I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
I listened to this 5 times. Need I say more?!
Hello Matthew. Very courageous of you to approach this topic. I have been alone since I was a child: I come from a dysfunctional family and as an adult I decided to move far, far away to start a new life. I love where I live but, really have no one. No one to comfort me when I feel down, no one to contratulate me when I have a victory to celebrate, no one who says “Good morning” or, “You look pretty today” or “How did your day go?” Sometimes it is really too much, especially when I have had to face some ugly bureaucratic problems alone; not to mention three surgical operations in the past five years which I had to look after myself…alone! On Christmas I have to “pretend” to others to have not spent the day alone, same thing on my birthday.
Matthew, my friends say that I can move mountains but frankly, I’d like to leave the mountains where they are and just have someone to hug me every once in awhile and take the weight of the world off my shoulders!
Hey Matt!
As you mentioned, we live in an age where we try to do everything we can to appear not alone. I have recently moved from Canada to Indonesia to teach here, and I think I have finally come to realize (with the help of your video) that the loneliness that I feel most here is not that of physically being alone, but of being alone in my ideas. In the past I had not seen that as a possibility. To give you a bit more info, I am South African, immigrated to Canada when I was 10 and then now at 27 moved to the other side of the world again. I have yet to meet someone who thinks like I do, because it is not a topic that one can easily through into conversations. “Hi, my name is Elle, and I don’t really have a place to call home.” I spend time with expats here in Indo and I can’t say that I am going home because I don’t really have that in one place. There are certain memories that are home to me, but where I am living now has been the longest I’ve stayed in one place since graduating high school. This might not be at all related to this video, but I thought I would share that, most of the time I feel this feeling as well. That it causes me sadness, but I truly believe that one day I will find that HOME.
Thank you for putting what I am feeling into words, it has been amazing to know that I share that thought with at least one other person who is willing to share it.
It was hard for me to believe before this video that someone like yourself could feel lonely. After all, you are the master of making meaningful connections. Thank you for sharing something so personal. I realize that if you could be lonely at times that my loneliness is understandable. I particularly liked your discussion on the benefits of solitude, because when I reflect on my times of solitude I realize that those were the times I was learning and improving myself making me more valuable to the people around me.
Thank you for sharing Matt. This video made a tremendous difference in my attitude. I’m also wishing that your periods of loneliness are few and far between.
With Affection,
Katalina
Thank you, Matthew for the video. Sometimes I feel like I have been lonely all my life. I an only child of a divorced parent who spent a lot of time alone in my childhood. I often feel more comfortable alone although loneliness might be killing me. Now I live with my son and its only two of us, of course I feel less alone but somehow even if I am in the midst of friends and do feel great- I feel I want to be alone! I didn’t really have long term relationship longer than 2 years and I am currently singe;.
I know you intended this video to make people less alone. But for me it did the opposite. It reminded me of my aloneness and my loneliness. And it made me feel sad about it. Even if for the most part I like spending time alone! But mostly it made me sad thinking about all the lonely people in this vastly populated earth feeling alone in throngs of people.
All of us utterly and forever alone.
oh Mr. Hussey…
and what have you done ?!
am I deeply moved ?
yes, i am.
up to gentle tears?
well…yes.
I would like to sit down there with you on this couch.
on your right.
take you by your hand.
left or right one.
would not need to talk.
just sit.
together.
and feel the aloneness dim.
I was impressed of how genuine you sound.
will not thank you now. because genuine people deserve genuine gratitude. and it seems somehow faded when exchanged via internet.
I hope one day I will bump into you and thank you personnally.
and if ever you’re in Paris and feel lonely, know I also have a grey couch ;)
sincerely yours,
Miko
Hey Matt,
I think that video was very good and I do listen to your advice however it hasn’t helped me. I understand that everyone feels lonely at times and is not always recognisable “behind closed doors”. And it should be talked about.
I am 28 always put people before myself, they come to me for advice. Iv never had a boyfriend or true honest friends I was trying to see the positive and thinking some people are worse off.
That didn’t work and actually got worse I was involved in a serious head injury accident and am lucky to be alive however I lost my job, work colleagues and family members not have supported me at this embarrassing time.
What should I do because solitude isn’t good long term.
Hey Rachael!
I just want to till you i felt so lonely my self and my life isn’t so better than yours.. I never had a boyfriend, don’t have that great support system by family or friends, i actually went through bad depression and i am now trying to get out of it but you know what is making me better now and how i am overcoming depression?? Is just that i changed my mind i changed my thoughts then what i feel changed to big extents… I changed how i think about my self i was thinking i can’t survive i can’t make my life better but when i believed and trusted that i can do better tomorrow and everything is going to be ok and i can make great friends i can make great job i can do whatever i want it just needs time … Believe me iam saying this out of experience when you( honestly) think you can change the bad situation you have now you will certainly feel way better, when you start to believe you can because ooh what do i lack from people have made their great happy lives? what is wrong with me that i can’t do it? At what they are better than me?? Actually nothing… and in every bad thing that happened to you try to see the bright side out of it… Maybe you had that accident so you can see that people aren’t supporting you enough then you have to think why then you have to change what went wrong and have better relationships with them !! But what if you hadn’t have the accident then maybe you would continue your life not notice your bad relationships maybe you would just continue life thinking that they will support you financially when you are broke or something then later you would be surprised they’re not.. So this accident is a wake up call for you to notice your whole life once again it could be the best thing that could ever happened to you :) just go positive and trust yourself.. I hope this message made your day ;)
Rachel-Jojo has good advice. I also have had severe depression following a divorce after almost 30yrs together, & 2children. Going through pre-menopause, divorce, empty nester,moving & severe insomnia, all simultaneously. I was seriously struggling with wanting to live. Our self talk is proportionate to our quality of life. It is written I wil never leave you, nor forsake you. I know the plans I have for you, to prosper you & not harm you, to give you hope & a future. Hold every thought captive. Whatever is lovely, whatever is good,whatever is of good report, think on these things. These have been my comfort in dark & lonely times. You are not alone, you are not forsaken. You matter!Press on, don’t give up!Someone else needs to hear your story so they too will know, they are not alone. Live like you were dying & do the things you’ve always wanted to do! Make an amazing life, & inspire others to live & give love, courage, & kindness, it maybe that one persons only glimpse of hope. You matter! Tell others that they matter!
Thank you! Great video. Raw was a great choice.
Matthew,
I’m going through a big period of sorting out many aspects of my life following big changes I made last year and i have never felt alone in this way before.
There are days, including today when I really struggle to get out of bed and face everything.
I have wonderful friends and am never short of invitations but right now following a divorce last year and a break up this year I feel that I need solitude to repair and rebuild my life and establish who I am.
Your videos give me hope and optimism that things are going to be better than ok soon. I feel very lucky that I have found your work at this time.
Thank you for sharing an important aspect of everyone’s life journey.
Here’s to the productive and creative results of solitude.
Facing my day head on now ….. I appreciate your help ;)
Em xx
Matthew,
I just watched your video on loneliness and I have to say thank you!
I’ve been divorced since 09 and immediately afterwards I decided I needed to be “alone”, for some much needed self reflection and learning to love myself.
It is now 2016 and I am still alone however, I have learned how to appreciate/enjoy my own company. I’ve learned so much about myself and men! I’m still learning but I know what I want from a relationship and am willing to take my time to find it.
Do I get lonely? Sure I do, although it’s not something that brings my spirit down.
I was surprised to watch your video and honestly didn’t think many people were in the same boat. I appreciate you, and thank you so much for the awesome guidance.
R/
Sara D.
Yes Mathew everyone feels alone at sometime for something… For me when i felt alone having not enough friends i realized it was because i wasn’t very open with them i was afraid to let them know all my secrets or all my mistakes it wasn’t that i don’t trust them but it was that i was afraid i am going to shake the great picture they have about me by only knowing my good traits then the cost i paid was loneliness … And you thought me that Mathew! You thought me that a person can feel alone when he has not enough intimate relationships.. So thank you Mathew you are great :D
I posted below, but recently had another reminder of this video from Matt. I’m a teacher and, during our end of term assembly, a 13 year old girl read out a piece she had written. It was about how we present ourselves through social media and exist 90% on electronic devices, but don’t even know ourselves, let alone the people around us. We respond with ‘likes’ all over Facebook, but when someone sheds a tear we turn away in embarrassment. She was focussing on her age group of course, but it moved me to tears. Partly because she was so incredible and insightful for her age, but also because she is growing up in a time far more isolating and cruel than the one I grew up in. I found it hard enough, passing notes to friends seeking support or counsel on a particular teenage issue, but nowadays is so much harder for our young people. I am glad some of them are aware of it and am reminded to put the phone down, get out of the house and do something in the fresh air with or without other people. But certainly not with people who make me feel more lonely than being on my own.
I Felt the heartfelt hug wrap around my thoughts on loneliness & give a gentle squeeze of ? It’s ok you’re not alone & whilst you read matt I sneaked under your bed surprise ! Now you’re not alone Sharing is caring after all & I will give you an IOU huge hug in London at the gettheguy seminar next week
Matt,
Compassion goes a long way .
It’s probably the most heartfelt emotion that we can feel/relate too, when we’re hurting inside…
it connects us in a way……and makes us feel that were not alone ….
xo
Hi Matt, that was a good video, i do get lonely being on my own,some times i don’t speak to any one. but i would sooner be like i am than be with someone who doesn’t treat me well, I was married young nineteen was with my husband thirty years all together, had three children with him. he left me for someone else. that was 15 years ago. since then i remarried didn,t last only 3 years got divorce again, then met a violent man with him 6 years. and now on my own. life not be easy but you just have to keep going. thjanks Matt i enjoy your video’s .JULIE UK
A very beautiful video.
Thank so much Matt !!
With tears in my eyes I have to say I must be psychic. I was thinking about you and this subject just yesterday. I often wonder how you handle being single and doing this you know both sides so well. And you meet so many people that crossed your path yet you are still single also. You are right on the money with everything you said. I will not reach out tube social media for a connection. I find it superficial. I find I’m most fulfilled when I leave the house and I stay gone. Solitude is good. But too much could be a bad thing. I’m 50 years old comma with the body of a 20-something year old, and wise beyond my years they say. I just wish the right man could find me. The internet and all the other easy access for men’s for fulfillment has put a damper on true quality women finding a true quality man. I was in a relationship for 18 years. We parted for all the right reasons. And I have now been single for 20 years. And in those 20 years I have not found a quality man. Katie Holmes got him. Yes the man she has is a quality man. He said he was looking for a woman that like to cook and was domesticated, and he was not ashamed of it. I looked at the TV and said here I am LOL. I’m happy for them both. But most men don’t want that. I am established and I think that scares them away. I’m too independent sometimes because I have to be. I have burned all my bridges for the right reasons. I have recently found a job out of my safe Zone 2 network with a different quality of people. It’s a very colorful world out there comma I have to be cautious because I’m in this alone. Thank you. And my thoughts are with you and you didn’t even know it.
I appreciated this. I’m glad you didn’t deminish it’s candidness by by polishing it through editing. I often have found that as I share my struggles, others are more open & honest. Your point about having more options to communicate yet more people are alone, is true. You can also be married or in a relationship & still feel alone. I have had great love, & lost great love. I appreciate your empathy & motivation. Thank you for the inspirational personal development you encourage, it’s a blessing!
Well this short video really resinated with me. Couldn’t have come at an appropriate time as I struggle with such sadness and heartbreak. I know it is just a setback for me right now, one I will overcome. Of all the relationship advice out there, I find that your videos and messages have helped me the most. I thank you for always making me think of how to navigate such difficult waters at times.