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Jealous? How to Take Back Control…

FACT: Your partner is attractive. (After all, whether it’s because of his looks, his personality, or both, YOU are attracted to him!)

FACT: It’s inevitable that other women are going to find your partner attractive.

So what do you do when you look across the room and catch another woman flirting with your man? You could view it as a threat, become jealous and needy, and even storm over to the two of them and break it up… OR you could do THIS, which puts you back in control and actually builds the kind of trust that lasts. I’ve been getting lots of emails from women asking how to deal with this tricky situation, so I’ve devoted this week’s video to a deep dive into practical, actionable advice you can use right away…

Be sure to leave a comment and let me know how it works out for you.

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85 Replies to “Jealous? How to Take Back Control…”

  • Exactly I will watch and see what he does even maybe I let this situation happen if I see both are interested in talking :)

  • I love this little snippet that you did Matthew. I deal with this on a daily basis and I can actually say that I get the same attention, too. It’s just as hard on my partner as well to deal with. So with that being said I’ve been told before ” omg you’re like a beautiful girl with insecurities when you shouldn’t even be that way”. It’s just a tough situation because I’ve let things go like innocent chatting and later on it seems it becomes a problem with both where my partner thinks I am okay with him talking and the other person feels I accepted that she can flirt with him. The more I let it go the more it bothers me and when I do act like the police then I am the bad guy. So I see how you say that in the end you have to make decisions that if you’re partner crosses the line then and not care then maybe he’s not the guy for me. It takes awhile to see it that way but thanks for this video. Love it! :)

  • Thank you Matthew. Great coverage of a difficult situation. As I am single, I feel embarrassed when other women rush over to see “what’s going on”. I actually feel insulted by it – as fooling around with another woman’s significant other is something I would never do. When I was much younger I looked up all the references in the bible warning about adultery – there were so many!! I was amazed!! Letting him know your standards, conversations about different situations – excellent advice.

    Thank you for another great video – packed with so much insight!!


  • OH…he’s getting more and more handsome by the minute…and aging well too!
    Cypress (hope l got the spelling right) looks very interesting and a place l would consider visiting myself.
    So Matt, let me get serious here for a moment, l loved this video…l shall heed the advice…oh, yes!
    Thank you also for the emails and hoping all is well with you.

  • Hey Matt. Great topic today. Jealousy can be real ugly when one cannot manage it. It perpetuates destruction on every level in any relationship.
    Excellent advice and perspective!
    Hey those Greek crickets were a noisy bunch!

  • Honestly not sure if it is palce to write it, but I have question: My boyfriend has/had dog with his ex and I feel that she is using the dog to keep him near. Cause she is sending him photos and videos of the dog. We don’t live together with my boyfriend and I trust him but I don’t like what his ex is doing. Also he has keys of her aprtment and we together was there to water her flowers as she was out of town for few weeks. As I asked if she knows about me he said – no, why should she. Should I worry? I already met his parents and friends, I feel very good myself with his mom and he seem to be happy about it. Just his ex gets me irritating…we are together few month

  • My partner gets not only jealous, but becomes possesive. Jealousy I understand, it’s natural… but what’s the best way to aproach your man when he’s having an out of the blue outburst with random accusations.. out of nowhere…
    For example there’s been 2 seperate ocasions about one of his friends. He claimed I lied to him about giving something to his friend (we all use to work together, so his work mate) which I still to this day have no idea what he was talking about.. he says he was told something…
    Naturally I got pissed he was accusing me straight out and taking someone elses word over mine, I could’ve asked him what it was all about to help this insecurity he had but I got a bit peeved about how he approached it…. so took the emotional response.. my bad on that.

    next time when he left one morning.. I had a lazy ass day and slept…. a long time… my phone died… I figured, we just saw each other, I don’t have to charge it, all clear! Then when I charged it at about 6pm there was 2 messages come thru.. I miss you and are you really that busy or just ignoring me.. I asked when he sent them as I just charged my phone. He said I was bullshitting and that he was upset and was asking how my date was with this same guy again and without asking was telling me to spend the rest of my life with this friend of his…..
    that got sorted..

    Just recently, I sent him a photo.. a naughty photo, he was at work I thought he’d get a kick out of it instead he jumped straight to the omg how many guys do you send photos like this to and was asking if I’m on a porn site ……..

    So I tried to be as understanding as possible when sorting this out with him but I was hoping maybe you could do a video on the best way to deal with a man who’s posessive. Is it just about making him feel more secure? I love him to bits, I’m always telling him and stroking his ego and trying to find new ways to be spontaneous and fun… but sometimes I get the feeling because I know he loves me, he wants to marry me… but how do you kill the mentality of him thinking I’m too good to be true, that I must be playing him. I’m not a try hard, I’m not perfect, he’s seen my ups and downs… I get scared that if this isn’t sorted before marriage, this possessive behaviour could turn into something worse.. there must be things I can do to I guess create more trust and less insecurity

    Love your channel btw :D

    1. Like Matthew mentioned, it’s ultimately your choice to be with this kind of guy or not.. no amount of assurance and compliments will really “fix” someone’s insecurity, if it’s there and it’s up to them to change that about themselves – it’s not your job, nor in your control.. we’re all responsible for being our best selves, and fixing whatever issues or baggage we carry around with us and into our relationships.

  • I really liked this post Matthew. It is easy to become jealous and needy when we fail to see the bigger picture. The power to be jealous or not is in our hands – it’s a choice. Thanks for that reminder!

  • Jealousy can definitely make people or anyone else to be selfish in order to thnk further e.g on relationships #nice topic this is…

    1. Hi Matthew
      Very glad I watched this video since you touched on things other people do and things that your partner may do to make you jealous.
      I’ve had a situation recently where my partner had a girlfriend for a very short time who was also a friend of the family and decided to go out with her after his wife died.
      It wasn’t a good fit and he didn’t find someone he thought he could be with until he met me 4 years ago.
      The problem is is that he continues to keep this ex-girlfriend in his life he calls her a friend but she keeps on wanting to meet with him.
      He keeps telling me he never talks to her he just lets her text him and never answers her but then he’ll say he did speak to her.
      Recently he made a decision all on his own that he would meet with her to reminisce and I only by chance heard about this meeting that was supposed to take place in a conversation we were having.
      I’m not very happy with his behavior and I haven’t really spoken to him in a few days.
      I’m going to sit down and use some of the language you used in this video about standards of loyalty and expectations thank you for being such a great person to help lead others in healthy relationships.
      God bless ❤️

  • I have only a question tht makes me wonder why coz when a guy comes over to me to express his feelings of love I jst chase him away, but some i like them bt I don’t hv a way to talk to a dude coming to cultivate me than to push away…..any advices to my sickness Matt???

  • I liked the post but I have another problem which is similar. My boyfriend is loyal, he loves me and he doesnt flirt with girls. The problem is that he “keep looking” at women, especially beautiful ones and it drives me crazy. I told him several times that it hurts me. But he says he has no control and its an reaction.
    I wonder what to do. Its really hurting me every time we are going out. What do you suggest?!

  • Thank you Mattew so much, It is so helpful and amazing that you cover a broad range of issues for how to deal with different social situations.
    One question if you can answer, would be even more helpful than any single of your videos: How do you find the best tactic for any social situation? I mean your advice shows the best reasonable way for common every day situations that we might encounter. Do you get them by reading different books or it is just by personal experience? I am asking this because I might encounter something in my life and need to find a logical way to solve it, and most probably I cannot find that in a short amount of time by reading books or watching videos! What is your secret then?

  • Hi, i think you knocked the nail on the head on this one lol….im a very jealous person in this area and i do find it tough not to storm in or get moody.
    Will try this next time!
    Thankyou sooo much ☺

  • Hey Mathew!

    First of all, love your work–thank you for being such a diamond in this world!
    Second, what about dealing with jealousy within a friend group? Occasionally there are times when I go out with my girls and I’ll feel a bit overshadowed when talking to guys because another girl (sometimes in my group, sometimes not) competes with me for the guy’s attention. This puts me into a weird state, because on the one hand I become jealous of the girl who just stole all of the attention I was getting with this guy, but at the same time it feels desperate to “fight” for it. How would you recommend handling those overpowering people and/or those situations in general?

    You’re the best, can’t wait to hear from you :)


  • Matthew, dear, I know you might not like the idea, but it occurs to me that we shall soon need your brilliant advice on… well… how to “get the guy” through social media, like Facebook.

    You know, these days twenty-somethings (like my lovely self) don’t really exchange phone numbers when we meet: we actually prefer to “connect with our new friends on Facebook”, since that’s the easiest thing to do… or at least so it seems :| And, as we all know of course, guys tend to be shy when it comes to initiate the talking, even if it’s just the innocent-looking chat-box…

    So, off to the question: is there a way for a woman to initiate a Facebook/e-mail conversation with a (shy) guy… so that in the end he nonetheless thinks it was his idea to start the chase?

    Oh my goodness, I feel like a little cunning witch, as I’m asking question… And what a gorgeous feeling it is, yeah!

    And thanks for all, Matt, you’re a heaven’s gift to us. Thanks to your precious pieces of advice, I finally feel like a woman, yay!

  • Hi Matthew, you talk a lot about getting the guy but could you please speak to us about women who dont have any problems in that department? What should women do to keep the guy they are able to get? Videos on this would be much appreciated! xxx

  • This was very helpful! I’m 54 yrs old and two yrs ago I re entered the dating world. Didn’t think I had jealous issues due to my first marriage of 33 yrs to a very controlling man. This had made me feel at ease with the man I am with now. He’s very nice looking so therefore women confront him a lot but I’m down with that. I’m not too bad myself lol. Thank you very much. Can’t wait for your next video. Love and kisses

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