I Can’t Attract Men Like My Friend – Why Not?

If you find yourself wondering “How can I attract men like my friend?” you may be suffering form what we call the backseat driver mentality.

It boils down to this: You are ranking yourself as second-prize!

When you go out with the friend in question, you are probably holding all kinds of destructive beliefs in your head.

Beliefs like:

  • “All the guys in the room are attracted to my friend”


  • “Any cute guy that comes to speak to me is only using me to get to her”

As you take on these negative beliefs, you will start acting in ways that are more unattractive to men. You will act more dismissive and closed towards them, be less fun and flirtatious, appear less confident.

In short, you’ll be sabotaging your own success!

Remember, guys are attracted to women who believe they are sexy and comfortable with themselves.

If you’re spending all your time thinking: “I just can’t seduce men like my friend”, you will behave in ways that make guys see you as second-best from the moment they talk to you.

They will be able to feel your insecurity!

If you want to attract men like your friend, you need to consider on a technical level what behaviour she is adopting that you’re not.

  • Is she teasing men and being more playful than you are?
  • Are you constantly taking the quiet backseat role when you two interact with a group of men?

(If the answer is yes, you need to start approaching men solo and letting her come in the conversation after you’ve been chatting a while).

  • Are you getting stuck in the friend zone? – If you want to know how to attract men, remember two of our principles:

1. Building sexual tension – e.g. Through heavy eye contact, touching him on the back of the arm while you point something out to him, touching him lightly on the lower back if he‘s at the bar.

2. Teasing – If he buys an alcopop for example, tease him a bit and tell him he might want to try a beer next time. (just be cheeky and fun with this).

Bottom Line: Shaking off this backseat driver mentality is essential if you want to attract men like your friend!

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5 Replies to “I Can’t Attract Men Like My Friend – Why Not?”

  • The ability of being seductive is the ability of tapping into sexual energy and when one is not used to it, it can be a hard task. The key is doing it the right way. There is a natural chemical component that triggers sexual response in all species, including humans. In miro-biology, its called pheromones, which is a secreted or excreted chemical factor that triggers a social response in members of the same species. Found in women exclusively, this natural chemical can do wonders if a woman is able to tap her inner self and become in control of her sexual energy. We all have known at some point the girl that always gets the guy, often you may even wonder, what does she have that you don’t have, if you pay attention closely, you’ll be able to see her pheromones in action. The trick is doing this tactfully in a socially acceptable way.

    1. I think it might help like try a scent that a guy you like to see what he likes and search the scent online maybe idk I am not very good at this stuff sorry if this reply didn’t help

  • After following an abundance of tips from this website, videos, and the book, I discovered much to my surprise that the tips were working– there was a guy I found myself attracted to, there was a good balance of effort happening to establish hanging out together, and a good number of encounters later, yes, the advice seemed to be effective and things were rolling with this guy.

    But then my friend joined us for drinks when dude invited me out, and he said he was supposed to bring a friend. At the last minute his friend backed out and couldn’t join us. What unfolded was that he and my friend hit it off all night, they were speaking Spanish to each other (I don’t speak Spanish), finding thing after thing after thing that they both liked in English, and she manifested all of these “choosable” aspects that I simply could never have by default– I’m from America and they both weren’t, they both spoke spanish, they both are well traveled to places I’ve never been, they both watched the same TV shows, she even unbuttoned some buttons on the front of her dress revealing her cleavage at one point and both he and I were staring at her tits. It appeared I got the guy using all of your tips– and then she entered the picture and unexpectedly turned me into the third wheel on what was supposed to be my date. It was like I was watching this guy I liked meeting the woman of his dreams right in front of me.

    MATT: what are us ladies supposed to do if we literally can’t compete in the presence of another chick even if we were fully attracted to someone and made gains with him before she came around? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a backseat driver mentality and I dont see myself as a “class b” woman– I’m significantly more outgoing than my friend, I take great care of my health, I care about treating people well, I have hobbies, I’ve worked hard to establish a career I love, I like having fun and going on adventures, and though I would love a romantic partner and I think I do a decent job capturing someone’s interest, I’m not desperate about it. But I also can’t magically make myself fluent in Spanish over night and not American, with size D tits. I’m also pretty jaded by the whole “the right guy is out there, who will be 100% about you, just keep waiting” advice because I’m not in my 20s anymore and despite what you say, the options change after 30– the eligible pool of exciting bachelors actually does dwindle.

    I’ve tried online dating and speed dating, and I’m always scanning the crowd and I can make friends anywhere I go. If you know of a magical place full of hot, accomplished 30 and up single men whose standards for attraction aren’t thru the roof, perhaps you should host a 30s and up Hussey dating event soon.

    Im uncontrollably inclined to drop this guy and move on because I don’t compete for attention, period, on personal principle. But why am I getting the sense that at the end of the day, if our “choosability” just can’t compete, she will get the guy, not us?

  • Ok so there’s this guy named Joseph White that I really like but his parents won’t let him date and he only likes me as a friend and I get that I like him as a friend to but idk why but a part of me still wants him to be my boyfriend I am not even old enough to move out neither is he and I asked him out twice already and he turned me down both times is there anything that I can do that will make him like me more then a friend? Please help!!!

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