3 Ways to Keep The Passion In Your Relationship

Many of the women who read this blog are single, but I always like to address those who aren’t as well!

Last week I opened the floor to a lucky reader who was able to ask me any question she liked.  Congratulations Lisa! You asked how to keep things in a relationship fun and fresh from the first date all the way through.  This is a great topic and one that I know so many women have questions about!

(Photo: Amanda Mabel)
(Photo: Amanda Mabel)

My thoughts…

Many people say that if a relationship is right, it should be easy. Though it’s true that if your relationship is too much work it probably isn’t right, it doesn’t mean that a good relationship won’t require effort.

The sad truth is that most people bring their best selves on day one to the stranger, and a much lazier more negative version on day 365 with the person they love.

I often say that attraction is about keeping people off balance; the problem is that when people get into a relationship, they get too stable. On one hand, it is great when you find that person you can build routine with, be comfortable and share your life with. The danger arises when routine overshadows the intensity of the emotions and experiences you have with that person.

Here are 3 ways to make sure routine doesn’t drown your passion!

1) Just because you’ve started Dating doesn’t mean you stop going on Dates!

Never. Stop. Dating.

Though having a comfort-zone and co-existing with your partner is great, you need to keep things fun and interesting. A date doesn’t mean you have to go out and get dolled up every single time; it can be something as simple as changing or creating an atmosphere.  If your typical date night is to stay in, order pizza and watch a movie, switch the pizza out for his favorite homemade dish and light some candles rather than using the table lamp. This changes it up just enough to create a special moment out of a typically ordinary one.

2) Special occasions deserve special experiences…

When it comes to birthdays and holidays, many people struggle with what to get their man. You don’t need to break the bank; you just need to invest yourself.

One of the greatest gifts, as well as the most memorable, is the gift of time. The best gift and date ideas take advantage of this. Make a mini day-trip to a place that neither of you have been before, or go learn something new together. Not only will you have spent quality time with your mate, you’ll also have just created a new point of connection and conversation!

3) Make a mental note of things he likes…

Take note of the little things he mentions that he likes, wants to do or turn him on, and build a well that you can draw from.

You don’t have to wait for a special occasion to take charge and book the tickets to see Iron Man 3, simply because you know he wants to see it! Also don’t forget to remind him of ways he can make you happy. No guy will be angry with you for giving him a roadmap!


Question of the day: What can you do to keep a guy in your life ‘off balance’?

Let me know in the comments below!

To learn more about surprise, creating a spark that lasts, and how to make attraction GROW, check out my online programme The Man Myth. In it you will learn the A–Z of what men think, how to generate unstoppable attraction, and how to win him to your way of thinking. Check it out here.

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61 Replies to “3 Ways to Keep The Passion In Your Relationship”

  • yea that’s a really important thing.Matthew i am really afraid of relationships i want to be in one but it freaks me out and im always mean with guys.i have went through a sever experience which is bipolar and i don’t think i can be in love .i suck in relationships i told that to a guy one day.i don’t know how im sharing this Matthew but i feel like a need answers from you. Thank you so much!!

    1. I am not quite in the same situation as you, Zahra, but hopefully Matthew will sort us out.
      Like you, I am very afraid of relationships too. I crave the intimacy and closeness of being in one, but I am utterly clueless and terrified to get to that point of being vulnerable with another person. Plus I freeze up and fall silent when trying to talk to someone I am interested in, struggling in every manner imaginable.
      I have a man that seems interested in me; we both seem to feel quite strongly for each other, but we both seem too shy and guarded to reach out to each other. I do feel my fears and other issues might be preventing us also. Of course I fear losing him or disrupting what we currently have, but the uncertainty of what we actually are is difficult to cope with.
      Do you have any tips Matthew about how I guess I {since I’m the one writing to you} might find the courage and break the ice in a gentle way without putting any pressure on him?
      Thanks, and I hope you get the answers you seek Zahra.

      1. Hi girl! I understand how you both feel as I used to be so bloody shy and scared about men (I come from a family where men are brutes you see) that I remember I had to make the choice to get over my fears or end up being a lesbian! No seriously! It was that clear for me. And you know what the best part is? When you do what it takes to get over your fears or limits(it applies for love life but life in general as well!) it makes you grow so much. To me, fears are like inverted strengh, once you get over them you are much stronger and you’re kind of growing. Does it make sense? lol! And love relationships have been the most important “growing factor” in my life, if I may say so. That doesn’t mean I never screwed up, though. So even if you’re terrified don’t let fear stop you from being loved and open your wings.

    2. Zahra,

      I admire your honesty. You are brave to be so forthright about what you are finding difficult, so I know you have the bravery inside you to move towards a relationship.

      Relationships can eb scary. Even when they are going well we can get terrified of losing someone. But we do it because it’s one of life’s greatest experiences. Whatever you’ve been through, is it worth missing out on that so you can live in the past?

      As for you T, i understand your fears. Changing the dynamic of a relationship you have can be a scary thing too, especially when you’re worried you might get an answer you don’t like. But I assure you, it’s better than the alternative, which is waiting around in a situation where your REAL needs aren’t being met. Not only does it make you unhappy, but it prevents you from finding happiness elsewhere.

      I have a something new on the way in early July which is going to change the game for both of you. Keep following and we’ll make the changes together.


  • 4) Dress in white and yellow and drink tons of water in martini glasses. White, yellow and water in martini glasses equals passion on fire.

  • Am 27 and I have a boyfriend,but is not close to me and my family what me to get marry,pls how do I go about it to make he marry me,becuae is the only man I love 4 now

    1. Hey Evelyn

      It’s hard to answer that without more detail, but I have something big coming in July which will give you a comprehensive guide to this. I’ll keep you updated on it’s progress.


  • In the past, the way I kept passion in my relationships was always with the element of surprise. By thinking one step ahead I managed to become very memorable to the person I was dating at the time. I also tried to do things that interested me on a regular basis and included that person in them. During those moments I apparently showed different parts of my personality that made my ex boyfriends believe I was rare and unique. We always ended up having deep, dark conversations and philosophical discussions that made our connection stronger. Ironically, it was also during These moments when I realized they were no good for me.

    Oh and learning how to dance Tango or any kind of dance is a must. I’ve always been big on dancing and tango that’s well taught can be an extremely sensual venue to explore each other.

    Awww, thinking about it makes me wanna have a relationship right now!!

    Oh well.. Time to go back to reality land and keep creating opportunities to get that relationship and more.

    Always a pleasure reading you blog posts.

  • Hey Matt, I’m in a rather awkward situation. I’m head-over-heels for my guy and he with myself, but we’re both extremely shy. We have both been through very bad break ups, and I’m afraid that I’ve moved on, but he’s still holding onto the pain of his last relationship. It’s obvious that he feels something special with me, and he trusts me… but how do I help him move on? He’s told me to my face that he wants to be with me but he’s still afraid of another bad relationship. I know how he feels… But all I feel like I can do right now is be the still girl he fell four and comfort him until he fully trusts me. What do you think?

    1. It sounds like you are an important person in his life, and are already helping him. I’m glad you’re looking for ways to be even better in your relationship with him.

      1. I think it would be good if you combined your tenderness for his feelings with Matt’s idea of being a high-value woman. So I’d be there for him, and help comfort him if he needs it, but if you’re looking for him to make the move and decide whether he wants to be with you or not, make sure he realizes that you are ten times better than that ex of his, and not necessarily going to wait for his pity party to be over.

  • Subtleness of the action… The little surprises that might go unnoticed to the mere naked eye, however that comes from within you will undoubtedly capture the heart of the one that inspires…

    Glad to hear that you are taking the time to enjoy your own simple pleasures that make you, you! ;-)

  • Hey Matt,
    Great article!! I am in my first relationship after being divorced 5 years ago. One of my biggest fears in getting serious with anyone again was that once you became committed to a man, all the “trying” or effort would stop. I’ve only been with my new boyfriend for 4 months but there are already signs that he’s too comfortable.
    One of my biggest strentghs is doing the little things that keep up a spark but if there is no effort from him as well it will get boring. How can I gently and lovingly let him know that those efforts he made in the first months meant a lot to me and I would like it to continue?


  • Hi Matt,
    I think maybe to keep a guy ‘off balance’ is to be a little bit mysterious. I don’t mean secretive but I think when we really like someone we think they need to know everything about us. To impress or connect with them. But to keep showing different sides to us, or surprises like Sophie said, could keep a passion, a spark rather than too being too cosy and risk being boring.
    Kathryn x

  • Matthew,
    good one ;-) !
    I also think that the key of a love life full of passion is keeping surprising each other.
    How was Iron Man 3?

  • My best relationship thus far lasted two years and led to an engagement. We both agree that our entire time as a couple – from the first time we met to the long-distance situation to us living together – felt like one long date !

  • I agree with all the comments on surprises and mixing it up and doing new things together. There is also staying interesting not mysterious but interesting living your own life. That way you have new inputs and you keep growing. This will also keep him on his toes because what if you meet someone else. Ha ha back to serious. He has to be in a position where he wants to continue romancing the woman he loves. Make him feel proud that your his girl. The last thing keep his masculinity intact then he will keep his appeal to you as well. This is my experience.

    Helle x

  • While I “have” a guy, I find all Matthews insight still completely relevant and necessary for my life and my relationship’s health. It’s the little surprises (as you mentioned). My husband and I are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary today. We have both been married before and we have 4 children (18-25) between us (none together). Having been divorced before it is even harder – I think – to really challenge yourself and work harder and not go to that “well this isn’t working” place. At first that was the natural path for my brain to take but I heard Ms D’Angelo say “if people looked at marriage as a verb and not a noun they would be happier and stay married”. That clicked with me. People go to work and work so hard and are so kind and considerate to the people you are not even that close and then you come home and don’t work as hard on your intimate relationship nor are you as nice all the time to your partner as you are to complete strangers. Also, with kids it can be hard – whether dating or married. Every 3 months when the kids were smaller we would get an overnight sitter on a Saturday and go to movie and nice dinner or a festival in town and then stay at a hotel and wake to a lovely breakfast then back home. It was the boost and the re-connect we needed. I also put post it notes with sweet things (and sometimes naughty things) in his car, vanity mirror, golf bag, etc. from time to time. It’s always a work in progress.

  • In fact I love do many creative things my top 5 I did is :
    1.- one day I cook Italian food and put some romantic music and wen my boyfriend arrive I told him we will travel Italy becuase he love it
    2.-I made king for a day with my exboyfriend he can ask everything he want the only condition was he will do a queen for a day jaja
    3.-I made a special box with Star Wars posters and put a ring inside to ask and old boyfriend marry me
    4.-one time It was a big storm and rain and my date in that time did not want get wet so I was bad girl and run to rain and there I give him a big passion kiss was like a movie jajaja
    5.-I made a album with all the tickets and bags of candys or special things I collect for the special days I spend with one of my boyfriend and give him that book so he can know how special he was for me .

    Now the weird is I have not idea how date a guy at this age jajajaja

  • Honesty. That does so much! Sense of humor and showing each other apprecation and respect.
    The best thing is to have a different kind of “connections” like; not only between your bodies, but the minds aswell. Sharing ideas, dreams… Showing that you need each other, that you are valuable. (Your words Matthew) communication is also the key! And to match each others feelings.

  • :) ☀☆☀ Dear Matthew Hussey ☀☆☀ :)

    ♥ I’d kiss his heart every moment of each day :) ♥

    ♥ Because I believe in all the best love for him :) ♥

    Take care dear wonderful kind ♥&♥ warm-hearted handsome ♥&♥ veeeeeeeeery passionate Matthew Hussey :)

    Thank YOU for creating 3 ways to Keep the Passion in your relationship :)
    Veeeeeeeeeery nice blog again :)

    Enjoyyyyyyyyy all the best :)


  • Hi Matt,

    Thanks for this awesome post! I had a very painful break-up last year, it was almost like a switch went off in my exes head and he just lost interest. It made me ask questions of myself and what I may have done wrong in the relationship.

    I bought your book “Get the Guy” and have a met someone I truly adore and am making sure I’m a woman of high value. Because of my previous breakup I’m very anxious and insecure, I’m always waiting for him to get bored.

    How do I move on from the pain and just enjoy being in the moment? HELP !

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