The Attraction Formula

Attraction is something that can be learned; it’s not something set in stone.

There’s a myth that we’re either attractive or we’re not – or that someone can either be attracted to us or not.

In reality, I’ve found that life’s not so simple. It’s not that black and white.

Have you ever become attracted to someone who wasn’t your type?

That’s because attraction has a formula. There’s a science to it, which is what I want to go through with you today. I want you to come to believe that attraction is possible to influence.

You can have someone who is constantly attractive in one environment, and you can put them in another environment and they’re not.

Have you ever gone out and felt that you were getting so much attention one night, but the next you didn’t get any?

This didn’t happen because you looked so different on each of the two nights. There are things you can do to change and improve your appearance of course, but there are other factors at play.

(Photo: Eriwst)

Here is the formula you need to know for creating deep and lasting attraction…

1) Visual Chemistry

People think this is just about how you look, and it’s not true. It’s about how you’re perceived.

It’s about how you walk, talk, move, what your body language conveys – and there’s a lot we can do in each of these to influence how attractive we are perceived to be.

2) Perceived Challenge

This is what people are really talking about when they talk about the idea of ‘playing hard to get’.

Men want to feel that they are earning you every step of the way. They want to feel that you’re attainable, but there are steps they have to go through to earn your attraction.

3) Perceived Value

Perceived value is what you have about you that is really worth something. This might be to do with personality traits that you have, the lifestyle you have – something that makes a guy think to himself, ‘this woman has value to add to my life’.

4) Connection

Connection is when the two of you truly feel like you relate. This comes mostly from understanding.

–’Do I feel understood by this person? And do I understand them?’
–’Do our beliefs, ideas and ways of thinking relate?’

This is what creates connection. And notice that you can have all of the first three components without any connection. That’s why connection is such a vital piece in the formula.


What did you think!? Intrigued by this idea?

The book is where I’ve really attempted to give a lot of detail on this, and where I’ve been able to talk about this at length. If you’re interested in learning more about this, the book is your chance to do so.

>>Pre-order your copy of Get The Guy now…

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78 Replies to “The Attraction Formula”

  • This is your best video yet! I just realized after watching it, why I’m not attracted to more guys. Most of those interested in me, do not have all these four things in place.

  • Of course it’s great to know these components of attracting people, but the harder question is figuring out how to properly present myself to others using these criteria :) Anyways, thanks for summing it all up!
    Greetings from Lithuania

    1. Thanks Ruta. Not to hard sell it, but it’s something I’ve really gone into on in the book. It’s a completely practical guide that gives you the full how-to. I think you’ll really enjoy it

  • Matt,

    You really nailed it on your point about Connection.. that one should really be asking what motivates someone in life and not just by asking about what do they do. Sometimes conversations can be so superficial when you are just starting to get to know someone(‘hi, what do you do’, etc.. It can be difficult to figure out what motivates a person’s behaviors. Thanks for bringing this point to the surface and making me more aware of how to dig deeper into those kinds of conversations.

  • I honestly love you!!! You are AMAZING!!!

    Yes – I’ve let the “Perceived Value” slip with my boyfriend – this video is a great reminder – thanks Matt once again!!!

  • Hi Matt,

    All those points are very true, these are the key factors as to why we may more attracted to one more than the other.
    And why we may lean closer towards 1, 3 & 4. # 2 at times feels alien, when your not clear on what your wants are, who you want to be and where you want to end up. I know this helps when having a bad day, having a goal to focus on than bad vibes.

    :) Good Night.

  • Love the video. You’re so right. It happened to me quite a lot that I was attracted to someone who wasn’t really my type, but they usually had at least one thing in their appearance, which did match my type. I don’t know why but by me it’s mostly the eyes.
    Hope I can figure out how to present all these components. I think I am slowly getting there though. I recently changed my hairstyle and got lots of attention because of it. But that’s not the most important thing. I feel more confident with it and am actually happier now. So I guess I got the first component almost completed. Now I’m on my way to complete the other three. :P

  • The video was so good it compelled to write! You need to be congratulated on being so insightful and practical on this subject.Hope your book is a success!

  • Hello, Matt !

    I totally agree with you about the fact that attraction is not just about looks. I noticed that I get more attention from men when I’m simple without any makeup. When I’m just enjoying the moment, the guys seem more attracted.

    I take good notes of these advices. They will help me a lot.

    Thanks to you !


  • Matthew,
    I wish you great success! A lot of things you teach are very crucial and important. So many people are fed by self-pity. Self-pity lures us to more clothes, more make-up or more what-so-ever.
    But the key points are attitude, confidence, passion and compassion.
    I’m so happy that there’s your voice among gossip, soap opera and romances.
    I sincerely wish the messages reach tons of people and enrich their life.

  • Matt I pre-ordered already, I think is a very affordable price. Is there hope if I have 3 of the 4 elements? How easy is to get all of them?. I am in love with a guy that cannot feel sexual chemistry for me, he Loves me but is not In-Love with me (his words). He recognizes I am “irreplaceable” (his words) in his life, but I expressed I cannot be around because is not fair for me. I cannot settle for a friend when I want him in other ways, and he knows I have feelings for him. However we have a connection, we had overcome fights and challenges together that in one year made our relationship (friendship, work, dreams) stronger and we are sad and we feel devastated for being apart but I decided I must pull-away from him because I need to move on. If I relate with your formula with this guy I can say objectively I already have 3 of this 4 elements: Perceived Value=he considers I am brilliant, engaging and creative for his vision (he is entrepreneur) with a lot of value for him in his life, his dreams, his work, he actually says we complete each other in many areas. Connection=he says he could trust me his life to me and that I am maybe the only person who can deal with him and his emotions, his explosive bad temper for example, he said to a friend (in my presence)”If I am angry and she is around I know she can deal and take care of me, is one of her strengths”. Challenging= maybe him knowing I have feelings for him is not “hard-to-get” enough, but I don’t chase him and I am demonstrating to him that just because I love him that doesn’t mean I cannot leave him or get away from him for my own sake. The BIG PROBLEM is NON existing visual or physical chemistry, for him is not there. I am desperately trying to loose weigh because I am chubby and in the process he got a girlfriend which is thin and has a lot of money to dress well and plenty of time to be there for him, and be a mom and housewife, she is not professionally achieved nor brilliant, is just cute, available and knows how to flirt… I am devastated feeling ugly and sad for my lost battle, is there a chance for women like me to learn how to get that piece of the jigsaw that I cannot get naturally like other women?

    1. Maybe you fell into the traps described in Matt’s youtube video “What Does it Mean When a Guy Just Wants to be Friends.” ?
      You’ve got three out of four…Don’t lose hope!
      And maybe you can appreciate the amazing friendship you DO (did)have with this guy. Were he and you coworkers?
      Similarly, a man I know and I now have established a deep genuine friendship after our relationship (not boyfriend-girlfriend relationship-just human relationship)amazingly survived great difficulties. We are now very close. But he still has a girlfriend. That’s okay. I realized the friendship and connection I DO have with him makes me so happy, that I’m just grateful for what I do have with him. He would never cheat on her, and I would never want him to. I respect him.

      Started talking about you, and ended up talking about myself. Sorry :) But yeah, you’ll be able to learn all four.

      1. Thanks :) we are/were business partners, friends & flatmates…

        we shared many things even our psychological problems, there is a high level of trust to share things we don’t tell everybody, we know we are not judgmental and understanding with each others mind, we overcome highly stressing situations together that against all odds instead of break us strengthen our connection, also we spend time talking and understanding how we react to certain situations like anger and how to manage the others anxiety, etc, so in an emotional and intellectual level we have a connection regular friends don’t usually have, but is still not enough for him to see me as a woman… maybe I am not funny enough, maybe he associates me with work and not with pleasure, I don’t know… Maybe I have this strong logic aura that is not feminine enough and turns him off…

        I’ve been pulling away from him since 3 months in the middle of a great project we were finishing and he knows the reason, I tried to be his friend after he got a girlfriend but I feel quite masochistic and not authentic by doing so, is not healthy for me because I do get jealous and ruins my self-confidence, and he knows I decided to leave his company (business and friendship) which is a tragedy for both, because I am actually protecting him and myself from my feelings for him. Is not that we won’t see each other again or talk again because we have some other activities that still tie us, but I want to reduce at minimal the frequency of our interaction because I need to move on… but the sad thing is that I LOVE the man deeply, I miss him a lot, I don’t want this to happen to me again, next time I find the man I want I would like to be successful… Am I using the right strategy here? I am very depressed at times, Sometimes I feel hope, sometimes I get angry and just want to forget him…

        I hope Matt’s book helps me, I am desperate for help in this area, but I live just too faraway to attend to US or UK workshops…

  • I don’t know why, but when I watch your videos, you remind me of Anthony Robbins. The way you talk and body language. I love both of you! The video’s & books! Keep doing the great job!

  • I absolutely loved this. I have watched some of your videos, but this was outstanding. I have been using some of your techniques, and I have guys coming up to me and starting conversations. Its amazing, that never happened before. I plan on buying your book and using it like its a new religion. Thank you Matt!!

  • Happy Thursday! I thought that this video made for an amazing warm-up to the book coming out soon and I am now seriously considering getting it, so thank you :). I’ve found it amazing that you are able to get away from everything that really divides not just the genders, but people within the genders as well, and explain our make-up in a way where not only are people able to understand this information, but use it as well

  • Matthew, my boyfrend did the “perceived challege” to me today :s. What is the correct way to handle it? Thank you so much for your help!

  • Dear Matthew,

    Thank you for all the great advice you give! :)
    I bought your book a while ago (still haven’t finished reading it though, sigh), but I would like to say it was amazing when I read you are an introvert too and still manage to be very sociable and open to meeting people. I’m still a bit scared when I think about that, but if you could do it, I guess the least I could do is try my best. :)
    I know how being bullied in school sucks. :( It gets to you and no matter how smart or beautiful you are, you feel that you’re not.

    And thanx a looot for the picture you posted up on fb: “DO SOMETHING TODAY THAT YOUR FUTURE SELF WILL THANK YOU FOR.” I put it as a wallpaper on my phone, and it’s got me a bit more productve when I need to read all those big med school books.

    I wish you all the luck in the world with your new book. :)

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