Insights from the male mind (Today Show feature)

Yesterday I was back on The Today Show. They are calling my segment “The Other View” – ha!

I wanted to post the video here on the blog as it has some important lessons. Hope you enjoy!

It looks like I might be doing a more regular slot so I’ll be able to bring you more of these as we go.

Here are the big takeaways from the show…

1) How to show someone they are appreciated (outside of the bedroom)

It’s the little things that count here.

Women get paid compliments a lot more than guys, and it’s easy to forget the impact that telling a guy he’s handsome can have.

When you get back from work, give him a huge hug and tell him how much you’ve missed him (note: this is NOT ‘needy’. Needy would be getting home and asking, ‘did you miss me?’.)

Make him feel like a man. Ask him to teach you something, be curious, back him up where appropriate around other people. Loyalty is key to a relationship!

2) How to get him to call or text more (without asking

You have to tell someone what your formula is for feeling loved, as we all have different rules.

Kathie Lee had a great line, “don’t expect something if you’ve not made it known that it’s something that you need”.

While your standard might be to hear from him 4 times a week, his might be just once, and so you need to make him aware of what you expect and communicate your rules to him.

Doing so can be as simple as saying, “This is how I feel loved. I know it’s different to how you feel loved, but it’s important to me.”

3) I had a baby three months ago. I don’t feel sexy at all. How do I explain to him that I’m not there mentally?

Start by accepting that he’s still a man, and that he has the same needs and desires that he did before you ever got pregnant.

You have the ability to still feel attractive and turned on, even if it doesn’t feel as natural right now. Help him understand what he can do to make you feel that way. Remember the dynamic of the relationship hasn’t shifted and that he still wants to be the hero.

Question of the day: What does a guy have to do to make you feel loved? Let me know in the comments below!


I’ve got a few more weeks of travel. The last two tour dates are Dallas (Sat May 11) & Seattle (Sat May 18). Sign up now!

To get more insight into men, check out my online home-study programme The Man Myth. In it you will learn the A–Z of what men think, how to generate unstoppable attraction, and how to win him to your way of thinking. Check it out here.

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101 Replies to “Insights from the male mind (Today Show feature)”

  • A thoughtful gesture. Doesn’t have to be huge..just something that shows the guy is paying attention. I had one boyfriend take note that I never had been to prom. He then set up a date where he got a tux and I got a dress. He even set up an appointment to have our pictures taken. Then crowned me prom queen in the parking lot with a tiara before going in to see river dance. Ok that was a big one…:) This guy also watched closely as I was making my coffee when I asked why he said “so that next time I can make it for you” very sweet :)

    1. Love the coffee thing! I’ve given that as a tip before: Learn how to make their coffee or tea just the way they like it. It shows you care.

      Thanks for commenting Allison x

    1. Thanks Catherine. I’m feeling really relaxed on these shows nowadays, so it makes it more enjoyable than back when I was tense and worried about what to say.

      Matt x

  • I think one of the most important ways of showing your love is going outside your comfort zone from time to time; it doesn’t have to be huge but doing something like going to a yoga class with your significant other, something most men wouldn’t do. It shows they will go the extra mile! Of course, we as women, need to reciprocate that as well :)

    1. Hey Ashley,

      I agree, if you know it would mean a lot to your partner to do something with them that isn’t part of YOUR normal routine, it can show how much you care.

      Great tip : )


  • I feel loved and appreciated when a guy takes (or creates!) an opportunity to be thoughtful. For example, I just started seeing a great guy who actually prefers to call and not text (hallelujah!) but my phone service was all whack and I could not make or receive calls for a couple days. Over text, we joked that he might as well send me a letter. 2 days later, I checked my mailbox and he had actually sent me a handwritten letter. He ended it with a note about how much he loved my laugh when we went to a comedy show last week. It made me feel so cared for! (P.S. Was at your event in Chicago and still feel energized from it!)

  • Dear Matthew

    you look unbelievably handsome in this video. hormones going crazy over here.

    much love.

  • Matthew,

    For me a guy needs to actually show me instead of telling me. He listens to me and remembers the things I like and enjoy. Like you said it’s the little things….I come home and he made me dinner or brought home food from my favorite place without me asking.

    A regular slot is so awesome. I am very happy for you! Now you get to help even more women. Very exciting! Keep up the good work. I wish more good things to come to you!

  • I really like your videos. I find them illuminating and your smile lights up a room!

    I have a request, if you have enough advanced notice that you are going to be on tv, could you give us a heads up on your blog? That way we can know to watch it.

    The way I feel loved is when we are out in public and my man ever so gently places his hand on the small of my back and when he strokes my hair while we are driving. Small gestures mean a lot.

    1. That’s really sweet Lee Ann, the next time a man in your life does those things tell him how much it means to you. He needs to know.

      I’ll try to give you a longer heads up next time : )


  • Hi Matthew! In my last relationship communication was a huge issue when he traveled. I tried communicating to him how it made me feel, but little changed. Can you share more on how to best communicate this? And what to do when your message is not being heard?

    I love all the videos you share! I’ve been sending to all of my friends!


    1. Hey Katie,

      I have something coming up in the next few weeks which is going to go far deeper into communication in relationships. Can’t wait for you to see it. Stay tuned.


  • Just realized why I feel so close to my platonic male friend; I learned to recognize and feel his love by the exact way in which he always communicates it: which is by listening to me.

  • Matthew,

    I was wondering when you would bring up the concept of “The 5 Love Languages” (Chapman, 2004). It’s important to know what you want and be able to express that so you can get reciprocal results. My past relationships have definitely been stabbing in the dark. I have fallen into one big McDonald abyss and kicked myself when I told you not this year for Retreat. I saw your shoulders slump (and we live up “here” so that was telling). Thank you for that. Sabotage!! Nice breaking rapport with the ladies. I hope the Retreat is not full from Atlanta and still limited! I’m glad NBC sees your value beyond Ready for Love (which I still watch. Hello!!). Would actually watch Today if you were a regular segment.



  • To feel loved I just like knowing he’s thinking about me when we are apart – a sweet text, a call, anything just to tell me I’m on his mind and he can’t wait til we are together again! To me it’s the little things that matter the most!

  • Hello Matthew.
    Me and boyfriend have been together for 7 months now and everything was perfect. we used to see each other all the time, he’d surprise me and he’d call me every 4 hours and we’d spend a lot of time talking on the phone. Recently, two months ago this changed ! We weren’t talking as much and not seeing each other. I even tried the silent treatment, but somehow not working. He claimes that he still loves me, but somehow his actions stopped. Does that really mean he still loves me?

    1. Hey Nino,

      The key is learning how to communicate what it is you really want, and showing the guy that your worthy of the treatment you want.

      I have the perfect thing for you coming for you in the next few weeks. Keep watching the blog as I’ll be announcing it in 30 days or so.

      Matt x

  • Dear Matthew!
    You can’t imagine how much i’m so happy today to see you come back again on the today show with this huge energy.That’s what i really appriciate more on look incredibly fantastic as always.I want you to know that i’m always supporting you not matter what’e the number one for me.The great news is i’m planning to be in one of your siminars next year.i really hope to be there.It’s kaoutar from MOROCCO.
    much love.

  • dear matthew! you cannot imagine how much i’m so happy today to see you come back again on the today show with this huge energy.that’s what i really appriciate more on look incredibly fantastic as always.i want you to know that i’m always supporting you no matter what’e the number one for me.the great news is i’m planning to be in one of your siminars next year.i really hope to be there.

  • To show you how much you are appreciated and loved Matthew, here is a MASSIVE virtual hug from myself and women everywhere. :) Ive missed your adorable face on TV weekly and I hope to see you much more often! Sending love and best wishes. XO

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