Have you ever met a guy you really liked, and spent weeks terrified you were going to blow it?

I know what this is like, and trust me: if you ever want to keep a great relationship and not play games, you need to get out of this mindset fast. Here’s how you change it…

I think we have a slight problem right now of a scarcity mindset. I read these comments from people talking about their level of disillusionment, feelings that even if they did leave the house to go and meet people, “There are no good people out there anyway,” or living in this place of either numbness or fear. This sense that nothing good is going to happen. There’s a side effect to this scarcity. Even when we meet someone we like, that’s the crazy part. You would think that this scarcity is just about never meeting anyone you like, but it’s actually worse than that because now I feel when people do meet someone they like, they can’t even enjoy it because they’re so afraid it’s going to go away. And if it does go away, “I could spend another year or years waiting for the next great thing to come along because there’s so few of them out there.”

People aren’t even enjoying the thing when it’s in front of them because they’re terrified. We get these feelings of desperation that we don’t want it to go away. We don’t want this person to now leave us or get un-attracted to us. So we’re now trying to say everything right and we’re trying to make sure nothing goes wrong with it. We start to worry about controlling what they’re doing, “Where are they right now? Who are they with? Could they be with someone else? Should I be okay with them going on that boy’s night or that weekend trip?” We get competitive with that person because our egos can’t take it. We’re afraid of a good thing happening for them because what if that takes them away from me? You know that job opportunity they’ve got, that exciting thing that’s good for them. We’re afraid to encourage it because we want to keep things safe. We don’t want to lose them. This is a good thing.

I have learned that it’s precisely when the stakes are the highest that we have to be prepared to let go. Letting go doesn’t count when the stakes are low. But when the stakes are high, when it feels important, when you’re more in love than you’ve ever been. When you like someone more than anyone you’ve liked in a really long time. It feels counter-intuitive because when you find someone that you’re like, “God, this is the best person I’ve ever met, this feels like it could be the thing,” it feels like that’s the one we have to hang on too tightly. But it’s precisely when the stakes are the highest that we have to be prepared to let go. Not not trying, I’m not talking about not trying. I’m talking about trying, but from a place of strength and confidence. Having the confidence to encourage space, having the confidence to say, “You should go and do that thing. That job sounds like an amazing opportunity. You should take it.”

You may be asking, “How do you let go when something’s that important to me? How do I have faith? How do I let go?” The faith, for me at least, comes from knowing that you have a world of your own. That you have a center of gravity that lives with you. Not with the relationship, not with the person but with you. That you are fulfilled and happy and excited about life. Independent of this person that your life will not only survive but thrive. That is where your power comes from.

And the reason that I’ve spent now 10 years running a retreat program, alongside all of my love life programs, is because I understand how powerful that center of gravity is when it comes to your love life. Because if you don’t have it, anyone can come along and rock you. And they for sure will, especially when it’s someone you really fall for. It will rock you and it will either do it in a good way or it will do it in a horrible, torturous, anxious way where you are constantly fearful, constantly looking over your shoulder at what’s going to happen. Fear of abandonment, jealousy, competitiveness, over analyzing.

Now, you have to be honest with yourself because if you feel great when something like that happens and you feel that sense of “I’m able to let go. I feel powerful. I feel confident. I feel happy in every way. None of these things affect me.” Then good for you, more power to you, but if you are honest with yourself and you look at that situation and you go, “I know there is a kind of internal suffering. I may not show it to him, but there’s a kind of internal suffering that I experience in these situations because I haven’t figured this piece out for myself.” Then I want you to do something about it today. I have my retreat coming up in May, the live version so you can apply for that. Go through your interview, see if you’re right for the program, or I have my at-home retreat, which you can start today. You don’t even need to wait until my main retreat. You can actually get started on the program now. But just be honest with yourself where you are.

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to be talking more and more about this scarcity that I’m seeing out there and the way that it’s impacting people. And it’s sad because even when they do find a good thing, I see people sabotaging it everywhere. I want you to be strong. I want you to be confident, and when you do find something great, I want you to do the right things with it. And more importantly, most importantly, I want you to be able to enjoy it. So click the link, apply today. At the very least, learn more because this is a pivotal moment in the lives of the women that come, and I want it to be that for you this year too. I’ll see you soon.