How to Keep the Flame Alive in Quarantine

I’ve lost count of what week of social distancing we’re in. But I do know that if you’ve been living with someone since quarantine started then you’ve had your ups and downs.

We need space in our relationship for desire to thrive. But how do you create space with someone who is always there?

If space isn’t coming naturally in your relationship, there are ways to engineer it. And this video isn’t just about getting space, it’s about bringing back the moments of magic, and romance, and love…

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Speaker 1:

Matthew, did you ever think you would be giving relationship advice during a global pandemic?

Speaker 2:

As the number of Coronavirus cases soars above 3,000, elected officials taking unprecedented measures to keep people safe.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson:

Pubs, bars, and restaurants to close.

Governor Gavin Newsom:

We direct a statewide order for people to stay at home.

Speaker 3:

I’m in a couple in the quarantine, but I have to tell you, I’ve been a little bit surprised by how this has tested us.

Speaker 4:

So if someone is in a relationship and decided to quarantine together, um, what advice would you give to them to maintaining the relationship?

Speaker 5:

I would love if you could share, like, some of your thoughts and, like, how to get through this time if you are in a relationship.

Matthew Hussey:

We have people who are in relationships who, some of whom, are being driven crazy right now being in the house all the time with someone. Normally, we’d go apart and have all these different activities apart. Now they’re together.

If you’re stuck under the same roof with someone right now, there are going to be times in the middle of the day where you’re going to get sick of them or you’re going to be like, “Oh my God, I need my space now.”

In order to create desire, you need to create space, and if you live under the same roof as someone 24/7, you’re going to have to find ways to engineer space. In the middle of the day, you can have your day to go and focus on the projects that are important to you, and they can go and focus on the projects that are important to them.

Your space could be you putting in your headphones and going into your own world.

Now, the flipside to that is you also have to go to your partner and arrange mindful time together. Dating shouldn’t go out of the window just because you’re in the same house the whole time. Be really intentional about saying to your partner, “Hey, what about – why don’t we do like a proper movie night tonight? I’m going to cook you dinner tonight.”

Make it beautiful, themed movie night. Turn the living room into a theater. Go get groomed. Go, like, put on your nice clothes, like get dolled up, like feel good for that date.

And make an effort. Go hard on the detail. Detail is romantic. Detail shows you care. Detail shows that you have an imagination. When you can take your partner into a world, that’s magic. You’re creating magic.

That’s really important. You can’t allow working and doing chores and cleaning out cupboards and whatever the hell else you’re passing your time with, you can’t allow that to essentially blind you to the fact that you’re living under the same roof, but not actually having mindful, conscious time together.

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11 Replies to “How to Keep the Flame Alive in Quarantine”

  • Hey Matt,

    I really loved that you presented a homosexual couple in this video. I thought the whole thing was just really beautiful! I am a hetero woman and identify as majority as it comes, but I have such an appreciation for taking the time and energy to think outside of one’s “typical” experience. Thank you for encouraging that as well. Just one more way you’re adding value to the world.
    Thank you!

  • Being apart is hard too, a simple call to hear your loved I e voice can be just as amazing too!

  • Matt-I think it’s great that you reference “mindful” effort!!! What a key differentiator! I have been the receiver of subconscious (probably) attempts at “I can still be date material/caring/spontaneous” without any evidence of mindful/self aware suggestions! Well said Matt!
    … And I will NEVER stop pushing to be that partner as this makes it all tick!! Always, but especiall, in times of stress and uncertainty!

    Looking forward to your next video!

  • I really dislike the relationship video of two women as a couple, I do believe in traditional men a women relationship, and the way they relate to each other is different, don”t change your approach to gain more people, don’t do that.

    Actually it didn’t look natural…

  • This video seems to show a same-sex couple, but I thought Matthew Hussey was only in the business of giving relationship advice to women as they relate to men. Matthew, have you expanded your dating advice to same-sex couples?

  • I’m chocked about the homophobic comment of Valentina!! BUT very happy to read that most of the comments are very positiv about this ute lesbian couple you chose Matthew!
    The problematic you are talking about affect every couple these days. Your video could also be interesting for a man who’s feeling concerned by the theme!
    It’s totally unisex this time and I love it.
    Thank you for going with the flow and being always aware of the changes and needs in our society.

  • Tell an Engineer that they are supposed to still date their wife after thier married. I would love to know thier answer. It seems like they are in a different world. My ex husband never suggested we go on dates. We had kids and the only time we had fun and went out to do something by his suggestion was when we were on vacation. Interesting to know why this is a learnt trait. Does your little brother do this? If not he just became the rarest Engineer ever. I really should have realized he was never going to be able to support me emotionally or support my growth. I lived and learnt and will move on to love myself and maybe someone else. My standards are much higher.

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