The Conversation That Can Ruin A New Relationship

In this week’s episode of LOVELife, I discuss one seemingly harmless conversation that tends to be brought up in new relationships. Be careful though, this conversation, if not had correctly, can take your new found love down the wrong path. Watch now to learn how to avoid that fate.

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"9 Texts No Man Can Resist"

21 Replies to “The Conversation That Can Ruin A New Relationship”

  • Sorry, Matthew. You are being pigheaded here. For me, if I don’t like a guy, he may not get a first OR second date. Period. And I go deep, I do not hookup with anyone ever.

    I don’t have to work at being high value,
    I am. ;)

    Be careful with the blanket statements LOL.

    1. And this is exactly why men probably find you more attractive. It shows you have standards. know how to be a challenge, and know exactly what you want by never leading anyone on. Exact qualities a mature quality guys look for.

      1. Thank you, Dave. I agree. I do not lead anyone on at all ever. If they are worthy of being in my circle but no chemistry I will tell them so. I’ve had some men stalk me, get angry, scream, and screech their tires in a huff if they don’t get a first date or sometimes a second. But in those moments I just smile and say I dodged a bullet.

        1. Now that is what I call a mature and compassionate woman haha. I am the exact same way. Unfortunately there are a lot of men and women who use manipulation, dishonesty, and lead people on to simply get the best of both worlds. If I don’t see things going anywhere or I loose interest, I simply let them known through my actions and even verbally. Ladies!! There are compassionate and honest men out there. The advice I always give women is to look in new places or even sit down and re-evaluate their past dating experiences. Many women are surprised to realize that qualities which they were initially attracted to in men, were in fact red flags they simply ignored.

  • Eemmm hello!
    Girls wait before jumping to bed with a guy they like. Yes, that is true. Why we do that?!
    Because guys very often loose interest if they “get sex” too soon!
    That is the only reason I make a guy wait if I like him. And yes, this is very stupid because girls actually really wanna have sex with guys they like!

    1. i disagree. i think the main reason why guys lose interest is if the woman gets “clingy” afterwards (asking if he’s gonna call and stuff like that) or makes it a big deal as if she was “rewarding him” with sex just (like that feels when you wait for exactly 3 dates) instead of doing that because it’s actually fun (because i think every guy really wants a girl that enjoys having sex with him).

      i slept with my current boyfriend after our first date (although we knew each other a tiny little bit before). i wasn’t searching for a relationship at all at that time and i wasn’t really considering him as boyfriend material back then either and guess what… he was VERY interested. even more so afterwards.

      just have fun and follow your instincts, if someone thinks you’re “easy” because of that and loses interest is that really a person you would want to spend your life with?

      1. He already knew you though so it is very different. If he just met you and you slept with him the first date, then he naturally assumes you do this on every first date. But hey, some men don’t care and probably go around sleeping with every girl they meet on a first date too. Men and women respond well to challenge. There is something attractive about a women that shows she has self control and doesn’t put out so easy. Perhaps it indirectly shows the probability of infidelity as well. I personally slowed things down and stopped sleeping with women right away as well. Men can be “sluts” too. Most men however, haven’t realized the truth behind sleeping with multiple women. that truth is “validation”. Sure there is also a subconscious biological drive that makes us want to have as much sex as possible, but that does not mean we cannot mature and show control. There as tons of guys that lack standards and will sleep with any girl that shows them interest. They are usually the men who naturally cheat. Why not weed those guys out by having some self control in your dating game? Matthew’s brother wrote an article agreeing with this view of sex and dating for those very same reasons. Instead of being a hornball with no self control, date with your head instead. I think it is very important men and women show standards when it comes to sleeping with someone on a first date. It’s way more fun when you create sexual tension and show control by not putting out so easy. But I do agree that once women get clingy it makes us run away. There is no reason to contact each other daily from the gate. My advice is to slow it down, show sexual control (challenge), be fun and spontaneous, and build a connection. Easiness and neediness are attraction killers! There are many men that constantly meet “easy” women, so you need to make yourself stand out so he doesn’t subconsciously categorize you. Yes men categorize women no different than women.

    2. Some of us don’t hold off to simply avoid being “just sex.” Some of us wait to see his character, is he trustworthy, disease-free even, what are his values, is he kind and respectful? Now, THAT man is worth finding.

      1. I agree completely. But also see how putting out so quickly also shows us that you aren’t that type of woman you just described. Funny how we both have valid reasons which unfortunately most men and women even realize. Our society no longer follows our logic, but rather move things forward so quickly and act on their emotions rather than with logic or intelligence.

  • Absolutely great video Matt! Could you please do a video on how to start talking to a guy over text!!!! I have had this happen to me multiple times, where the guy gets my number and texts me the next day, but it’s all very boring small talk. If i try to make it more interesting I either come off as 1) weird for asking random questions about him, or 2) like I’m trying to get in his pants for flirting in order to make the conversation more exciting.

    1. Always find ways to get him to want to call you over the phone. Also using a bit of challenge and not messaging him so often and especially not daily. Perhaps making him chase you a bit more which does sound a bit gamy. Whether you’re a guy or girl wanting to see things progress, we should always want to move towards a more intimate and natural means of communication. Plus you are not longer another girl he texts but the one he calls over the phone ;). Just my two cents!

  • Matthew, this video was so much fun and so honest!

    “He now has an issue with Chicago.” LoL! If I said that according to a study, the nicest guys in the USA live in Chicago, he would probably get more pissed. I am not making it up. I did read it some time ago. Sorry buddy. LoL

    Talking about “honesty”, some girls bring up their past on purpose to make the guy jealous. It is their immature and selfish way of seeking attention.

    I see my past as a collective experience rather than individuals. One wasn’t more special than the other. I see it a ‘people’, not individuals. I never ever talk about my past relationships, because I don’t care. I’d change the subject if the new guy asked me anything about it, but if he pushed it, that is what I’d tell him. Scientifically, every new experience blocks the old one. My life is changing so much all the time, I hardly remember the specifics of the past. Even here, I like talking about ideas in general. I got carried away a little in article #43, but I was only speaking my mind from experience.

    Similarly, if I find out that the new guy has any emotional baggage from his past, I would stop seeing him, only because I know someone who is dramatic and pessimistic enough to hang on to his past is not the right match for me. It is lame. You should be smart enough to move forward with new dreams and hopes in life. Positivity is the key to everything.

    Your poking at the guys at the end of the video was great, Matthew. You are showing them how to be self-reflective and honest about it.

    One last thing, I see women do slut-shaming as much as men, if not more. I’ve seen it million times and I see it in comments under your youtube posts. Some time ago, I read some news about an 11yo girl who got pregnant in England. There were bazillion comments below the article from all over the world and almost all of them were women bashing the girl in the cruelest way, like they were sitting there and looking for an opportunity to bash another female. Shame on them. Only insecure women do that. Those who try too hard to show themselves like pure angels are the real sluts, as opposed to those who are open about what they want and how they live their lives. Get over yourselves ladies. While you are so worked up about judging people’s private lives, smart ones are out there enjoying their lives.

    Thanks for the smiles, Matthew. Enjoy your weekend! xx

    1. Very true! As a guy, I see my friends slut shaming all the time. Sure there is a natural and instinctive biological reason men are incredibly turned off by women who sleep around, but there is no reason to direct that hate openly towards them. I have a few female friends who could be classified as “sluts” but hey I keep my judgement to myself. No way in hell will I ever date them haha but I don’t openly judge and shame them either. “Sluts” choose their lifestyle and as people who don’t agree with their lifestyle, we simply shouldn’t expressed ourselves negatively towards them. If it doesn’t affect you then who cares! I just hope men and women realize this and stop bashing people for their lifestyles no matter how unattractive they may be to us. Want a solution? Don’t date them! Problem solved!

      1. Right, Dave. I think we all have that ‘slut shaming’ part somewhere in our brains. It is not always ‘judging’, but we always form an opinions about people. Our mind do it automatically whether we like it or not based on how that person acts, talks and dresses up. And, our own life experience, intuition and knowledge affect the outcome.

        To me, it is not about what you do, it is about how you do it. Whatever you do, you got to do it in a classy way, you don’t step back in your opinions or try to explain yourself to other people as to why you did it. Plus, keeping your private life only to yourself is important. If everything is out there, you probably won’t get much respect from people.

        There is also a new trend of women who pose nude and call it feminism. There are some websites on it. If you want to share your naked pics with the whole world, just say so, but don’t call it feminism. It is not feminism. I don’t know any true feminist in history who made her opinions heard by nudity. And I don’t know any man who would change their minds about women after looking at a nude picture. Needless to say, sharing half-naked, duck face, pouty mouth pics on social media screams nothing but insecurity and lack of intelligence. Smart, confident people take attention with their minds, not with their nakedness. You can be dirty all you want in the bedroom with your partner. It is different. That fine line makes you either ‘classy’ or ‘trash’.

        Have a great weekend! x

  • Hey Matt!

    I have a quick question..well..sort of. I guess you can consider me to be an outgoing person by nature and a conversationalist at heart. I love meeting people and genuinely enjoy getting to know someone. Now here’s the thing, I have found some guys in the past to take those qualities and SOMEHOW misinterpret that into being “easy”. Where the heck did I go wrong? What do you recommend is the best way to show you’re personable and kind, while keeping that reserved intriguing mystery?

    Is this a common issue or are the guys I’ve been so lucky to interact with descend from the galaxy of weenies?

    Thank you so much for your generous time! Happy Holidays:)

  • Matthew, I just got a deep tissue massage from a male masseur and thought of your video when laying there getting squeezed. You were talking about a guy’s getting it easy without investing in it and here I was letting a guy rub all over me with oil only 15 mins after meeting me. ahahaha! I know… I know it is his job and he was a professional but that is besides the point. I thought it was funny. Besides, I paid him to do that! hahaha! :D

    Also, last Friday night a guy shot his girl friend in Nordstrom store here in downtown Chicago and then shot himself. Unbelievable. They both died. The news reports didn’t explain the reason why he did it but I am sure it was because of jealousy. America is full of crazy people. So don’t push it ladies. Seriously.

  • Hey Matthew!

    I think it’s incredibly sexy when a man gets territorial and I enjoy seeing that side of him. How do I make that side come out but in a playful way? I obviously do not want to make him genuinely upset.

    Thank you!
    – N.P.

  • I watched this last month and could not relate to it fully…but now, i guess i do ;) and i guess this was posted for a reason? hahaha- so timely huh? How ironic life is!!! Love it team ;) Lol. A guy hooking rlast week is fine with me but not until i steal his surname! Hahaha.get that?

  • I watched this last month and could not relate to it fully…but now, i guess i do ;) and i guess this was posted for a reason? hahaha- so timely huh? How ironic life is!!! Love it team ;) Lol. A guy hooking up last week is fine with me but not until i steal his surname! Hahaha.get that?

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