How Your Fear of Losing Him Is Actually Pushing Him Away

In this week’s episode of LOVELife I take a question from Raquel about a guy who’s just not putting forward the idea of a relationship. We get into the difference between liking someone and respecting someone, holding standards for yourself, and the repercussions of being ‘nice‘. Enjoy!

If listening to this you realised you’re in the same boat as Raquel and that you don’t uphold your standards, click here to find more about my 5 day Retreats.

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11 Replies to “How Your Fear of Losing Him Is Actually Pushing Him Away”

  • This is actually what I am facing right now. This guy was initially very nice and very attracted to me; I think his attraction for me dropped once I showed signs of wanting a relationship. The mind- boggling thing is that he kept saying he is not seeing anyone else, then recently he said he is seeing other people, when our schedules couldn’t meet for the date he wanted to meet. I couldn’t figure out which is the real him- the warm vibe I get from him or maybe I misread it =P That’s the part that troubled me. Thinking whether I pushed him away with sth I did. But then I realised this is a losing mindset, and it’s better to move on. I think as he is dating around anyway, what I do probably wouldn’t make a difference,(though I think my neediness for him probably played a role =P) as he might not really be into me, and is all about his work. Matt,your video really made things clearer!! Raquel’s qn was really great!! xxx

  • That was amazing. When Raquel said “It’s not just been in my romantic relationships, but in my friendships…”

    suddenly realized why I’ve been so miserable in my non-romantic friendships and social interactions.

  • WoW!!! what a great video!!! Thank you so much Raquel!!!

    I have been there, I have lowered my standards for fear of losing something in romantic relationships and in the non, and I did this to a complete and utter mental breakdown, and I mean that. I lost so much weight from not being able to eat, it took everything I had to just get out of bed, all I did was have these sobbing fits, and I just kept thinking ‘What the Eff is wrong with me? Why do I do this to myself?
    Why am I a pushover?’ ‘What have I lost, but pieces of me?’
    and so, yes, I found a therapist and I will say “she has been my saving grace!!!” I’ve learned things about myself I didn’t know or rather refused to know. Matt is right. it’s conditioning. I’ve spent hours in therapy and I am not ashamed to admit it. It has been the second best thing I have ever done (my daughter is the first)
    I use to fear losing something so much that I conformed myself into someone I didn’t even know, and I still lost what I feared!!!

  • Okay, so if you have a person like that, who you give higher priority to than they give you, do you cut off the relationship and move on or is there a way to change it?

  • I’m wondering how to balance the mindset of “don’t make it serious until it’s serious” and upholding your standards.

    Particularly, I run into men who are needing lots of space and time in the beginning before you are actually in a relationship. How do I navigate letting him know that I’d like more communication, that this is my standard, without making it serious?

    Thanks. Great episode this week. It’s a tricky one.

    1. excatly the same for me. He says he will make an effort in the communication but every time we spent time together and he goes he doesn’t give any news for several days. Then I feel like he picks up more the time when we can see each other. Feel so out of control. Very frustrating. Cause when I try talking about it he says I’m the one panicking and worrying …. So yeah where is the balance between not being a push over fearing to be annoying and losing him and standards ? It always looks needy to guys whatever we say at the beginning.

  • HI Matt, found this particular video really helpful and insightful. I actually have just found myself in the same position where I am faced with the fear of loosing a guy I have recently come to really like.

    However my fear comes from a bombshell that he dropped confessing to still has feelings for his ex after he had a run in with her. Its been over year since they were together and she has a child with his friend whom she cheated on him with, so I never expected her to be a threat.

    Matt what do you do when someone drops this on you? We have only been dating for 2 months so obviously we are still building a connection, but is it worth pursuing someone who is admitting they still have feelings like this?

    I’ve tried so hard to play it cool and haven’t tried to push him into a relationship up until this point, but for obvious reasons this latest news is something that really bothers me. Is this really a lost cause? or is it just a matter of time & getting to know each other more at this early stage?

    Thanks Tia

  • Mathew!!!!! this is my first time listening to your nice conversations, they are really informative and educative as far as life is concerned. I will be listening to your videos to learn more as much as i can, be strong and stay blessed to teach us the more. I have missed out on very important things in my love life before but now i know better……thanks to you, i will do things differently because i am really keen to enjoy my life better.

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