8 Reasons Why He’s Not Texting Back

Don’t you hate the “texting game”?

You fire off every message, each one your little arrow hoping to strike his heart, and then your watch begins…you become the silent guardian of your smartphone, just waiting for the moment went it chimes to let you know he’s text you back.

Only sometimes that moment never comes.

woman texting confused

But here’s the thing: it’s not always your fault.

In this post, we’re going to get down to the dirty truth about men and texting. So let’s pull back the curtain and reveal the 8 reasons why he’s not texting back:

1. He’s bored by your texts

 Do your text conversations tend to follow this sort of pattern?

Him: “Hey, what u up to?”

You: “Not much, just chilling after work.”

Him: “Lovely. You up to anything fun this weekend?”

You: “Not sure yet. Maybe just see some friends. You?”

Ok, you get the picture.

This kind of back and forth is totally uninspiring, and it makes conversation feel like a dry slog through pointless information.

Texting should be creative, fun, and have an element of flirtation (otherwise, what’s the point?). You can throw in the odd generic question about what he’s up to, but that should only be 10% of your conversation rather than 90%.

Sure, a guy will stick around for a while if he’s physically attracted to you – but if there’s no excitement and chemistry in your texts he may just find it too much of an uphill struggle. (If you want more tips on what keeps him interested, check out this article on how to flirt).

2. He was never that interested to begin with

 Some guys don’t text back not because they’ve lost interest, but because they were never really invested from the moment they started.

Then why did he even bother at all, you ask.

Who knows? Attention, boredom, a need for validation from every woman he meets – who cares? It’s not your problem to deal with.

To avoid this scenario in future though, look for the guy who’s barely committal in his texts from the very start.

If he always gives one-word answers, never asks you any questions, and seems to just drop off with no explanation on a regular basis, it’s because he’s not very invested and probably that’s not going to change.

Best to save your energy for a guy who’s actually worthy of it.

3. He found someone else

Man with girlfriend looking at another woman

We’ve all been there. We’re texting someone, getting along great, and then wham! Someone completely new comes into our lives, steals our heart, and makes us forget about every person we were attracted to before we knew they existed.

Men do it. Women do it. It’s called falling in love.

Sometimes, a guy will just meet someone he becomes so enamoured with that he “fades out” with any other woman he’s dating to just focus on her.

Of course, the sad part is a guy won’t always give you the full story, so you’ll just notice him stop texting one day, and disappear without explanation. But if he does tell you that’s he’s now seeing someone, simply say, “Ok, great to meet you anyway”, and move on with your life. There’s a lot more out there without you pining over a guy who wants somebody else!

4. He just wanted sex

Sometimes a guy bails just because he realizes he’s just out for fun (read: sex and random hookups) and realizes you’re not playing ball.

He may give it a few shots, but you’ll know this guy soon enough by the fact that he tries to get you to come over straight to his place on the first date. In other words, he can’t be bothered to take on a real date or actually get to know you.

Your only response to this is to say “NEXT!” and be happy you lost this guy fast.

5. He wasn’t sure you were into him

man on laptop confused

A guy may fade out because he just doesn’t feel like you’re actually attracted to him. If you never give him any compliments or signs you that like him, many guys will simply fall off the radar.

So remember: give him some clue that you’re actually interested!

Whether it’s just messaging back, or sending a cute emoji out of the blue, or just now and again showing you’re impressed by something he does – it never hurts for a guy to feel good around you (just make sure you balance it out by not over-texting and being needy in the process!)

 6. He felt like he was putting in all the effort 

Guys like to be the pursuers, but they also don’t want to feel like the entire weight of expectation lies on them when it comes to starting a conversation.

So one reason why he’s not texting back might just be because he resents being the one always having to do the work.

If you think it should always be the guy who texts first, you might want to revise that view. The best relationships begin when two people are equally willing to make an effort – call it the “seesaw strategy” – he starts things going, then you start the next time, and so on.

Ok, it doesn’t have to be that clinical, but you get the picture. Make sure it’s not one person who seems to be doing all the chasing.

7. He’s too busy

man asleep at his desk

Sadly, there are men out there who just aren’t willing to put the time into a woman at this stage of their life. Maybe he’s in a career-focused period, or he just wants to have dates at his own convenience, or he travels for 6 months of the year and is hardly ever around.

Whatever it is, don’t second-guess yourself. Let this one go so you can make space for someone who’s actually available rather than fighting for scraps of this guys time.

8. He REALLY Hates Texting

It can be kind of a lame excuse, but some guys are just text-phobic (or super lazy). When a woman notices her boyfriend not texting repeatedly, it may just be that he prefers in-person communication, and hates the idea of sending cute emojis and pinging photos throughout his day.

Fear not though: if this guy really does find his thumbs ache at the very thought of tapping a few letters on his smartphone, then at the very least he’ll pick up the phone and call if he really likes you.

So don’t fear if a guy isn’t a big texter 24/7. It doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t care – just look for signs that he’s making an effort and cares about being in contact to see how you are. Judge him on his actions, not his preferred mode of communication.

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3 Replies to “8 Reasons Why He’s Not Texting Back”

  • Hey Matthew, thanks a lot for that post, sums it all up perfectly :) However, I’m struggling with telling these different reasons apart, so for example whether he really hates texting or is not really interested (which includes focusing on other things in life like work or another woman)?
    Backstory: So there is this cute guy in my choir. I would say there was attraction from the very beginning, but it took us like 6 weeks to actually talk to each other for the first time… Since then we had a lot of flirtatious playfulness and teasing (even though it cooled down a little during the last two weeks), in the group setting we’re hanging out together a lot, he’s definitely looking out for me and supports every suggestion I make, however he’s not taking it to the next level, we’ve never met alone. He’s not a big texter for sure (he texts like my dad, complete lack of emojis and just straight answering or asking questions and that’s it – and he doesn’t initiate), but if he was really interested he might at least use that to ask for my number and call me up, right? He’s super confident in all other areas of his life, so right now I’m not sure whether I need to give him more clues that I’m into him or if I already invested too much. Right now I’m more in the “levellig the playing field” mindset and try to stop focusing on him, but well… How do I find out if I’m on the right track?
    Love all the way from Germany, make sure to come over here soon! :) Sophia

  • A guy watching this article: Why is there so many reasons, we are just gaming, wait for 8 hours or so until me and my bros finish a session

  • Is it wrong to show up to his house?? Like is it doing too much? I juSt spent a fucking week straight at this man’s house. Going to the store and eating dinner with his fucking dad type shit. And making hella plans. But it’s somehow a problem I wanted to maybe go home and uh I don’t know REFRESH myself and grab some more clothes that are clean and see my mother?? And my sister and her two kids that legit just got there. And moved in with us? Now he’s not responding to ANYTHING. I have Facebook messenger messages from him using my Facebook and phone to search for a vehicle. Like what the fuck. Was gonna detox and wanted me to be with him. Intimate talks and cuddling etc etc. then like out of nowhere. Nothing. Not a FUCKING word? SOS OMG I HATE THIS

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