I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
Hi Matt,
I’ve always embraced being alone.. Love it.. The phrase “sit with yourself” is one that pops up (in my head) constantly…perhaps it’s the makings of a book, a blog and definutly a bumper sticker for the car. It’s devalued time well spent.
Keep sharing your insight.. And remember to sit with yourself from time to time!!
Jennifer from Maine
Hi, to whoever is reading my comment right now. I don´t know you, I don´t know how you look, how much you weight, how old you are or what gender you are. What I know is that you are perfect exactly the way you are. I don´t care how many times someone told you, you are not enough. Because guess what? You are, no matter what other people say. I don´t care how many times someone who is close to you critized you and hid it behind well ment advice. Don´t let yourself be judged. Because you know what? When someone is judging you they are just applying on to you their own fears and insecurities. It´s not right but it´s human. What can you do about it? Just don´t take it personally. Accept that people have problems and they are dealing with them as good as they can. Doesn´t mean you have to put up with it thought. Because like I already said you are perfect and you don´t have to change anything about yourself to feel that way. Maybe except your point of view, if you don´t see yourself as beautiful as you are.:-) Have a nice day. Love you guys. And please do something for me, would you?
When you go out tomorrow, smile at people around you as much as you can. You may make someones day better and it may make them feel that they are not alone.
By the way thanks for this video Matt, you made my day better. :-)
(PS: English is not my first language, but I hope the message is understandable)
good video, everyone does feel lonely at times, whether you’re in a relationship or single. Social Media has proven how many lonely ppl there really are in the world. how is it possible there are sooooooo many dating sights available but yet finding a decent match on them is darn near impossible. ppl need to get out more and STOP hiding behind all the social media sights, maybe that will help somewhat.
As for men well met some great ones and not so great, I have broken hearts as I have had mine broken, and one I lost. It is what it is. I had been out of the dating for a while and your videos have helped in explaining certain behaviours and I thank you for those as well.
Hi Matt,
I am impressed that you put yourself out there and thank you, it does need to be said and needs to be said more often. For me it is an everyday thing, and at 51 I am still not sure why, but I think it has something to do with wearing my heart on my sleeve….I have a huge circle of fam and friends, great job in adverising, huge personality, love to laugh, fun and yet like yourself in a room full of people I am lonely and lost.. But love my solitude always have, lol it does build independece thats for sure but for me it has a calming effect. Strange, I feel less lonely when alone.
As for men well met some great ones and not so great, I have broken hearts as I have had mine broken, and one I lost. It is what it is. I had been out of the dating for a while and your videos have helped in explaining certain behaviours and I thank you for those as well.
I do agree that most of us feel we are the only ones who are lonely. I appreciate this video. And it does give me a refreshed desire to be more nice to other people.
“Be a little kinder to other people…have an effect.”
I really like watching all your videos Mr Hussey, I really do! And I think that anyone else will feel O.K. with it, your voice comforts us, certaiainly it does make us feel less lonely. I don’t know if it’s a trick, but I’ve impressed by the way you act emotionally; I really appreciated you in this state of weakness and sensitiveness; I like these with a man and it faded away that popular saying that all men are the same, they are beasts.
Amazingly, I love to be alone much to the disappointment of my boyfriend of 17 years. I cherish not having to talk, explain, etc. at certain times and just be able to do whatever I want to do.
I’ve recently rediscovered the friendly voice in my own heart when I am feeling lonely. After ending a marriage of 17 years from my best friend, I often find myself disoriented by being alone. My daily life used to revolve around a husband and growing son, now, sometimes, the only person in the house is me. It used to feel like a vacuum, but I’m learning to breathe in the unstructured space and talk to the caring companion of my own soul. She’s quite lovely.
I just came upon this site, recently. For reasons that are too difficult to explain….nearly everything that I have encountered in his videos…….have been like arrows to my heart. Frozen by fear for so many reasons……and praying for guidance for how to work through my fears….or at least lessen them…..Mr Hussey speaks very plainly, brutally and gently all at once. Thank you for you, Mr Hussey…..
I am a 34 year old woman and my husband of 17 years ended our relationship almost 1 year ago, because he fell in love with a woman from work. I am left with 4 beautiful children ranging between 3 to 13. To say that it shattered my world doesn’t even come close to the depth of soul wrenching pain i have experienced. Never so alone and empty have I felt in my existence. It caught me off guard, there was signs of depression, but I always thought we were on the same page with where we were headed in life. After months of me trying desperately to show him how much I LOVED him he cooled this other relationship, but never completely gave it up. To make a very long story short, I find myself here almost 1 year later in exactly the same position. Hearing exactly the same things from him, in his words we had 90%, but we were always missing something. He just didn’t feel like we were lovers. We were best friends and a great team but through the hustle and bustle of life, work and children we neglected to work on our relationship. He loves both of us and doesn’t want to make a decision, he wants to just be friends (with ‘benifits’) with the both of us. He tells me how much he hates himself for doing this to us and the kids……but he doesn’t stop. I have tried to endure and be patient as I thought that was what he needed. Please remember that family is so important to me. I have come from a broken home and experienced life with step parents (where those marriages also failed)……and I didn’t see a world where that life worked. So one of the core reasons for my patience, that I’m sure some people will call stupidity, is a lifetime to come of family. I am looking into the future understanding that a husband and wife have different but equally important crucial roles in raising healthy well rounded children and both parents in the home give our children the best chance at that. I am trying so desperately to forgive and hold onto that important family, that I see would be so difficult to succeed at alone. As I write this, I realise that what I am doing is wrong. The path I thought was right, is so far from right, so far from my values and standards. This journey as scary and alone as it will be, I know will only make me stronger. But, i know that my children need to see a stronger mother willing to fight for her values and say this is not how men treat women. I get so distracted by a million different reasons and what if’s, it’s clouded my judgement. I really thought If i was patient enough and supported him the best and most loving and kind way I knew, that I would show him how much I really loved him and he would realise what an amazing life he is walking out on. I’m going to try and stick to the truth and facts. Matt, you have helped me in so many ways to understand that I am worth more than this and my attitude and actions will direct the way that others treat me. I take notes when I watch your blog posts or listen to your radio show posts and refer back to them hoping to make them natural reactions in the way I conduct myself and my interactions with others. Thank you for being so genuine and guiding others to a better version of ourselves. I hope that this isn’t it for me, as I’m still young, passionate and want to be desired….. I have a lifetime ahead, but my children have to come first, so…..we’ll see.
Thank you again Matt, for touching my heart. Xo
Heather,
Thank you for posting your story, I have experienced a similar situation recently as well, and your post reminded me that I am not alone in the struggle and we can all get thru it. I never knew the depth of loneliness until my life got turned upside down. Good luck to you and your children, they will prosper from you being such a strong mom.
Rose,
29 yr relationship all gone in a flash, I can’t begin to explain the pain I went through, because I truly loved this man. We have one child who too was crushed and hurt over this. I sacrificed my career and did everything I could to support and help him advance in his career. Now here I am with basically nothing and having to start all over at 50. A single unemployed mother of a teenager. Let me tell you I asked God many times, why was I being punished for being a supporting wife and mother. He got all the benefits that I sacrificed for, so not fair. You aren’t alone, unfortunately nothing lasts forever. )+:
Thank you Rose, yes…..what strength it gives to know you are not alone. Believe in ones self is difficult, confronting and down right scary….But I think it’s at our lowest points in our life, that we grow and learn the most. Here’s to new beginnings, strength in strangers and finding our own truth and having the courage to trust it! And realising that others actions do not define us, but the choices we mAke after that do! I wish you the best on your journey. May we both stay strong and hold onto ‘Good things to come’.
You too Julie. Xx
Thanks for this. It really reminded me that just because things seem down and lonely now, doesn’t mean they will stay that way for ever. Because I am talkative and outgoing, most people think I’m an extrovert but really I’m more of an introvert and cherish my alone time and solitude. Yes, I love living alone but it is hard to not get lonely sometimes. And no, having a roommate does not help with that, because, Matt, you are right in that being around other people doesn’t mean you aren’t lonely. It takes the right person or persons to pull you out of you’re loneliness, not just anyone.
I also want to thank you for reminding me of why I don’t just settle for any old person when I’m lonely. I think the majority of bad decisions made around relationship choices stems from being lonely and wanting someone to take that away. It’s always better to just work through your loneliness from inside you than to turn to a man in the hopes that he will fill the void. Personally, I’d much rather be with someone because I chose to make time for them even when I’m not lonely and don’t need them for emotional support than because they happen to be the first person to make me feel better when I was at a really lonely time in my life.
Wow-What a wonderful way to put it, Jesse! I feel the same way! We’ll get there, and we’ll be better off because we worked through the loneliness and are READY to let someone special in.
Well to be honest I’m just going through the time in my life when I feel so lonely that it’s hard to bear.So I understand perfectly well how it feels like and I can easily sympathise with people who feel even more lonely than that. I used to think that lack of money or health is the worst that can happen to you in your life but now I’m sure that loneliness is the worst of all. Even if you have health problems or temporary financial problems it is nothing in comparison to the lack of close relationships in your life. So Above all I wish everybody to love and be loved by their nearest and dearest.
Thank you for sharing, what most are ashamed to admit. After a 22 yr marriage, 29 yr relationship, the last 3 yrs have been extremely hard for me. Doubting myself, feeling worthless and weak, all because I was alone and lonely. But finding myself and loving myself again had made a difference. I still get lonely, but don’t feel alone anymore. Matthew you have such a big part of my life the last year and I give youthe credit for helping me through this most difficult time. I am now dating and realizing that I will find someone else to love and be loved back. I am grateful for all that you have taught me and making me realize I am not the only one starting over again in life’s journey. Thank you!!!!
You have such an eloquence about you, it makes me want to listen to you. The lady who has your heart must be very special. Thank you for producing this video I think people in the limelight too often seem unaffected by negativity or loneliness until it’s too late and a suicide highlights it. So thank you for being brave.
Waking up and seeing the link to this video in my email was just shy of perfect.
I am a single mom of a 9mos old without a boyfriend fiance or husband. I don’t get time to go out. I have been out twice without my little one since he has been born. I am so happy to be a mom but I am afraid I won’t find time to meet someone because I don’t get to go out. I don’t have many resources (sitter wise) so I just go to work come home prepare for the next day sleep wake up and do it again. Weekends are spent with my baby because I don’t get the time during the week. I’m super lonely all of the time and I feel like I have been praying for a great companion for most of my life. My past relationships haven’t been so great.
I have gotten to the point where I am losing faith and feeling like ‘maybe I’m one of those people who won’t get to experience being in love with someone who is great for me.’
Thank you Matt for the ‘raw’ video. It seems more personal and less self-help lecture like. It’s honest and made me reevaluate how I view others I may not get along with, i.e. In my workplace. Thanks for the reminder that kindness and empathy goes a loooooong way.
I can totally relate to this video.I feel lonely but truly have people in my life.Most of the time I just don’t like being bother by people and enjoy my quiet space.Then there is time I want to be around others and noone is there.Guess in the end,we all need time out from people just to regroup our thoughts with clarity.
Thank you for this video. I think we do tend to forget that there are others out there who are just as lonely, if not lonelier, than ourselves, and sad though it is, it’s also comforting. This week marks one year since I left my husband of over a decade, whom I discovered had been lying to me and cheating on me. The story is actually much worse in its details, but doesn’t merit discussing here. Today, I am on my own, in an apartment. I brought my 2 dogs with me, and one passed away recently, making it just my little female dog and I now. I am often very lonely, but also try to be grateful that I am out of what was a very toxic marriage as well as a toxic house (my ex is a hoarder and a slob). I keep my apartment clean with various scented candles & fresh flowers around. I try to take comfort in these little things. And I do get a tremendous amount of comfort from my little dog. She is however, in congestive heart failure and will most likely only live another year. So I am constantly reminded, each time I look into her beautiful little face, that there will come a time when even she is no longer with me, and I will feel even more alone. And it breaks my heart. That said, this little ball of fur is also a constant reminder to me to appreciate the little things. When I come home from work & walk through my front door, she is always sitting up in her crate, eyes eager, tail wagging. I can tell that I am the highlight of her day. I take her out then give her the various medicines that she is on, and she even enjoys that (especially as they are wrapped in a bit of cheese ☺). Then we play. She’s not allowed to run a lot, but we chase each other up & down the hallway a couple of times and she loves it! Then we cuddle on the floor, as she tries to lick my face. And for these moments, although the loneliness is still very much there, I feel a bit better, and feel loved. No, she is not a human male, and I do hope someday to be able to trust again and maybe find someone I can love. But for now, in many ways, my little dog is better than a male partner. She won’t lie or cheat. She will always be happy to see me, and play with me, and snuggle up tight against me at night (& you’re right, nights can be quite lonely). She’ll take walks with me and watch movies with me, and wake me up with wet kisses on weekends if I sleep too late. She’ll hang on my every word as I tell her about my day. She is my priority and it is the least I can do for her, as I know, I am her life.
Thank you again, Matt, for reminding me (& us all) that we are not alone.
This video was perfect.. I have a lover but still feel alone every time he walk out the door. I’m not sure if he is the man for me. But I do pray to God every day to help him man up or send me a man that can fill this lonely space in my heart. I don’t feel lonely when I’m with him but I do as soon as he leaves my house or job or our date night. I just need to feel Wanted I guess that what I’m trying to say well I don’t know. But thank you for letting me vent thank you for the wonderful videos and all your help and support..
Would love to hear your advice on a situation I find myself in. My boyfriend and I live together and have a 20 month old baby. We also each have our own children from previous relationships ages ranging from 5yrs to 18yrs. I have come to the conclusion that my partner is incapable of empathy or kindness towards my kids, he has verbally expressed his hatred for them and it is totally unfounded and clearly he is the problem not my kids. So therefore I have decided to end the relationship. BUT we are still living together. Sometimes break ups cannot happen over night, things like finances and housing take time to get situated. Obviously he has some amazing and wonderful traits or I would not have fallen for him in the first place, and he is not horrible to them on a daily or even monthly basis but the times it has happened have crossed the line. Can you give me advice on how to stay strong and committed to my decision and not fall back into the good time memories. We still are very much in love and I am making this choice based on what is right for my kids, not on what my heart wants so I really need some grasp on plowing thru this emotional pain.I know in my gut this is the right choice for all the kids involved including our baby together, to see his siblings treated this way is utterly unhealthy and I know he will never change. Any help will certainly be implemented and appreciated!
Hi Matthew!
I want you to know how much this video means to me. I’ve been saying to myself and even one of my friends recently how alone I feel. And not because I don’t have friends or family (although, I did just move so the transition has been a bit secluding for me until I find work etc) BUT mostly I have felt lonely with my thoughts as you mentioned. I’ve started to feel like I don’t have anyone around me that truly gets ME. Even in the simplest of things. In life we go through loss and change, and in all honesty, I’m a very resilient person. Only lately have I noticed these feelings of emptiness in not being able to find anyone I can relate to and for those I can, they are in other states, so I do have my moments. Anyway, I know it’s not the end of the world and I am a firm believer in this not being a permanent feeling, but this video just really made me feel better about how I was feeling. At times it does get me down, and it’s nice to be reminded (even if it is something I already know deep down) that I am not the only one who feels this way. Even the most popular, busy and successful people have these moments and it’s okay. I enjoy my alone time but it’s definitely much different than feeling “alone” and I know you get what I am saying. When I feel this way, I write down how I am feeling or find something that makes me feel good and do it or watch it, something. I find that emotional button. OR perhaps I just let myself be sad for a moment, but I never stay there. I hope for any of your followers out there that might see this video or my comment here – just find gratitude in coming across this message in the right moment to make them feel less alone. I have believed since the moment I first discovered who you were that you came into my life for a reason. My life has been forever changed since then because of you and your team. BUT even after all the changes, the retreat and more, you never cease to amaze and inspire me with your entertaining videos and compassionate and heart warming ones such as this one and for this I thank you. *hugs*