Done With Love

There is nothing sadder to me than hearing people give up on love.

Today’s video is a little different from recent ones. I really hope it resonates and that despite the hardships I know you’ve been through, you can make this area a priority in going on to fulfil your potential.

Whether they go right or wrong, relationships mean potential.

Relationships give us so much opportunity to find more out about who we are, to better understand human nature, and to share experiences and different ways of living.

If you’ve found yourself falling into the same cycles again and again with men, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In making a slight shift to your mindset, you can go on to create an entirely different set of outcomes.

Try these 4 steps to break the pattern you’re currently experiencing…

1) Define the goal

If our goal is to get it right every time, that’s a problem. If that’s your mentality, you’re going to give up because you’ll never win.

The goal has to be…

*I’m going to be the person I want to be in this world.*

Start by being who you want to be, and then filter out the people who don’t accept that.

2) Live by YOUR standards

Allow yourself to live up to the standards you’ve set yourself for how you want to express yourself.

If someone takes this the wrong way, that’s fine, you can move on and look for someone else who will be better suited to them.

3) Chunk it down

Instead of thinking ‘this is going to be my life-partner forever’ or ‘this is the person I’m going to get married to and have kids with’, we have to chunk down.

These things you want are the byproducts of incredible moments with someone.

Getting married is the byproduct of incredible moments that lead two people to a place where they want to get married.

Having kids is the byproduct of magical moments where you feel a shared intimacy that makes you want something that’s greater than the two of you.

4) Strive for MOMENTS

We have to look to achieve MOMENTS, not grand visions for how our lives could be with someone twenty years down the road.

The big vision creates overwhelm and makes us feel like a failure every time we have a false-start.

Instead focus on moments of shared connection.

Moments like…

–I want to have a smile with someone.
–I want to have an unusual conversation over a coffee.
–I want to sit at a bar, flirt and have fun.

It starts here. The moments are the building blocks.

Just focus on bringing your all to the moments.

If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, ‘I’ve given up, I can’t do this anymore, it’s over…’, don’t even think about the big vision right now.

You don’t need to take on the burden of ‘going out to find a life-partner’. But I do need you to have the courage to say, “I’m going to go and have a great moment.”

Don’t deny yourself connection because one part of you feels that there isn’t hope, or that it isn’t going to go right.

Instead put your excitement into the moments in front of you that could turn into something magical if you’re open enough to let them happen.


I’m really looking to get this video around to as many people as possible. If you know just one person that this could help, it would mean the world to me for you to share it with them.

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498 Replies to “Done With Love”

  • This video couldn’t have come in a better time than now!

    Approx. 2 weeks ago, i met my oldest friend in person (in Èire) and i love this guy (he knows it) so naturally you start to think what will happen after this meeting?

    I had a segment from your book in my phone about “Intent.” When i read it i became so much less nervous and thought I’m going to meet this guy and be the awesome piece of cake i am. (We went to the National Wax Museum followed by a well earned dinner) Everything was great! Relaxed, cool and pictures taken. Our friendship felt more real.

    Now we’ve been talking back and forth since i came back home. What i can’t wrap my head around is why i’m being stood up by him when we fix a skype-time. Every time from the middle to now of our friendship. Any suggestions on how to approach this?

    As for your question: I liked this video as a is was, some are great with cuts and some aren’t.

    Have a lovely Sunday Matt!

  • Great video. One I needed to hear at this time. I know in general, I undervalue the small moments. They are great and all, but I have had loads of great moments with people and very few of the big ones. So while I believe the small moments are great, I do wonder sometimes, do I just learn to content myself with those if the big moments aren’t forthcoming?

    It’s harder to be patient when years have gone by. I don’t give up, no. But you can’t help but wonder sometimes.

    I do want to say your book and really getting a life has been an interesting turn for me. Really changed things for me in the past months. I’m not quite sure how I feel about it all, honestly. I do think there is a part of me waiting for some payoff at the end, even though I enjoy myself in the moment. I do wait for the other shoe to drop when I get home. Not just about dates, but going out and doing stuff. I’m a curious person and I’m wondering how this will all turn out for me.

    Update: I did take a grant writing class last week. Didn’t want to go. Don’t like dealing with money. Was feeling ill. Thought it would be boring. It actually wasn’t bad at all and not as hard or intimidating as I thought. I didn’t get catch a cold afterward as I had worried about. I’m glad I went. Not sure if I want to write grants but at least the instructor is out there to take a look if I want to give it a shot. It was a nice moment even if it doesn’t go anywhere else. :-)

    I liked the long ten-minute cut. It seemed genuine and you were in the moment. I sometimes wonder what you guys cut out, but I’m sure there will be a blooper reel someday!


    Maybe someday have tips on being patient? Telling myself, “Just be patient” doesn’t always work. Even filling my life with lots of interesting things I like to do or interesting people doesn’t always work. Or tips on the difference between learning from your experiences and letting those experiences having a negative effect on future actions. It’s tricky to know the difference sometimes.

    Thanks for the video!

    Prefer to be called “A”

    1. Hey A,

      I’m proud of you for getting out there, experiencing new things and being open! Such a huge part of the battle. Patience definitely is a good topic too, I’m going to keep that in mind. Thanks for the comment lovely!


  • Length was fine. Love when you just look natural -cut on brow, five o’clock shadow and all. It’s like just a regular old conversation. Good advice. Working on lowering those big walls around my heart. One other thing — duck and swerve next time. Lol

  • Great video Matthew. This is my favourite. I travel alone all the time, both personally and for work. I also was “done with love”. I feel like you made this just for me – and yes, the format was great (but all of them are great!), it was conversational. Although, I kind of miss that cute little dog at the end! :-) Best wishes to you in America! x

  • Another great video!! You always have such great advice! I just wanted to THANK YOU for helping me grow and I’m still growing everyday (personal growth not height). I’m no longer afraid to let someone in to my little crazy world! Have a great day!

  • Hi Matthew,

    Thanks for posting this. But first i wanna say how my first two days of internship was. Day 1: i was so nervus the first day i stand litterly 4 minutes before the door before i Walked in than i Walked in And i say Hi my name is Thirza and this my internship” haha ;) than the other Guys on there the tell me what i could do.
    My first day was very good. Enz. Than day 2: one Guy say to me never mind she doesn’t understand it. He did like i was dumb and not knowing anything About it. Because in smart enough to understand what they were saying. But everywhere i Go i gotta prove myself That i know more than i say. Okay i’m not saying anything but sometimes i think never mind it’s not important. Because i’m not a talker does t mean i’m not knowing anything right? I’m not stupid.

    But know over your blog.
    I can understand That people give up on love. Okay i’m a 15 year old girl i’m not having any exeprience in love enz. But this is my upinion. I can understand That because Guys are sometimes confusing. Because i like a Guy in the bakkery And than i search on Facebook and was already married and had Childeren. Why are always good loving Guys married?? But i have time enough but sometimes you can plan Things in life right.

    That was all what i wanted to say.
    Have a Nice lovely day Matthew and i wish you the best in life.

    Lovely Greetz Thirza

    1. Lovely lovely Thirza : )

      Happy to hear you got through your nerves on the first day and walked through those doors! As for the people you’re working with, in life we are constantly put into situation where we’re going to have to prove ourselves, and simply because you don’t talk much of course does not mean your stupid! Actions speak louder than words right ; ) But don’t be shy to speak up as well!
      Thanks for stopping by lovely! Keep up the great work!


  • Good, timely &helpful, inspiring and deep – as usual.
    Yah the length or style of the video – I had found myself unusually drifting off…so I think I prefer the other style of video.

  • I enjoyed the length of the video. You had a lot to elaborate on so it was appropriate. No cutting means the flow of your speech was easier to listen to.

    I also find your short videos very effective though. You get your point across quickly, so I guess it all depends on the content.

  • Hello!
    I haven’t given up on love (yet :P). If I ever do I’ll definitely come back to this video, because the advice you’ve given is really amazing. :) There was one time, when I was about to give up, but deep down inside I always have this hope, that things will work out and because of it fall in love over and over again.
    The length of the video was just great, because you could clearly communicate the message and as long as you do that it’s completely okay. :D
    Hope you have a nice day!

  • Yeah I cried. Lol that was sweet and so helpful, especially as a woman that’s been there on the giving it your all and being the person you want to be only to get the short end of the stick. There’s a reason you’re supposed to guard what/who you allow in your life via your standards. Anywho, I liked the way the video was shot. It was reminiscent of seeing you live in a serious moment because you feel the sincerity. That doesn’t mean I don’t like the way the other videos are shot because those have been the ones I shared the most (they’re funny as hell and make the info palateable). A good mix of both depending on the topic should suit you just fine. Thanks for giving me something to share with my best friend this morning! Take care of that eye, Matt =)

  • I actually like the old school format, I think sometimes people try too hard with internet production, so keep it up with just delivering great content.

  • Maybe I’m in the minority, but as long as someone has something compelling to say, I will stay with them. Five minutes is all well and fine but everything can’t be stuffed into that time period and have maximum value. So for me, whatever length is good, your videos are enlightening and so inspirational, Matt. Looking forward to meeting you at an event soon.

  • Was very down before watching your video.I feel amazing after that. You are great, you made my Sunday! By the way I never give up on love. Yes sometime when things did not work out,I was the one who did it wrong!

    You look good anyway! I like all your videos, variety is always good. So yes make them the way that you think it is the best. We are all hear to listen to you.

    Have a great Sunday,

  • Hi Matt,
    This post could not have been more timely. I had once again been feeling hopeful that I’d finally met someone right for me on an online dating site and that it might turn into a relationship. And once again, despite everything going well and no indication from him that he wasn’t feeling it, he’s vanished without a trace after 5 dates…..
    This has happened more times than I care to remember and each time I wait for the disappointment to subside and try again. But today I have just been feeling like giving up and that I can’t put myself through it any more and that I’m clearly doing something wrong.

    I know you say online shouldn’t be the only way to meet guys but when you’re 40 something it’s harder to meet guys of the same age in the ‘real world’.

    Your longer post was definitely valuable and full of wisdom and was a chance to go deeper with the issue at hand – it’s also made me realise that I do put too much pressure on these dates because I want them to turn into something long lasting.
    Any tips on how I can turn off the part of me that wants a happy ending when I go on a date?!
    Thanks for all your great advice and please don’t go too ‘American’ with your vocabulary – you still have many followers in the UK!!

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