The Attraction Formula

Attraction is something that can be learned; it’s not something set in stone.

There’s a myth that we’re either attractive or we’re not – or that someone can either be attracted to us or not.

In reality, I’ve found that life’s not so simple. It’s not that black and white.

Have you ever become attracted to someone who wasn’t your type?

That’s because attraction has a formula. There’s a science to it, which is what I want to go through with you today. I want you to come to believe that attraction is possible to influence.

You can have someone who is constantly attractive in one environment, and you can put them in another environment and they’re not.

Have you ever gone out and felt that you were getting so much attention one night, but the next you didn’t get any?

This didn’t happen because you looked so different on each of the two nights. There are things you can do to change and improve your appearance of course, but there are other factors at play.

(Photo: Eriwst)

Here is the formula you need to know for creating deep and lasting attraction…

1) Visual Chemistry

People think this is just about how you look, and it’s not true. It’s about how you’re perceived.

It’s about how you walk, talk, move, what your body language conveys – and there’s a lot we can do in each of these to influence how attractive we are perceived to be.

2) Perceived Challenge

This is what people are really talking about when they talk about the idea of ‘playing hard to get’.

Men want to feel that they are earning you every step of the way. They want to feel that you’re attainable, but there are steps they have to go through to earn your attraction.

3) Perceived Value

Perceived value is what you have about you that is really worth something. This might be to do with personality traits that you have, the lifestyle you have – something that makes a guy think to himself, ‘this woman has value to add to my life’.

4) Connection

Connection is when the two of you truly feel like you relate. This comes mostly from understanding.

–’Do I feel understood by this person? And do I understand them?’
–’Do our beliefs, ideas and ways of thinking relate?’

This is what creates connection. And notice that you can have all of the first three components without any connection. That’s why connection is such a vital piece in the formula.


What did you think!? Intrigued by this idea?

The book is where I’ve really attempted to give a lot of detail on this, and where I’ve been able to talk about this at length. If you’re interested in learning more about this, the book is your chance to do so.

>>Pre-order your copy of Get The Guy now…

Free Guide

Copy & Paste These
"9 Texts No Man Can Resist"

78 Replies to “The Attraction Formula”

  • Thank goodness for you Matthew, honestly what all us women would do without your advice and tips. Thank you for doing what you do and always learning from you. A heart felt thank you.


  • Hey Matt!
    yeah, I believe this is true. Coz I have a friend of mine that is very good of this, she really gets all the guys and all the attention. And I really have a hard time to make the right impression of people. I usually show the best of me when i can trust someone..My best friends for example. So when I’m out it’s hard for me to impress guys or even get them to think of me in a attractive way. There are guys that really stare at me and think I’m attractive. BUT they never come up and talk to me. My body language I think says :”Stay away… Even though I would like to talk to some people..

    It’s hard coz my body language does not agree with my head sometimes. That makes me a bad product seller of my personality right? How can I stop this, and start thinking and changing things so that my life will get better in this area?

    XX /Michelle

  • Hi Matt!

    I haven’t seen the video yet because its blocked at my office, but what you wrote is so very true. For example, sometimes I smile while I’m walking on the street because I rememberd something funny, and guys smile at me. That’s funny for me.

    On the other hand, I think an interesting post could be on how to act/talk when you first meet someone you feel attracted to. Because what happens to me more than often (and I believe most women) is that when I’m in a group of people (friends and friends of my friends) I act naturally, always making jokes, maybe looking friendly and approachable, but that is because in that group I didn’t felt attrated to anyone. And then I am told that a guy of the group liked me.

    But, and here comes the big but, when I’m with a group of people and there’s this new guy I found attractive, I absolutely don’t act “naturally”. So I think that a coach from you on how to deal with this nerves, or what to think in order to be relaxed and cool, could be a good one, so we make them to know the real “us”. Because I believe this is an issue most of the women have to deal with.

    Hugs and thanks for your wise lessons

  • That was amazing Mathew, thanks…
    But then the question is:
    If its a formula, then those who know the formula and they really know how to apply it… They will never be rejected by anyone!!

    But i thought that everyone has to go through rejection somehow, if you know what i mean.

  • Very helpful video! I believe selling ourselves is a very important and big chapter, I hope in the future you could make a video about it!

    Thank you Matt!

  • Hi Matt,

    I really in love with the video. You’re video is 110% right.

    Awesome video
    Thanks very much!!!!

  • What happens when you meet people, they ask you out but you just don’t connect with them??Because I do meet the ones that I want to meet, we go on a date, but I can’t see myself going on a third date with them. Am I too picky? (I like being picky though..) I wont settle for someone or anything that I don’t want!

  • Mat hello :-D

    For most of my life i’ve had a selth image problem, berlieving that i wasn’t good enough as a person, because i’m not a super model in my apperance. I felt so bad for so long that i really let it effect me to no end.

    After discovering yourself and renee wade (the feminine women blog), i realised thst i’ve been putting way to much pressure on myself.

    I’m reading your book at the moment and do research on the internet to look for answer’s, because i want to educate myself as much as possible, to become a better person and eventually (although i’m not ready yet) find a good man/compatability.

    This video has come at perfect timining!! :). I went out today and a man stopped me and said that i have a sexy walk. He then started to chat me up and asked to take me for a drink but i smiled to him and told him no. Lol i just said that i’m with someone to cut things short.

    About ten minuets later, another man came up beside me and started to chat me up. He said i have beautiful eyes and he called me beautful but i told him the same thing, that i was in a relationship. Lol, he said, your boyfriend might go off and talk to/hang with other people so i said yeh that’s fine, he’s his own person he can do what he want’s to do. After all he’s mr nobody so it’s nobody else’s buissness :D

    I’m not really but i think it’s a good way to cut peoole short as i’m just continously studying men, whilst i take a 2-4 year break whilst i better myself as a person, i have so many things i want to learn before i tie myself down.

    Their was also a lorry driver that waved at me on my walk to dunelm and then whilst shopping in the asda, i bummed into a man (not literaly) he laughted and said something . He then said is the inside as good as the out :-D, so i told him even better. He laugthed and said good answer. It’s true because i have integrity, i’m kind hearted, compassionate and understaning in nature, just to say the least so i’m very proud of that :).

    Seeing this video today has put a whole lot into perspective. It’s now clarified, whilst i’ve been worrying about my apperance many time in the past, it’s clear to see that everything else is what really matters.

    I’m not perfect but i don’t need to worry the way i have done in the past. Actually i once had an escort agency that messaged me on facebook asking me to work for them. That carn’t be all bad considering men are visual beings so needless to say, they obviously saw something within my apperance. They told me thst they thought i look very attractive in their opinion.

    Thanks to this video, i now have something to work on as a person and will no longer be so hard on myself.

    Also i read, masculine energy attracts feminine energy (polar oposites attract), so i would guess that counts for more. That’s given me a’lot of confidence.

    Great video matt :), i trust in you

  • Hi there, I’m glad that I found u, it was actually very random, 2 days ago I have been in a disagreement with my significant other regarding commitment, we have been together going on 6 years in June, we decided to take a break to have clarity within our relationship. I found you on you tube and I’ve watched all videos I could find and then on google as well after that . It helps me a lot to know there is hope. Thank you! Ill be ordering your book when I get home from work tonight. God Bless,


  • ★⁀ ‿ ⁀♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Very very very nice & interesting Matthew :)

    Great thanks to YOU for sharing all the best about
    1)visual chemistry, 2)perceived challenge, 3)perceived value & 4) connection :)

    1) To see a persons love (positive energy) in body language :)
    2) To spread love (positive energy): touch hearts (which can be a big challenge for human beings) :)
    3) To add value :): bring special love to somebody’s life :)
    4) To connect: when you understand each other very very very well :)

    Yes, I agree :) 1-4 leads to deep & lasting attraction :)

    One of the best topics & video again :)
    ★⁀ ‿ ⁀♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Fantactic Matthew :)

    1. Ps. This reminds me of school exams :)
      I read 1-4 & tried to explain it in my own words so that YOU can see if I understood everything :)

      I hope everybody understood everything :)
      After all, deep & lasting relationships are very good & I hope it is possible for everybody to have deep & lasting relationships after watching your video & reading the amazing GET THE GUY :)

  • Hi Matt,

    I really liked your video (I am always re-watching them, when I forget a good clue from u), and I think these components are the clearest for me now. I need to buy your book, to go into them further, as I am very shy when it comes to men whom I am attracted to, which is a shame, because I know from myself, that normally I am a cheerful, even person… I love to hear every bit of advice what you give, am trying them, and because of u I’m slowly becoming more and more confident to get my guy. I used to go for the looks and now somehow the first thing what really reaches out to me is the personality! I want to know as much as I can and put everything in practice, so thank you for all your encouragements!!
    Congrats to your book, and thank you for everything, I’ll keep listening to you!


    1. And I’ll try and wake up earlier every day… at least an hour earlier. You gave me some good on that one as well :)

  • attraction is definitely just not about the physical. i get the most attention from men when i am walking to meet a guy on a 3rd or later date — when i have the confidence that the guy likes me and i’m feeling hopeful about it. i have a different walk and a smile when i’m in that state and it definitely attracts more people and is more approachable. But, how can I be like that all the time and when i’m totally single?

    also, good point on asking questions that go more in depth about motivations and hopes. i’m going to try that on my next date.

  • ..its amazing, inspireing, i feel in my soul that youre on the good track, so keep going…and thanks!!

  • Matt, thank you so much…….I so look forward to your videos. Your questions allow me to learn more about myself. Hugs!

  • Matt, your ability to take hours of (female) dwelling on a topic and extrapolate them to concise universal concepts (theories, perhaps?) is what sets you apart as a professional from mere opinionators.

    I ordered your book yesterday after having watched your video. Looking forward to go through it and gain back the confidence I seem to have lost recently.

    Much respect, and all that jazz, from Canada

1 2 3 4

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

All-Time POPULAR Posts