So it’s over.
December. Parties. Christmas. Those occasions when single people have to grin and try impeccably hard to ignore all the happy couples around them.
Then, when January comes, you think about your 6-month goals:
- Lose weight
- Get career sorted
- Find a relationship (!!)
In fact, so strong is the desire to get coupled up after the holidays, that Tinder expects it’s biggest traffic ever to occur THIS Sunday. I don’t know if that’s a cause for excitement or indicative of some kind of mass desperation.
But let’s pull back a second.
Is “finding a relationship” really a worthy goal to have for 2017?
On the one hand, I’m all for the idea of prioritising dating more, especially if you’re at a stage in your life when you now want to focus on romantic relationships and take them more seriously.
But what if you don’t meet the right person in 6 months, or even a year? What if you get to July and you’re dating a guy who seems ok but isn’t really someone you could imagine spending your life with? Should you just sleepwalk into relationship anyway so that you can tick the box and say “I did it!”, at the end of 6 months?
I hope not.
I hope we can agree that would be insane. Yet think of how many people rush into relationships, motivated purely by the idea that being able to say “I have a boyfriend” is some kind of symbol of romantic success.
What Really Gets The Guy: Focus On Strategy, Not Outcome
Here’s the truth: Just seeking to “find a relationship” this year will lead you down a bad path.
It leads to desperation, bad choices, and time-wasted on bad guys – it’s as though your throwing random darts at a board blindfolded and hoping you’ll eventually hit a bullseye.
The smarter approach to finding love is to focus on strategy rather than outcome.
The outcome is: Find a relationship.
But that’s not the truth. The truth is you want a fulfilling relationship, where you bring your best to the table and have a loving partner who wants to do the same for you.
For this, your strategy should be: Put yourself in the best position to attract someone amazing.
This is a much more specific and empowering focus than just “find a relationship”.
Finding a relationship could just mean saying “yes” to absolutely any guy who hits you up on Tinder this week. But focusing on the strategy instead makes you take the RIGHT kind of actions that give you options and make you more desirable to the man you actually want.
Maybe your strategy involves:
- Leaving your house more often.
- Having plans on a Friday night with single friends (so that you actually meet new people).
- Taking care of your health and your body so you feel great.
- Ditching that “friends with benefits” guy who keeps messing you around and is holding you back from meeting a man who sees you as a goddess.
- Flirting more and getting comfortable with being fun and playful with the men you meet.
- Starting more conversations and being able to “drop your handkerchief” so that more men notice you.
- Being less needy and working on your self-esteem so you don’t scare guys away (more about that in this FREE guide).
These are all the concrete behaviours that make your dating life dramatically better, so that you can make romantic choices from a position of strength.
Just having the goal to “find a relationship” leads to the shortcut, the quick fix, the lame matchmaker who fixes you up with some boring guy you have to pretend to like as you watch him stuffing a hamburger into his face.
Focusing on the goal makes you think, “Ugh. How am I going to do that?” Focusing on a strategy is what makes you say: “This is fun! I wonder what else I could do…”.
So start today: Look at your behaviours and think about what you need to adapt to be in the best position to attract an amazing guy.
Build a life you love living, you’ll always be ready for when that amazing guy comes along who wants to be a part of it.