The Skinflint: Why He’s Tight And What To Do About It – Men’s Personalities Part 1

After talking to many women about the different types of men they meet, usually the wrong types! We decided to put together a 5 part series on which male personality types you may have already dated or are currently dating and what you can do to slowly change him for the better.

The Skinflint…

Main Entry: skinflint

Function: noun

Etymology: Flint stones were used in olden times to start a fire. The term skinflint derives from the idea that a miserly person would go to the extreme and “skin a flint” or use a flint till it’s as thin as skin

Date: Circa 1700

1: one who is very reluctant to spend money
2: scrooge
3: pinchgut

All of us are enthralled by this fundamental unit of modern capitalist society: money. Whether you agree with me it of not, you cannot deny that money takes on a particularly pivotal role in the dating world. I would imagine that every woman reading this has her own opinion about the role that money takes, (or should take) in male/female interactions. And there can be no doubt that it dictates our view of others, especially the men that we’re dating.

But Why Are Some Men So Reluctant To Spend A Dime On You?

An article in the New York Times showed from recent Census data that women in the decade after college, make more now on average than men. Today men are on their weakest economic footing vis-à-vis women in history. But do we really believe it’s because they haven’t got the dosh to take us out? Is it only recently men have become so tightfisted? Of course not: they’re stingy, and you want to know why!

Here are the top two reasons why you might have been dealing with such penny-pinchers…

1) Men Think In Terms Of “Assets” And “Prodigality”

Most men, even when not restricted by their disposable income, are overwhelmed with alternative means of how they spend their money; ski trips with their friends, refurnishing their apartment… the list is endless. Assuming that they do have the money to allocate to their dating life, think of this from a man’s perspective; in the way that men think (or as close to that as you can possibly comprehend!).

If you’ve got £200 to spend, and you can either take the ‘safe’ option of investing in an “asset” i.e. a new outfit or something that is going to last a long time, or you can take a risk and spend it on a date with a woman you barely know, (and if things go badly, it’s completely wasted) what would you do?

Typically men are very resourceful as well as reluctant to take any sort of financial risk, even if they’ve got plenty of money. If there is even the slightest hint of doubt in how well a date could go, men will often not want to take the risk. To prevent a guy from ever reverting to thinking like this, you have to lower his perception of risk in his own mind.

To do this, before the date, message him and reassure him of how excited you are about meeting up with him. If you already find yourself in this predicament, the best thing to do after a couple of dates is to really give him signs that things are going well so it doesn’t seem like such a big deal for him.

2) He’s Paranoid That You Only Want Him For His Money

The second reason may actually come as a surprise to you. You may think that the more money a man earns, the more he’s willing to spend when he’s dating or with his partner – but this isn’t necessarily the case. In my experience the wealthier a man is, the more suspicious and paranoid he can become around women. All these wealthy men can ever think about when they’re with a woman is, “Is she really laughing at my joke, or does she just love eating at Le Gavroche, for £95 a head?” So to protect themselves, from potential ‘gold-diggers’, they never spend a dime with women they’ve just met.

If all your flirting and compliments have been centered around materialistic things; his watch, his car, et cetera, this may be why he has put a sudden holt to the spending. If you suspect this to be the case, you need to build a real connection with him, beyond the superficialities. Compliment him more on his attractive personality and the real reason that you’re drawn to him as opposed to his possessions. With time he will realize that you’re not after him for the money.

What are your thoughts on skinflints? Have you dated one? If so did it end or are you still together?? Let us know your thoughts ladies…

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22 Replies to “The Skinflint: Why He’s Tight And What To Do About It – Men’s Personalities Part 1”

  • yeah – dated one and still together… in the beginning got the impression he’s never really dated anyone so he’s a bit lost with what to do… just o realise he would let me pay for diners and if you don’t show you expect him to pay at least for half, he would be comfy with not doing it at all.
    This has been happening regardless of how long we’ve been together (2 years now). It’s quite hard as obviously this is one of the nice things in being a woman that you’re sort of expecting nice surprises and small gifts once in a while – or a nice restaurant in centre, not local indian which also does take-aways…

    1. A lot of men don’t take women out. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that men and women are catching up salary wise. I talked to a male dating coaching and he said that generally a women earns around 2/3 of what her date earns, so the fairest policy is for the women to pay around a third of the time. However I suppose it depends on the salary discrepancy. Sometimes a man wants to save for a rainy day, how about alternating and negotiating dates if you don’t earn much then choose cheap venues explain this is what you can afford, if a man earns more and wants to pay more let him. If he earns more and doesn’t want to pay more he might just be careful with his cash, if you like him enough it shouldn’t bother you. Just don’t expect a guy to pay a lot more for a date, its not how it works nowadays you will be disappointed!

  • It’s just a comment, really. Actually I have almost none experience with guys, but when I was much younger I dated one that would want to pay things for me and I wouldn’t allow because I thought that it was wrong that his dad would have to pay my bills! And somehow made me fell like I would always owe him. Much later in life, I find my friend really struggling with money issues like “He paid for all last time, now I should pay for the lunch!” or “It’s nothing. Or is it? Should we share??” and I feel clueless, but I thing that now that we’re all adults, it’s his responsability, whatever he wants to do with his money. A lunch won’t make him homeless or something like this! And whatever feels comfortable for both is the best way. Right?

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  • My ex partner was very stingy: when we were shopping for grocery and our child stuff he was turning his face on the other side so he did not have to pay at the till,he has a full time job; when I was sick during pregnancy I told him I was so Ill I was taking days off for work and asked him if he could help me with the rent, he replied grit your teeth and go to work; we are separated now however I never understood this strange attitude towards money, I suppose he believes I was not worth spending a dim. On the contrary I love treating myself and I thank the universe for having a good job, cheers eleonora

    1. And men cannot say enough how much they HATE feminists!
      Bahahahahaha I dare these men to practice what they preach

  • Pratt 1: Some men are just tight fisted. 1 guy I dated for 6 weeks several years ago, constantly forgot his wallet. After the 4th time I brought it up to which he retorted,’if you were a thoughtful person you would not try to embarrass me about such a mistake’. When I finally gave him the flick and paid off a visa debt incurred with this greedy man, I learned his friends called him Tighty. His real name was Toby.

    Pratt 2: A chap took a train trip to visit me after several weeks speaking over some hideous dating website. As he had paid for the train I thought it would be nice to offer to pay for the items we were getting at the supermarket for a picnic in the park. When it came to the till, he reached for his wallet so I said ‘oh no, please allow me to get this – you took the train to get here’ and his response was ‘too right I just wanted to get the Tesco’s club points’….

    Pratt 3 (hot pratt): I would love to get you a coffee this time – I have cashed in my premium bonds to pay my rent so I have a few quid on me. please come to Starbucks with me’… I agreed feeling a bit worried for my gen Y (and how I really was right to stick with my gen X – I digress) and then I found a tenner laying on the ground. I handed it to handsome skinflint saying, ‘look I just found this, get us a couple of drinks out of this’. He got himself a sandwich on top of the drinks and put the £2 change on the table. I said, ‘you may as well keep that’… and he replied, ‘cheers mate’. He doesn’t understand why I didn’t want a 3rd date.

  • Your higher education knowledge describes you together with will help mildew you into that employable person all suppliers are searching for. However it is you that helps yourself along the way by learning and seeking knowledge and knowing in your own picked discipline. It is the way you are attractive to firms who are trying to find someone that is aware exactly what they are doing or are likely to learn about their career on the go.

  • I drive 1.5 hours (one way!) to see this guy I meet on and he takes me to a dive. Ok, maybe he’s used to gold diggers, but if this is the case, then why did he #1. Pursue me and #2. Put in his profile that he made $100,000-$150,000? No biggie. Next date, drove another 3 hours with a really nice/sexy dress on – only to be taken to a DELI… I’m not feeling too good now. 3rd date, to a eatery next to the cinema where he took me afterwards because he had free tickets. (We are both over 40) 4th date driving 3 hours for another ma & pa place and a walk in the park. Look, all this is great, but men need to realize that women – every now and then – need to feel special. It’s like inviting him over for dinner and having him drive all the way here for peanut butter and chips. Yea, he got to eat, yea, we spent time together, BUT…there seems to be no effort, no romance, no feeling special. I’m sure he would feel the same way. I’m going on my – most likely – last date with him tomorrow, and hint that I don’t feel special. Yea, he says how pretty I am and a rockin’ body, etc…but words aren’t everything. Words are cheap. I did read an article about cheap men have cheap hearts, too. So, maybe this is the reason why. Little does he know it’s almost over because he didn’t want to take me out for a romantic dinner and make me feel special. Sad. He will lose a really good girl because of his tightness. It’s like they will be homeless if they take us out for a romantic dinner or something.

  • Can anybody help?

    So i met this guy for dinner, we had great mind level of connection which we know its hard to find.
    But then the next thing i found out he is super stingy, we split the bill on the first date which is totally fine but deep down it just would be nice for a guy to at least be generous on the first date. But the problem that was a major turn off was he was being super calculative in every penny, like he even convert his $ and he said i pay you this and i still ow you $5. and i was shocked and i told myself that GOD he is the WORST.
    and after that i said goodnight and i left home.
    Thats the moment where he started to pursue me. and because of we have that quite deep level of mind connection i started to think okay lets see what this guy has to offer.
    Its been few weeks now, we haven’t met again cause i was out of the country, means getting to know him is still new BUT another thing that he told me today, he said that he has 2 girls that he see them as friends with benefit, like why would he say something like that? i just don’t get it.
    Cause at this new level of getting to know him i honestly don’t care.

    I told myself that he aint even worth it, but its not easy to find someone whom you have connection with, but seriously though with him being a total stingy on the first date is really a major turn off in the first place.

    Please HELP? :(

  • The least stingiest people tend to be wealthy guys. So if hes stingy it simply means he has no money. And who wants to date a broke-ass? Not me. This is why sugardaddy websites are the most popular dating websites today. Its got what everyone is looking for and at least its honest – men want beautiful women, women want rich guys who will spoil them.

  • I was searching for the link to find, didnt find anything at all.
    My grand-grandma was a very beautiful queen type of lady, who her husband always shower her with money, gifts and presents while she always told us a lady never has to spend a penny for her man.
    But i dont know how come, i am different and recently i had took my boyfriend to a dreamy trip after just 3 months, though we know eachother for many years…
    He then at the very last day invited me over to another trip he promised for the future.
    I mean we shared all the expenses together, but the ticket and hotel was on my.
    Now i dont regret anything, i just really want to know does he dont like me now anymore, or maybe he think im a nice girl or what?
    I mean, is it really a bad thing or good thing to spend for your man?
    Please guide me! if its a mistake, i dont want to make it twice :)

  • Golddiggers aren’t always women, they’re men too. My ex was one. He wanted me to buy him a $110 basketball jersey but balked when I asked for a $10 thrift store necklace. He asked me did I want anything from 7-11, I told him to bring me back a sandwich. He said “A SANDWICH?!” like I asked for a car and put his hand out asking for money. He bought himself the same sandwich the week before. He would suggest movies to rent online and ask me for half of a $12 movie. Be wary ladies!

  • I’m w a guy that makes plenty of money flipping houses ( well over 100 a year) and is an assistant manager at Walmart making like 75 a yr. I’ve known him few yrs and dated before but more of a fwb type thing and he’d help me out w extra spending money back then…
    Now I live w him – clean whole house – help w his son – prepare meals … And what does he do?
    Promises me his current car but only once he buys his truck (used of course) he’s procrastinating on that so I’m stuck at home all day…I literally have to beg him for money on the days I do borrow the car(2x week) and he always says what like 20$? N I have to explain to him what I need money for so I can just live ! im talking essentials here.
    Get this bs- I asked him for some cash last night cause I am borrowing car today for doc apt… N id like to have cash on me for lunch face wash a damn soda n I needed some otc medicine — “what like 20$”? Lol I feel so uncomfortable asking him for $ cause he is so stingy and makes me feel bad about it like I’m a child asking my dad for money it’s so awkward- then he makes a HUGE deal about using the atm cause it charges him a fee… There’s his bank on the way to his work in am … “Ohh I can’t take that way cause it’s so trafficy ill be waiting at that light for 5 min and I’m already late as it is”… Some bullshit… Ok the bank is at the intersection we run through on his way to work wtf… Then he’s like I can’t go into Walmart and get cash back cause I’ll be bombarded by my manager instantly … Um ok … Every damn excuse not to just stop at atm… And HE CAVES WHEN HIS 7 yr old STARTS CRYING AT THE CHECK OUT FOR 20$ sunglasses that r for girls and bug eyed n cheap. wow
    He stresses over me getting the bare minimum essential items –I don’t even dare ask to get my nails done cause then I have to explain how much it costs n he is boarder line interrogating me about the $.
    I can’t live like this — am I being crazy or should I leave? Before I moved in he said don’t work I want u to be a mom(I have a son too) and he’ll take care of me. Wtf why would he agree to all these things then when I’m moved in its not that way at all.

  • I’ve had to call it a day with my tight partner. He’s an extremely wealthy man, talking millionaire (stock broker).
    He’s so mean it makes me feel ill. And the longer we are together it’s getting worse. He lives approx an hour and a half away and expects me to drive all the time. He never wants to eat out and sometimes opens a can of soup and old bread if I’m lucky! He can go and end up lonely – I’m worth more.

  • Some women may now be earning mote than they used to but I’ve had this problem with men who are far wealthier than I am. I’m extremely generous & this side to me is evident immediately – there is no reason to think I’m after money. The reality is it cost FAR more to be a woman than it does a man. Makeup, hair, beauty products, our nails, laser hair removal, jewellery, our clothes – the list goes on and on. The reality is that what it costs us to look good for a guy on a date (so he in turn looks good in the company of an attractive woman) makes the cost of a drink or dinner look like a drop in the ocean.

  • Some women may now be earning more than they used to but I’ve had this problem with men who are far wealthier than I am. I’m extremely generous & this side to me is evident immediately – there is no reason to think I’m after money. The reality is it costs FAR more to be a woman than it does a man. Makeup, hair, beauty products, our nails, laser hair removal, jewellery, our clothes – the list goes on and on. The reality is that what it costs us to look good for a guy on a date (so he in turn looks good in the company of an attractive woman) makes the cost of a drink or dinner look like a drop in the ocean.

  • nice topic..
    I had a DATE last week, we went to a beach together and talk for 3hours.. I spend hours fixing myself, taking ride for 1.5 hours to meet him, Hes a psychologist btw., He only spend a gas for his car and a fruits put in a cooler so we could eat together and I bought boiled corn for him as he said he is vegetarian, after 3 hours of getting to know each other I went home and he offer transport fee for 100pesos like 2 dollars..I didnt get it as I was shock ex arent like that…

    he has a nice place, cars, good life…
    2nd date, he bring me to his place and I meet his maid and the maid and I got closer that day and I notice that he made food that he can eat and never offer us good food LOL I thought He would be buying some roast chicken for only 250pesos 5dollars but oh my gosh we dated that he never spend good meal… I think im gonna run out… he knew my situation and yet he never offer some help being generous… If he is testing me I cant get over with his maid situation :( very thin and looks so tired..

  • I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over four months. I met him when he was in my city, but lives in another state. When he was here two months ago, I told him I was taking a trip and had a stop at the airport near him. He said he would pay the change fee of $150 to stay with him for a few days. Now the time has come to make my changes. First he said he would pay for everything while I was there and didn’t have to spend a dime. I didn’t say anything. A few days later I told him about the $150 change fee and said you’re going to pay for it right. I told him that’s what he said when he was here. So then he says “you’re going to help pay for things we do?” I said that’s fair. Before this, we would go out dancing and pay the $5 cover every week. So I guess he wasn’t cheap. But then he tells me he bought an Ebike for $700. He’ll spend a lot for himself, but very little on me.

  • I dated this guy for half a year and the reason I broke up with him was because he was so cheap despite being a trust fund guy as well as doing quite well for himself. His parents are rich and he does not live a bad lifestyle but when it comes to the little things we do together, it is always free such as going to spend the weekend at his parent’s house versus taking me to a nice resort. Or taking me on cheap dates and saying things like “we can fine dine anytime“ (when? Haha) and he doesn’t send me flowers for valentines day despite being in a long distance relationship cos he says everyday is valentines day (hello then why am i not getting flowers everyday?) and he doesn’t want to spend on over priced flowers. It s just excuse after excuse not to spend on me. What was the deal killer was when he said “we do these things later not now“ and says that his dad buys stuff for his mum cos they have been together for decades which means he does not want to invest in me now cos i have not proven myself worthy. Also he wants to marry me! I went to visit him and wanted to buy myself a small bottle of perfume and he did not even try to pay for it. Girls, never settle for cheap men cos cheap mean is feminine men and us women need a real provider. Dont fall for the “glad you are not materialistic like my ex” girl…. wanting flowers here and there is not materialistic so never let cheap men let you think otherwise!

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