I’m on Clearwater beach right now getting ready to start my 5-day Retreat tomorrow. I don’t have my normal video set up with me, but I’m going to do my best to shoot something on my phone to say hi while I’m here.
In two weeks my show comes out on NBC.
In just three weeks my book comes out in North America.
All this means that my current schedule is pretty unrelenting.
As I write this my trainers are all sat around me on the top floor of the hotel, working on content before we go into action mode for the next 5 days.
Here’s the view from where I am:
It’s always strange the day before going on stage. I sit and think about all of the things I want to convey, and I go through my training manuals to make sure I’m on my game. One of the most important things to do before a speech is to emotionally connect with your material. If you don’t do that you can have the best material in the world but you won’t speak from the heart.
I work incredibly hard and I think about my work a lot. Often people tell me to take a break or to go on holiday. But what they don’t realise is that this IS my holiday. I’m doing what I love. There’s nothing else in the world I’d rather be doing. Maybe that’ll change one day. Maybe I’ll go in another direction altogether. But until it does, I’ll keep doing this all day everyday, because my life is focused on doing what I LOVE.
When I talk to people about their lives and whether they are doing what they love, I often hear this response: “Yeah but for you it’s easier because the successes you get validates the work you’re putting into it. It reinforce your efforts so it becomes easier to work hard.”
There is a lot of truth to this. The successes I’ve gotten HAVE reinforced my behaviour and provided much needed motivation at times.
But here is where this idea misses the point:
I was doing this LONG before there were any successes to report.
For those of you who have been following my work for years, you may remember this video:
I filmed this over 3 years ago when I was living in my apartment in London and none of this had happened. I have even older videos from 3 years before that (which were pretty terrible by today’s standards) when I was really only starting out in coaching. When I first started I was in survival mode. It really wasn’t easy. There was a ton of rejection. Lots of doors closing on me from people who said I was nobody, that I had no experience and wasn’t established enough.
But I did it anyway because, well, what else would I do?
See it’s true that on some projects in life you stop when you’re not getting any rewards.
But when it’s your love, your passion, you do it regardless of the ‘validation’, because you know you wouldn’t be doing anything else in the world.
If your love in life was business, then you wouldn’t stop creating businesses just because one project didn’t pay off. You would just change your approach. If you love business then you know you’ll be creating businesses till the day you die, because that’s what you love.
A painter who is a painter in her heart doesn’t stop painting because no one is buying her work. She paints because that’s who she is at her core – a creative soul who expresses it through her paintings. She doesn’t do it for the money.
I love the lifestyle I get from my public speaking. I love the fact that I get to travel. I love the amazing individuals I’ve been able to meet as a result, and the opportunities it affords me in life. But I was doing this before I had any of that, and I’ll still be doing this when the TV cameras go away. I’d do this if there was NO money in it and I had to sustain myself working in Mcdonalds. I’d be doing this if I had only one person to give a seminar to each week, because I F*****G LOVE learning about and helping people. It’s my obsession.
Everything else is a just a wonderful bonus (most of which I never even anticipated, let alone got motivated by).
Oh and do I need to point out the obvious parallel with your love life?
- Flirt because you LOVE flirting.
- Love because you LOVE loving.
- Be courageous because you LOVE being courageous.
Don’t do it for the rewards – those are all just wonderful bonuses.
I want to leave you with a video today from an up-and-coming artist who is also carving his space out in the world. His name is George Watsky and he’s another great story to follow. His new song is called Cardboard Castles. I have no reason to promote his work other than the fact that his song sums up so much of this blog post, and that I love to help someone succeed in doing what they love.
My favourite line of the song:
“I do things on a shoe string you couldn’t do with a cool mill”.
Because that’s what we do here on this blog. We work with what we have. You don’t have stone? Then build your castles out of cardboard.
I’ll finish with a question aimed at you…
What do you do in your life for no other reason than you LOVE it? If you have 30 seconds tell me by leaving a comment below. I can’t wait to learn about your passion in life.
Massive love to you AND your wonderful life.
Matthew
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i am passionate about following your ever inspirational advice as part of working on becoming a better person every single day of my life. i am saving up to go to the next retreat , i just know it is what i want to do . for now i am in the beginning stages of the fight for self confidence and have found myself improving strides in both mental and physical health by getting a personal trainer and showing him a pic of the woman i want to be!!!
lol
taking your lead
love, nova xox
Thank you very much for sharing. Right now I’m in the process of realising my dream, my passion and I have no funticktets (means money) at the moment. I decided that is not going to stop me from doing what I love proffessionaly.I’m working with the resources I got and it’s working. I always said I don’t want to work. I want to play and it feels like that cause I love what I do :).Not to say It isn’t a challenging road, but I’m sure I’m on the right track and that every roadblock belongs to me.
Really love that you added your favourite song of the moment. I wholeheartedly love discovering new music and love that you are backing a new artist through this blog. Lot of respect for that!
Good luck with the retreat, show and book launch in the US. Can’t wait to read your next blog!
Thank you Matthew for writing this blog. That view is amazing :)
This is not a sob story when I say my son is terminally ill and I don’t get out a lot! So the Internet is great for me.
The situation in my life has made me feel love more intensely, but there is always the feeling that maybe I should numb it down for when the inevitable happens. I’m storing all your wise words in my mind for when I might need to use them!
It’s a pity your tv programme is only on in the States, it looks great fun. I wish you all the success with it . In the meantime I’ll keep reading the blogs, you are one in a million : )
Kathryn x
Love your son Kathryn and love yourself. So much pain can be healed when we give unconditional love. Strength to you from across the seas.
I live on the Greek Island of Rhodes, have you been here? It has an energy like no other, it’s like the island out of LOST!!!! I’m passionate about my island (I’m British but feel Greek) and it’s people. The sun is shining here, the food organic, the sea turquoise….wanna visit, get in touch ;-)
YOU Matthew are AUTHENTIC, COOL and UNIQUE!
Hi Matthew,
i really love to cook and bake eventhoug it fails for the first time but i’m still doing it no matter how long i will stay in the kitchen just to finish a dish. my mom thinks i’m kinda crazy but i love spending time in the kitchen. after that, dancing and swimming is two things that i can’t live without. i learn latin dance at campus and i lovee it!!! it’s like my dream on a movie by Antonio Banderaz, “take the lead”, and i do dance on club at first i am not confident because i am fat but thank God i have really good friends that support me. and now i can all 3 things that i love freely.
oh by the way, i’ve tried your advice about to attract man nice and easy but somehow i’m still afraid if i am just gonna be his friendzone perhaps because i’m fat and taller than him?? :(
if u read this, pls make a video bout that. thank you so muuuuch for such an inspiring blog.
xo
My passion is dressmaking – it’s amazing to make myself beautiful clothes that are totally unique! xx
I love, love, love what you wrote Matthew! In fact, I alwas say the exact same thing about what I do. I am a Graphic Designer, and from the day I started designing, not once did I feel like I was straining to get the work done, I have so much fun doing it! It is my passion, my life, and the way I earn my bread! But that’s not the only thing I love, like you said I also love love, I love my family even if they don’t love me back, I love my boyfriend, even if he is at times fickle, I love people even if I don’t even know them, and I LOVE you for finally explaining what I could not express in words! Love in fact is an absolute, and knowing as such will always constitute our every fiber of our being!
Wow! So many comments in just a few hours! It just goes to show how you words speak to so many people…
Ok what do I love? I’ve managed to combine 2 of my biggest passions!
I make jewellery,I’ve always been a creative person and always found a great feeling of achievement when I’ve produced something people enjoy. I sell the jewellery and the profits go to charity. This is where my second passion comes in. The money goes to animal rescue organisations. I’ve always had an obsession with wildlife. I actually recently adopted a jaguar too!
Keep up the good work and good luck with NBC and your book release!
Rach x
I LOVE helping other people. I get really happy with helping somebody through a random act of kindness, or just listening and giving advice to my friends.
It feels good to be able to help :) My own sense of self value is deeply connected with what I’m able to do to on behalf of someone else.
Your ethos, regular messages and book have been a great inspiration and motivation for me in love, work and life in general. Keep up the fantastic work! I’m hoping it will be possible to catch some of your US show on the web as the clip was great :-)
Carol
x
Anthropology. It is the one thing I have wanted to do since I was 5. I have fought to maintain my grades because that is the only way I could get the money for college. I didn’t quit when I was told that being female I should go into nursing or some other sexist occupation by older, male colleagues (who then proceeded to hit on me). It is one thing that I would rather do for free and be homeless than not do at all.
I love it when you write that one of the most important thing (…) is to emotionally connect with your material. If you don’t do that, you can have the best material in the world but you won’t speak from the heart”. That is what I’ve always done with my Tango Djing and I keep doing it… I would stop Djing if there were no emotional connection.
Again thank you Matt for your support and inspiration. Keep doing what you love. Take care! Marie-Antonine
Writing. I love to write and one day I hope to become a successful novelist. I’ve written two novels so far, but I haven’t got the – sorry – balls to send it to a publisher. I feel like I’m not ready, just yet ^^ but that’s what I really do love. Very passionate about it. It’s my sword and shiled.
Matt, you need to upload more, man! I love to hear from you! Congrats on everything you’ve accomplished so far. You are awesome, my friend :D
I love to read. P.G Wodehouse is my favorite author and if some day i am able to write like him i would consider myself very lucky.A doctor by profession i get very little time to do what i love.
Hey Matthew! I love singing and music, I have talent and studied music a long time now..LOVE to sing!!! People have said so much that I would never succed in music that I would never get into a music school..But I did..got in to the top musicschool here in finland and now I’m trying to go over to a music college in Boston USA…Did the audition in january this year and waiting for an answer now..!!! That is what i want so much in my life..just to be on stage and sing..That’s when I am myself and smile more than ever :D I really don’t fit in around regular people, coz they don’t understand me..and I have been struggling with that my whole life. But When I am on stage and sing I fit in more than ever in life. I write songs and That is like my diary, but I wanna share my soul with the world and change things for people in life. That means everything to me.. I paint too when I get a feeling that I wanna express on paper other than music. And when it come to love..I am being really positive now, But my friend always seems to get the guys attention more than me.It hurts coz she knows I like him, but she wanted to ha him. I would not do that to her, she has another guy too… she gets everyone…what is she doing that I am missing out on to get the attention..I was just as happy as her and smiled all the time talking, being myself..I always end up as the 3 wheel.. that hurts. My lovelife has never gone anywhere and I am so scared that I will be alone my whole life now..Im 25 and have never had a realtionship or know how to get a guy. Hurts.. Love your work, but please help me! Need it and I want help. XO /Michelle
Dear Michelle,
I just read your post.
I seems to me that your friend and you are on two different levels when it comes to personal interests.
Are you often tagging along and let her determine the places to hang out? Are you feeling yourself ‘standing in her vibration’ as she is assertive and you are more so of a follower concerning her?
If so, I’d say the reason why she ends up with the guy is because you both gather at places she is drawn to, which means there are guys that more-so fit her style and whereabouts.
From what I can read between the lines it seems that she likes to play ‘catch’ and isn’t very serious about any of the guys she is dating? – while at the same time you are more looking for a serious relationship?
Well, if both spend time at places where superficiality is the underlying ‘vibe of the day, or night’ then of course she will attract the guys because those are her places to be!
You said you love music and you have a serious goal to actually pursue this professionally. I take it that you are a person who actually wants to live life through a higher purpose than to ‘just meet guys and flirt’. Am I correct with this? Please feel free to state otherwise, in case I may be wrong.
My suggestion for you would be to hang out around places of Art & Music (not night-clubs for quick pick-up. I am sure you know what I mean ;-)
Maybe it would be good to get to know people/guys in an area that are serious, just like you, about same interests and make friends there …. I think this should be an easy endeavor for you, since you wrote that you smile a lot and are open to interact with people of all type and sorts?
You may wish to follow Matt’s suggestions concerning ‘breaking the ice” type of clues, adjust your body-language in case you find a guy attractive. BUT, do it in those places of ‘mutual interest’ and not where your friend is taking you. You may want to consider doing things on your own some type so you won’t have to feel competitive in reference to her, or she in reference to you.
I hope my thoughts are helping you a bit in order to try something new in your spare time.
~ Love & Peace ~
Yvonne
Cardboard Castles ~ What a great video :-)
Thanks for sharing Matt.
I follow your posts with much interest. Yet, what would you advise a woman who lost all hope, because having been in long-term relationships and things never worked out for good?
I get in contact easily with men to an extend that I found myself tuning-it-down a bit ;-) The reason behind this is that I am now in a point of my life where I started to ‘run’ from these connections due to the heart-break experiences I’ve had.
There is to say, I also am a mom and I do it truly all alone, which means I haven’t gotten out in years. There is no more freedom to go out and meet new people par se. I can’t see myself just flirting around in a supermarket basically because I am not that type of ‘flirty person’ any longer. I don’t necessarily hold up a STOP-Sign but I have stopped the “Happy-Go-Light” Expressions due to just NOT FEELING IT ANYMORE.
I found, due to personal life experience, that relationships are usually really great at their beginnings and then things wear off, at least for the male part, because most men truly lack depth when it comes to daily life. Any discord, an argument or a fight, difference in some interests (no-one is exactly the same, or likes all the same things) could send them cheating on a woman in no time …
I am truly curious about one issue:
“Does the cheating happen first, and then home life turns into a hell of ignorance, lack of communication, long faces, time spent apart etc… – or …. does every day life create an unrest in a man that he then starts to cheat?”
How can any relationship last if men are as they are? … In my opinion always seeking adventure and excitement, seeking the new and therefore it’s interesting until it wears off …. So I have to admit that I truly have become someone who isn’t willing to put forth the energy any more … After all I have my own agenda and my daughter to take care off.
I do feel incomplete … and the truth is that I am still heart-broken over my ex-boyfriend due to the fact of how it all went …. When a guy accuses you of cheating, and you know for a fact that you didn’t still he insists, without presenting any evidence, doesn’t even want to reveal what brought him to think that …. I feel he is the one who actually cheated … and/or uses this phrase as an excuse to break-off the relationship for his own reasons in a very dis-honest way. Yet he played his role so very well, as the accuser, even crying, letting me think that he believed his own made-up-story about me.
I am still devastated about it all, yet I used to find him flirting here and there with his EX on Facebook. So who is the real cheater? … and has been all this time? – I’d say it’s him, because cheating starts in the mind ….
What do you advise men, dear Matt, who never are truly sure who IS THE ONE for him? How are you helping them stop toying with many women all at once? – Men like this are the ultimate reason why women start to go in retreat and are actually not really interested in the ‘dating-game’ anymore … There are too many “Jack-Of-All-Trades” out there, and a girl won’t really know until she has started to open up to him, has fallen in love with him and already has given so much of herself.
I have seen it, heard it and I have also experienced it over and over again, that the minute a woman finally dares to show her love, the man starts to pull back and becomes less and less interested in her and in the relationship.
It almost seems like a coarse :-(
I truly believe men are to understand how much suffering it causes women to ‘put on a show for him’, to suppress her feelings, to having to constantly being careful not to get hurt … and then when we finally start to feel emotionally safe, DANG – there comes the ‘jerk-reaction’ on his behalf …. as if so the ‘feeling safe with him’ is a sign to let go of her because he got what he wanted and that’s that!
Concerning your question what it is that I would do and who I’d be in life just for the love of doing it, feeling it, and being it …. I have to say it’s my artwork (painting or digital), singing (maybe I should pursue it more seriously?) and wanting to help women to stop feeling beat-up over men who seemingly aren’t ready to dive into the deep-felt and loyal love-business. I am also more-so on the spiritual path, religious dogma feels toxic to me ;-) so I am interested in all types of topics that revolve around Quantum Physics and the Science of Creation. I’d love to travel as I used to but that’s not possible with a small child. I’d be just happy right now to get out here and there to events that are of my personal interest (and that has absolutely nothing to do with ‘meeting a guy”)
I’ve realized that in life there is never any guarantee for any relationship to last …. It has saddened me much …
I wish I could meet THE ONE, my true Twin Soul (Twin Flame) cause that’s the only way, I believe, an openness and willingness to truly stay together would occur on a mutual basis. Only strong relationships would work through issues coming up … and never ever would any of the Soul-Partners betray the other one’s trust in such a way that he/she would force her/him out of his/her life … because loving communication would always be established – no matter how bad the argument (often caused through misunderstandings/misinterpretations) …. Unfortunately most men are just NOT that DEEP … They easily feel overwhelmed and prefer a superficial life-style of shine and glamor, thriving of competition …. then they turn around and complain that they only attract women of the same Vibe.
A man is to understand that if he truly wants an Angel in his Life it is his duty to create a Heaven for her …. and to keep it up too. –
~ Let your heart be your eyes and ears, and not your eyes and ears be fools of deception! ~ :-)
…. and this goes out to all women ….
STOP believing that what he shows you at first, or what he says … Actions speak louder than words! – Most of all pay attention and make sure to find out IF HE FEELS IT, too ….. NOT ONLY YOU! ♥ Wishful thinking has lead many of us astray, just because he was nice here and there, said the right thing, here and there …. Men are the ones who love to play games, they often say things NOT BECAUSE they care how you feel, but because they love your positive reaction to what they have said or done in the moment, because this way they get to stroke their Ego … as in “I am great!” Men are so into themselves and full of it ….. which would truly explain why they lose interest after they know that you are also in love …. All they truly wanted was THE PRIZE … Women are nothing but trophies to be placed behind glass after they scored …. No wonder they then start to reduce their attention ….
Sorry Matt, up to this point no matter what I have heard and read online, in books, talked to people, nothing at all has yet convinced me that men could actually be turned around into “LOVE-PUPPIES” based on how a woman interacts with him authentically, unless she takes on a role that she fake-ly plays to please him, always being highly alert and living in her mind ….. which will eventually BREAK HER DOWN and wanting to leave, because she will never be able to be open and honest about her deep, loving feelings for him without losing him too.
Just my opinion built on what has transpired through life! – It is very rare that people meet their Twin-Soul where the attraction is so strong and everlasting in ways where one could not be without the other in their life any more. Society prefers to lives through superficiality, unfortunately.
Love & Peace Everyone ~ ♥ ~
Hey Matthew
I wish i had the time to do what you do . But i do on a smaller scale iI work with adults with learning difficulties (the under dogs) such inspiring people I love them…
My passion is painting this is a greater part of who i am! And im beginning to sell my work which is beyond my wildest dreams! my outer confidents is pretty thin But WITH YOUR CONSTANT POSSITIVE MAILS and my constant self improving THE OUTER IS QUICKLY CATCHING UP
WITH MY INNER CONFIDENTS!! and SOON ILL BE LOVING IN EVERY AREA!!
NOT QUITE READY FOR THE GUY YET BUT V SOON..
SUNNY HAPPY DAYS TO YOU IN NICE AND ME IN BRIZZLE!
X
Matthew, you are great at helping people by the way! & I paint because I like to, even though I’m horrid. I sing because I love too, even though again, I’m a horrid singer. I run because I love to run, & surprisingly , I’m a great runner, not horrid. I am starting a club at my school where the High school girls help the middle school girls with their confidence & I’m doing it because I love to make people feel good. This was a fantastic article. Thank you very much. – Hannah
My hobby is to put makeup on others, it pleases me to see them happy about the way they look! I’m currently studying Medicine but that won’t stop me from being a makeup artisit someday!