When I first started coaching at 18 years old, people had a LOT to say about why a kid like me thought he could tell people anything about dating. Over TEN years on and after reaching millions of people around the world, people STILL throw out their criticisms.
I had a viral video hit this week (over 16 million views in three days!), and sure enough, many of my new followers said: “Who the hell is this Matthew Hussey and why should I listen to what this young guy has to say??”
Comments like that used to worry me. These days, I smile and say: “Ah, this again.”
But if you’re STILL living in fear of the opinions of others, this is the video is for you…
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Good advice. Other people’s opinions only keep you in a place of being stuck. There is an art to being confident and owning your own abilities and opinions. It’s your life. Something I’m learning to do. I love your videos and blogs. They make me think.
Your nuanced response is PERFECT!!
Love it – this is my favourite video of yours
x
Really love the video u posted yesterday.You are so right Matthew and I definitely believe in you awesome.
Keep being awesome coach and I will keep saying congratulations and follow your example, well… unless of course you decide to jump out of a plane without a parascute!!!
OMG. I laughed and laughed! In anticipation, I’d taken out pen and paper to write down the tailored response!! Since “fuck you” is what I say in my head to all critical of my choices. Instead, I “explain.” Which is wrong. “None of your business” is also not what I say, but should.
6 yrs ago, it was leaving my husband of 17 yrs. A verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic. I’d reached out for help and was blown off by friends/family. Blown off then, criticized once I left. He was the only one who didn’t give me a hard time.
6 yrs ongoing, it’s been about my “failure” to date. I’m “too choosy.” Really? All I’ve done is looked back at the traits which led to sadness, grave disappointment and intense frustration- in relationships in college, my first and second marriages. As well as what it is aboutr my male friends that keeps them as friends. What is it that does not make them attractive to me?
Now, there’s the added dismay over my decision to leave where I’ve lived after 25 yrs and move to a different state. I’m “crazy.” It’s too cold, giving up my 19 yr partnership in my business, don’t know a lot of people there, and my age-54….etc etc.
Maybe it’s because I need a change. Maybe I need new challenges. Maybe it’s because I have always felt something was missing. Maybe it’s because I need to be in a larger city and all it has to offer. Maybe it’s Philly’s proximity to NYC, Boston and DC? Maybe, after being in the South for 25 yrs, I’m ready to move back “home” to the Northeast. Maybe it’s because even my friends critical of my choosiness for men, acknowledge, that what I “need” in a man isn’t here. Maybe, to paraphrase the band Dawes, ” it’s a little bit of everything.”
Recognizing that much of the critism is because people don’t want me to leave- they don’t want to lose me; which makes me feel very loved and very alone at the same time, my response is kind. But I know this, I don’t need anyone’s approval. It does help though to have my 85 yr old mother tell me how much she admires me for doing what I want.
Hi Matt, ‘Carpe diem’!! GTG!! Your own life examples are always so on point. Found happiness with the one I love a while after doing your retreat – so much to thank you for I can’t tell you.
I truly needed this advice, i feel encouraged to go after what i want to do regardless of what anybody thinks. Thanks Matthew…you’re THE BEST coach ever.
Touché Matt !
That made me laugh.. *Eff You
You’re right. You know it. xo
After voting “against the flow” in the organisation where I work, this came at just the right time. Thank you!
One of your best videos yet. Really hit home. This is 100% on point. Thank you Matthew.
This is perfect advice. Thank-you!
Not even three years out from attending your retreat in Florida (*yes, the Warrior continues to step forward! Thank you for choosing me :) I am amazed where my life is today! Deep, meaningful lessons contour to emerge. Thank you to you and your team for an incredible experience!
Cheers. Julia
Thank you, Matthew, for reminding us that we should never let other people’s thoughts hold us back!! The only thing that matters is what I think of myself. :) My life is soooo different and soooo much better ever since I attended your retreat in San Diego 2014. And each year, my life keeps improving by leaps and bounds because I continuously apply what I’ve learned. It’s like the blessings multiply each year. I am truly grateful to you, your family, and your team. Much love and appreciation.
Thanks I needed to hear this. Fuckthem and their opinions. Pardon my french
What’s the percentage of those who criticized? That would interest me, because if so many don’t like what you say you wouldn’t be successful. And who said that Love Gurus have to be old? We need someone from our generation.
Do you know how many times my parents tried giving me advice on something that would have probably worked 40 years ago? I don’t always go to the older ones for advice on love because though the concept is there their love culture is outdated. They still believe the woman should never make the move. Of course not all of them, but my point is. If anything, the fact that you’re young is anything but a disadvantage. That’s the way I see it.
So cheers to you Matt.
I can definitely relate to this video. Now I’m 26 I look back at university and there are a few groups and activities I wish I had got involved in at the time. I sacrificed my own happiness when I was younger as I cared more about making my parents or bfs happy.
I’m single now – I have a steady job and have built up my confidence by doing things like losing weight, running a half-marathon, getting involved in local causes and even modelling in a calendar.
I want to date again but it can be hard being the only single one in my friendship group. Getting back to ‘what other people think’, I’m often too freaked out by dating. I feel bad when I have to reject a good guy when I know it won’t work out (stupid I know!). Sometimes a guy messages me and I freak out thinking “why would he be interested in me?”. I’m introverted and analytical. The self-critical voice often gets in the way when I am on dates. This video puts out a really good message so thank you for sharing it. :) It will be my inspiration as I try and get back out there.
Wonderful advice! I told my daughter the other day that if I could change one thing about my past would be to ignore all the naysayers and just followed my bliss. And I was the #2 naysayer – my own worst critic. Sometimes we just gotta get out of our own way! Thankfully it’s never too late to take what you learn and integrate into your life immediately. That’s part of what keeps life so interesting!
Hi matt you make fuck you sound sexy.my name is louise you call me loise.i am married but the situation went dont like this i was dating Mr G for 3 year i beg i cry for the day he will married me that never come to a conversation.when i ask why he said i was already his wife while he was married already was waitting for all is paper to get situated.now we seem to understand each other never argued.i was living with him and his mom dad and sis we got alone fine .but that day never come for him to say lets talk what i want our future to be like.i gave him six month and he never said nothing so i left him.but still i felt he was my rid to die guy.i was friend with my husband now so my husband said to me well i like to married you.here i am begging my ex to married me and now this guy want to make me hos wife great wrong men i said.i told my x that this guy ask me to be his wife.he said nothing 2 months later i was married.i was still in love tho.we talk about i feel to married.but it was just that.than he ask me to help him finacaly he promise to pay the loan back he never did when i confronted him about the money his girlfriend was their he got in his car with her and back up his car in my car with my 8month old in the car.i didnt send him to jail because a part of me still was crazy about him plus him mom and i are great friend.i dont think going back with him ever again but a part of me still want to know why would he try to hurt me and my son.i was never mean to him i gave him 3 years of my life and mess up my credit because of him.i dont think i could even look at him in the eyes.how ever i know that he had ask to help me i said i dont need his help.but my husband seem to take adventage of my kidness you think i may be in the wrong path many time i tell my hisband when i get fed up i will take my son and leave.i still feel their is no one that is capable of seen me the way i see me or even more.i am not holding back but i am been cautious.its been7years since i am married i am still there because of my son.
Hey Matt,
I’m Xia from China, and I watched your videos on YouTube by chance. And I thought they are amazing cos I really got inspired.
Especially the one called “Why you really need to stop caring what other people think”. I do realise that I spend a lot of time waiting others’ permission. I guess this situation is everywhere here in China, because of our culture and society traditions, which made us need to be recognised by others.
Also, the one ” It is never too late to live the life you really want” also impressed me. I think you are really convinced! After watching that video I started to learn swimming, which I always wanted to but never took an action. And I’m learning it quite well now:)
I like your videos and would like to share it to my Chinese friends and fellows and other people if possible. However, many Chinese cannot understand English well without Chinese subtitles.
I would like to put the Chinese subtitles by myself. I’m interested in translating great videos and I guess it’s what I want to try and carry on. Btw, I used to study in the UK so there is no worry that I cannot get the subtitles right.
Hope you are doing well and would be appreciated if I can get a reply.
Kind Regards,
Xia
I’m Ewoodie. 73 yr old Black American woman . Everything you say is true. I stopped caring what other people think many yrs ago, and gave myself permission to be… . i became a teacher. Upon retirement i went to college again and got my DD and a masters in counseling. I’m presently counselling and rearing children of school age People said i was too old. I married a man 26 years younger than i and we are still together after two years.