Some big life changes don’t come with a plan. They just crack you open and make you see everything differently.

Today’s unscripted new video is about what happens when priorities shift and you start choosing peace over pressure. It’s about fear, commitment, slowing down, and learning to create space for what actually matters. If you’ve ever felt pulled between comfort and change, this will resonate.

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Matthew Hussey: 

So this video is going to be a little different. I don’t have a script for this one. I thought I would share with you something a lot of you have been asking about, which is to let you in on something really big that’s happened to me in the last couple of months, and my wife Audrey, which is that we welcomed into the world our son and I don’t normally make videos like this.

 

Normally I will make an instructional video and I’ll have a bunch of points set out that I want to talk to you about. And in this one, I thought I would make it far more casual and just talk to you about what my experience of this has been. I know many of you have been with me for many years on this journey.

 

For those of you that are new here, I’m Matthew Hussey. If you don’t know me, I’ve been spending almost two decades of my life coaching people in their love lives. I help thousands of people a month find love in my love life coaching group. I created Matthew AI, the world’s leading eye authority on dating and relationships. I wrote two New York Times bestselling books on the subject of love and dating.

 

And, this is the first time I’ve been married and a parent in all of that time. It’s a strange one, doing what I do for a living. Because, you know, when I was single, everyone said to me, why aren’t you in a relationship? And my answer was the same as yours, presumably there’s so many of you, which is?

 

I haven’t found the right person yet. It hasn’t worked out for me yet. You know, it’s never quite felt right or it didn’t work out when I wanted it to. And when I was in a relationship, you know, people would start asking me, so, you know, when are you going to have kids? You’re going to have kids.

 

You’d make such a great dad. And by the way, if you are looking for love in 2026 and you have not yet signed up for “The Year of Love” event that I’m doing, it is coming up fast this month and then we’re not doing it again. So make sure you go and join it. It’s Lovein26.com. It’s completely free.

 

But you really should be there because we’re going to set you up for the year in terms of finding love. Lovein26.com is the link. It’s funny I, I was always quite scared of the big forms of commitment like marriage and kids. You know, I always thought that was such a huge leap in life to make that decision.

 

And it was a decision that terrified me kind of on both counts. You know, so much of my life was about opening up doors and, you know, create more opportunities. And marriage was like saying no to everything, you know, or at least everyone on earth except one person. And that felt terrifying. And having kids felt even more terrifying.

 

Because, you know, for me, I’ve spent so much of my life with so much responsibility and taking care of family and, and, you know, having this big organization. And I felt like having a child was like one more thing that I was like, oh my God, how can I do this? You know, I can I take on one more thing.

 

And one of the things that really helped me was I spoke to my therapist about how I was really struggling with the fear that I had around having children. And my therapist said, you know, I don’t think you can you you’re a person who loves so intensely, and you love people, and you love your family, and you’re so close to the people that you love.

 

And you know, in so many ways, you fit the profile of someone who would love having children. But I don’t think that you’re able to even connect to that right now because you your life is so full and you have so much responsibility that you’re, you know, there’s no space. And he said, I think that you might have to actually actively create some space so that you even know what you feel about this.

 

And so I started to do that, you know, I canceled a tour around the world that I was going to do. I was planning it with my team, and I just canceled it. I started traveling less. Me and Audrey created a more rooted life, and I started saying no to a lot of things. And bit by bit, I created a bit of space.

 

Not like tons. It’s not like I got half my schedule back, but I created some space and I found myself starting to get more excited about the possibility of having a child. The other thing I was told constantly is you’ll feel different when it’s your child. I know all of these responsibilities feel so big, but when it’s your own, when it’s your child, you’ll feel differently.

 

And I hoped that that would be true. The truth is, I did not know before I had my son whether that would be true or not. And I even had some anxiety around, like, am I going to feel what I’m supposed to feel when he arrives? The exciting thing that happened was that he came out and it was so sudden for me, like he came out and I wept.

 

I had I had Meta Ray-Bans on to film, not I didn’t film any of the gory stuff, but like just that moment when the doctors held him up. I didn’t want to have my phone and be filming, so I just didn’t want it to be in the moment. But I also really, really wanted to remember the moment because my memory’s not always that great.

 

So I didn’t want to lose this moment. So I was wearing these these glasses and they were recording. And all you can hear on the recording is me weeping. I just, I just cried, I couldn’t stop, it was uncontrollable and reflexive and I loved him so much, so quickly. And I know not everyone feels that everyone has their own experience.

 

And that’s not, you know, people. We all judge ourselves for these moments and whether we’re doing it right. You know, I’ve got plenty of friends who are obsessed with their kids, but say that it took them a few months to get there, you know? So it’s different for everybody, from what I understand. But, you know, for me, it was very, very fast.

 

And I think in some ways the hardest part has been the I just want to spend time with him and there were these blissful two weeks where I just got to hang out with him and Audrey, and it was so amazing. And Audrey, by the way, has been unbelievable. She is just blow me away with how she went through pregnancy and who how she went through birth and showing up as a mother in the last two months.

 

Like my love for her has just grown and my respect for her. I’ve already respected her so much, but like it just went to a whole new level. Watching her in this way and so it’s been amazing for our relationship. I can see how it can be so tense for relationships because you’re sleep deprived and sometimes you’re food deprived because you’re not.

 

You’re forgetting to eat. And so you’re tired and you’re hungry and you know, you’re figuring it out and you’re nervous, you’re doing it wrong. And you’re, you know, in that environment, it’s so easy to fight. But I’m so aware. One of the things I’m so aware of is, you know, that lesson with kids, you hear in general, which is they’re not watching.

 

They’re not listening to what you say to them nearly as much as they’re watching what you do. That’s even more true of a baby, because a baby doesn’t know what you’re saying at all. And I’m so aware that he’s feeling our energy on some level, you know, on what level? I don’t know, but I take it really seriously that our nervous systems are training his nervous system right now.

 

And so I’m, I’m really conscious. I’ve not been I wouldn’t describe myself in life as a particularly calm person. I think that’s not been one of my superpowers. But I want to be calm in life, and I’ve worked very hard to bring a different level of calm into my life in recent years. And I’ve chased peace. You know, where I used to chase ambition and success and trying to get ahead.

 

And I was like, these days I, I really, really, really try to chase peace. And that’s something I want to bring him. And so I’m so aware that our nervous systems are training his in real time. So how we are with each other, I’m being so conscious about that, how we are with him. I’m being so conscious about that.

 

And that’s been an amazing thing for me, because it’s this constant thing that keeps me honest when it comes to my own chronic stress. Am I presenting as a good person, as a good version of myself? Am I being calm right now because I want him to be calm in life? I don’t want him to grow up with all the same anxieties that I’ve had.

 

And, you know, the hyper vigilance and the constant kind of like worrying about the other shoes going to drop and all of that, I, I, I really care about him feeling safe, but I feel something about having brought this person into the world didn’t choose to be brought into the world. And I feel this sort of feeling of like, I want him now that we’ve brought him into the world, and he’s like this person and he’s like, what the hell am I doing here?

 

I want him to have a great life, and I want him. I don’t want him to struggle in all the same ways that I have struggled. And I realize you can’t protect someone out of everything, but, you know, I want him to feel really, really safe. And I want him to suffer as little as possible or, you know, to not suffer in all of the same ways.

 

Before we go any further with the video, I want to address a frustration that so many of you have had with me over the years, and that is that you want your personal question answered by me, and there isn’t a forum to do it. I even had a woman who was angry at me because she joined me on a webinar and didn’t get her question answered, but the day that I released Matthew AI  she tried it.

 

She emailed me and said I had tears in my eyes as Matthew AI answered my question because I was finally getting your answer to my specific situation and that is all I had wanted. Whether you are trying to figure out what’s takes someone back, how to get over a breakup, how to respond to someone’s inconsistency in early dating, how to improve your dating profile.

 

You can do all of that with Matthew AI and you can do it at AskMH.com. You can get it for just $7 for your entire first month, and speak to me for as many hours as you want, so please go try this if you haven’t already, AskMH.com is the link.

 

One of the things that scared me was like my routines getting messed up.I even said at one of my team I cringed a little bit. One of my team reminded me she was like just like a couple of years back, you were on an interview with your friend Ali Abdul, and he was talking about how, you know, what do you think about having kids? And you were like, scared of what it’s going to do to my routines.

 

And let’s say you have kids. What what what what are you scared of? So much life change. Okay. So much responsibility. Yep. Feeling like there’s never a break. Yep. That there is now a person there that every moment of the day may need you. That the kind of claustrophobia, Of that. Yeah. And I suppose in some way the feeling of not having done all of the things that I wanted to do, like, you know, having worked so hard for so long that I haven’t maybe done all the travel that I would like to do, I haven’t shared enough time with Audrey in our lives and doing things that we might want to do together as a couple. Yeah, the there might be more experiences to have before that happens in. It’s I suppose it’s some combination of all of that which there’s a I as I say it all, I recognize there is a kind of theme going on there.

 

I was right to be worried about my routines because they they have gone out the bloody window. It has been. I’ve barely seen the inside of a gym. I’ve barely seen any of my friends were both kind of running on fumes in a lot of ways. One of the weird things about all of this is that it’s the greatest responsibility of my life, is caring for this new human being. But I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I do like mind that I haven’t been able to go to the gym and things like that.

 

I do mind that, you know, there are things I’m like, oh, I wish I could do that more, but it’s not the priority right now. And I think that’s what saved me is being being loyal to what’s most important to me right now, values wise, as opposed to being loyal to some standard that I set for myself in a different, time in my life that has saved me.

 

Because when it’s a choice between do I go to the gym for the next hour? Or do I spend this hour of quality time with my son? It’s like I’m spending the hour with my son. I’m going to be okay with the fact that I’m going to be a bit more out of shape right now, and maybe for a minute, who knows?

 

It doesn’t mean I’m not going to do anything. You know, I’m finding my feet with all of this new rhythm and these new routines, and me and Audrey are finding our feet together as a couple because it’s different. It’s different right now. You know, I keep reminding myself in all of this that it’s all living at the end of my life.

 

I want to look back and I want to say I did a lot of living, and right now I’m doing a lot of living. And while that may offend the perfectionist in me who likes things in neat order and likes clean lines and shirts unwrinkled by a baby that’s been squished up against them all day, I can embrace the imperfection ism of all of it and the the mess of all of it, knowing that actually the highest vision for my life, which is I’m living, it is being achieved.

 

So I’ll stop there because I feel like I could go on for a lot longer on this. I’m going to do a podcast about this where I do go on longer, but I wanted to stop by and have this moment with all of you. I’d love for you to leave a comment and let me know what this video meant to you.

 

How did it speak to you? If you’re afraid right now of a commitment in the future, how are you dealing with that fear? What is that fear? And if you are married, or you have kids, or you’ve made a big commitment in your life, when you look back now, a fear you used to have, was it legitimate? Was it valid?

 

Did it turn out to be true? Or was it something you never needed to worry about? I’d love to know. Leave me a comment below. Thank you for watching. Don’t forget to sign up to “The Year of Love” event I’m doing this month, if you haven’t already. The link is Lovein26.com. Go make sure you go and do that.

 

It’s a big one coming up this month. I look forward to seeing you in the next video. Thank you so much for watching. Thank you for being with me over the years. Let me know if you enjoyed this style video. I’ll see you soon.