Why do Happy People Cheat? (feat. Esther Perel)

I sat down with the incredible Esther Perel, relationship expert and psychotherapist, to get to the real truth about cheating.

Our conversation was mind-blowing, and taught me some huge, powerful insights into relationships that I just had to share with you…

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"9 Texts No Man Can Resist"

62 Replies to “Why do Happy People Cheat? (feat. Esther Perel)”

  • Something that stood out to me… “Our contract isn’t based on this.” I think this is the crux of relationships. We don’t discuss our contract so we come at it from different places, different understandings of what it is and what the parameters are. She thinks they are involved, boyfriend/girlfriend, and he thinks they are dating, seeing other people, not committed, etc. If only we could actually have a contract, get a man to discuss what we are, we could avoid a lot of misunderstandings and hurt. So we need to remember, just because we want it to be a certain way, doesn’t mean it is, and we should not assume the “contract” is as we hope.

  • I think this is nonsense. So, a man cheats on me and I should judge him for all the other good things he brings into the relationship while he hurts me, not to mention that having sex with other people can end up in getting sexual diseases. It’s like saying “oh if your man beats you, well don’t leave him because when he doesn’t beat you he’s a good man”.
    I think women should be taught to not forgive, to not follow their hearts and stay with a man they cannot trust.
    I once read that you cannot forgive a betrayal, you just have to decide if you want to live with or without a person who betrayed you. And I think nobody is necessary to us so much that we can’t live without him (or her). Self love must always come first. And, once you forgive a cheater, he/she will do it again.

  • I really enjoyed the interview you had with Esther Perel. In part, I agree with what she was saying regarding not breaking the relationship on just one aspect of the relationship; however, say that there are 5 main things in the relationship (love, trust, loyalty, honesty, etc.) that are essential, each with its own weight, the cheating part in my opinion would carry a lot of weight, as it isn’t only the act that occurred, but affects trust, self-esteem, and so much more to it. It would be, in my opinion, an aspect of the relationship that would indeed carry a lot of weight (say 70% of the ratio). So having to overcome that is longer and more difficult as it is a traumatizing event in a relationship, compared to maybe lying about something. I will certainly read her book to fully understand her perspective on this though. :)

  • So disappointed that Matthew is featuring Esther Perel. Giving her horrible ideas more exposure to his huge folllwing.
    Matthew I thought you were a meaningful guy, your other posts talk about integrity and real love.
    Won’t be watching you anymore if you jump in Esther perels bandwagon- her message is so wrong on so many levels.

  • I’m sorry but I absolutely don’t agree on her opinion. I don’t care if he was there for my mother, my brother or whomever. He cheated on ME and I will NEVER be able to trust him again. So I might get over it, and I might be able to forgive, but I certainly will NEVER forget and the question “when will it happen again” will ALWAYS stay in the back of my head. So I’m sorry, but I stick with the saying “once a cheater – always a cheater”. I won’t put myself in the position of possibly being cheated on by the same guy again.
    My motto is: If you want something new, you’ve got to end the thing you’ve got now first.

  • This is a DANGEROUS message. This is exactly the message that condones and reframes abuse. Are we really taking a step back to early 20th century values? This will not help women to become empowered in relationships. This is a very flawed theory. It’s like saying who cares if he hit you? He did so many other good things, so I can look beyond it.

    You have entrusted the one you are with, with your heart. They break that trust. It’s bollocks to believe that you will ever feel safe again. You won’t, and it will slowly drive you mad. And eventually you’ll be and appear crazy – meanwhile he’ll leave you because you insecurity has driven him away.

    This is teaching women to stay in harmful and abusive relationships. Not good.

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