Think About THIS Next Time You Text A Guy For Hours

Stephen Hussey

As I’ve said before on this blog, I’m not a big texter (although I’ve tried to get better).

For me, too many texts back-and-forth all day, especially in dating, tends to turn things kind of bland.

I don’t know how to explain why exactly. Maybe it kills all the mystery. Maybe it’s just distracting to keep checking my phone all day. Or maybe it’s because I have a belief that texting should be fun, quick messages that “spark joy” (to use a term by Marie Kondo), instead of them being a substitute for real-life conversations you could be having in person.


I know this isn’t a popular opinion.

Most people keep in touch constantly on Facebook chat, or Instagram, or Whatsapp, tapping away and keeping multiple conversations going while they go about their day. And that’s fine. I’m not saying my “short and sweet” policy of texting should be adopted by everyone.

But in dating, I think we can lose something by having TOO MANY personal conversations over a messaging app. I often find it build the excitement more to see someone after a week and properly catch up, instead of having a constant news cycle of their text messages to keep me updated on their movements every day.

I prefer to be someone who has a few messages back and forth, and then says, “I better get back to work now, but can’t wait to see your face this weekend! x”, and carry on with my day, rather than the person checking their phone in five minute intervals for hours on end to keep picking up the thread on a conversation that has long since gone stale.

Again, this isn’t a popular opinion. And it is just an opinion.

But I think there’s a lot to be gained by saving some conversations for meeting in-person. I like it when I meet my friends who I haven’t seen in a week or two and get to catch up on their news and gossip.

Maybe you LOVE texting, and I know I won’t be able to convince you otherwise. But with the guy you’re dating, consider leaving more of your conversations when they’re on a high, rather than always allowing them to die down until you’re scraping the barrel for something to say.

A quick, adorable message to the guy you’re dating, like, “Gotta run, going out to have dinner with my housemates. But I’ll be secretly thinking about your cute dimples all evening. x”, does more to get his heart racing than yet another stale text conversation what happened at work today.

Use text messages because you have something to say, not because you have nothing to do.

What’s your view? Do you feel like you text too much with guys you’re dating? Let me know in the comments below.

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76 Replies to “Think About THIS Next Time You Text A Guy For Hours”

  • I love this! I thought I was a bit of an oddity for not wanting to send or read messages all the time, but rather wait to catch up in person. As a rule, in relationships, I always think that a bit of mystery and distance keep the passion and interest alive… But maybe I feel this way because I’m French!

  • Good day, I agree. I had a text message clense the past few months and monitored if what I’m trying to say is call or text worthy. My theory and oppinion is there’s the opportunity to hide behind messages rather than through a live conversation. It’s a less confrontational approach and easy excape route if you can send the traditional, ‘jk’ or ‘lol’,but you’re correct. In doing so we sacrifice so much more of a connection with a person we are interested in or currently dating.

    But I have to say, it’s exciting to get a cheeky text during the day that just makes me feel like I’m on someone’s mind. It’s a compromise.

  • I just wish it would be more people like that. Texting is boring, give me 5 min call, wanna hear you laugh.
    Equally just started doing 1 month without a smartphone. And now, I have even bigger reason to call. :) I am currently in UK and it seems like no one anymore looking for dating, more for pen friends. (Boy, I am not into that. Aske me out.) And people are scared to pick up the phone when it rings. Moving soon, so I hope in text destination will be better. (Just went on the date with one man who was supporting my idea of “stupid”phone and non-artificial communication. Lets hope I will hear soon back from him) When can I call him? Or should I just wait for him to call? :)

  • I only prefer texting with the guy I’m dating because I have children at home around me. I want to respect them. I rather talk on the phone after everyone meets each other, than it will be easier on the kids to accept.

  • Would this apply to someone who’s been dating someone for almost 2 years? We only see eachother on the weekends now because he moved to l.a recently so texting is the only form of communication we have til the weekend.

  • Love this! I agree 100%. That doesn’t mean I’m great at doing it though… something to work on. If I plan on seeing someone in the evening, I purposely do not text them during the day. I like to leave that conversion for in person. But why not leave a bit of mystery all the time.

  • Hi Steve!

    I used to love texting and having deep conversations with guys when I was in my high school/college years. I think this was helpful at that time because it was difficult to catch people, and have enough time to have a solid conversation with them. I was also somewhat shy around those had crushes on.

    My ex of 2 years and I had some very fun text conversations, and I liked that they were short and sweet. They would intensify attraction through suspense, and longing. Wanting to know what that other person is up to… knowing that they are thinking of you… telling them that they look sexy in green. Just little snippets of flirtation. I like to save deep conversations for situations where I can read body language and hear the tone of voice. There is something about that face to face contact that makes a deep conversation feel even more special than one over text. But, I can see how having a buffer (technology) can lower inhibitions, and might be an easier way for people to share the cards that they hold closer.

    All in all, I am a fan of most communication, as long as it is good communication. ;)


    1. I LOVE What You Said At The End Arianna, “I’m A Fan Of Any Communication, As Long As It’s Good Communication.”


      I Don’t Knock Texting Either As Long As They’re Fun And Nourishing And Creative, Same With Photos And Phone Conversations And All That Fun Stuff

  • Totally agree with you, much prefer a guy to ring me and talk then you get to hear the expression in his voice and not just a flat response text that has no emotion

    1. Yes Melanie Those Are The WORST I Know EXACTLY What You’re Talking About. It’s Important For Me To Get Enthusiastic Affectionate Responses Too, I HATE Those Flat Robo Communicators – In Person, Over The Phone, Through Texts And Mail, Etc.

      Good For You For Knowing What Makes You Happy, Don’t Ever Settle For Less Than You Deserve!

  • Aha interesting topic Stephen,

    I was never a big fun of text conversations. I prefer and actually choose eye to eye communication. However I LOVE sending txt messages, as a way of expressing simple greetings (such as “good morning”), feelings or a certain mood (I might be in) in a different, unique and completely my own way. I also fancy creating tension and anticipation using texts. My texts are short, creative and different every time. Sometimes playful or even naughty.

    I am a very observative person. I like observing other people’s behaviors and generally anything that is going on around me, that can inspire me to express myself in such a way.

    1. Yes Vasiliki Short, Creative, And Unpredictable Texts Are The Best Bundles Of joy To Receive!! And They Are AWESOME Ways To Create Happy Anticipation, Especially For Events.

      So Cool What You Said About Observing People To Steal Their Ways Of Effective Expression From Them, That Is So Cool And Humble About You!

  • I prefer texting because I hate talking on the phone. I also have a 4 year old son and I do not like being on the phone when he is awake. Phone convos always seem to last too long and I can get back to my text anytime I want and text anytime I want. I like it cause you can still convey you are thinking about them without having to call. However, I am a big fan of the Matthew Hussey 3 minute phone call..

    1. Good Point Darci!! I Love Texting For That Reason Too (It’s Considerate To Everyone Who Is Sleeping Or Resting Around You) And If You’re GOOD At Texting (Lively, Witty, Write With A Lot of Heart, Sincerity, And Enthusiasm) It Can Be Just As Enjoyable As Meeting In Person Or Talking On The Phone.

  • I’m “Old School”….I would rather have a conversation…than text…any day….Just my opinion…I like to be with people & carry on a conversation. ;)
    I have told my daughters…they have “lost the art of conversation”. I still think that it is a very important aspect when you are socializing… Texts can be mis-interpreted so easily…They cause a lot of drama…unnecessary drama! Great article Stephen! ;)

  • Kind of agree … Bored to death if I text too much unless it’s all just joking around / being silly or talking about news – (England leaving United Kingdom?!? What?!?) I text a tiny bit during the day with my man then call or FaceTime at night – he always initiates the talking, simply because I’m more like you. But if we will see each other that day then we don’t talk at all. Talking isn’t mandatory… Just a few msgs to connect a bit. I love snap chat tho. Snap chat is super fun & it all disappears which I love. Doesn’t matter who texted who last really as long as there’s a general back and forth. I mostly snap chat with friends.

    Leaving on a high note reminds me of George Costanza. I do think silence is okay tho. Sometimes you have to push past the awkwardness to get more comfortable with someone.

    Xx hope you are well! Love it when you have an article come out. Always makes my day.

  • I get your point ,and i think it makes sense,but, what happens if im dating a long distance guy and we cant meet very often? then isn´t a good idea to talk to him by texting anyway? hope you answer! :)

    1. Have dates over Skype, FaceTime, google talk , viber, any one of a gazillion apps. Schedule them just like you would a real date, and leave the texting for making plans and flirting

  • I am old school I would rather have face to face conversation or phone conversation over texting. I think people have become so obsessed with texting they have lost the ability to socialize in person.

    1. Nailed It Beth. I Agree That A Lot Of People Are Lacking BASIC Social Face To Face Etiquette, And In Texting Too To Be Honest. It Pisses Me Off Too

  • I am not that much of a texter (or dater for that matter), but I have observed alot of what You write about in my closest friends. They and people in general tend to get so excited about a date that they text the other just about everything about themselves that when they are finally on the date they have nothing to talk about. I believe texting alot leaves very little to the imagination and takes away the excitement from the real date and the dates to come.

    Greetings from beautiful Sweden
    With respect

    1. Snapchat is the new texting. But if you aren’t seeing each other for two or three months it makes sense that your rate of texting or phone calls would increase. But there is still no need to text for hours. You both still have a life to live and things to do. I think if you keep the texting to a minimum even while they are away. Like a check in text an I miss you text or a check in phone call it will create more anticipation to see the person. If you text 24hrs for three months then there is no anticipation to see the person because you know they are right there on your phone screen.

      My current boyfriend and I don’t text that often. Maybe once a day sometimes we may not talk for a day but it doesn’t worry me. I’m working, he’s working. I’m seeing friends, we have different schedules. Just enjoy each other while you are together and leave conversation for in person. If you say everything over text you leave nothing for in person.

  • Totally agree about the over texting – even though I’ve been rather guilty, it does tend to kill the excitement in a relationship.

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