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Is He Too Hot For You?

Do you ever feel that when you walk into a room you’re having to compete with other women to get a guy’s attention? Do you ever have the fear that you’re being overshadowed by other, more attractive women? Or even that when you look at a hot guy, you feel he’s ‘out of your league’?

In today’s video I talk about these feelings and discuss the answer to a question that I know you ask yourself in the depths of these deeply insecure moments…

Is he too hot for me?

If you enjoyed that, my brother Stephen (who co-wrote the Get The Guy book with me) posted an article on the blog this week that’s a fantastic compliment to this video. It’s called ‘What Men *Really* Want‘, and further explains how looks aren’t everything (with the opposing view of looking at yourself in being attractive to others).

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50 Replies to “Is He Too Hot For You?”

  • So you really believe you can put yourself in another league? Interesting thought.

    You’re right about hot people giving the vibe they don’t like to be approached. I wish I knew what that was about. It’s hard enough to approach a friendly, smiling person sometimes. But some of the hot guys’ body language, the way they look right through you, zero eye contact, I don’t always *want* to approach them. Give me a less hot, friendly-looking guy any day. Friendliness is attractive to me.

    Hmmm, I might try talking to an actual hot guy next time I go out. I usually ignore them. They aren’t my type but they are still people so why leave them out?


  • Hi. I have a question for you. This guy I like wanted to ask me questions and discover my life. He did not want me to tell him answers to questions like “what do you do” , etc. He wanted/wants to ask questions and discover it. He is in discovery mode – which as you say is good. But I got insecure about my life and I did not answer his questions correctly to lead him to an answer. In that moment, his insecurity kicked in. He seemed bummed. He is hopeful and he said he will figure it out. I said I believed in him. I tried to make the situation my fault – like its my fault that I did not lead you to the right answer but that did not help. I want to resolve the issue and move forward with him with more confidence. Please let me know how I can recover from this situation and help put him in a position where he can feel like a man again with me.

    This taught me that I am enough because I was insecure about my life compared to his and there was no need to be insecure at all. I sincerely hope you could help me with the dilemma.

    1. Matthew – please reply. If you are not available for a reply, please put me in touch with a team member that can help me. Thank you again.

  • I’m the type of person who can talk to just about anyone UNTIL I realize they have multiple qualities I’m looking for then I get all goofy, then I get to know them and I’m my same old self just takes me a minute.
    When I think about it some of the best relationships have come to me when I didn’t care what I mean is I had no fear I just said what I wanted to say and let the rest happen. I think a lot of times we get stuck inside our own heads analyzing what could go wrong and it scares the living crap out of us.
    PS please forgive my lack of punctuation if I question where it goes I just don’t use it.

    1. I have the same problem!!
      I can talk to anyone; I do public speaking in front of crowds of over 500 every week! But when I meet someone I like… I get super shy and I just don’t know how to deal with that side of me as I never see it!
      What do you do?

  • Matthew!!!!
    Take a deep breath!
    Ok… This was a great message the encouraged me to be a little brave (for me) when I read your book… I was at a party last week and I was in a circle of friends who were talking to this guy. I liked him so, when he was done talking to all of us… I just walked over and told him that I like his point on something. We talked for about an hour and we are going on a dinner date later this week….
    So thanks jiminy cricket (see my old post)!

  • Luckily enough, I don’t think I have a problem with getting a hot guys to like me, in fact, I believe anyone can get the guy they want if they really want him, the question is why the guy has no competition over him until I show up. As soon as things are working out with him, an army of girls suddenly gather around to fight with me. It is a mystery to me and I want to understand it. Why can’t we just play a fair game and focus on our own efforts in getting what we want and not getting it on expense of others. I mean, a sudden desire of a girl to become my friend, a subtle belittling of my personality by her in front of him, interruption of our conversation with him , etc. I think it is nobler to show your inside out precious qualities without looking around and faking those invaluable qualities others might have. We need to be honest and show the qualities we have at the moment, so he fall in love with the real you. I bet that’s another reason why so many divorces accrue because he falls in love with the wrong person.

    1. That reminds me of a girl that used to avoid hanging out with me, until she found out I befriended a few hot guys. She started asking when’s the next time we can hang out. The girl you talk about sounds like an insecure bitch. She NEEDS to be put in her place but in a detached, lighthearted way. Good luck!

    2. I feel totally identified with your post, actually I’m glad you brought that up. Sometimes I wonder if that actually can happen always to me, or if I am doing something unconsciously to cause that type of behavior in others. My problem is that as soon as I feel I have to “compete” for a guy, I step aside and get upset with the guy (if he started paying attention to the girl) and with the girl (for starting to chase someone she wouldn’t have been interested otherwise).

  • People become beautiful, not based on their looks. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and has more to do with the person and their inner beauty. When it comes to looks I would say I’m confident and sometimes insecure. We women have some issues in that area at times.
    Overly insecure or too confident is not confident after all. A good individual mixture is great. Keep your qualities in mind.
    Thank you!

  • Sadly, I can talk to hot guys because I know I am out of their league :-) It does help me practice interacting and flirting…and it has helped my friends make connections.

      1. I don’t mean that as self disparaging…it’s realistic. I often hang out with younger friends, so I’m too old for those guys (and no, I’m not saying I’m OLD!) And though I’m healthy overall, I am overweight and am working on it. That doesn’t keep me from being social. It just makes it easier to interact with the “hot” guys :-)

  • Beauty isn’t important in reality… Its loving that one person for his or her beautiful imperfections… Anyone can get a beauty job … But those little details that just memorize you . Are real …no one is to pretty for anyone …. Were all equal if we really balanced what matters truly

  • Ha ha I love the example about the gym!!! I normally start off with dead lifts after a break;))
    Thank you Matthew, I admire your videos!!!

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