The Thing You Must Do When You Meet Someone You Like

Have you ever met a guy you really liked, and spent weeks terrified you were going to blow it?

I know what this is like, and trust me: if you ever want to keep a great relationship and not play games, you need to get out of this mindset fast. Here’s how you change it…

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I think we have a slight problem right now of a scarcity mindset. I read these comments from people talking about their level of disillusionment, feelings that even if they did leave the house to go and meet people, “There are no good people out there anyway,” or living in this place of either numbness or fear. This sense that nothing good is going to happen. There’s a side effect to this scarcity. Even when we meet someone we like, that’s the crazy part. You would think that this scarcity is just about never meeting anyone you like, but it’s actually worse than that because now I feel when people do meet someone they like, they can’t even enjoy it because they’re so afraid it’s going to go away. And if it does go away, “I could spend another year or years waiting for the next great thing to come along because there’s so few of them out there.”

People aren’t even enjoying the thing when it’s in front of them because they’re terrified. We get these feelings of desperation that we don’t want it to go away. We don’t want this person to now leave us or get un-attracted to us. So we’re now trying to say everything right and we’re trying to make sure nothing goes wrong with it. We start to worry about controlling what they’re doing, “Where are they right now? Who are they with? Could they be with someone else? Should I be okay with them going on that boy’s night or that weekend trip?” We get competitive with that person because our egos can’t take it. We’re afraid of a good thing happening for them because what if that takes them away from me? You know that job opportunity they’ve got, that exciting thing that’s good for them. We’re afraid to encourage it because we want to keep things safe. We don’t want to lose them. This is a good thing.

I have learned that it’s precisely when the stakes are the highest that we have to be prepared to let go. Letting go doesn’t count when the stakes are low. But when the stakes are high, when it feels important, when you’re more in love than you’ve ever been. When you like someone more than anyone you’ve liked in a really long time. It feels counter-intuitive because when you find someone that you’re like, “God, this is the best person I’ve ever met, this feels like it could be the thing,” it feels like that’s the one we have to hang on too tightly. But it’s precisely when the stakes are the highest that we have to be prepared to let go. Not not trying, I’m not talking about not trying. I’m talking about trying, but from a place of strength and confidence. Having the confidence to encourage space, having the confidence to say, “You should go and do that thing. That job sounds like an amazing opportunity. You should take it.”

You may be asking, “How do you let go when something’s that important to me? How do I have faith? How do I let go?” The faith, for me at least, comes from knowing that you have a world of your own. That you have a center of gravity that lives with you. Not with the relationship, not with the person but with you. That you are fulfilled and happy and excited about life. Independent of this person that your life will not only survive but thrive. That is where your power comes from.

And the reason that I’ve spent now 10 years running a retreat program, alongside all of my love life programs, is because I understand how powerful that center of gravity is when it comes to your love life. Because if you don’t have it, anyone can come along and rock you. And they for sure will, especially when it’s someone you really fall for. It will rock you and it will either do it in a good way or it will do it in a horrible, torturous, anxious way where you are constantly fearful, constantly looking over your shoulder at what’s going to happen. Fear of abandonment, jealousy, competitiveness, over analyzing.

Now, you have to be honest with yourself because if you feel great when something like that happens and you feel that sense of “I’m able to let go. I feel powerful. I feel confident. I feel happy in every way. None of these things affect me.” Then good for you, more power to you, but if you are honest with yourself and you look at that situation and you go, “I know there is a kind of internal suffering. I may not show it to him, but there’s a kind of internal suffering that I experience in these situations because I haven’t figured this piece out for myself.” Then I want you to do something about it today. I have my retreat coming up in May, the live version so you can apply for that. Go through your interview, see if you’re right for the program, or I have my at-home retreat, which you can start today. You don’t even need to wait until my main retreat. You can actually get started on the program now. But just be honest with yourself where you are.

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to be talking more and more about this scarcity that I’m seeing out there and the way that it’s impacting people. And it’s sad because even when they do find a good thing, I see people sabotaging it everywhere. I want you to be strong. I want you to be confident, and when you do find something great, I want you to do the right things with it. And more importantly, most importantly, I want you to be able to enjoy it. So click the link, apply today. At the very least, learn more because this is a pivotal moment in the lives of the women that come, and I want it to be that for you this year too. I’ll see you soon.

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19 Replies to “The Thing You Must Do When You Meet Someone You Like”

  • Okay what to do if the men you love has a period without sex but he is really nice and sweet to you- what to do in this situation? does he have another girl or is it true that he has that period. This makes me sad – everthing other I just enjoy and we love eachother. But the sex part makes me crazy – we have only been together 2 years. Now we only have sex once in a month. And he cannot get an orgasm. It’s pretty frustrating. We had a very nice sexlife in the beginning- What happened and why? what to do?

  • Thank you so much Matt! I was with a guy 6 months last year and i was really in love with him but i was so uncertain with him. We come from other cultures so I think i didnt quite understand always his way to be so i became – i realised after – a freak. I was suspecting him to have other women and just being with me for an affair until he finds something “better”. So we broke up..Your words help me again to be positive about me and let go..

  • Tnk u plesss how do I make my man believe me .how do I live happyly relationship n luv forever. Plesss teach me how I will make my man luv me forever

  • I always feel there was something wrong with me whenever a guy stop having interest on me. I realize they were not really ready for a relationship. The good thing i never feel bad about because i do not want it to have effect on my life. But i was wrong because the past experience keep ringing through my mind and i keep doing same mistakes only to be careful. Matthew Hussey thank you for all messages, it has really made so much effect in my life and my mindset has really changed.

  • The hardest thing is the way guys lead you on, believable, then they ghost you and there is literally no rhyme nor reason.

    I had the best date ever this week…. wed chatted for a couple weeks, but the date was epic, chemistry, talking, kiss, he wrote moments after we’d left and didn’t stop messaging every moment he had time….. then Thursday morning, poof. I’ve literally felt like my heart has shattered….. I’ve been gracefull and not sent aggressive or passive aggressive messages….. but now it’s clear….. hes online yet doesn’t read my messages.

    It has to be his issue…. and external.from me. But it hurts like hell.

    I really liked him and now feel led on and let down. Have the decency to say you’re not interested!

    Worst thing…… I’d take him back in a heartbeat. And I know that is the worst thing I could do.

    I officially hate dating. I long for it to be over.

  • Matt thank you for everything. I love my guy so much but I realized he loves sex like hell and am the total opposite of him. We can have sex for about 4hours and he still wants after those hours. There are moments when I want and it’s fine we go for about 5hrs. But I just wasn’t in the mood for it today and he’s so mad with me. He’s not replying my texts. And when I also ignore him he says am neglecting him. Men are hard .

  • Your vida speak more accurately and intimately about the human condition than almost anything else I’ve seen.

  • Also, letting go comes from the realization that “You never HAVE someone.” They are always and will be always free, even when deciding to be in a committed exclusive relationship. Realizing that having control over someone else’s actions and thoughts is an illusion is, in my opinion, paramount. That means you are also free, which in turn makes everything a choice, not an obligation, which is, at least for me, waaaay more pleasant. Having that gravitational force inside your own life is absolutely important too! It is your anchor in the whole spectrum of life. Than letting go becomes an exercise. Remember those 2 things and every time letting go becomes easier. And every time together becomes a conscious choice, maybe with more of a quality time? (and here what Matt says becomes the main thing: if you are interested in your own life, you become an interesting company to chose to be with.)

  • Best Video you have produced in a while Matt I am glad you are approaching this Subject.

    I can easily relate to this.
    I honestly didn’t think from the view you have offered and it’s now made me question it alot.
    It’s so easy to get obsessed with a new person when they come in to the picture of your life
    I am gonna try and let go and chill a bit. Great Video.

    Next Video How to let go?
    If you ever read my comments I am trying to get better with my cynaisam
    Thanks Catriona

  • what about when we first meet the person for the very first time , What should we do , what do we need to do then ?

  • In psychology it is a conditioned response after it happens so many times. There will always be someone more attractive. I am older. This has been going on for most of my life. I feel I could fall and seeing a new woman is a push that breaks the fall. That is terror. Horrible.

  • I am a confident woman doing a great job dating and careful about getting to attached. Asking all the right questions. But! I have a 14 year old son who lost his dad 4 years ago. Who desperately want me to get married. He gets very excited when I date someone who is nice to him. And very sad if it doesn’t work out. It’s getting harder to even tell him if I’m dating someone.
    Or to not grab first guy who likes kids.

  • Thank you Matt
    I have experienced what it feels like when you mi e away from your core or root &
    It’s so important for you to tow the yo
    Urself to get trap
    Love x

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