I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
I have been single now for 3 years, and the biggest problem I think I have sometimes is that I feel I have no one to talk to when I get home. That I’m not building the environment that I want in my space with someone. At my age (30) I want to build a family and a home, but doing it alone is just excruciating. It’s only in these moments that I miss my ex, in which I had thought I was building that with. I’m following my dreams and working hard, but without anyone to share it with, it feels pointless some days…
Dear Matthew,
Thank you for this message…
I am lonely. I really am.
Loneliness is painful and if you also feel this way, let’s love this Life together.
I understand it’s a bold proposal, but what is there to lose?
Blessings and love,
Irina
Hi Matt,
it is a funny coincidence, but for the past 2 years you have always brought the perfect topic in the perfect time for me. Thank you for all the energy you decided to put into this, because it helped me through my hardest life period and yes, just listening to your videos or programs makes me feel less lonely and more empowered. The way you talk makes me feel like everything is going to be ok.
I do feel lonely. I am loved by my boyfriend, have family, friends, work that I love, hobbies that I enjoy, I travel… But I am sitting at night at my computer playing your video for the second time. I realised that loneliness is what drives me forward. I am trying to find out what it is that makes me lonely and fix another part of my life. So yeah, loneliness feels terrible and that makes it so damn useful.
Have a great day!
The best way to be attractive to someone is to live your own life with joy.
I am guilty of using romantic relationships (being singlr) as an excuse or a distraction from keeping myself happy, with al of the things that do exist.
Gratitude is necessary to be happy, with everything that IS there. You don’t know what you have sometimes until it’s gone. Don’t wait until it’s too late to appreciate what you do have in your life right now.
Make the world your partner and fall in love with all of the things that are in it. Life is an experience and every minute is brand new to choose good thoughts and to feel love and gratitude and joy.
I thoroughly enjoyed this video! I’m so glad you did not edit from what you thought we may need to hear, my friend you nailed it! I myself am finding myself lonely more than I would like. But the struggles of life and lessons have brought me to this point of needing to stop and take a look at myself, be alone to know myself really know myself. It has been tough but I found something missing and that was loving myself.
It’s the loneliness that’s the killer…. Seal’s song ‘Killer’ kept playing in my head as you said this Matt….
“Jaded hearts heal with time” is another line from the song…. It’s true. Unfortunately some hearts take longer to heal and they’d rather cope with the loneliness than risk being hurt again.
I have been single for 6 years, through choice.
I have a child who doesn’t always stay at home so I make use of the time to get out, go to gym, join classes to learn new skills go to cinema(on my own).
I have used my single time to really get to know myself and have been very lonely at times…luckily I have good friends and family around me. My friends I have gained through the loneliness phase.
Loneliness does teach you things about yourself if you pay attention and willing to listen to your own needs. I miss having someone to love romantically and miss being loved, however I have learned from being alone what makes me happy and what makes other people happy. I know what I want from the next relationship and what I don’t want. Loneliness makes you talk to people and listen to them. You gather nuggets of wisdom during the loneliness phase. What keeps me focused is having faith that I will meet someone when the time/timing is right for both of us. Because of the loneliness phase the next guy I meet will appreciate me more as I will him. In the meantime I enjoy the following: having the to remote to myself, being able to read in bed at night, Watching TV in bed at night and being able to turn music up loud and dance about like an idiot. So many more I can list. Bottom line, appreciate loneliness, treat it positively instead of negatively. So many advantages to being lonely…..love n hugs xxx
You know matt, I will share this with you
When I feel alone, I think about you, Very vividly encouraging me
I picture your character next to me saying intelligent things that helps and give me perspective (from things you actually said/wrote) sometimes I improvise how you would have react, and each time I say to you in my imagination:
“Thanks Matt, for being such a good friend to me
Because of your wisdom I really feel so fortunate and less alone.” At one imaginary sessions we had, I told you that in tears. You smiled at me, said something weaty with your empathetic expression and made it all better.
You’ll probably won’t even get this
And still, thank you for being my friend :)
With love
Tamar
Thank you for sharing a vulnerability which we all have at some point in our lives.
Huggems to Mr. Hussey or Big Up as they say in Jamaica!
Love you!
Matt, I’ve never posted before but this was by far your most heartfelt video that I’ve seen. I agreed with pretty much everything you said. It is one of the hardest things to admit that you are lonely but being able to say that out loud is already a step forward. I think you are right about embracing the solitude and I’m inspired by your suggestion that we should reach out to those who surround us who are also doing battle with loneliness.
Belinda
Thank you Matthew Hussey for your honest, kind rant. It helped….Am a single successful New York City professional woman, always surround by people but also enjoy my solitude. Nevertheless it can be lonely sometimes, when you get behind closed doors at the end of the day… So thank you,much love to you.
I loved this video…..vulnerable, genuine, and oh so real. It seems today that if we admit to being lonely it is assumed we are doing something wrong, but that just isn’t true. I try to keep telling myself the truth. Thanks for that in your video.
Hello!
Your video has inspired me a lot, thank you so much!
ARE WE ALL ALONE?
I will listen to it again, it will be a remedy against my sadness.
And my loneliness.
Sinverely Yours
Debora
Ahhh forgot to sharea moment.
Well… I’ve been divorced for some time now but sting of it all still lingers. It took me approximately 2 1/2 years to get over it (If you wanna call it that) One day I woke up and my heart wasn’t hurting anymore.
I’ve dated since then but nothing I would call… serious.
I think deep down inside I’m jaded but still my heart hopes it finds that special someone who causes the butterflies in my stomach and the oh so painful yet wonderful yearning you get when they aren’t around you and you miss them.
I can’t pinpoint exactly when I feel lonely. Perhaps, it’s when that holiday comes around.. you know the one… Cupids favorite. I have celebrated that in quite some time. Acknowledging that kind’a hurt. I don’t think any human being was meant to be alone. After God created Man and all living things on the earth… He saw that Adam was alone and said, ” It is not good for man to be alone” so he created Eve out of his rib and here we are, trying to find that other part of us so we can be whole. I don’t know if I will ever find my ‘Adam’ and I am sure I will feel lonely from time to time. What I try to do in those moments is love more… Love those who are around me… my family… my friends… and funny enough… I forget the loneliness and I focus on the now…this moment… where I am no longer lonely and perhaps neither is the person who I have chosen to spend my time with.
Coming from me – this is kind of a big deal – but I think we are all capable of attracting exactly the type of love we deserve.
It helps to know what type of man that you are looking for. Now, this is the part I struggle with – because Tony Robbins for example said he came up with such a specific list for his life partner. I struggle with even the basic things because I probably don’t believe that it is possible.
But let’s pretend you can create a man. Any man. With any qualities you want. Any characteristics. Physical, emotional, spiritual. Like a Build-a-Bear only it would be Build-a-Man.
Write down some characteristics if you can. And believe that it is possible.
Then, put away the list for some time. Go on dates. Reflect on them. Revisit your list now and then. Don’t ever give up.
Give it time, and he will show up.
Thank you for this very honest betrayal of what it is be lonely. Unfortunately, I am lonely all the time. For most of my life, I can remember loneliness being a part of my daily life. At this point, I’m not really sure how much more I can take feeling like this all the time. I go to a therapist and psychiatrist, but I still feel awful. I reach out to people and do my best to be a good friend so that I have positive, loving people around me, but it doesn’t matter. I’m losing hope.
Ah, my dear Matt. Thanks for this rawness uncut. I am feeling lonely and trying not to resort to leaning on my ex too much. It’s working. I let him call me or let him go to voicemail. It’s a good thing, but still lonely.
Fortunately, I’ve been going out and meeting my needs with new people. New coffee dates! I don’t even drink coffee but it’s fun. :-)
Thanks again for VJ in our PJs. It was so fun and you gave great dating advice too. I really loved that few hours.
I loved how we were all in our PJs for the live stream…kind of ;)
V-Day was great! (The ex did call me in the middle of it, but I was really listening to Jameson and Matt and wondering what they would say next. And fortunately for me the call dropped out, but laptop was fine. ;-))
It was totally like a slumber party. Thanks for replying to my post.
Good for you! Shake off the ex! If you have concrete reasons why that relationship was a no go, then do not look back. Keep moving forward.
Thanks for writing me, Sydney! Dunno about the ex. I am actually developing a crush on someone else. But I think this second guy is equally as unavailable. I’m thinking about something Matt said on V-Day. That maybe even one’s bad patterns feel comfortable. I need to examine why I’m attracted to cute, but unavailable men. But then why do *they* call me more when *I’m* unavailable? What in the world are we all doing, you know?
I can break this pattern. I recognize it, at least. Baby steps. :-) Thanks again for the support!
Beautiful, just Beautiful!
Hi,
As I am writing this I am hidden away in my home in a dark room crying as I am not only lonely but alone.I have no one in my life and many of times thought about killing myself as this weight on my shoulders is too much to bare.
I have never been in a relationship not even a date , I have family well they just keep putting me down , friends no one as when as they use me and than throw me away like rubbish.
I have put on a mask when speaking to anyone and have put so much more energy into my work so I have given you a fake name to post.
Hello Casssie. Really glad u shared how sad and alone you are feeling. Such overwhelming sadness and you seem as though you could be sufferring from depression. I like many others have felt do low thinking no way out BUT THERE IS HELP FOR YOU, ARE YOU ABLE TO CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR OR CALL HOSPITAL ASK FOR HELP AND PHONE NUMBERS OF ORGANISATIONS WHO CAN HELP YOU? LIKE LIFELINE OR BEYOND BLUE, OR GET SOMEONE TO TAKE YOU TO HOSPITAL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AS SOMETIMES WE MAY NEED PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WHO WILL CARE AND LISTEN TO YOU AND KEEP YOUR CONFIDENTIALITY! AND WILL HELP YOU SEE THAT YOUR LIFE IS VERY PREVIOUS AND YOU ARE A VALUED SPECIAL PERSON AND LIFE CAN BE BETTER FOR YOU. I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE IN THIS WORLD SO CANNOT GIVE YOU ACTUAL.PHONE NUMBERS BUT ARE YOU ABLE TO TALK TO ANYONE AT ALL? You welcome to email me.
Thinking of you lots of hugs and kisses Gigi XOXO
were never alone with God
amazing…exactly what i needed t hear. its like he was speaking right to me
Matthew, Thank you for this raw message. I am an actress who has recently gone through a devastating breakup over the holidays. I completely related to the statement you made about being in front of a large group of people, who are essentially cheering for you – that energy from complete strangers, as well as my cast mates, makes me feel briefly that I am a part of someone’s life. But going home to my new apartment without him there to greet me, has left me feeling extremely lonely, and a little lost as I settle into my new routine. I try to be as honest as possible about what I’m going through, but I am still terrified of being judged by those who are happy in love, as I try desperately to fight back tears while telling my story. But in the end, I’m always glad that I shared, because it’s not just the loneliness that will kill you, but more so, the feeling that you have to push it down and pretend that everything is ok. I’m so glad that you shared with us your feelings. – Victoria