What Gets Men Hooked Sexually On One Woman

Every magazine tells you how to have great sex, how to spice up your marriage, and what positions to try when you’re bored.

But what really gets men hooked sexually on one woman isn’t some secret sex position…

It’s when he feels comfortable being able to express all of his dirty thoughts WITHOUT being judged.

When we’re with someone long enough, we become used to them. They become our best friend. That’s when it becomes scary to reveal a new, kinky, sexual desire with the person we love.

In this week’s episode of LOVELife, we talk about how to get out of this feeling of being “trapped” sexually, so that both men and women can create an environment where they truly become one another’s sexual fantasy (as well as loving partner)!

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18 Replies to “What Gets Men Hooked Sexually On One Woman”

  • Just be wary of introducing a thought or idea bc sometimes if he likes it or becomes obsessed with it, it’s hard to be like ok can we please move on??

    Well I guess that’s easy to communicate as well.

  • Hey Matt,

    I love this episode! Sexual expression and communication around sexuality are both so important in a relationship. It is unfortunate that our society is seemingly so progressive regarding sexuality, when it is truly not. There are so many ways in which sexual behaviors are shamed… and so many ways in which sexuality is forced into an ancient idea about what is acceptable. We have made some huge strides as a system, but still have so far to go.

    Sex and sexual expression, in my mind, should be fun, light, and add a new element of intimacy and connectedness in a relationship.

    I am very interested in what you have to say about non-monogamous/non-conforming relationships! I look forward to it. :) Another lovely lady asked Steve about this during his q and a!

    Thank you for this one!


  • Dear Matt,
    Love your videos!!! But I have a bedroom question that I would love your advice on, how can I email my question to to

  • Having been with someone who wouldn’t participate in intimate conversations, I appreciate Matthew’s frank and wise advice. “What you’re doing is great,” was the answer I got over the years. It was a lonely feeling to have the man who professed to love me so deeply wouldn’t not engage in this way nor reciprocate and eventually his fear deep intimacy was projected onto me-I was told I was told I was not capable of intimacy and allowed myself to finally believe it was true. If I was wiser and braver and had cared for myself better, I would have moved on. However, I wasn’t any of those things at the time. I stayed with him for a long time until he left me for a “mistress” he had in Europe. It turns out for many years he’d been cheating on me, using prostitutes, gambling and drinking to excess while traveling for work. It nearly killed me. Turns out my man who had what I thought was a big ego was an actual narcissist, something I feared but wouldn’t examine. I’ve had to rebuild every dimension of my self but have still not been able to put Matthew’s advice to work to meet someone. I just can’t
    imagine a man who isn’t hiding another life from me.
    This is all to say that if your sex life can’t be open and intimate, there’s something wrong. He may not be the tortured soul I was with, but there’s something that needs fixing and it probably shouldn’t be you that has to do that work. I’ve learned my lesson well.

    1. I think you know a lot more than you think you know.

      For starters, the understanding of your responsibility in the relationship – and what type of personality you had at THAT time which enabled the relationship to continue – is VERY IMPORTANT.

      Personality changes over time. Who you are now is not who you were then.

      The kind of partner you are capable of attracting NOW is not the same as back then.

      Create that clear and separate division in your mind about the past and who you are now and what you are capable of creating in your life NOW.

  • This is an awesome video…Great advice Matthew!…Everyone can get in a “sexual rut”…Boring…same old…same old…I think you have to spice it up once in a while…It doesn’t have to be a big change…just little things….but it has to be agreed to by both…;) Nothing should be forced on anybody…Yes..it is a partnership…<3 Everyone wants to please their partner…You love them..it should be a safe place to voice your opinions…

  • Thx Matt. So true. Loved yr warm passionate way u expressed this delicate subject. Hope u r not feeling as lonely tdy. Also what if one partner, has a much higher sex drive than the other, not always the man?

    Warm hugs Gigi :)

  • I would like to respond to a FAQ

    If he wants anal, and you don’t, then just don’t do it.

    If you don’t want to crush the hope, just say “maybe someday” and then mutter under your breath “with someday being approximately never”

    Men are often … well… sometimes creatures of limited imagination and they may frame their fantasies of sex to resemble As Seen on TV.

    If he wants As Seen on TV, there are plenty of such things in infomercials and also Walmart. Boxes come with a stamp if I remember correctly that actually says “As Seen on TV”.

    So you gift him something that’s As Seen on TV. And say “honey I wanted to make at least one thing happen for you As Seen on TV”.

    Look at this potato peeler! It’s awesome!!

  • Matthew- I find myself again with a partner who I love and I know he loves me as a person. We are open- honest- sensual- sexual- fun together- but whenever he’s not here and is home (1.5 hours away) he disappears and is consistently inconsistant. He’s younger than I am ( he’s 28- I’m 37) and I see he’s in a different life stage. It’s been challenging to be with him because we are in a relationship yet we’ve been saying now we are friends but we act like a couple. I’m starting to feel less comfortable about how to behave when we are in public. I can’t seem to walk away- when I did I began to grieve and became very depressed. Would you offer me some insight?

    1. Based on what you wrote, he is not in a relationship and is having fun going out with you. You are in a what you think is a relationship and are thinking what you have is much more than it is. He does not want more with you or else you’d have it and he’d be all in. You cannot make something a relationship that is not one. If you want one, this does not sound like a guy who will ever give it to you based on how he is acting. I had this happen to me before. You need to see the reality and act based on what you want in life. Good luck!

  • Hi I am in a 13 month relationship with an amazing, positive man who I love. He respects me & invests time into making our dates exciting. He always lets me know about his day, and takes time to hear about mine, even though we live far apart and see each other 3 times a week.
    I told him I loved him, he said I love you too. Things stayed warm & passionate. A few weeks later I let the L word slip out once more in bed but this time I received a warm cuddle & “I know”.
    How long should I wait to hear the words I love you from him? I feel deeply cared about and see so much potential for us…
    I’m still wanting to stay positive & stand by him, so my instinct is to wait…

  • I forgot to mention: I am widow in my early thirties, my husband died 3 1/2 years ago. My new partner understands I’m still grieving at times, but I keep this outside of our relationship.

  • Hi! This is actually a very interesting topic. And the reason is sex and sexuality is something that most people get introduced to by their first partners and how they communicate and when I discuss sex with my female friends, I am surprised how different peoples experiences and views of what sex is or what you can do and how you are as a person with your sexuality. And what sex is. Sex is Communication and having the trust to talk about what you want before you have sex, during sex and after sex, going in details and feeding off your partner like dancing but also try too understand each other’s sexuality. After 4 years with a amazing sexlife I thought that after 2 years it’s all going to be routine and no passion and teasing and the excitement slowly fading like any other relationship. It does not have to be that way. Sex is amazing and your own responsibility and when you know yourself and your partner so well that you can make up a dance with him that changes and just never ever stops being a amazing and every time is better and better. You always feel like omg can it get better then this, you just want to die, it blows your mind. And after 4 years thinking that thought sex it pretty good. And sharing that mind blowing feeling giving praise and guidance. Not because he is good in bed because you are good together communicating, reading body language. When I feel how much we turn each other on and teasing each other knowing what buttons to push to get my partner to feel like a man and make him so hard that he have no clue he could get any harder and I’m turned on by what I can do and he hates it knowing what we are capable of is a pretty awesome experience and hard to move away from. I believe a woman who knows her sexuality and are confident, elegant and is in it not only feeling great about pleasing but also know how to communicate pleasing each other and finding a balance together is key to an amazing sex like. Not a good sexlife but a f…unbelievable sexlife that blows your mind every time and after the sex just smiles and ask each other how the hell is it possible to be this great together, are we ever going to hit a max of pleasure. We smile at each other and say How can this possibly be better. Oh it can and we challenge each other and push are selves to get better and work on it. You get what you focus on! I want a f amazing sex life so I have one.

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