Are you stuck obsessing over someone who’s wrong for you? In this week’s video, I dive into the concept of limerence—the unhealthy fixation on someone who doesn’t return your feelings—and how it can keep you chasing as your confidence falls lower and lower.
I’ll show you how to recognize the signs of limerence, why it thrives on hope and uncertainty, and what you can do to break free and get your power back. If you’ve ever felt trapped in this emotional loop, this is your way out!
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Hi, I’ve been experiencing limerence for my ex-boyfriend before being with him, while dating him, and it’s continuing since we broke up. I just never could feel relaxed with him, many of his behaviors made me feel nervous, and I often questionned our compatibility which caused me to feel even more anxious, but I also felt euphoric when I was with him and felt very attracted to him. I’ve compared this state to being on heroin – never took any, but it feels like an addiction with many highs and lows, and… impossible to break. I felt we weren’t a good match but couldn’t understand my fascination with him, so it kept me stuck. We’ve broken up and I’m still struggling with ideas about him, I’m still stuck in limerence.
However, I read someone’s post on another forum and I thought it was brilliant, and it’s helping me achieve a bit of detachement:
“Limerence can grow from lack of emotional contact with the other person, and relies on fantasies and feelings rather than relating and connecting. Getting to know this person by talking and spending time together helps prevent limerence. Being open and honest with each other, having fun together, discussing problems when they arise, and so finding out if he’s / she’s right for you and good enough for you. So, progressing naturally the relationship is the answer to avoid limerence”.
As well, Mathew, I suggest that, in your text below your video, that you take out “…with someone who doesn’t return your feelings”, because all the people who are experiencing limerence in their relationship won’t think this concept can apply to them. And they may miss out on this concept and not get the help they need.