15 Things I NEVER Hear Men Say Are Sexy In A Girlfriend (But Wish They Would)

Stephen Hussey

(Photo: Hamed Masoumi)

Dating advice is starting to irritate me more and more.

I’m so bored of reading about that ‘Irresistible First-Date Kiss That Will Keep Him Hooked Forever’.

I’m fed up of click-bait magazine articles telling women how to create a steamy night of passion by lighting a scented candle and whispering something into his ear about not wearing underwear, or wearing matching underwear, or whatever the party line on undergarment etiquette happens to be that week.

I’ve read enough about ‘Body Language That Tells You It’s True Love’ and ‘Sexy Positions He Secretly Wants His Girlfriend To Do In Bed’ to last a lifetime.

So I’ve decided to list of some of the sexiest traits I find in a woman that go beyond the usual magazine fodder.

Some are universal to all guys. Others are my own personal preferences. 

It’s not an exhaustive list, but these are the things I feel REALLY MATTER, the things that click in my head and set off my “she’s amazing, keep her!” alarm after a few months into dating.

15 Unconventionally Sexy Traits In The Woman I’d Love To Date

I’ve separated the specific traits into four general areas.

Put these traits all together and a girlfriend (at least to me) becomes so sexy – so incredibly attractive – she’s basically irreplaceable:

1. An Intelligent/Beautiful Mind

[*] A girlfriend with a rich intellectual life, who is engaged in lifelong learning and reads good books for pleasure (think One Hundred Years of Solitude rather than Fifty Shades Of Grey).

[*] A girlfriend who is genuinely open-minded about new experiences and is capable of changing her opinions, rather than the woman who thinks ‘open-minded’ means ‘believing in everything’, from the power of healing crystals to Dowsing.

[*]  A girlfriend who is a critical thinker and questions everything, embraces doubt, and isn’t dogmatic about her views.

2. Intimacy and Thoughtfulness

[*]  A girlfriend who learns my likes and dislikes and shows that she factors them into her decisions.

[*] A girlfriend who will hug me when I’ve been beaten up (emotionally) by everyone else instead of making me feel like less of a man for being vulnerable.

[*] A girlfriend who will let me hold her when she’s suffering without accusing me of being patronising. 

[*] A girlfriend who is a problem-solver and works out difficulties together. She doesn’t shut down or hide in moments of conflict.

[*] A girlfriend who tells me the truth without making me feel judged, and corrects me without making me feel like an inept, hopeless child.

3. Integrity and Rounded Character

[*] A girlfriend who decides for herself what is important for her mind to focus on, instead of parroting whatever her celebrity-filled twitter feed tells her is big news this week.

[*] A girlfriend who loves socialising for fun and enjoyment, not because she wants validation and attention.

[*] A girlfriend who can debate without turning it into an argument.

[*]  A girlfriend who adapts to situations. She can drink beer and play pool, go running together in the park, be elegant and charming at a dinner party, work on our laptops in the evening, and wear sweats and eat pizza when we relax on the weekend.

4. Long-Term Thinker

[*]  A girlfriend who invests in her long-term skills and potential instead of desperately trying to hold onto superficial things through her twenties/thirties/forties.

[*] A girlfriend who takes pride in being able to take care of her own life, and doesn’t secretly dream someone will come and fix it for her.

[*]  A girlfriend who builds a future she loves, instead of trying to recreate a past that is already behind her.

Dating advice tends to focus a hell of a lot of What To Do, and not much on Who You Are.

Tips and techniques are great – but relationships are really defined by what happens when the initial charm and best intentions of the first dates wear off, when people really start to see what lies behind the self you present to the rest of the world.

Want to keep a guy?

Forget lighting candles and wearing matching underwear. That’s just the neat, glossy cover that surrounds the book.

And nice covers are great. They are the icing on the cake. They look impressive when you show them off on your coffee table. It’s much more pleasing to have a book with a beautiful cover than an ugly one.

But it’s the rich content inside that makes you never want to put it down.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

What’s ONE thing you find sexy that you never hear people talk about? Leave a comment below!

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164 Replies to “15 Things I NEVER Hear Men Say Are Sexy In A Girlfriend (But Wish They Would)”

  • This was really insightful. Some of the things you don’t seem to like I do! I’ve always done. I even knew I did it but I didn’t know men noticed.


    You know what I am thinking now? I used to think that people could grow together. No one stays the same forever, right? Now I realize how important it is that people truly like each other just as they are. Even with the warts, the person is still liked.

    To be the woman you want is easy to be if you truly like that guy before you love him. And if he really allows you to truly know him, all of it, early on. Then your list is easy. Also easy if you know in your heart (because he shows it) that he likes you, warts and all too.

    Then your have compatibility, similar likes and view on life and it’s just simpler. As I get older we all get more set in our ways. Maybe it’s easier to start off with someone you have a natural affinity for.

    And that’s not about attraction. But you genuinely like him and have stuff in common.

    I’m surprised. I really had liked the growing-together-and-teaching-each-other-new-stuff idea. But you can’t teach an affinity that’s not naturally there. Can’t learn it, either.


    1. I think you do grow together (as long as you both want to learn and improve), but it’s definitely a big mistake to hope that if your partner isn’t right now they eventually will grow into someone MORE compatible with you later on. That’s usually just wishful thinking or denial.

      Thanks A x

  • You know there are something’s on here that okay I get but it’s almost like he’s describing the PERFECT girlfriend. The one that seem to flawless and isn’t there deep attraction and connection to those flaws? I feel it’s overly amplified that dating a woman with these qualities seem to be something beyond the date and into a teachable relationship. This sounds to me like a fantasy girl and not one built on actual realism. Of course is this what you do? Make girls perfect? Create that fantasy into reality? And even if you had a girl like this what kind of life environments that doesn’t create growth and change? Many things/peer ices happen in our lives to change the core of our reality. This just seems like asking a lot for a date and putting more pressure on a guy if this is their unsaid desires when they are sitting across a potential what life partner?

    Anyway I don’t comment much but this one had me scratching my head and thinking they say women have high expectations. Let’s forget about all the folder of not lowering standards this isn’t what I’m talking about. None the less pretty interesting and somewhat eye opening. Next time I go on a date which will be this Friday I’m going to have this at the back of my head. Interesting to see the results now there some knowledge I don’t agree with at the moment.

    1. PS great now I know two things. 1. Not to leave comments if I can’t edit for stupid errors (cool to have that feature) and 2. Type in word doc check it all before sending. (which probably won’t happen since commentaries are instant spontaneous answers and Gerald for me not thought out essays.)

    2. Hi Rom,

      I don’t think the traits listed are excessive or describe anyone who is unimaginable. Yes, they reflect high standards, and obviously even amazing women I would love to date won’t have every single one of them. It’s not a necessary checklist – it’s more like some aspirational traits that I subconsciously look for in a person before I think of them as a serious partner.

      I certainly don’t think even a woman who had all these traits would be flawless – she would just have lots of great qualities that make her unique.

      Hope that clarifies a bit. Thanks for commenting :)

      Stephen x

  • Self-awareness and acceptance is hugely sexy. Someone who is friends with who they are can laugh at the silly things they might think and do and allow you to do the same because they aren’t shamed or threatened by it.

    Story: The first meal I ever shared with my late husband was at a Chinese restaurant with about 10 other people. We were talking about how yummy the fortune cookies were and he mentioned that there was a shop just around the corner that sold big bags of “used fortune cookies.”
    The second he heard that fly out of his mouth, it was followed up with, “Wait, WHAT?!” and a hearty laugh by all of us imagining what, exactly would be in daid bags. Of course he meant broken/misshapen cookies, but his brain-to-mouth misfire made him laugh at himself and showed me that he could be ok with it, even while sitting next to the girl he liked.

    I found it so endearing that it’s still seared in my brain 21 years later.

  • My boyfriend said to me that he finds me sexy and attractive. He said , “Yes you are beautiful, but there are a lot of beautiful faces out there. However, your attitude makes me stay”.
    I always make him feel like the man, I make sure he look good, smell good and in a great health.I tell him when he’s wrong not to point out his mistake but to help him to understand my point and the situation. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t baby sit my bf…I don’t even have to drink to please him, since I am no drinking at all. But still, every now and then he will bend down to kiss my feet. He took out his jacket to cover me from the rain while he got wet himself.
    You are right Steve, personality does shine and why not trying to make it brighter. :) thanks for sharing.

  • I love this article Stephen and what’s awesome is I believe that it’s about me, whoa *flips hair* but what I’ve found in my experience is that many men can’t appreciate a woman who is so well rounded and understanding because of their own insecurities. While a man like you who has studied human behavior and understands human dynamics most men don’t “get” why a woman like this is important. What incentive does a woman have to be such high quality when the biggest complaint women have about men in relationships is lack of appreciation. In reading this article I felt like I was reading about myself and I am proud of the person I am but I also understand that it isn’t common or easy to be this way and when you are, few men truly appreciate it. I really liked this article, I wish all men would read it then offer their opinion. I would like to hear what men have to say on this topic.

    1. I agree with you completely. I haven’t always been this woman, but I have developed into her and what I’ve discovered is that nobody cares. I have all those qualities and more. I even drink beer. Every guy I’m interested in is looking for something else. Maybe it’s their insecurities. Maybe I’m just too much. I still think I’m a great catch, but I’m 43 and have been single most of my life. Still I know other women without half of these qualities that have to beat off men with a stick. I’ll just never understand.

    2. I think there are definitely men who can’t handle a woman like the one described above, but that’s usually because they aren’t well-rounded themselves. Like tends to attract like when it comes to these traits in relationships. i.e. people who are laid-back won’t be able to put up with drama for very long. People who are intelligent and thoughtful won’t be able to put up with someone who is shallow and superficial for very long.

      I think the appreciation thing runs both ways. Probably everyone (men or women) feel under-appreciated by their partner and the opposite sex on some level. I think that’s probably a human egoistic feeling that all people naturally have when they focus on their needs and what they are not getting from their partner.

      Thanks for your thoughts, really appreciate your kind words about the piece!


  • You listed beautiful qualities, but I disagree with one — secretly, all women wish to be saved, even the most strong-willed successful ones. Like all humans, women want to be loved, and while some aren’t willing to settle and will spend years being single, they’re secretly wishing for the perfect man to come along who will love them; save them from their singledom, and provide the partnership they’ve been missing for so many years.

    1. I can understand that everyone (men and women) has the impulse to find love and SHARE their life with someone, but I don’t think that’s the same at all as being SAVED from your life. I think the idea of being saved suggests you couldn’t be happy and fulfilled single, which I think is a complete myth.

      Thanks for your comments :)

      Stephen x

      1. Maybe it’s a Girl thing but I totally agree with Modern Lady. There’s something really Hot and Exciting about a Guy who wants to be your Knight in Shining Armor instead of a lukewarm “You can save yourself you know” Motherfucker. Not just in Guys but Chivalry is lacking in Friends too. I just miss the days where People would randomly sweep you off your Feet just for the Heroic Thrill of it.

        Keep sharing your Standards Modern Lady. I feel that it matters

  • Ooh I had a long list and then I saw you said ONE thing you find sexy. As you put it in capitals I ‘ll take it seriously and say, in essence, to be able to rub along together in a way that is sexually tense, friendly, intimate, humorous and harmonious all at the same time.
    Enjoying many varied activities together in different ways. To have interests that don’t need to be exactly the same. I have a guy friend who rows. He likes that I do ballet. We recognise the discipline, mental and physical agility, and commitment it takes. You don’t need to be peas in a pod. To be able to quietly watch a film together without the need to be constantly mauling each other, sitting in a headlock or them talking all the way through and not getting it. Nothing like being able to sit apart, enjoying great food and a drink, really engaging or enjoying the film quietly together. By asking us to go on a run, a track day, or laser quest, something maybe thought of as an exclusive boys activity. It gives us the opportunity to forgo the make up, hair done and smart, thought about clothes. We can stick our hair in a pony-tail, put on sweats and show that other side. You giving us the opportunity and not just wanting a doll-like sex object is sexy.
    Walking around in a just a towel is sexy in only a man way but I’ve definitely gone over one example now!
    Kathryn x

    1. Haha I love these Kathryn. I’m glad you went into such vivid detail – I really like hearing the female perspective on what makes a guy sexy too. Also I row too, so I know the discipline and commitment it requires! And you’re right that guys should give women the opportunity to join them on their “boys activities” so that they can enjoy different things together.

      Thanks for all of these – they’re great. I didn’t know walking around in a towel did it for girls either ;)

      Take care,

      Stephen x

  • I enjoyed this article, Stephen. And they say women have long checklists :-) Most of the qualities especially the ones under 2, 3 and 4 sound universal. Number one’s content sounds a bit more of a personal preference since there are guys out there who don’t want a girl who is intelligent and can debate. They also often stress the fact that men don’t care about a woman’s achievements,etc. However I’m starting to feel like a lot of the men who shy away from women with intellectual traits have insecurities about their masculinity, don’t have very full lives themselves,and haven’t taken the time to grow and learn more. It really was pleasant to read a list like this rather than superficial tings that are supposed to keep a guy hooked forever.

    1. Anais, great points. I agree with you about men not truly appreciating a woman’s intellect. It is not that they want dumb women but most cannot handle those who are smarter than they are or at least comparable such that they are likely to win a debate even some of the time. Men love to “teach” women things, guide them and feel superior in general and intellectually.

      Also, I am not sure if no. 4 is universal. Most guys don’t care about what a wonderful life a woman has built for herself. They seem like a bit of helplessness as long as it doesn’t get too demanding. I doubt that guys think/care much about how much a woman has invested in herself or her long term goals and in realizing her potential. Men seem to want women who will support them in realizing *their* potential. They want women who are easy to get along with and whose ambitions don’t clash with theirs.

      1. I think intelligent men want a woman who’s intelligent. Men who are themselves less intelligent care less about a woman’s intelligence. The fact that this list includes intelligence says something about Stephen.

        1. That could be true Aspie – but at least it’s encouraging that if you want an intelligent guy, he probably wants you to be the same.

          Thank you! x

      2. I think Guys will not be able to appreciate a wonderful life a Woman has built for herself until he is secure with the quality of HIS life, hence the wanting someone who will help him realize his potential trait that you mentioned. I too have found Guys like these a turnoff in the past because they’re focused on me me me instead of backing up and taking care of YOU which is what the True Gentleman Experience is all about. I do like feeling valued and needed though and I think Guys feel the same way, which is why both sides tend to be turned off by the types who carry that “I can handle everything myself and don’t need you” vibes

    2. Thanks Anais. Very interesting comments you raise here.

      I hear this comment that men don’t like intelligent women, and I’m never sure what to make of it. I can only speak as a man, one who has always liked intelligent and successful women. To me, intelligence and some degree of success tell me that a woman is autonomous and self-sufficient, which I personally find very sexy. I don’t find dependence an attractive trait – but I think there will be men out there who deliberately choose dependent or unintelligent women in order to make themselves feel better. I guess it’s a good reason to aim higher and go for guys with self-worth.

      Also, I think that some women can use their intelligence as an excuse for why men aren’t into them long-term, when really it may be just that they are abrasive or like to patronise a guy, and then when he is turned off she’ll tell herself it’s because he couldn’t handle her intellect rather than because she was rude and aggressive. So it’s important to be aware of why it really is that a guy is getting turned off.

      Thanks again, all the best :)

      Stephen x

      1. I COMPLETELY and totally agree. Lots of times it’s because these Intelligent Men and Women are too graceless with their Gifts that makes them a huge poisonous Turnoff. You couldn’t have worded it more perfectly

  • Stephen, this is a great list. Not at all unrealistic. You really have focused on the inside–the more enduring and meaningful traits that make someone worthwhile.

    And you are right. I have never ever heard a man say these things are sexy.

    I do not mean to sound conceited but I have almost all of those traits except
    – I do not drink beer (but don’t mind if others drink) and
    – I am more on the introverted/reserved side so I don’t “love socializing” but I do like it and enjoy being with people especially in more intimate gatherings.

    I have other qualities that can bring value to a relationship such as
    -I love food and cooking and can cook many things
    -wide variety of interests-versatile
    -being organized
    -passion (for life, for everything, a bit feisty too)

    Well, of course, this is your list and others may have different things on their list but I must say that I am hardly thought of as sexy despite checking off a lot of these boxes. I don’t even feel sexy. Most guys don’t even make it past the point where they can find any of these qualities and actually enjoy them.

    I do have faults too just like everyone. But for me being vegetarian is also a “fault” since I have seen some guys literally back off after hearing I was a vegetarian.

    I think most guys think I am aloof, cold, arrogant, boring, serious, (mostly because of the reserved exterior), too short, ordinary looking (or too cutesy), plain, uptight/prissy, too honest, not “popular” and therefore really unsexy. I don’t seem to make much of an impression on people even though they may admire my ‘achievements’ (academic or otherwise) or think of me as a “good” person (but not likeable).

    What guys seem to actually find sexy is
    1) good body (of course!)
    2) good face, looks, fashion etc. (they want arm candy, don’t they?)
    3) outgoing personality and excellent social skills (shy ones are just boring/awkward)
    4) women who make them feel amazing through flattery or whatever means from laughing at their bad jokes to being “helpless” (guys love having their egos stroked)
    5) confidence or the appearance of confidence (this is important no matter what)
    6) some kind of status/popularity–having many friends, suitors, admirers social validation (no one wants whom no one wants)
    7) fun/adventure factor (adrenaline rush)
    8) willingness to be sexual/being sexual (no uptight prissy women!)
    9) unpredictability (keeps things exciting for men otherwise they take you for granted)
    10) being interesting/engaging in some way even if superficial (no boring women and sometimes being too deep is very boring to men)

    I believe Matthew has mentioned these qualities before.

    I think these are important too and I have very few of these qualities which explains why I am still single and SO unsexy.

    What do you think of this list? I believe most guys wouldn’t look past it to see anything else on the inside let alone appreciate the qualities you have mentioned. It takes a really great guy who is golden on the inside to even begin appreciating what you have written.

    1. I understand what you’re saying but I don’t agree with your breakdown of what men want. No, I think it’s really this:

      Men like women who
      1. make them feel good, strong, powerful.
      2. are able to make themselves happy – having a full life (this doesn’t always mean lots of friends, but having your interests and dreams – and the willingness to achieve them)
      3. are healthy in body and mind – this is primal stuff
      4. are nurturing, in nature
      5. ADORE them << this is key!

      It's worth remembering that men get a lot of their validation – as men, from women. That includes, sex, emotional connection and support: these could come under 'daily intimacy'.

      I really don't think that the majority of men care that much about the 'perfect body'. The perfect (female) body is one that is cared for, looked after, and there, solely for their comfort and pleasure. I sincerely believe this to be true. Most men are far more sweet and emotionally vulnerable than we give them credit for.

      1. Yes, you are right and your list is more accurate in terms of what men love and what they are happy with long term including the part about intimacy and connection. I was writing about what men find sexy, especially initially.

        And no, I do not believe that men cannot be emotional and vulnerable.

        For your point about women who keep themselves happy-well I don’t think guys are much concerned about whether women pursue their dreams or not and what they achieve. I think they need women to be happy with them and happy in general (whichever way it comes about) so they don’t feel like failures. Men do seem to put a lot of weight on how happy they make their gfs/wives and take it rather personally. The easier a woman is to please, the more the man likes her. High maintenance women don’t work.

        Men also like women who balance a certain amount of dependence and space. They like having women lean on them but not be a burden. They like to feel superior and have women “follow” them so they can teach them etc.

        Also, for looks and body, I did not mean that a woman has to be perfect but appealing to a particular guy depending on his type. This could mean voluptuous or athletic depending on the guy’s preference. Usually a good body is the result of a healthy body. I agree with you that they want a body that is well cared for and available for them. I do realize that men are certainly not as fussy as women about bodies/looks/fashion. But they DO need a woman to be physically appealing- there is absolutely no doubt about that. On the other hand, a woman can find a fat bald man sexy if he has a great personality. The reverse is seldom true. That was my main point.

        One more thing-what men (or even women) want vs. what they settle for/what they can get /what they can be happy with are two different things sometimes.

    2. I believe, there are dozens of guys, and girls too, by the way, who wouldn’t look past your list. There are millions of people out there who are superficial and ignorant and who wouldn’t bother to understand what kind of person you are on the inside. The conclusion is – we don’t need these people in our lives. Period.
      But I also believe that your list (confidence, playfulness, adventurousness, nice looks, social skills) is essential for the primary (superficial) attraction, for someone to notice you, to start a conversation, which can lead to getting to know each other on a deeper level.

      And the question is – do you like yourself? Do you love yourself in general? Would you date yourself? Do you find yourself cool to be with? If, yes, then, who cares what the majority of the guys likes or doesn’t like. Our society changes all the time, no need to get deceived by its superficial values and standards. Be who you want to be.

      1. Yes, absolutely. Not only do many people not look past this list but people are quick to judge and misunderstand as well. I can give you my own example-where people think I am vegetarian for religious reasons or political reasons and tend to back off because they don’t share those beliefs when the truth is that I am not religious at all and see this as a personal choice not a political statement. But do I have time to explain all this to people in general? Who would bother to listen? Who would understand? It is the same with being quiet and introverted. People have ascribed all kinds of faults to me because of this from being arrogant to socially awkward–why? because I like to spend time alone!

        Not to turn this into a personal rant but I think we should all be careful about our snap judgements and really get to know people. I am always careful about writing people off based on superficial characteristics. Pride and Prejudice was all about that!

        And you are right that we don’t need these kind of people in our lives if they are so superficial but that severely limits options. There can always be wonderful potential friendships and relationships that we might miss out on. So packaging does matter if we want to have maximum options.

        As far as I am concerned, I am really quite happy with how I have turned out and am going in a really good direction. No matter what happens I will be more than fine. Yes, I love myself and would love to date me! Too bad if no one else can see it.

    3. Your list is excellent Kish – very astute and accurate, but the point of the article was just to highlight traits that are unconventionally sexy and not usually thought of as ‘hot’, but which myself (and many men) find really attractive in a woman. As for the idea that guys wouldn’t look past your list though, I definitely have to disagree – for example, a woman could have all the traits on your list, but if she is too much drama or very needy, or prone to arguments and selfish, or lacking in intellect, I would want to date her for longer than a couple of weeks at all.

      Also I don’t see vegetarianism as a fault at all. And I’m sure most guys could live with the fact that you don’t drink beer.

      As a general point, it’s very clear from your comment that you tend to focus on many negative things about your personality, and your list of bad qualities about yourself makes me a little concerned that you are looking for reasons a man would reject you instead of emphasising your strengths and best qualities. You might think you are just being honest about your weaknesses, but actually, the truth is, anyone could find 20 weaknesses in themselves if that’s all they focused on. But confident people think about reasons why they ARE a catch, and they focus on the best qualities that make them amazing to be around instead of thinking of all the ways they might be discarded. For example, I could easily say about myself that I have a tendency to be introverted, shy, annoying, overly analytical, living chaotically and being disorganised – if I did this for long enough I could find many many more reasons that someone might not want to be with me. But I don’t focus on these things. The truth is that SOMETIMES I am these things, but mostly I am caring, someone who is full of positivity and love for people, someone who loves excitement, full of energy, confident, communicative, interesting, with a strong purpose and sense of direction. It comes down to what parts of yourself you CHOOSE to focus on bringing out every day.

      Thanks for such a great and stimulating comment!

      Stephen x

      1. Thanks for your comment. I did not meant to come across as self-deprecating or negative. I was merely talking about how I am perceived by men mostly. I do not actually believe I have all those faults though I do have some just like everybody else. Neither do I believe that being a vegetarian or non-beer drinker etc. are faults per se–just lifestyle choices. It is true some guys could live with that but most don’t want to.

        The point I was trying to make was that perception really matters-especially when it comes to sexiness. It is not enough to have inner unconventional sexiness if it is not packaged with outer/conventional sexiness. Very few guys (and women) have the perceptiveness to really see people in totality. If you are one of those men, that’s great Stephen.
        And I agree with what you said about not finding a woman sexy if she is a selfish drama queen but some men don’t even realize that until they are married to her based on her outward sexiness. I have seen too many examples of this.

    4. Wow kish you are really Smart, I love how you sang out the Complicated Truth like that. I too don’t drink and am not sure whether or not I would be cool with my Guy drinking in the Future, it’s a lifestyles Principles thing (to make room for something you have to let go of something else, so clogging my Casa with Counterproductive Beverages will block us from that awesome Chinese Stuff that makes us age backwards :0) I am also Anti-Social in that the thought of being around crowds on a regular basis is a huge turnoff for me. I find that acceptable to myself YET at the same time I know I wouldn’t want that in a Partner, I prefer someone who is happily open and adaptable too. So, it’s been mindfucking me lately but thanks for sharing that so I know I’m not alone.

      I like that you followed up what you thought you were truthfully lacking with the Extra Credit you can bring to the Table to make up for it. My Mom taught me a Unique way of looking at it recently, it’s called the Hand Test.

      “You can’t expect EVERY Finger to be the same length, some will be longer and shorter than the others, bu as long as it functions perfectly as a set you’re good”

      So keep that in mind Chica. You sound SOOO cool and Unique and totally a Character I would love in a Novel or a Movie.

      The second part of your Post totally makes sense too. I don’t consider myself a Superficial Stuck Up Prick but I do love having a Stylish Confident Stud that’s the Envy of the Party. That being said though, a lot of that has to do with marching to your own Unique Special Rhythm and you TOTALLY have that. It’s just about putting together the right Book Cover to properly represent the Substance inside it like he was saying at the end of the Article. I approach it with the challenge of how I would design the Character of my own Life Movie, which pieces I would select and how to style her hair to represent her own Unique Charm the most.Some of her stages do have awkward and plainer pieces, but it’s all part of the evolving process which makes the Swan that much more appealing in the end (think of Emma in that movie One Day with Anne Hathaway)

      Some guys don’t care that much about Sex. I think being around Men/a Culture that OVERemphasizes it can make you feel like a Prude, I’ve had those moments too until I met someone who was chill and didn’t pressure me and that’s when my I felt myself opening up like I was designed too. It could be the same for you too!!

      Stay true to yourself I find you absolutely Charming with your Bold Authenticity being one of your greatest Strengths. It will take a Great Man to appreciate someone with your Trade Value so stay True to your Rhythm that’s the only way that you’ll hear it :0)

    1. 4 Areas, but 15 traits overall. I just used the four areas so that it wouldn’t be a random list of different characteristics with no order.

  • Thank you Stephen! You just put into words why I couldn’t relate to those advices in magazines, why they seemed useless to me :D

    And Rom, I’m not pefect but I felt quite identified, I just need to work on my self-confidence and my future! (almost missing point 1 and 3 of long-term thinker, but I’m working on it!) :D I do exist and still I have no BF XD ha ha ha

      1. How nice you comment back! :) Thanks again Stephen!

        By the way, I did not point out what I find (unconventionally) sexy. Being Mexican, I find it rather common that men are the counterpart of needy, dependant, demanding woman, in terms of cooking and housechores. So a guy that can manage well on his own, and wouldn’t die of starvation whenever I’m not around, is quite sexy! :D

        1. Louise I’m really impressed with how you replied!! For you to note specifically which parts you need to work on is so cool. I also found the Long Term Thinker to be the most original part of this Article, I am and am not this which is kind of confusing for me hahah. I feel like I am growing into this Stage of my Life which is why the Universe crashed me into this Article today.

          I really, REALLY get what you mean about the Codependent Mexican Counterpart Blueprint. I think it’s Super Hot too when a Guy can give a Muchacha a break and take charge of the Domestic Sector, not only one who can take care of Himself but who can care for YOU properly too when you’re too weak and tired to cook. That’s one quality that I really appreciated about my Ex even though the other 90% of his qualities killed it for me hahah

  • I think the best advice should be “just be you :) in every situation and every way” :) and that’s it.

    I was nice to reading this article, it taught me a several topics :)


    1. Thanks Lula!

      I think it’s important though to lay out specific traits like this, because “be yourself” is so hard to follow as prescriptive advice. I think it’s easier to think about the kind of traits you want to have and grow into them over time, making tiny shifts all the time towards the best version of yourself.

      Stephen x

      1. Absolutely I totally agree. Excellence is in the details, especially when it comes to bringing out the best in people. It’s like this Quote I marked down recently that I really love, “Treat a Man (or Woman I guess in Stephen’s case hahah) as he is and that’s who he will be. Treat a Man as he can and should be and that is who will become.” I think that’s why so many Women were so inspired to Elevate their Trade Value after reading this Article, because it challenged them to Upgrade their Blueprint in the best way. Without the Diamond cutting details there would be no Diamond Vision to strive for

  • I loved this post.

    I would add that, I think if men *really* thought about it – if they had the dialogue to present it, with your elegant way of thinking, many would recognise much of themselves – their desires, in this list Because what you’re describing is one hell of a life partner. This women you describe is someone who already has everything within her, to live a productive life and partnering with such an emotionally intelligent, life loving soul will only serve to further expand yours.

    I recognise much of what you’ve mentioned, both in who I already am and also, who I wish to be. Such an empowering piece of writing. Thank you Stephen.

    1. What a lovely comment Heather – it really means a lot, thank you. Also, I’m glad so many people seem to share my idea of the perfect partner!

      All the best,

      Stephen x

  • When a guy has the guts to challenge what I am saying, without either person getting offended or upset. I don’t need someone to agree with me all the time.

    1. Great one Emilie. It’s tragic how rare it is to find someone with whom you can disagree without them taking offence.

      Thanks! Stephen x

      1. Haha, this reminds me of a moment G&I had a few weeks ago. We were in a pub having a pre-dinner drink and debating the meaning of such words as “compromise” and “sacrifice” and how neither of them is in my lexicon for relationships. Others kept looking over at us (small pub) but we were enjoying our debate so much it only crossed our minds later that others may have interpreted the intensity as an argument ;-) G said how much he likes our debates and that we have the quality of relationship to have them. I agree :-)

  • Thank you! I think that was one of the most important points which is why I ended the list with it. It’s one of the most unattractive traits when someone holds onto past successes and failures, instead of taking control and building a compelling future.


    Stephen x

  • ONE thing I find sexy (there are many, but you asked for one :-) ) is having someone I trust….someone that I know without a doubt will always ‘have my back’. There is just something about knowing that he is there for me no matter what or when or how, that I find incredibly sexy.

    Loved the post, and definitely agree with all your points!

    1. Yea that feeling of having complete support is one of the most incredible parts of relationships. Thanks Lorie x

  • It is absolutely sexy when someone consistently challenges my thoughts and stimulates my mind. It doesn’t have to be contrived but if more often than not an article found on the internet leads us to a discussion on its applications and relevancy in our lives it would keep me very happy. It is also pretty hot when a partner occasionally does something he/she dislikes or isn’t very excited about just because it brings me pleasure. I love museums and theater and my last partner didn’t but he made the time to be out there with me and would make an active effort to analyze it with me once we left. I would go enjoy myself at the occasional sports game and host a party to watch games together even though i don’t care a lick about sports.

    1. p.s. I liked how the traits are categorized into groups it allows me to digest them better. Great job Stephen! You give me hope.

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