Is chivalry dead? It kinda feels that way sometimes – especially for women…
For guys this is an extremely confusing area.
Women over the last few decades have become pretty damn powerful. They’ve made great strides in their careers and are now the primary breadwinner in many households.
This creates a lot of double-standards that men are now trying to figure out.
‘She earns more than me but does that mean I should still pay on a date?’
‘Will giving up my seat be patronising to this woman?’
No matter where you stand on these specific issues…
Women still want men to be men.
And I want to simplify this area today so that we all know how to navigate our way through this maze that is chivalry.
1) Women
Stop complaining about men en masse not being chivalrous.
There are people out there everywhere who have no manners, who are not polite, but the only thing you have to focus on is demanding a certain standard from the men you choose to keep in your life and spend time with.
The fact that he didn’t meet you with that standard doesn’t matter if he’s willing to take it on and adopt it.
Communicate your standards to guys and give him a chance to live up to them.
2) Men
Start acting right. Stop using excuses about society and how we’ve changed.
Be good to women. Stop doing this because you think you ‘should’ and do it because you care.
If you would do it for your mother, do it for every woman (and if you wouldn’t do it for your mother, then you really need to learn!).
Everything we do has to come from a core ‘why’.
–You love women.
Take this on out of respect for ALL women.
3) Dads
Teach your sons to act right. Don’t just tell them to act right around women, show them by the way you treat their mother.
Be a role model for them to live up to.
4) Mums
Show your sons what you expect as a woman as this will colour his experience with everyone he comes into contact with throughout his life.
Don’t roll your eyes and say, “boys will be boys” – that boy is going to be a man some day and the woman in his life is going to pay the price for your shitty standards!
Demand the same level of chivalry you’d expect from any other man in your life.
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Send this video on to one person who you know could benefit from it. It could be a guy you know, a member of your family who needs addressing, or a friend you know who is very set in her beliefs on what she expects from a guy.
Question of the day:
What’s the one act of chivalry you would like men to perform more?
Amen! May more men and women see this :))
Thank you for this video and thank you to your parents for teaching you well! xx
I love this!
Boys will become men one day and they have the need to behave like man, a REAL man, I mean.
The chivalrous behaviors that you have mentioned…I really can’t find any of the traits in Asian men.
Extinct maybe?
Hi Pris,
Obviously it depends on where and how they were brought up, but remember that ‘chivalry’ wasn’t really a thing in many Asian societies. It’s less a matter of it being extinct and more a matter of it never developing in the first place. (In a study of what type of foreigners Japanese women would like to date, Englishmen ranked highly due to their ‘gentlemen’ stereotype- seems Japanese men aren’t in the habit of opening door for their women, but they’d still appreciate it!)
That said, if a guy has the right attitude and cares enough, he can still learn if you ‘train’ him right, like Matt suggests! :)
~Rinnie
That’s true to a degree. However I would like to point out that they do or have demonstrated chivalry but in different forms or different ways than what most people would be used to or expect.
The Patriarchal society that has been dominant through the generations has both brought up and put a damper on Chivalry. It was brought up out of the belief that women are weaker than men and therefore need protection. Or that they need to be protected because they will be or are mothers.
In modern society, Chivalry, like Matt said, needs to be done out of Respect.
I don’t think I’m alone in saying that Chivalry needs to come from both Men and Women these days but that it is definitely going to have to start with Men, do to history :( , for it to truly become a successful trait in People.
Again, thank you, Matt!
WOW!!! GREAT video! Thank you! :)
Thank you Matthew, as last someone has the balls to speak out and say it like it is. I totally agree with every thing you have said. Someone was round my house the other day and was saying to my son that men shouldn’t have to pay for taking women out especially as they are earning money too these days. His advise to my son was if you take a girl out 3 times and she has not paid then dump her as she is a user. I’ve taught my son to treat women with respect and there’s lots of things you can do for dates that are not expensive, just needs a little imagination. Thank you xx
Matt you are awesome! I always look forward to your videos and emails. You are sexy too, I could watch you all day!
I LOVED the presentation of this topic! A dick is a dick. A man however, is an entirely different breed. Nice to be reminded that even men can see a dick coming. Would be nice if we women stopped giving men excuses…me included. Thanks for the reminder Matt! I am going to go out of my way to recognize chivalry when I see it this week and not take it for granted.
I wish I could give you a big kiss. Loved that rant. I teach my students, especially my boys, about holding the door for the person behind them. It is amazing how as a society, manners are not being taught or reinforced.
xoxo Matthew!
This must be one of my favourite videos you’ve posted. I could kiss you right now! Chivalry is not dead, it’s sexy and will never be outdated. I hope everyone, man and woman could watch this and benefit.
Last week, I went on a first date with a guy who was so chivalrous it caught me off guard because it unfortunately doesn’t happen so much nowadays. I mean, yes most guys pay the bill. However opening doors for me, taking my hand to help me up from my seat, fetching my bag, carrying his umbrella around for me to use in case it rained, texting the next day to check I got home safe and even offering to pay my taxi home just put him above the rest. It showed so many positives about his character, so much so that of course I would agree to tomorrow’s second date!
This video has reminded me that as a woman, when I see chivalry I would do well to show my appreciation by not just thanking him but commenting positively on it.
Thank you for the great post, Matt. I can’t believe you’re so wise at just 26 years old!
Bravo! Very well said!
Whatever happened to good manners and right conduct? It’s so rare nowadays that when you see one happening it puts a smile on your face and it lingers.
❤ ♥ ❣ ❥ ❦ ❧ ღ ɞ ♡❤ ♥ ❣ ❥ ❦ ❧ ღ ɞ ♡
❤ ♥ ❣ ❥ ❦ ❧ ღ ɞ ♡❤ ♥ ❣ ❥ ❦ ❧ ღ ɞ ♡
THANK YOU! (That little caps lock is not a big enough “thank you” but it’ll have to do.)
But seriously… THANK YOU!
Best video blog you’ve come out with so far in my opinion.
Matt, this post on Chivalry is absolutely fantastic!! More men need to subscribe to your blog. Keep up the awesome work and sharing of your insight.
:) S
Matt,
I love it when you get pissy! Act right. CONtribute. Rock on Hussey!
Faith
Hey Matt,
I just started dating this guy and he seems pretty great, but he always wears this ratty old yellow hoodie that makes him look like an overgrown baby chick. The other night at the movie theater he offered it to me because I was freezing. I was about to refuse until I remembered your advice and agreed to just take it! You know, it did make me feel like he cared about my well-being. He’s a lot younger than me, so I guess chivalry isn’t completely dead with this new generation :)
Hi Leona. When I red your comment I thought that we are on the same page. I started dating younger guy recently. He is 24 I am 34. His great manners nicely surprised me. I had a laugh at myself when we were walking along a busy road. I am use to walk on the side closer to the cars (more dangerous). I didn’t even realised that until he pointed it out. After changing sides twice he said. Roksana do you know that it will be safer if we change sides? So we did it again but this time I managed to hold myself on the right one:) The safer one.
in my whole life I only met one guy who opend the car door for me and I was really surprised ! that kind of men still live on earth ! maybe there is hope .. that kind of behavior i dont see every day and it is really adorable and big add to any man
This video goes beyond just addressing chivalry. This video speaks of critical societal infrastructures, of principal societal relationships that build the world and the culture that we know. Mother-son relationships, father-son, relationships, it’s crazy how much these things matter, and it’s crazy how these relationships translate from generation to generation to generation. So often we get it wrong, but imagine how different it would be if we got it right. If we did family right. If we treat each other right. If we thought of others right…
The end of this video really spoke to me about men wanting to make women feel safe,Im 22 and on my way walking to work at 5am this morning a group of men/lads thought it would be okay to cross the road to the direction I was headed, stop me in my tracks with the sole purpose of intimidating me, one even tried to prompt his friend to (I didnt catch everything they all said but along these lines) to hit me with something. Of the group only one guy was strong enough to say anything on the contrary but it took an older burly woman to come over with her fists out.
Now, to be fair, I wasnt scared because I felt it was more intimidation than a real threat and this isnt me speaking as a victim but when I got to work I lamented to a friend, what sort of men were they to be raised to think that sort of behaviour towards women was acceptable. Even the men at work who work for me still open doors, let me push in the lunch line, etc. Sadly I think it speaks volumes about a mans personality.
I loved this video. I’m a independant woman (had to be and don’t mind)but still believed in the proper roles and manners between men and women and it shocks me today how it is. I’ve always held my standards and have had men bark about them. Thank you for confirming that the way I was thinking is still right. I feel much better now.
Sincerely,
Shelley
Brilliant ! Especially enlightening is the the bit about mothers and sons. I realise I’ve been a bit soft, but I hate to be a nag.
I really think its GREAT that you have addressed men as well as women. I always thought that would be a good idea.
Thank you Matt………… keep on keeping on.
Matthew, based on your video am I correct in assuming that women should not be courteous to men (since men are to be the chivalrous ones)?
I am very curious to know your opinion on this. Thank you.