How to Transform Your Pain into Real Growth

If regret is holding you back from moving on in your life and being happy in the present, my newest video is literally the most important thing you can do with the next 5 minutes of your day…

Transform Your Pain into the Change You Deserve.
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Have you got regrets? Things you look at in your life and you think, “I wish I’d done that differently? That was a giant mistake.” Things that have brought you pain and suffering. My goal for you by the end of this video is that you will have taken something extremely painful in your life, for which you are currently beating yourself up, and moved away from regretting that thing, and into being grateful for that thing.

When we wish we hadn’t done something, when we wish that things could have been different, we’re also erasing the realization that came from it. And so in a sense, we end up back at square one, a place of ignorance, a place of not knowing that that mistake has consequences, not knowing that those actions, those behaviors are going to lead to pain or suffering in our lives.

Now, you may say, “But on a logical level, I did know that if I kept doing that thing or if I made that mistake, it would create pain, and I did it anyway.” But a logical realization isn’t the same as an emotional realization. A logical realization you can kind of ignore. An emotional realization is a moment where the pain of having done something is so great that we vow never to do it again. Like putting our hand in a flame as a child, and realizing that this hurts. This is something to be aware of, to be wary of.

Often in life, one of the things we forget is that if we erase the mistake, it’s not just that we erase the realization that the mistake has given us, that’s going to contribute to growth in the future. It’s also the case that we could set ourselves up for a much bigger fall. It’s like saying if you didn’t put your hand in the fire as a kid, then as an adult you could walk into the fire and burn alive, right? That could be life threatening.

So having our hand burned can actually be the thing that saves us from something much bigger. The marriage that you got out of, where you beat yourself up for making the mistake of marrying that person in the first place, or the mistakes you made in the relationship you wish you hadn’t made. Making those mistakes there can actually save you from a much worse fate in the future with that person, or with somebody else.

The mistakes that are causing us the most pain also open us up to the most growth. We’ve heard that idea before, that life isn’t what you get, it’s who you become, right? Who you going to become in life?

Change, firstly, is extremely difficult. It rarely comes in cozy, and enjoyable ways, where we just one day delicately resolve to change something, and then we work on this organic path to change it. It’s naive to think that that’s how change happens. Usually the most drastic changes in our lives come from the most drastic moments of pain and suffering. Moments where we decide we have to do something about a behavior. And if that’s the case, then the suffering we’re going through now, the pain that we’re going through, is a kind of change tax. It’s the price we pay for the person we’re about to become.

So the next time you think about one of your mistakes, the next time you’re beating yourself up, living in a place of regret about something you’ve said, a behavior you’ve had, a mistake you’ve made, I want you to flip that and see it as, “This is a price I’m paying for the reward of the change I’m about to get. The person I’m about to become. The realization that this is giving me for my entire future.”

Now, can those mistakes be costly? Of course they can. But I would argue that the reward is always there. And the reward can be equivalent to the price you’re paying. In fact, the reward can be even greater, because it’s one that will pay dividends for you for the rest of your life.

Do not make the mistake of thinking that this realization, this change, this growth that you’re about to have could have happened without you having made the mistake. The mistake is what gave you the realization. So as much as you may be angry at the mistake, as much as you may be wanting to feed into that regret, you have to understand the gift, the benefit, the reward that that has given you. You paid the price. Now get what you paid for: the change.

Have a go at this today. Take something that you’ve been beating yourself up about, something you wish you could go back and change. And right now, instead of wishing that you could go back and reverse that mistake, be grateful, and be accepting that this is the price you have just paid for a change you’re about to get in your future. And take a moment to write down what that change is going to be. Be conscious about it.

And if you want to do this with me as part of a much bigger process to determine your beautiful future, I have my Retreat program coming up this year. It’s a six day program where we take everything that’s happened in your life, and we use it to create the most beautiful future you could ever imagine. Not in spite of your mistakes, not in spite of your challenges, but because of them.

It’s Apply here now. When you click through to this link, you’ll get the chance to fill out an application form, speak to one of my Specialists, clarify what you want for your life, so that even if you don’t make it to the Retreat, the phone call itself will be valuable. And I will see you, I hope, on my Retreat soon.

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12 Replies to “How to Transform Your Pain into Real Growth”

  • So many regrets and so many mistakes. I myself have hurt a lot of people because of what happened to me and I just can’t seem to get over it …… my own children think that I’m miserable because I can’t let anybody into my life. I have let the one person back into my life that made my life miserable and I have no idea why?

  • What about a person that we hurt? I understand that there is a price that comes with change. But it is not only one’s own pain that one is beating themself for, it’s also the pain they caused others. And why did they have to pay for one’s change? I was very badly hurt by a narcissistic person in the past, and he told me something like this, and I thought it just takes away any steps towards being better that you have made. Because you basically tell a person that ok, they suffered, but hey, I am a new person now so it’s good.

  • It’s important to remember that mistakes are a part of life. They can definitely be painful. But looking back over the mistake, you can evaluate them and make sure you don’t repeat it.
    I liked this piece and how it made me think.

  • I tried to end my life four years ago. I was in the darkest place I’ve ever been! I woke up in a psych ward at the hospital and was encouraged to get involved in group activities with the other patients. It took me three days until I did. When I did, I realized how incredibly blessed I was to have a loving family and friends. I realized how thankful I was for my job that had gotten me through some of the hardest times in my life!

    Most of the other patients were homeless and had nobody or nowhere to go! I realized in that moment how extremely lucky and thankful I was for my life! A week later I bought a home which I’m still living in with my kids.

    My ex husband took me to court and got full custody because of my suicide attempt. He won, but we still have 50/50 parenting time.

    My point is this…if you saw me, you would think I have it all together. I’ve always been told I was beautiful. I’m a little heavy at the moment, but whatever! If I was able to share pictures from then and now I would.

    I want to thank Matthew for always being so real, raw, honest, whatever you want to call it! I’ve always been the same, and it doesn’t always reap rewards, but I know in the end it will!

    I would give my left tit to go to one of his retreats! I’m a Flight Attendant so my airfare is covered. It’s the event itself as well as lodging that I can’t quite make happen! Believe me, once I’m in a better financial state, I will be there!

    I’ve watched Matthew for probably the past 6 or 7 years. His advice is always spot on! I love that he talks about Jameson, his brother, his mother, and the rest of you all who help facilitate him to spread the word! I’m so appreciative of all that you do, and it truly makes a difference in my life!

  • what about pain caused by what someone else did to you ? How does one transform pain into real growth from that ? This should the next topic , talked about

  • what about pain caused by what someone else did to you ? How does one transform pain into real growth from that ?

  • This really got through to me. I recently made a mistake to do with a guy and hurt a friend in the process and am dealing with the pain of loosing some friendships because of it and have been reflecting on myself and the choices leading up to it. Mathew your advice and your videos always inspire me to look at myself in a different way and try to better myself and be more confindent in who I am. So I just wanted to say thank you.

  • Thank you for your generosity in offering these little videos of wisdom. I never thought of pain having a benefit in this way. But it is so true! We need the growth to be ultimately happy. Thank you, thank you!

  • Your video was so inspiring as I regret for some of my attitudes in the past. But as u said there was a great change in my life.But still feel unhappy and have to face more difficulties, why?

    1. Hi, Delanda! Yes, we hold two Retreats per year both in Florida, Fort Lauderdale and we have ladies travel from all over the globe to attend! If you would like to explore this option, I have attached the link that will give you a little more insight into to the Live Retreat program itself and to book your free consultation with one of our lovely Retreat Specialists who can answer all of your queries. Thanks for your question! – Sara MH Team

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