How To Find Out If He’s Single… (Back on The Today Show!)

I’ve been back in New York for another segment of ‘the other view’. Hope you enjoy the clip!

(Having trouble viewing this? Try this link instead.)

From the video…

“I’m a big planner, but often feel that I’m waiting for my guy to decide on HIS plans before I make mine. Should I tell him how I feel? Or just go ahead with my plans not worrying if he’ll join?”

This is a great question and a common thing among men and women.

Women are very often more detail-orientated. Men are spur of the moment and like to plan last minute. A woman will think about what she’s wanting to wear for something weeks in advance, a guy won’t begin thinking about it until the day of.

This is a generalisation of course, but it is a common cause of frustration.

If you want a guy to do more, the first thing is always positive-reinforcement.

The moment he plans anything – no matter how small – show him how much it means to you. “I love it when you do things like that, it’s so sexy.”

Value your time more. Give him a time-window to think about it. Tell him you’ll be going away with your friends otherwise – and actually follow through if he doesn’t come around.

“What is a good ice-breaker to find out if a guy is single without making it awkward?”

There are a number of ways to do this.

1) Playful

The moment he does something charming or funny, say to him, “that was really charming, how many girlfriends do you have?”

2) Assumptive

You can say, “How long have you been single for?”

3) Direct

The moment he makes a move, you say, “I have to ask because so many guys are crazy, are you single?”

Doing this raises your integrity because he sees that you’re the type of woman who doesn’t pursue someone who’s not.

With all of this said, the most important thing is that you’re not in your head thinking about this before approaching a guy. When you go into an interaction with the intensity of thinking, ‘is this person single?’, immediately you put that intensity on the guy. Never use this as an excuse not to talk to someone or not to be sociable.

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43 Replies to “How To Find Out If He’s Single… (Back on The Today Show!)”

  • Great advise about making plans and maintaining your standard. I can see this would reinforce being a high value woman; that my time is valuable and worth the energy it would take him to make a decision, as well as not letting any indecision on his part keep me from doing something.

    I also love that the set is so pink and feminine behind the ladies and it’s greyish blue and masculine behind you.


  • Man .. you are pure wisdom! That funny line of “how many girlfriends do you have?” is marvelous!! Thanks a loooot!

    1. Lol. I loved that one too. I was talking to a guy just 2 days back and asked how he manages to find time for personal life. And then added “Are you married?”. He answered he wasn’t even dating. Exactly what I was looking for!! :P

  • I SO enjoy The Other View videos- I make my sister & mom watch them too, we leave with new insight & a great laugh every time! I keep checking my e-mail hoping for a new video, always brightens my day :)
    Keep it real Hussey!
    Jess x

    ps. the playful line is about to get some serious use

  • I love the pieces you do for the USA today show, they are fun and informative at the same time. The best thing is that your advice is verrry applicable and practical, keep up the good work, you and your team. :)

  • Matt, I’m your biggest fan from Finland and I just adore you! You have no idea how much perspective you have given to my dating life and life in general by your videos and the book Get the Guy :) So I just want to thank you!

    I have a question that’s kind of related to this video “how to find out if he is single”! I was in a relationship with a guy for almost a year. I was in love with him. I thought I was the only one. We broke up because he moved out of the country for work, or that’s what he said. Now 6 months later I found out that he had got married in New York by the time we had statred dating!! Basicly without knowing he was a newly-wed, I was having a deep relationship with him in Finland… travelling, having romantic weekends in paris, planning future together and falling in love. And he kept his long-distance marriage going on in NY. Im devastated now. Just replaying things in my head, trying to find out why I got so lost wiht him.. why I was so naive. How he was able to do it?

    I was able to find out who his wife is… I could contact her anytime. And now Im thinking is it right thing to tell her about her betrayer-husband ot not?? What to do? HELP! I would like to know if I was her..

    I hope somebody sees this.


  • Matt,
    a lot of guys would lie about being single and an experienced “Player” will expect such a question from a woman … which means … he is well equipped to slip into a role where is answer will come across sincere.

    Like what she said ” …. and he carries his wedding-ring in his pocket” …

    Of course such preconceived notions should never be to not have a conversation, yet I feel the direct approach would be best in case a conversation goes further and there is a spark flying in reference to attraction and mutual interest.

    I’m a woman who has been hurt deeply by dishonest men, and most of them are in this department, let’s be for real here !!!!

    If I notice that a guy has a deeper interest in me, I would literally let him know that I don’t want to take this further, because I refuse to date guys who are already in a relationship….. This way the guy knows where my principals are, and if he should be dishonest and still chose to lie to me … he will have to make sure I will never find out!!!!

    Should I find out, it could become very embarrassing for him … but he knows that, because I’m blunt enough to save myself drama …. I hate drama!!!! … lol … So for sure, if I’m honest I expect to be treated the same way ….

  • First thanks Matthew for being the translator of guy’s language haha.
    I’ve had this problem a few times, I met this guy who is my friend’s flatmate, he is great, he talked to me on facebook then he asked for my number, we texted for a while and then because of holidays we stopped texting. I saw him again after a while but he was with a girl (not holding hands or anything romantic) but something told me there was something there, anyway he wrote after that saying it was nice to see me and since then he have been writing to me everyday, but he haven’t asked me out (He is staying out of town for an internship for a couple of weeks) So I don’t know if I’m making up excuses for him, or is he actually honest or shy and I’m missing out a great opportunity.

    Please reply Matthew xx

  • Thanks Matthew for teaching me the skills to get out of my comfort zone! Recently I tried Matt’s method for making an opening for a guy to talk to me at a grocery store by asking a question about limes. He let me walk away without keeping the conversation going. Then a few minutes later he found me in another department and introduced himself. When he asked for my number, I said i’d rather take his. He said “Oh, i like that, you are being safe”. Then I tried the direct approach and asked “I just want to make sure before i ring you, are you single?” I could tell he was impressed at the openness, and he asked me three times before our conversation was over to call him, and was tripping over himself to impress and compliment me. Wow, i love the power that femininity affords!

  • Got your book already. Love it. Now practicing :D

    I wonder if you’re ever gonna come to Belgium? I so much wanna be on one of your seminaries.

    1. Hey Angela! We occasionally do pop-up events in LA, NYC, London and other various cities. The best way to find out if we are offering an event near you is to keep your eyes peeled on your inbox and follow us on social media; this is where we will announce all of of our upcoming events. – Mars

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