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The Myth Of The “Intimidating Woman”

“Men just want a submissive girlfriend. They feel threatened by a woman who is too independent and successful…”

Yes, that might make some insecure guys run a mile, but not nearly as often as people think.  

Here are the 3 real reasons he’s pulling away

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46 Replies to “The Myth Of The “Intimidating Woman””

  • Great point, well put…OBVIOUSLY true. If you are not looking for a relationship for pragmatic reasons IE gold digger. Then you are there for the feeling. People don’t leave when they are emotionally fulfilled. That is unless there is something even more emotionally fulfilling somewhere else in their lives that you don’t know about and that also happens all the time. Great post Matt. Thanks, Dee

  • Matt, he broke my heart! I’ve been following the 21 day no contact rule, and even sent a sweet short good bye letter. He replied within seconds (after over 4 days of no contact whatsoever). Is like he didn’t even think about it! I replied to his message, is that OK, did I make a huge mistake? HELP!!!

  • Thank you. Sometimes we need, correction I need a reminder to get the heck out of my own way.
    Its like that bit with Ancient One in Doctor Strange: “Arrogance and fear still keep you from learning the simplest and most significant lesson of all. – Its not about you.”
    Note to self: Reminder: sometimes, let him do the talking, and really listen – don’t just hear while trying to think of the next clever thing to reply with.”

  • Hey Matt. One question: What if the other person gets the same advice?
    In a lot of tips you put the focus completely on the other person but how WE feel is sometimes left out. Don’t WE also have the urge to feel good around someone by expressing us? I don’t think it’s always our task to make the man feel good but as well keep thinking about ourselves. If think the guy is constantly talking about himself it should also be our time to interrupt him and talk about us. Strange situation but I had that. It doesn’t make US feel good either to just listen and listen ;) Have a boyfriend now but keep reading your stuff. Greetings from Germany

    1. The answer, Melanie, is, OF COURSE, we want to feel good. We want to feel like we’re interesting and putting in value into the conversation.
      Matt doesn’t ask us or imply that we lay back like a limp fish, and Just listen- we play the ‘basketball’ game of conversation too.
      We shouldn’t walk all over people in conversation, focusing solely on ourselves, as the man in your scenario does, AND we should reject that type of narcissistic behavior in the men we date.

  • Hi Matt,

    This video is great, because it summarizes everything what is important in social life, not only dating men.

    Thanks a lot!


  • Direct. Short and sweet and dense like a great energy ball. I like it! We need a balance between sharing and listening, being curious and interested in the other and open to telling the other about ourselves. I agree it’s about feeling good, feeling seen, and connection goes both ways.

  • The only people who say, “You probably intimidate men” are other women. I suppose they think it’s a complimentary way of justifying why I’m single at 37.

  • I just wonder why it’s all focused on making sure the man stays, why he leaves etc. I understand that many have been empowered by these messages, but all it does for me is confirm that men (even “good men”) are driven by looks and having their ego soothed. I admit I am hopeless, if someone is attracted to me, he often is emotionally damaged… To the point that were anyone to express interest, my first reaction would be, “what’s wrong with him?” I would genuinely love a partner, yet after the ghosting and hopelessness of online dating, my cynicism has been reconfirmed time and time again… I am tired of needing to have tricks to get him interested, phrases to peak his interest etc., do men not enjoy engaging conversations on a variety of subjects with a cheeky smattering of flirtatiousness thrown in?

  • Mathew

    I have read some of your articles thank you; I have gained so much clarity, however I’m really tired of having to jump through hoops and if I say or do the wrong thing I’m banished back to the lonely girls committee huddling blaming myself for saying the wrong prepositional phrase. Which is not fair . Men see our desperation and it’s hammer time all over our hearts. Don’t they know what to do ? Why do we have to coerce them ? Please help Bri

  • As someone who’s been told they’re intimidating, I find a sizeable amount of truth in Matthew’s advice – sometimes leaning forward and LISTENING goes so much farther than just rattling on about my last adventures. With one major exception – if the guy himself is boring, not the sharpest tool in the shed or unaccomplished. Then their comment about me being intimidating is coming from own sense of insecurity about being… MEH, and then that’s someone I really could care less about intimating. The trick is to figure out the difference of quality.

  • I love this….someone is going to see you again because of how you make them feel. Spot on! A good reminder.

  • Hi, Matt,
    I hear you talk about you’re helping women to connect with the ‘guy’ (Mr right/guy of their dreams/partner)… but can you teach me how to be at ease, with a man?
    A man I want to be with, his partner and vice-versa.

    How do we as women, feel at ease, meaning the motion is true and the words are honest and the feeling is stable to have a “unique pairing” as you’ve said, in a guy that we meet or have already met?

    If this confuses you then, maybe think of what I am saying as this; when you’re at your most peace and quiet alone, but happy, you’ve done your best, you strive to see more and you’re just that smart to have the guy by your side, with ease,
    but not really.

  • Thank you! I’m going to send this video to my Mother! She is always on my case about my ‘single status’. She also assumes that the cause must be because I intimidate men. Or that I am too picky. I am passionate about my life and my career, I’m not going to dumb it down. Thank you for decoding this ‘response.’

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