  • Hi Matt,

    my friends kept telling me to give online dating a chance. Mind you, a few of them have actually found their current spouse on an online dating site.

    So I did try it and went on a few dates – but it is not really the way for me. Just KNOWING that I am going to meet somebody who could be my next boyfriend and who in turn is hoping that I am his future girlfriend feels odd to me and I cannot be easygoing and relaxed. It is a contrived date.

    I’d rather meet somebody somewhere, get into a conversation and take it from there, I think.

    Cheers, Stefanie.

  • I have tried online dating. Mostly OKC for 2 yrs and Match for about 3 months. Match I never got any dates though I messaged. OKC I got dates and eventually a relationship…that was horrible. I don’t know it just attracts men who have personality defects, but I agree with you on not liking online dating. It was great for getting dates since I was shy, but not for finding people who were serious. And the prejudice people have while online dating is incredibly sad.

  • Hi Matthew,
    I have been on-line dating for about 8 years now. Been on Match and Eharmony. Had a success story for a while -was married for 3 years to a great guy I met on Eharmony. Also before that dated a guy for 3 years that met on Match. In general there is good quality of men on line you just have to develop that thick skin you mentioned to avoid getting hurt if someone rejects you. You have to remember they dont know you…they just might not be attracted to your type. Its mainly visual at first. Then once you met it is another “ball game” .
    Best of luck to all that try it.
    My latest update… in a relationship with a great guy so wish me luck.

  • hahahahahahaaa..Oh Matthew!! The last bit of the video made ma laugh so hard!!!:DDDDDDDDDD

    I love you!!:))

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