I’m Not Good Enough

You see a guy you’re attracted to, but you can’t bring yourself to talk to him.


The usual reasons. What if it doesn’t go well? What if people laugh? What if he is totally out of my league?

Deep down though, there is another truth you’re scared to face: Maybe you’re not really loveable. (Btw – if that’s you, take 5 minutes to watch this and learn how to shake off this BS belief forever!)

Think about it: What if it actually DOES go well with this guy, then he wants to get closer, and then he sees the REAL YOU, and then… well… maybe he won’t be crazy about the person you are inside.

Many of us have had those thoughts: “they won’t like me”, “I’m not good enough for that crowd”, “I don’t deserve to be here”. If you can relate to these feelings even 1%, you need to see this week’s video.

It’s a personal message from me to you, because I’ve seen up close how these feelings of inferiority can cost us YEARS of our lives if we don’t stand up to them while we have the chance.

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27 Replies to “I’m Not Good Enough”

  • I think this is a timely video as I’ve been grappling with this very idea the other day. For those of us who have struggled with emotionally feeling like we’ll never be enough as a deeply ingrained core thought, conventional dating advice can be confusing and full of contradictory or paradoxical messaging. There are prescribed tricks and tips to be our ‘better’ selves, to take better care, to have a better life, to be the best we can be so that we can attract a quality mate. To be a high-value quality woman. And ultimately, that does make sense. But it seems like a double-edged sword as well. Because many of us struggle with having that ‘better’ life and having all our ‘shit together’. And who has all their shit together all of the time anyways? I don’t know any woman who feels high-value all of the time. Perhaps they exist? Because conventional dating advice is focused strictly on ‘fixing’ things about a woman’s life, it becomes difficult to believe that anyone could really love or find attractive all those things that a woman considers her faults and weaknesses. Just my two cents.

    1. Good point Erin. I follow Matt here and there because my intuition tells me he is authentic and well meaning. But I get more out of his general life advise than his dating advice, the hook he’s established as his brand, that he uses to gain a huge audience. (Smart, since he targets a market, women, who make up half the population and have buying power as consumers.)
      But I hear a thread of dissent starting to emerge in the comments posted by women and it leads to a perspective I take for granted: I don’t need to “get the guy” to be or feel complete, high value, happy or wonderfully imperfect and lovable. (Just as having the guy didn’t add those feelings if they were missing to start with.)
      I don’t discount the need to be loved by others, and give love, nor am I against romantic love. But putting it on a pedastel as a cure-all or the final measuring stick for success is just as misguided as seeking worth or happiness through career, money, fame, status, appearance or anything else. Those things complement, rather than produce, an already grateful, self-loving woman.
      And that means loving your mistakes and imperfections. It is through those humbling, tough times that you learn about yourself and later, after you’ve been through it, you can draw on your experiences, as Matt does, to help others. Getting a guy is not the goal though. It’s getting YOU, lucky you, and lucky is the guy if he gets you too.
      Best ~

  • Thank you Matt for addressing such a crippling most important EMOTIONAL feeling on not having a healthy sense of self-worth. A real set back for many many of us women or men, young or older. We can be our own worst enemy sometimes that is why so important to be around people who build us up genuinely and help to make us feel that we ARE JUST AS GOOD AS ANYONE ELSE and not measure our selfworth by what we have materially etc. Also helping others can help us feel valued and also rewarding so we feel good about ourselves too I found. Downloaded your iHeartRADIO station. Take care, thku again. Gigi XO

  • Hi Matt,
    Great video! Thanks for the reminder…sometimes that “I’m not enough” can seep through in our subconscious mind, so thank you!
    For all the ladies reading this post, if you haven’t gone to one of Matt’s retreats, GO!
    The tools he shares at the retreat are invaluable, not to mention, what a great time to share with our sisters from around the world.
    I attended one of Matt’s retreats in November of 2013 and I’m still using the tools I learned almost 2.5 years ago! (Yes, it’s really true).
    Matt gives 150% and then some, at these retreats and you’ll be grateful you gave yourself such a huge gift.
    Remember, you are enough, and if you don’t take great care of yourself and don’t give yourself such a great gift, who will?
    (No, I was not asked or paid to plug the retreat, I just think it’s such a great investment for us ladies and wanted to share :) )

    1. Janice you say you are still using the tools. So have you been successful using them and are now using them in a happy relationship? Or are you still single and still using the tools and still working on it …..two and a half years later.

  • I would like to attend this program… but I guess its really expensive and I would need to save a lot of money for that. But I dont have idea how much money? Can you tell us how much does it cost about?

      1. I don’t know exactly what it is in US $ but the program alone cost around £2000 plus the cost of staying at the retreat hotel plus all of your travelling expenses too so for me travelling from the UK it would total at over £5000.

        Although it would seriously help me their is no way I could ever afford it.

      2. Agree. It would be a huge help to know what one of these retreats costs, as to plan financially to attend in the possible future.

    1. For me i wish i could save money to attend but the problem i live faaaaar away that i have no chance to go to US or UK or any near by to attend :(

  • I know it sounds stupid, but it is the reality. I’m not american enough, or good with kids in their minds..



  • What if your fear has come true? You go for a guy, you date them for a long time, and then after a while trying to figure out why he is not getting serious with you, and finally your worst fear comes out of their mouth: You are not good enough, I basically heard that from my dream guy, actually we were perfect for each other (in my mind not his apparently) We had everything in common, and finally one day, he accidentally spilled out that: The girls that are “good on paper” and that the “good girls that he can introduce to his parents” are boring and not good in bed., etc. My fear of not being good enough had come true. In this case it wasn’t just in my head, it WAS the reality. He was looking for someone that in his mind others would see for him, and proper, younger, less pretty, less risky, more simple I don’t know. whatever hell I wasn’t.. So please help me to get over this: That I am not the TYPE to be the that kind of guy. Because unfortunalty seems like those kind of guys don’t want a person like me.

    I know it sounds stupid, but it is the reality. I’m not american enough, or good with kids in their minds..



  • I read once that the wisest, most loving and well rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have known misery, known defeat, known the heartbreak of losing something or someone they loved and have found their way out of the depths of their own despair. These people have experienced many ups and downs and have gained an appreciation,a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion and a deep loving wisdom. People like this aren’t born. They develop slowly over the course of time. So I always say to myself ” You are still here trying. Be positive, patient and persistent”

    P.S. Jameson I really like the soft, gentle, mellow, warm background music of this video, as well as the shots where Matthew is walking in the streets of LA and we can hear him talk, while catching a glimpse of the city (for those of us who have never been there). It is a lovely video!!

  • This video really hits home for me. I have for years, and still retain many insecurities. Often I have been in situations where I want to approach an attractive male,but then back away from the opportunity for this reason, and typically other reasons that return back to a foundation of insecurity. For so long I have listened to what some really horrible men have said about me,and never quite broken free from the emotional damage they caused me by their abuse. Thank you Matthew,sir for posting videos such as this. This video is one of the most gratifying,edifying,and uplifting compliments that I have ever received of sorts. Thank you for encouraging us women who have been abused by men,and giving us back not only some self-confidence,but love for ourselves. I cannot tell you the impact that this video has had,as well as some others, on Me. God has used some of your messages to touch my life. Please keep these sorts of videos up. It impacts and touches so many more people than you will ever know sir. God bless you as you continue on your life journey. I hope you find God,and know His love. Thank you again sir. Wonderful video.

  • All of those things that you mentioned are too familiar…will I fit in…? Will they like me? Does my appearance say ‘inclusion’ or ‘exclusion?

    More thoughts….. What if I’m asking for too much? What if it all blows up in my face and I lose everything? Is wanting worth the risk?

    For example, I feel so blessed in my life for all the opportunities and people that I have around me.. But I want something more and different. I often talk myself out of pursuing my dreams further because just maybe I am being ingrateful and selfish. I’m so afraid of losing control and becoming someone I would not like very much….

    Hoping to find a healthy balance to pursuing my future, responsibly….cheers!

  • I like your comment Sydney it’s straight from the heart. I’ve just turned 61 and lm single after being married for 30 yrs. My marriage broke up when l was 50..since being single lv learnt a great about myself and lv come to the conclusion that l will be alone and it is like a bereavement. I have tried the online dating and all the encompasses and I’m so disillusioned. In my heart l know the kind of man l would love to meet but l feel he wouldn’t want me. I judge myself very harshly l wish l didn’t but there it is…l put guys on a pedestal and that’s only through looking at there online pic – ridiculous l know…

  • “I’m not good enough” has almost become a 21st century mantra for many women, and men, and it sucks.

    Someone said to me once, imagine if we didn’t feel/think it, what would a day in our life look like? Well, just go live like that for a day and see what happens. Its kind of an interesting experiment because sometimes things go remarkably well and we do things we never ever thought we could!

    And, when will you do a retreat in Australia Matt?

  • Amazing video i have felt that i wasn’t worthy before but i am working in changing that… So everyone repeat after me… I am worthy.. I am good enough.. I am pretty enough… Anyone would love to be my friend… Anyone would love to date me…. I am so good.. Because I am extraordinary persom :)

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