I cannot tell you how excited I am to share this with you.
It’s about something I’ve been tirelessly working on in the background for the last 4 years . . .
It’s been the most difficult, and in many ways the most personal, project of my life.
I’ve had to keep it to myself for what feels like forever now, but I can finally share it with you, and I do exactly that in this video:
Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the channel and this special video where I have something huge to announce to you.
Many of you know I’ve been doing this for 15 years now. My entire adult life has been dedicated to helping people in their love lives. And that was where I started on YouTube—making videos for just the handful of people who were watching them.
And now, 15 years later, I have almost 3 million subscribers on YouTube, I’ve done multiple world tours, I have a podcast called Love Life, and I wrote a New York Times bestselling book—a book that ever since then, my publisher has wanted me to follow with another book.
And yet every year she called me, I told her the same thing: “I’m not ready. I don’t know what I want to write about in another book.”
Since then, my work has evolved a little, and one of the reasons it’s evolved is because I started to notice that even with all the advice in the world about how to create opportunities, how to create choice in one’s love life, how to create attraction on a level that people have never had before . . . people were still struggling to find love.
The question of why someone was still single remained. And I think that that question is one that has very complicated and individual answers for so many people. It’s one of the reasons why that question is so infuriating to be asked.
When someone says to us, “So why are you still single?” . . . whether it’s a person you’re on a date with or a family member at Thanksgiving, it can be really annoying because internally you go, “I don’t know why I’m still single. If I had that answer, maybe I wouldn’t be single anymore.”
And by the way, if it makes you feel any better, I got this question my entire career. People would ask me at scale: “Matthew, why are you still single?”
And here’s the thing: In my 20s, that didn’t bother me so much. I felt like, “Well, I can shrug this off, because you know what? I’m enjoying being single. I don’t need a long-term relationship right now. That’s something for the future.”
But at a certain point in my life, that question started to affect me more, because internally, I had started asking that question of myself.
I’d reached a point where dating wasn’t as fun anymore. I felt like my own patterns in dating were becoming a little compulsive—running on dopamine cycles of just trying to get my fix of numbing myself, and trying to run away from uncomfortable emotions. Dating became unrewarding and unfulfilling, and left a void that I was continuously trying to fill.
Deep down, I started to realize that what I wanted was something more sustainable, more nutritional. I wanted a long-term relationship. But I was struggling to find it myself, which is a difficult place to be when it’s what you talk about every single day with everybody else.
And I started to ask myself many of the same questions that I know many of you out there ask yourselves:
“Why, in a world of 8 billion people, am I struggling to meet my person?”
“Am I going to have to settle?”
“Am I too picky?”
“Are my standards too high?”
“Am I going to miss out on all of my best years with a partner because I meet someone too late?”
“Is the version of love that I’m imagining I’m going to find one day something that isn’t actually realistic?”
This for me was a feeling that was building over a few years until it reached its crescendo at a point in my life where I hit a kind of rock bottom. I went through a tremendous heartbreak. Alongside that heartbreak, I happened to be suffering from chronic physical pain on the back of years of anxiety and stress that I had failed to resolve . . . until my body finally went, “If you’re not going to resolve it this way, I’m going to start giving you symptoms that ruin your life.”
And that’s exactly what they did. I faced a depression the likes of which I had never experienced in my life. My chronic physical pain robbed me of the joy of my life and made me fall out of love with my own life, which was so painful because I’m a life-lover. I couldn’t connect to what I liked about life anymore. Everything was marred by pain. And my heartbreak seriously made me question my choices: whether I could trust my choices, whether I could trust myself to make myself happy, and whether I was ever going to find a relationship that truly made me happy.
I, from this place, made a decision. What suddenly dawned on me was that there were likely invisible reasons I was too close to [that made it harder] to perceive the real reasons why I was struggling to find the kind of love I said I wanted. I also realized that that’s true for so many other people out there.
I called my publisher, Karen, and I said to her, “I know what I want to write about. I know that this is the subject of the next book, and I’m ready to write this book.” Because I believed that if I could change this for myself, I could change it for other people, and we could all learn together.
From that point on, I thought about this book for four years straight: I went on my own journey of exploration to try to figure out these things, I read books I would never normally read, I found mentors who were unlike the mentors I’d had before, I went through crazy experiences of my own, I got therapy on a consistent basis, and I wrote and journaled about every single thing that was helping me develop the self-awareness I needed along the way.
And through that, I ended up with what I believe is the best piece of work I have ever created. So I am proud and immensely excited to share with you today that my new book is finally finished. It’s called Love Life – How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person (And Live Happily No Matter What).
Everything that I know by this point in my life about love and how to find it is packed into this book. It is available for pre-order right now at lovelifebook.com.
I come to you today not as a 25-year-old guy who knows how to help you create opportunities in your love life, but as a 36-year-old man whose life has been transformed by the discoveries, the insights, and the techniques I have put into this book.
And when I say my own life has been transformed, it has been transformed. I have become a far more open-hearted person. I have become far more compassionate toward myself—far more accepting of myself. I’ve become vulnerable on a level that I’ve never been vulnerable before, and you’ll see that vulnerability in this book at a level you’ve never seen from me before. I share stories and moments from my own life that mean by the end of this book, you will know me differently than you ever have, even if you’ve followed me for 15 years.
I realized through this work that there were people in my life and areas of my life where I didn’t have standards. Even though I’ve talked about standards for years and years, I suddenly realized that I was blind to areas of my life where I didn’t have standards, where I was getting walked all over, where I was sacrificing and abandoning myself. I changed that, and it changed my life.
Amidst all of this work, I actually met the most extraordinary human being of my life—someone I got engaged to last year. Her name is Audrey. Many of you have seen her on the podcast and in other places that I’ve posted. And it’s no coincidence that two weeks from today, from me making this announcement, Audrey and I are flying to get married with all of our friends and family.
That has been the full circle of this process for me. I started this journey from one of the most difficult, painful, and dark places of my life. And I share this with you now, right before I go to get married to the love of my life.
I believe that this is going to change so many lives. And this isn’t me from my pedestal saying, “I can teach you.” This is just me saying, “I’ve done so much work in recent years, I’ve had access to such amazing people and mentors and information and personal experiences, and I am putting it together in the same way I always have for you: in a highly-practical roadmap that I know is the reason so many of you have followed me for so many years.
It’s because whatever I bring to you, you know I make it practical. But this is me taking the deepest work—the most difficult question of ‘What are the hidden reasons and the hidden barriers [standing in the way of] you finding the love you want?’—and giving you a step-by-step roadmap out of those places and into the love you want.
The book is available for pre-order right now at lovelifebook.com.
And this is where I need your help. Whether you’ve been following me for 15 years and I’ve seen you through heartbreak, or whether you just found out about me recently but you find value in the things I say, I would love for you to go over to lovelifebook.com and order a copy.
These days, authors need pre-orders in order to get a book out there. It’s the thing that drives early attention for a book. Now, I know that YOU will find out about my book no matter what, but pre-orders in large numbers are what allow a book to have enough noise and enough attention that other people find out about the book who would never have otherwise found out about it. I would be so grateful if you would take a moment to pre-order a copy.
I am in the process of putting together some extremely valuable bonuses for the people who pre-order, so keep your receipt. These bonuses are either going to be bonuses that you can’t get another way, or bonuses that will be very expensive—far more expensive than the price you’ll get them for by simply pre-ordering a copy of the book today.
I’m also creating a special group just for people who have pre-ordered the book, where I’m going to take them on a kind of mini journey between now and the launch of the book with some special behind-the-scenes insights, live moments, and bonuses along the way. So you’ll be able to access that group. Just keep your receipt and I’ll give you all of the information in due course.
For now, I just want to say thank you so much for being here with me, for being on this journey, for supporting me in getting to this point, and for being patient with me while I grow so that I can then give more to all of you as that happens.
I’m just so excited to share this with you, and everything you’re going to learn from it, and the growth you’re going to get from it. I know how transformative this is going to be because I know what it’s already done for my life. And it’s such a personal project for me in sharing this with you.
Everything you need to go and pre-order a copy right now is at lovelifebook.com. Go over there, check it out, and I can’t wait to invite you into this special group of mine where we’re going to go on this journey together. Thank you so much for watching. I’ll see you soon.