I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
Thank you for this video.
I am a 46 year old woman, and I’m single since 5 months. No kids.
Lately I feel very lonely.
Even though I have friends, a brother, loving parents, colleagues.
The fact that there is no one in my life to give my love to, and to share the everyday things with makes me feel alone.
I’ve learned to be alone and I’m very independent, but that doesn’t mean I like it.
It’s not something I usually say out loud, there is abut of shame I guess.
So I think it’s good that you talk about this
YOU are never alone! You are love and you are loved. When we connect to this universal truth the freedom is unlimited. Have the best relationship with yourself, be kind to yourself, have compassion for yourself, be your own best friend and cheerleader. If you are a happy drop of water in the ocean you are doing your part. Just do your best and look to the good it is in every si gke moment, once you know how to see it…connect with love…especially self love. I personally am waiting for love not looking for love. They are two completely different feeling vibratilns.Until then solitude is my truth my best friend because it is my true reflection to know myself and love myself. This is what radiates outwardly to our fellow mankind and makes us all become magical. THe EnD
Loneliness can be such a good think for you to learn how to deal with. I believe that most people are afriad to be in their own company. To go out for dinner by themself, to watch a movie, to travel alone – we are so afriad of what others think of us sitting there by ourrself. I´m trying to face that fact – that I´m one individual and therefore I can be seen as one and not always be apart or blend in with a group of people.When we are sometimes experience loneliness before we go to bed, I think it´s a really good idea to take a piece of paper and write down a few things that YOU want to do in THIS life. Goals, things to be better at, things that is all about you.
Hey Matt! Lately Ive been feeling alone/depressed, I was single for 8 years and recently I got into a relationship (a long distance one), I wonder why is that..I mean, I get that its not only one factor involved but its funny, I thought I would be feeling the total opposite :(
Thank you Matthew, your video was just what I needed today. I truly felt your compassion and sincerity, which is two things we need more of in this world. The lack of them and that of unconditional love is what is wrong with our world as a whole, and in our personal relationships. I too believe that most people mask their true feelings, and project a much different picture of who they are, and how their lives truly are. Everybody is too guarded and afraid to allow themselves to be vulnerable, which makes them ridged, with closed off hearts, which in turn leads to more loneliness and feelings of not being worthy or understood. I feel that getting more in touch with ourselves, learning to love ourselves unconditionally, and embracing our alone times as an opportunity to ‘reboot’ is the key to overcoming the negative effects of being ‘alone’. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not the only one in the boat, and helping me remember what I need to do to keep the boat afloat! Much love to you. ❤️✨
Thank you for talking about a topic many people avoid and rarely bring up. Loneliness really is a killer. I have felt lonely most days of my life in the past 10 years. I will be out with a group of friends, have a fun time, then come home to my own apartment where I live by myself and the silence wraps me up with an unbelievable amount of loneliness that’s almost indescribable. Last week I found out a family member committed suicide. I was wracked with grief and realized just how lonely I felt at that time, to grief alone. Yes, I have family and friends whom I could grieve with… esp family who were also going through the same grief. But it just want’t the same as having that ONE special person who I could turn to and rely on so I can completely breakdown and know this person will be there to care for me. All my other relatives were married or in a relationship with someone who they could lean on, I did not. And it was the worse feeling of loneliness I’ve ever felt, and still feel to this day. I am independent and am able to take care of myself in every aspect of my life, but in this moment I wish I can completely let go and grieve fully. The lack of having someone to lean on in this moment makes me feel very lonely. Even talking to my family and friends about how I felt, they didn’t completely understand what I was going through when I said I was feeling lonely.
Thank you Mat!!
I feel lonely more often than anything… For a lot of reasons.
I work on the road, so it means eating at the resto by myself, being in my hotel room by myself and sleeping alone. If I’m not working in the road my office is at home, so again, I’m alone by myself. On top of this, I live alone (with my dog at least) and I don’t have a boyfriend either… So I have a lot of time, too much time to spend all alone by myself
I’m not scared of solitude but being alone like this all the time gets into me. It’s really hard
Like right I’m writing this from my hotel room in Lyon, France where I am for 2 weeks (first week over) and I am from Montreal Canada
WOW ! Incredible ! So authentic. So accurate !
Yeah, so many times I feel lonely too ,and it feels embarrassing to talk about it, like It’s wrong. So thank you Matt for helping me share and say it.
It’s good you didn’t cut the video, cause it came out so real..it was your most lovely and sincere video.
Thank you for who you are. For being there for everyone, and even thought at the end of the day even you sometimes feel alone, you know that we love you and you’re not alone ;)
It seems that lonliness is the no. 1 desease of this century, it comes with a lot of pain, and it’s really about time that we would be able to talk about it, and open it.
Thank you again, for your unique and special videoes ,for the beautiful soul of yours, and for dealing with things many people in the world feel today.
Thank you for being vulnerable, open and real. Your words ring true for me. I believe we need others, community, a sense of purpose and belonging. And we can have all those things and still feel lonely. When we tap into these feelings we can make conscious choices about how we want to approach them. So acknowledgement is key. From there the world is wide open. I savor my solitude yet I crave a loving mate. I have yet to combine these two parts of me so I have hope everything will fall into place when I am ready. I continue my personal work, my journey. I allow my loneliness to absorb me as necessary because I can nearly always glean a message from it. Love more! Thank you for sharing yourself.
MATTHEW, THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY. I’m not sure exactly what is making you feel lonely, but partway through, I FELT COMPASSION FOR YOU, MATTHEW, especially when you said you go on a tour with hundreds or thousands coming to your show, but yet go back to your hotel room feeling lonelier than when you woke up. I know there are moments when I feel lonely, especially when I see couples on the bus, on the street, holding hands or kissing etc and it’s painful when you don’t have that right now. But I have close friends and family who are special to me. Some of them also tell me they feel happier and less lonely when they’ve chatted with me on the phone or seen me. So I feel that we’re helping each other and I am thankful for those moments in life when I can be with close family and friends but also when I have time to myself to reflect or to pray etc
Matt,
Thank you for your empathy, honesty, and for being so true.
What i’m about to write is gonna be long, so brace yiurself.
I’ve been feeling lonely for quite a while now.. my boyfriend and I stopped seeing each other, we stopped talking to each other, because he got a job in Cali (we live in the Middle East).
We were so close even if we weren’t dating for that long. We both felt like we knew each other for a veeeery long time. He knows every single thing about me and I about him. And then, all of a sudden, nothing. It’s been almost 4 month now, no texts, no phone calls, no nothing. The company to whom he is supposed to work for actually ‘prohibited’ him to stay in contact with me if he wants to get the contract – cause they want him to be 100% committed and all. I dunno honestly. Is that even doable ? This is not human. No one should have the right to dictate one’s life. So.. of course I had my doubts and all about his honesty, until I saw his mother one day at the gym (like a month or so after we stopped seeing each other) and she ran to me, hugged me with tears in her eyes, saying ‘i can’t believe they are making him do that !’ They were actually tracking his phone and probably mine too: Whenever we were together, they knew. Whenever we were chatting over whatsap they knew and asked him to lessen conversations with me little by little. For a moment we thought we could get through this, we could maybe talk though the landline, but no. He received a text saying that we should stop that too. So anw, i was standing here.. not knowing how to react.. because all i wanted to do was burst into tears. So we talked for a while and she told me that she never saw her son like that, so lonely, so sad, so stressed. Now that job, is really a job that lots of friends i know in the US, Australia, Europe and here, could dream of. So i was definitely not gonna stand between him and his dream.
3 days ago I was on my way to college, super early in the morning and to get there i have to pass in front of his university, and that’s when I saw him. 4 month later. On that day I forgot my cellphone home because i left in a hurry. So i decided that this is it. I don’t have my phone, there is no way they could know if i see him. So i pulled the car over and went to talk to him. I can’t describe his face when he saw me. His eyes got all big, he had that little smile on his face that showed the “oh how i’ve missed you”. He hugged me and kissed me and told me that this, what we have, is not over. And if i can wait for him he’d be the happiest guy and that he still loves me as much as before and it’s not gonna stop..
I do feel the same way, i don’t want to let him go, and i was so happy to see him even if it was for just 10min. But i’m scared of the wait. What if I wait for him and he meets someone else over there, he is going for a year (starting june) . What if his feelings change but mine don’t or the other way around..
This thing is just too weird.
And this is what makes me feel lonely the most. Even when i’m with my closest friends doing the things i enjoy the most, i still feel lonely because the person i truely love feels so far away.
True and relate-able comments. Thank you for being “real” with us. Do you suppose the loneliness may be complicated by not expressing our authentic self? Which may be also why we seek for a “soul mate”. Indeed having someone you can “tell everything” to and they love you anyways? Hard to achieve. Not sure there’s a true remedy to this one unless you find that one person you can be truly raw and authentic with. What do you think Mat?
Greatly grateful bringing this topic up! It seems to me often that it’s very important to people to know how deal with themselves when nobody else is around. Having spent a lot of time with myself I realized I have fears, doubts, feel pain and insecure… But it also became an opportunity for me to spend some time with myself! And actually there are not only fears, doubts and pain! I think you’ve done a very good job telling people that being alone is fine! THANK YOU! People should hear it!
XXX Lots of love and gratitude for being there when I needed somebody when I felt lonely!
Ilona
ilonbamiller@gmail.com
Because of this video I understand, that Yes I am lonely… Yes I am, but I am not alone, I am not the only one like this…
It`s quite a hard topic for me. I am foreigner in one European country. I live far from home, parents. I am very busy successful woman, work at Google, at HP, two master degrees, phd., painter, dancer, blah blah… I consider myself to be very beautiful. And what? I am alone. Women are jealous, men are scared. Only couple of friends. Well yes it`s not a problem at all to have fun with people, with men too. But feeling… They don`t lie. Super busy super cool, but… Maybe I am wrong but I see you have the same personal story. Sorry. Victoria.
Matthew! You inspire me to be better person.
Thank you for being who You are!
I look up to you
Wow…… Message and timing was spot on
I am an executive for a large company. On the outside I’m fearless and empower everyone around me. I lift the spirits of others and am positive and encouraging to everyone around me but I myself am very lonely. My relationship with an amazing man recently ended and that has been very painful for me. People would never know how lonely and how much pain I’m in because being in an industry where you help others doesn’t allow for such vulnerability. I was able to relate to every word of this video thank you for sharing.
Yet again you touch the strings of my heart in the right moment …
yes I feel alone… wow so not easy to say that. But I do.
My little story is I’ve been feeling alone for years .. moving from one country to another , adicted to the exitemnet of it, getting a new start every time . Sounds exiting right? but after some years it’s more like chasing the loneliness.
Sometimes its amazing! Meeting amazing people and amazing places ! Sometimes not so much….
And normal if you would see me out and about, I would be smiling and babbely but after the doors close, and have a moment to reflect, I feel more alone then any thing . Lonely for love. Lonely for real friends …
so thank you Matthew . you opened your heart to us, and inspired me again ! If I was there I would give you a big hug! ^_^
I AM BLOWN AWAY BY THIS POST… THANK YOU!!
Never having had real “luck” with men, I decided to embark on solo travelling in addition to my work as a biologist once I graduated from uni (then my master’s). I have been to 70 countries, have become a yoga teacher in 2013, have friends and family who adore me and think I should be the luckiest woman on the planet. All 5000 of my Facebook friends seem to agree too. But I still cry myself to sleep with painful loneliness… and often!
THANK YOU FOR GIVING EXPRESSING YOUR REAL, VULNERABLE FEELINGS IN SHOWING THEAT THOSE OF US WHO “HAVE IT ALL” HAVE OUR WEAK MOMENTS TOO. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D <3
With Love and Gratitude,
Marija
Glad you brought up this topic as you’re right , there are no many people out there who wish to hear how we doing in reality , we just put our masks on , as strong people are attractive , we smile , even if soul crushing inside . I have felt lonely my entire life , especially in between of many people, I have fighter with it and felt as a loner and looser . Now I am 44 , single mother , moved to Scotland 6 yrs ago,been single for 5,oh and. I many dates as I’m scared , to make friends become even more difficult , and you know what , I cry , I am sometimes feel like it is just not fair as all I wished is lots of friends ,good hubby and big family events with joy and happiness , laughs and passion. Time go by , I become calmer , I meditate in my forest , I have learned that it is ok to cry and feel sorry for my self as I love my self, that it is ok to feel and wish for something , isn’t it right , as what worse would be if we would feel nothing ? I have learned so much about my self and spiritually have grown In these years … I am happy now as I accept and allowing my self not to be happy and shiny all the time .. I’m not a doll .. I’m human being .. And I am feeling alone ! It feels liberating to accept it . Thank you !
God, you’re a good person. Your eyes reflect that perfectly.
2015 was the loneliest thing I have ever experienced. Right at the beginning of the year my 8 year long relationship ended so I found myself single for basically the first time in my adult life. Then decided to move to the only city I see myself growning old in – London – but after 9 PAINFULLY LONELY months there, I went back home to Israel a week ago. Now I’m surrounded with love again (i.e my family), and I can say that only after not having it around for nearly a year, I’m actually able to appreciate it.
My goal is to move to London again, but I’ll never ever put myself in that lonely position ever again. Yes, it was a GREAT opportunity to grow and to “go on dates with myself” as you suggested once – but there’s a limit to how alone you can be. And I think you can attest that unless you have loved ones there – London can be a very, very lonely city.